Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Movie I'd Like to See Remade

I just saw a preview for the Speed Racer movie. I'm not sure if I want to see it. It did make me think of a movie I'd like to see remade: Tron.

From what I've heard, it was cutting edge in the '80s when it was made. I vaguely remember seeing it in the past. I mainly remember the chase scenes. But I think it would be fascinating what they could do with it today.

What movie would you like to see remade?

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Wonder of Baths

This morning, when I finally got up, I had a stiff back. I didn't want to move. Then Ace suggested that I take a bath.

It was a wonderful idea. I felt a whole lot better afterwards. My back was more relaxed.

So, I'm feeling the love for baths.


Friday, April 25, 2008

It Is A Truth

I haven't wanted to be a princess since I was a little girl.

An odd way to start a post, I know, but I'm watching a movie that starts off by saying that all women want to be princesses.

And of course, that got me thinking. My main thought is that I don't want to be a princess. I want to be treated like a princess, but I don't want to be one.

As soon as I realized that being a princess wasn't just about fancy clothes, dances, and being waited on hand and foot, I stopped wanting to be one.

And that isn't really the life I'm looking for now either. I want to be able to dress up when the occasion calls for it, but I want to wear jeans and t-shirts for the most part. I want to go out dancing, but not necessarily too often. I'd like someone to help me with taking care of my house and my kids, but I like doing some things for myself.

In short, I don't want to be a princess and haven't in a long time. But I do want to feel like one.

And I think the universally acknowledged truth is that every woman wants to be treated as if they were a princess.

At least, I know that I do.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

Why I'll Try Dying My Hair Next Time

Um, yeah. My hair has a red tint to it. And that's about all that got done.

Next time, which may be this weekend, I'm going to try dye my own hair. Hopefully I'll do better than Ace did. Maybe then my hair will actually be red instead of just reddish.

Um, yeah. That's all.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Yeah, I'm free.

Except where I said I'd go back up there Friday to show the newly hired person to where all the files and supplies and such are, since I moved them all around.

But I am now a housewife again. For at least the next few weeks.

But that means my house should be nice looking when and if I decide to work a temp job again.

I'm still not sure how I feel, because I'm kind of numb. It hasn't fully hit me that I've finished that job yet. I'm sure tomorrow morning I'll find myself wondering what to do (oh, wait, I have plans to dye my hair and give Ace a haircut, so I know what to do).

Yeah, that's pretty much it.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Excitement, It Shows?

Just one thing to say tonight: JUST ONE MORE DAY!

Can you tell I'm excited?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Thursday Is All About the Hair

Thursday, Ace and I are focusing on our hair (before he goes to work, anyway). We're dying my hair and cutting his. We, okay Ace, may even give Guillermo a bath. I'm fairly sure he's starting to get stinky.

That is the sum total of my plans this week other than work. And I like it. It's nice to not have any serious plans for the near future. I've been too busy just trying to get from A to C that I forgot that B is closer and where I'm really aiming for.

So, while I'm at B, I'm going to work on cleaning my house back up. It's been neglected for other things, so now I'm going to focus on getting it back into shape.

But first, I'm going to focus on the hair in this house on Thursday.

Everyone has to start somewhere, right?


Sunday, April 20, 2008

Enjoying the Sun

Today, Ace and I opened the windows and let the sunshine (and the wind) in the house. It was nice. I'm liking the warm weather and I'd like it to stick around. We could use more days where we can open the windows like this.

Other than opening the windows, Ace and I did nothing today. Well, we had sex, but nothing else. It was nice to relax all day. We need more days like this too.

That's pretty much all.


Saturday, April 19, 2008

A Day Early?

Most of the day today, I've felt like it's Sunday. I think my desire for Thursday to be here is messing with my head. Ace being at work today should be a rather obvious reminder that it's Saturday, but...

Other than being off on what day of the week it is, this has been a fairly relaxing day. I've not had a lot to do (laundry, which is washed and dried, and relaxing).

Ace and I are excited about his shift change next month. He'll be working four 10 hour days instead of five 8 hour days. It will mean that when the shift changes he'll have worked 7 days in a row before his first days off, but then there are three days for us to do errands, him to do any real estate stuff, and us to relax. It should be nicer.

Of course, with me finishing up my current job Wednesday, we'll be able to spend time with each other everyday before Ace goes to work. We're looking forward to that too. We've had an hour each of the last two days to just relax in bed and talk. We enjoy getting to spend time talking about anything and everything, which is exactly what that time was. We haven't had that kind of close together time enough lately. I'm pretty sure that we both miss it (I know that I do, I'm fairly certain Ace does too).

Well, I guess I've rambled on enough about random things.


Friday, April 18, 2008

The Soundtrack of My Life

I was thinking earlier that my life seems to have certain songs that seem more important at the time than others.

2 years ago, when I was somewhat searching for a reason to finally cut a good portion of the ties with my mother, it was "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash. I felt like that relationship was imprisoning me. Not a pretty picture, I know, but that's where I was.

Right now, I guess my song would be back to "The Dance" by Garth Brooks (my soundtrack is almost always country music, because that is mostly what I listen to). It's a good reminder to me that while I'd like to go back and change the things that made me hurt, I really wouldn't want to change all the good things that happened along the way that would definitely change with changing the bad.

Sometimes, the song that sticks out is "Naked" by Avril Lavigne. Mostly, that's how I feel around Ace. He makes me feel like I've stripped off whatever I've got for protection, and I'm finally seeing me again. I find it comforting to know he cares deeply for me and it helps keep me from feeling extremely vulnerable. I know that he won't attack me, so I can fully let my guard down.

For several years, before I met Ace, my song seemed to be "Someone Else's Star" by Bryan White. I felt like I was doing everything I could to find the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but everyone else was finding their person instead. It was hard, because no matter how happy I was for others, I was hurting and trying not to be jealous (I'm glad I waited though).

So, what songs are on the soundtrack of your life?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

And Then Things Got Better

Plus, a bonus weird piece of mail I got today.

I spent an hour with Ace and now I'm feeling less stressed. It's been a busy week and we haven't had much time to just be alone together with nothing else to do. We're going to try to spend an hour (or more!) together again tomorrow.

In my snail mail today, I got an offer for something I certainly don't need. It was an offer to make my pen*s longer. As I don't have one, it was certainly ridiculous. And Ace doesn't need it. Of course, that reminded me of one set of spam I forgot to mention earlier. The spam offering me pen*s enhancers or imp*tence drugs. As a woman, I find that spam the most curious of all, because it is offering me something completely useless to me.


Where Does the Stress Come From?

Okay, I have 4 days left at a job I'm not in love with. I'm going to be able to only work if I want to. And yet, I feel like screaming to get rid of all this stress I'm feeling right this second.

Where did this stress come from? Can it go back there now?

Time seems to be moving extremely slowly right now. And that is just making it worse.

I'm going to find something to distract myself with, because there has to be something better than feeling randomly stressed out.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Look at Spam

Today, I'm going to take you through a look at my spam. Because there are apparently a lot of people I've never met who are extremely concerned about me.

1. Clean out your colon - If I believe the subject line of these e-mails (based on frequency), I have a very dirty colon. I'm not sure what it's been doing without my knowledge, but I supposedly have things all blocked up (or at least it's not all coming out).

2. I need to get out of debt - Okay, this one is true, but there are better was than by using something sent to me when I haven't requested any information from them.

3. I want a job as a (fill in the blank) - Um, no I don't. If things go like they are looking like they will go, I'll be able to be a housewife again quickly and out of debt within the year (which takes care of #2).

4. Someone in Africa wants me to have a lot of money - Despite what I've been lead to believe by reputable sources, Africa is really full of rich, recently-deceased men who want to rain their money down on me. If only I didn't know that this is a scam.

5. I want free electronics - Okay, this one is true too, but I doubt that these unsolicited e-mails are going to do any more for me than the get out of debt ones.

6. I want free gift cards to (fill in the blank) - Since these always seem to generate even more spam, I doubt it. And I don't think I'd actually get the gift card either.

And there you have a brief look at my spam.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Is It the 23rd Yet?

I'm ready for my job to be over. So so ready. There aren't enough words to express how ready I am to leave this job.

And it's not like I can pinpoint one particular thing as being bad. It just wasn't the best day.

Yeah, that's pretty much it at this point. I'm just ready for it to be next Wednesday (1 week, 1 day, I'm fairly sure I can easily handle it, but still).

I'm here waiting.


Monday, April 14, 2008


Ace and I are watching a movie called F*ck (without the *, I think). It is, of course, about the f word (which I'm fine with saying, but I'd rather not have those kind of hits on this blog). We've got the counter on, and when the movie ends I'll let you know how many times the word is said in this movie (it's already over 700).

The main thing that is interesting is the debate in this documentary/interview about whether or not f*ck should be free speech or if it should be censored. I am on the side of it being free speech. (Total count, according to the movie, is 825 times.) It's not that I want to use the word all the time, but I'd like to have the ability to do so.

Yeah, um, that's all I have to say about that. I'm out of words on this subject for now.


Sunday, April 13, 2008

Visiting My Sister

Today, I did something I haven't done before. I got together with my sister for a few hours. We sat in an IHOP for a couple of hours and talked (Ace and I ate, she had coffee). We tried to find things to talk about besides our parents, which was only slightly awkward. It was nice, mostly just to be around her. Maybe the next time we get together we should have some activity to keep us slightly busy. Something to distract us so we can focus on that when we aren't talking.

I know we both miss the other one when we're apart, but we aren't sure what to say when we're together. I guess that's normal for siblings who are as far apart in age as we are. It just feels odd and awkward.

She did have a suggestion on what hair-dye I should get to dye my hair red. We bought a box, and after I finish with my current temp job (8 more days!), I'll try it out.

I should be feeling sexy again by then (I started my period today, so I'm not feeling the least bit attractive right now). Right now, I'm fairly satisfied with how today went, even if it was awkward at times, because it's a good start. And my sister knows that she's welcome (invited even) to visit whenever she can.

I'll keep you updated with how that goes.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

The Sign of a Good Show

The sign of a good show is that they can make you feel like you've got a good grip on the characters and then suddenly reveal large portions of their back story and make you realize you only knew a very small part of them (and you still don't know a whole lot even with the big reveals). It will change how you look at everyone, while still keeping them in the same light they've always been in (if that makes any sense to you, congratulations).

I'm finding more sympathy for all the characters in Torchwood. I loved all the characters before finding out their back stories, but I seem to care for them more knowing more about them (isn't that always the way with people). It makes the idea of something happening to them even harder to bear.

Of course, I know that it's likely something will happen. And that will hurt. It reminds me of, well, any Joss Wheden show. Just as soon as everything seems to be going right for the characters, something bad happens (usually something horrible). And it made me hate the writers (especially Joss) while perversely loving them (especially Joss) for giving me such a wonderful show. The pain of the characters was real, it hurt the viewers. The joy was just as real, and it brought joy to the viewers. Of course, I realize that people would stop watching if everything was going well. People like seeing the pain, mainly because we like seeing the people get past whatever is causing it and fight for the right.

And for that, I will endure the pain of the characters. Because as they push past their pain, it reminds me to do that in my own life. And it helps me to know that in these shows, ultimately good will win over evil. It may include loss on the part of the good (and that hurts), but in the end good will triumph. And isn't that really what we're all looking for in the end? Doesn't that provide us all with a little bit of comfort?

I'm off to find comfort in good triumphing other places. Because it makes me smile.


Friday, April 11, 2008

I'm Hot

Or My Brain Has Gone to Being Random and I'm Blaming My Random Body Temperature Issues.

I have been randomly warm for most of the past week. I'm not sure what's happened, but suddenly, I'm finding it hard to find a comfortable temperature for me, because the few times I'm not feeling hot, I'm feeling cold. This sucks!

I took a nap today that lasted roughly 2 and 1/2 hours. It was nice, and helped me maintain my good mood. But I didn't think I was quite that tired before I took that nap (I did notice that I was feeling sleepy, but it was after lunch and I thought that might have something to do with it).

My DVR was recording something from 8 this morning until 4 this afternoon. 7 episodes of Doctor Who, which should be quite a bit of Season 2 (which I've seen like 2 episodes of) and an episode of The People's Court (which I've already watched tonight).

While we were at the mall, Ace and I wondered who would buy Paris Hilton's perfume. We didn't think it was women of high moral character, I can tell you that already (I believe the word skank was used).

I think that's enough randomness for now.


Thursday, April 10, 2008


Sex can fix almost anything. I think the storm has passed.

In the Midst of a Storm

Lately, I feel like my emotions have been kind of like a storm, specifically a thunderstorm. There's been lots of hard, heavy, strange emotions. I've had a reprieve for a little while this week, but today it all came crashing back.

I feel brittle, like any little thing could set off a bad chain reaction emotionally today. And if frustrates me, because I'm stronger than that. And I don't want to be fighting myself again. I'm not quite ready for that yet.

I'm getting annoyed at little things that don't normally bother me, which 10 years ago I would have figured it was PMS, but today I feel frustrated with my own since of frustration. I dislike being so annoyed by things that are only slightly annoying, and really more of a bother.

Mostly, I'm just ready for this storm to pass, so I can get back to normal. I miss it.

But for now, I'm feeling brittle and stressed and I hate it. And I'm trying to be patient while waiting out this storm.


Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Beautiful Words

Today, I heard some of the most beautiful words I could ever have heard from my boss. He said that he would like me to work for roughly the next two weeks and then he's got someone for that position permanently (he'll get back to me soon about the exact date he won't need me any more but it should be by the end of the month!). I've been ready to leave this job for a while now. He is thinking of having me come in occasionally to work, but that would be up to me (if I'm available).

So, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and things are starting to happen quickly after all the waiting that I've been doing. Which means this has been a good week (what with the car and now the job thing). It's kind of an exciting time, all the anticipating.

I'm going back to watching I Love the 80s 3D, because I think it's funny.


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Love Is...

Love is touching someone else's dirty socks. At least it is for me. Dirty socks gross me out. So, the fact that I'm willing to touch his socks at all is a true testament to how much I love him.

Love is cooking meals for each other. Ace does this for me all the time. I know he doesn't always want to cook for me, but he does. I do, on rare occasion, cook for him too. But that doesn't happen often, mainly because I taught him how to cook so that I wouldn't have to.

Love is adjusting your schedule to accommodate each other. I would really like to do things at one time, but usually that can't happen (that should be less of a problem now that we have 2 cars, but we'll see). Since my schedule is looser, I'm usually changing it for Ace. But we both are willing to adjust what we're doing for the other one.

This is what I have so far. I'm sure I'll add more statements of what love is as different things happen in my life. If you want to share what love is to you, leave a comment. It may get used sometime in the future for another Love is...


Monday, April 7, 2008

And It Only Took a Week!

Guess what we've got. Come on guess.

Okay, I can't wait for you to guess, because I'm too excited (I can barely type). We got ourselves a second car! It's a maroon Taurus with just over 65500 miles on it. It's beautiful and should last us a while. It was the car we were waiting to find out about and thought had been sold, but hadn't.

So, if you're in Tulsa, go to Dean Bailey for used cars. All the cars look good (no dents, scratches, etc.). You can buy a warranty for the car. And they don't pressure you for a sale (the guy who sold us this car, which has yet to be named, didn't get a commission on it so that we could buy it at a price we could afford).

So, I'm going to try to figure out what to call my new (to me) car (I call it mine because we intend for me to be the one doing most of the driving of it). Our mechanic looked impressed with our find, which is a good sign that it shouldn't need any work for a while. Pretty good for a car that's over 10 years old.

And now, I'm going to go back to enjoying what I'm watching.


Sunday, April 6, 2008

Sometimes, It Stops Hurting

After my post yesterday, I feel hesitant to post today. Not because I still feel that way, I'm feeling much better today and much more in tune with the good things in my life. But I feel like I should give it a couple of day sitting there to show how out of control I felt.

And at the same time, part of me would like to delete it because who thinks things like that? What does that mean about my mental health? Why did it happen?

But, I won't. Because it's honest. I hope you can feel how raw I felt when I wrote it. How vulnerable. How much I needed to get that off my chest.

I started this blog trying to find a voice for what I had silenced in the past. Things I didn't want my extended family to know about, because I didn't want them to worry. So, I need to keep this blog honest to what is happening, as much as I am willing to share (because there are still some things that are private). I started this blog for posts just like that post (as well as all the posts where I mention sex).

Some of the blogs I like to read the most are the ones who are willing to write about things that are personal. Things that they probably wonder who else thinks that, what it shows the world. And I admire their honesty, even if I wince at what they are feeling or thinking. Because we all have thoughts that we wish we didn't.

I'm not saying I'm all better and I'll never have problems like that again, I'm just saying that sometimes, it stops hurting and becomes slightly easier.

And I'll cling to easier for as long as I can.


Saturday, April 5, 2008

Sometimes, It Just Hurts

I've let myself drift farther from happiness. And it happened so slowly, I didn't realize that it was happening. And then yesterday, I something happened that made me realize that I'd drifted out really far.

I knew something wasn't quite right. I've lacked a desire for anything other than getting my way. I lacked a desire to get up in the mornings. I lacked a desire to go to bed at night. And it mentally hurt to do anything. I was depressed without feeling very sad. So, now I'm fighting it.

Yesterday, I had a small desire to jump out of the car while Ace was driving (he was going slow enough that I'd have lived, but I'd have been somewhat seriously injured), because part of me would have rather gone to a hospital than go back to that conference today. And that scared me, because I know that's not normal. I don't feel like jumping out of cars ever.

So, Ace and I talked last night. I told him about that desire (he was happy that I'd resisted it, as am I because I'm a pussy when it comes to pain). And we decided that I could stay home today and try to get closer to God again, because he can fix me and I need to be fixed.

A big part of me wants to hesitate on posting this, because I'm not sure if I come across as someone needing some serious help or as someone who had a really bad day and just needs to get that sent out. But I'm going to post it, because I want to be honest. And someday, it might help someone.

But right now, I'm ready for it to stop hurting.

I'm going to go. I'm going to try watching something funny to see if that helps.


Friday, April 4, 2008

Can Someone Lower the Stress in My Body Please

Today, Ace ended up dragging me to the second half of today's training. And now I'm feeling slightly stressed about whether or not I should go tomorrow. Oddly, all that stress is coming from me at this point.

It didn't help that today I broke out bawling twice because I wasn't sure what kind of shirt to wear. Yeah, I'm not sure why I was so emotionally involved in shirt choices. I'm blaming my hormones. And the fact that I was expecting to get all weekend off and suddenly I was being asked to do something I wasn't wanting to.

I'd rather stay home the rest of the weekend. Ace would rather I go. And so, I'm feeling stressed about whether to make him happy or to make me happy.

I'm so not excited right now. In fact, I'm rather tired. So, I'm going to go and relax.


Thursday, April 3, 2008

In Like a Lamb, Out Like a Lion

March in Oklahoma is interesting. We started the month off with nice warm, calm weather. The month ended with rainstorms. It was backwards from the cliche.

Of course the big statement about Oklahoma weather is "If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes, it'll change." Sometimes it does change that quickly, but usually it doesn't.

In addition to being in the Bible belt (I now live in the buckle of the Bible belt, where there are multiple churches within one mile of my house), Oklahoma is also in the middle of Tornado Alley. I actually seem to be in less danger living in Tulsa than I was in the Oklahoma City Metro area. I'm not sure when the last tornado hit Tulsa, but we haven't had too many tornado warnings (warnings mean tornadoes are likely, watches mean they conditions are there for tornadoes to happen) since I've moved here. And March through May are the big times for tornadoes to hit (followed by September to November).

I'd like to live somewhere without a tornado season sometime (if possible), but I'm not sure where that would be.

Okay, I'm going back to watching Whose Line, because it's funny.


Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Search Continues

Today, we looked again for a second car (we aren't married to it being a car, but it's easier to call it that for now). It didn't go so well. We looked at a car that smelled of cigarette smoke, a truck that couldn't make it out of the lot (it kept dying before we could get off the lot for a test drive), and found out that we have to wait one more day before we may have a car to drive to our mechanic to have checked out. And those were all at different locations. We apparently chose the wrong week to start looking for a car, as we keep hearing that maybe next week there'll be more options to choose from.

So, we wait and I try to remember it's not a big deal if we don't get a second car soon, we still have plenty of time to be able to be a little picky. Plus, if we wait longer, we may be able to get a nicer car. I know all this, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to wait.

I think it's because I'm waiting for so much lately that it seems like just one thing too many. Because I'm starting to get a little impatient for time to pass. And my whininess is bothering even me.

Okay, I'm going to go back to watching Whose Line is it Anyway? and reading nursery rhymes. Because those things obviously go together right?


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Lessons From Working Retail

Now that I've stopped working retail for a month, I've got some lessons people who do work retail would probably love to share with their customers (at least, I always wanted to share them).

1. Please stop leaving things across the store from where you picked it up. The products don't have legs, which means they don't return themselves. I could have sworn some days that our products grew legs and moved themselves to various parts of the store.

2. Sometimes we wonder how you got dressed this morning. Mainly because you ask questions that seem to have rather obvious answers. We understand that you may not get the sales posters/fliers/coupons, but how much plain English do we have to interpret? When it says if you buy x you get y, it should be easy to understand.

3. Sometimes we wonder if you actually looked at anything before asking us questions. When there is a big wall of what your looking for and you completely miss it, we start wanting to answer sarcastically, because hello! big wall full of what you are looking for right over there!.

4. If we walk away without assisting you, it may be to control our impulse to roll our eyes or get snippy with you. We're trying not to get fired, but you are making it difficult.

5. Walking up to us to complain that the sale isn't good enough makes us (or at least me) want to roll our eyes. Our store didn't have to have this sale, so you should be happy. I don't really care what the sale was last time, this isn't last time. And your complaining about it before is what had me moving away from you without assisting you in the first place (no, I'm not still frustrated about that, why do you ask?).

6. Sometimes, we don't care about looking in the back for some product. We already know it's not there (we've looked not that long ago), but we'll humor you just in case we missed it last time.

7. If the store is crowded, it's going to take longer to look in the back and get back to you. Mainly because at least one other person will stop us on our way to check asking about something else. We aren't necessarily happy about that, and it may cause us to forget what exactly you look like. It may take 3 or 4 times as long to get back to you because of this.

8. If the store is crowded, please don't wander away from where you were when you asked, it will be harder to give you an answer to your question, because it's harder to find someone you're not completely sure who they are and they aren't where you left them. I understand you are curious about what else we have, but you may never get your answer that way. Exception: if you are moving toward where we have to go look in the back and ask us again as soon as we get back out into the store, we will not be upset with you.

Okay, that's all I have for now. If only I could have thought of two more. Oh well.


Update: I thought of two more, so now it's a nice round ten.

9. This is slightly more of a seasonal complaint, but if the store (and mall) is going to close in 5 minutes, please don't come in and wander around for an hour before leaving without buying anything. There is only so much the people working can do to get ready to close while there are still customers in the store, and we all have been working for a while and are looking forward to going home. Some of us have kids to get home to. Some of us have a dog who is waiting to go out. Some of us would like to let the dog out before we have to go pick up our spouse from their job, and you are seriously making us wonder if we'll get to. And some of us are just plain tired and didn't really want to come in at all today. If you are just looking, do us a favor and come back during normal business hours (the closer Christmas came, the worse this was since the mall was open later).

10. If you walk past after closing and the store is still open because there are customers inside, please don't come in unless you know what you are getting and are going to leave quickly. Otherwise, you are being even more annoying than the ones who came in while we were still in normal operating hours.

In case you're wondering why this is such a big deal, retailers don't normally sweep, empty the trash cans, or close the registers when there are still customers in the store (Wal-Mart being an exception, because they are usually open 24-7). Closing the registers takes longer than you would think (it seems to take at least 30 minutes for 4 registers), and someone has to stay with the manager until that's done, even if everyone else gets to leave.

Yeah, that's it.