Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Hilarity of Spam Part 4

I know I've been quiet lately (which isn't really all that like me), but I've been sorting out myself emotionally. And I haven't wanted to talk about it. I still don't, so instead, we're going to look at my spam.

>Dear Sir,

Oh. So wrong. At least you guessed, that puts you one up on my other spam.

>This mail is from the FBI/INTER-POLICE UK, pardon me to start by saying >God have come to your rescure.Our mission is to help protect you, we just >recieved a mail from the FBI UNITED KINGDOM that they have catch the >people involve in the internet fraud business which your email was one of >the email address that was given to them as a victim. Well, from all >indication, you are to contact them on their email address below for more >information and to know when to send your recovered money back to you.

This is new. Supposedly they want to give me money back. Except, I never sent any money to anyone. Also, the FBI doesn't have jurisdiction in the UK. Also, the spelling is bad, very bad (What is rescure? I know what word they mean, but that's not the word they used.). Plus, I think they just said that I have to send my recovered money back to me (maybe?).

>Name Desmond Carl
>Please they are awaiting your mail immediately.

Keep waiting. It won't be coming. Since I've never sent money to anyone that I met by e-mail.


I'm hurt. This time the e-mail wasn't from Robert Mueller 111. It's like he's given up on me (without ever sending those FBI agents to my residence). If you're angry with me, Robert, we can make up. I'm not like that anymore. I'll never make fun of you again. After all, you're from the future, right? You know that I won't, because I didn't in your past. Why don't you love me anymore, Robert? (and scene)

>Correo Electronico, Gobierno del Distrito Federal.

Yeah, that makes the whole thing more convincing, doesn't it?

Oh, spammers. You never learn. You're never convincing, even when offering me "recovered" money. On the plus side, this was the short spam I've been sent from the "FBI".

Friday, December 25, 2009

White Chrismtas

Ace and I noticed last night that it was snowing. This morning, with the sun up, it's easy to see that it's still snowing some, but the flakes are tiny.

The ground is covered in white, but it's not exactly coated. Looking out our window, I still see plenty of ground cover still sticking out of the top of the snow.

Still, it's a white Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Monday, December 21, 2009

How I Succeeded in Annoying Myself Needlessly

Once a month, I have gotten cramps. Bad ones. Bad enough to make me take medicine to avoid the irrational side of me that comes out when I'm hurting (although, even the not so bad cramps bring out the irrational side of me).

So, in order to not snap at people irrationally, I take Midol and I feel better. Except for when I got up today. Instead, I was overly focused on getting a couple of errands done quickly that I didn't take anything before we left. Which meant that I was cranky. And a little too hormonal.

So, we went and got our mail, went by the bank, and headed to buy supplies. At Wal-Mart. 4 days before Christmas. It was an insane plan, but I need these supplies.

We find what I'm looking for (a small package of my preferred brand and size, for much less than I was expecting) and get in the express 20 items or less line. Then, someone gets in line behind us and mentions that it's going to be a wait. Of course it's going to be a wait. It's 4 days until Christmas. Nicely, the line moves fairly quickly (not as fast as it might normally, but it wasn't taking forever). I put down my purchase, the cashier scans it and asks how we are (since Ace was with me). We gave the appropriate and correct answer of fine.

In the car, we wondered about why he asked how we were (other than to be generally nice). Obviously it's not great. We're going out to a crowded store the week of Christmas to buy supplies for my period. I'm not happy because I'm on my period (and my pants were tighter than my stomach wanted them to be) and Ace isn't happy because there is no sex when I'm on my period (I don't generally want to be touched the first few days of my period, much less think of sex). It was a stupid question given that we had only the one item.

And now I sound cranky again.

Friday, December 18, 2009


Ace and I have shifted our schedule to where we're going to bed around 8 am and getting up around 4 pm (give or take a few hours).

Today, around 1 pm, the fire alarm went off. Not surprisingly, we were startled out of sleep by it. Since we are currently staying in a hotel, we followed their instructions to call down to the front desk (since there was no fire in our room). It turns out that they were working on the system and tripped the alarm and couldn't turn it off right away.

Now, while the alarm was going off, Ace and I got dressed. Then, he started combing his hair and I emptied my bladder. Neither of us was particularly concerned about a need to get out quickly, which was good since there was no fire. In fact, the only thing I wondered about was if my ears would be okay (that alarm is loud, in case people are heavy sleepers, I suppose).

Ace decided to stay up for a while, because of the adrenalin rush. I, however, went back to sleep even though I knew that there was a possibility of the fire alarm being tripped again (it wasn't). So far, he has been up since then, but he may take a nap in a little while.

And now I must go, I've got other things to do and pay attention to.


Monday, December 14, 2009

The Hilarity of Spam Part 3

Okay, this is beginning to be this thing here. How many different e-mails from the "FBI" can I post? I'm not sure what else to say about it, but they keep being funny. And pure spam mail.


Um, I'm not the FBI headquarters. Neither is the e-mail address you keep spamming.

>Contact Rev.John smith: for more >information.

Information about what?


No name at all. Darn, I've gone back down in their opinion.

>Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to >receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, >Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the >past you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been >impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, >Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, >Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau >of Investigation. The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet >Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center >(IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result >of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us. We >have negotiat

1. If I've ever heard of any of these names, it's from other spam e-mails.
2. Could you get more generic than Ben of FedEx (which Ben?)? Also, I don't know anyone named Ben that works at FedEx.
3. They stopped mid-sentence, no clue why.
4. Which country supposedly wants to give me money now?

>Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like >you who have received their payment successfully. Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS Tracking >Number: 1Z757F991598420403 ( Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS >Tracking Number: 1Z757F991596606592 ( To redeem your fund you are >hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and >procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on >your behalf which will cost you $350.00 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything >else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and >clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $350.00 only.

I deleted the names. No clue who those people may be, but they don't deserve to be mentioned here (if they are real). Also, wouldn't the "ATM Card Center" pull $350 out of the amount they are sending me? Why wouldn't the "Federal Government" (which country?) cover that last bit too? At least they are willing to admit how much they want in this one. But they forgot to tell me how much I would be getting. Sloppy, scammers. I'll never respond with no idea how much money is at stake.

>Contact Information
>Name:Rev.John Smith
>Rev.John Smith Email:

"Rev. John Smith" gets no protection, he's obviously part of the scam. Also, could you get a more generic name?

>Do contact Rev.John Smith of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish >him with your details as listed below: Your full Name:Your Address:Home Phone:Cell >Phone:Occupation:Age: On contacting him with your details your files would be updated and he >will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $350 >via Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant >and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order. After which the delivery of your ATM card will >be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any >authority raising eyebrow.

Yeah, no one else will wonder about you suddenly having money (especially not the IRS). And if they have my cell number, why do they need my home number?

>Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 >working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back >guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shipment Confirmation within the next 24hrs >after you have made the payment for shipping. Once again we are so sure of you receiving your >payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in >other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors. Thanks and hope to read from >you soon.

What does "other to cub cyber crime" mean? Are they trying to curb cyber crime? Why is the word other in there? What do they mean?

>Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of >your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Rev.John Smith of the ATM >card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any >emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it >immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

I'm hereby advice, how am I advice? I don't feel like advice, I feel like a person. How do I forward e-mail to a fax number? And what fax number? It's like they aren't even trying!

>Robert Mueller 111
>FBI Director

This man obviously has no other important business as the director of the FBI than to e-mail random citizens (who he doesn't identify) with attempts to help them get money from overseas (read scam them out of money). Also, he still can't figure out that three 1s does not equal the third (Is he the one hundred and eleventh Robert Mueller from sometime in the future?).

>Note: Contact Rev.John smith: for more information >within 24 hours.
>Contact the ATM CARD center within 24 hours to receive your ATM CARD or else the FBI will >visit you at home.

So, if I don't take money from overseas, the FBI will visit me (even though they may not know where I'm at)? What for? Are they bringing me a big check? Are they acting as enforcers for this Rev. John Smith? Will they look like Seely Booth from Bones?

Why is that these e-mails always leave me with more questions that answers?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dads are Human Too

I can remember, with clarity, the first time I realized my dad was human with regards to health concerns. Not the date, just the instance. I was 12 (I think) and he was starting to have neck issues from his football playing days when he was in high school. The way they were showing up was as bad migraines that had him lose track of time. It was the first and only time I ever was truly afraid of my dad.

He had neck surgery, got some vertebra fused together, and he was back to his old self (if not being able to turn his head as much). And my fears were relieved. I got to forget that my dad had health problems for a while.

This year has reminded me, once again, that my dad is human and that someday, he won't be here any more. I'm hoping for that day to be a long time away. He helps some by joking that only the good die young so he'll live forever (not that he's really bad, he just likes to pretend he's tougher than he is), and that chicks dig scars. Of course, that only does so much good before I'm wanting to just sit and watch him and make sure he's really okay.

My biggest frustration lately with Ace and I not having kids yet is that I want them to know my dad for as long as possible. This year had been reminding me that I've only got him around for so long (and I don't know how long that is). I can tell he's ready for grandchildren too, he's getting to play pretend grandpa with a friend's daughter (to her, he's like an uncle, but he's clearly pretending she's his grandkid until he gets one of his own).

It's hard emotionally, this realizing that my dad is human and that he won't be here forever. That someday I'll probably be attending his funeral. That he won't be here to buy me Mickey Mouse pajama pants forever.

Sorry this isn't very cheerful or seasonably appropriate. It's just what's on my mind today. And now I think I'll go give Ace a hug and remind him that we do have plans to get out of our room today. I think I really need that piece of free chocolate right now.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

So, Ace and I have been leaving the TV off. It's been good, for the most part. Except that I'm not getting the feeling it's almost Christmas, because I'm not watching any of the shows I'm used to. And I probably won't get to see Frosty the Snowman (who I love to watch), because it'll be shown on Friday at a time when we have church.

So, right now, even though my brain knows it's nearing Christmas, it feels like it could be any time of the year that is cold (like January). It's like this weird disconnect inside my brain.

I miss watching all those shows I've seen for years (over 25). I'm not saying it's a bad thing to not watch them, I just miss them. Listening to Christmas music on CDs just isn't cutting it, as I could listen to those CDs any time of the year.

So, any ideas how I can convince myself it's Christmas without turning on the TV or spending money? Because I am just about tapped out of ideas.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I'm Sensing a Theme

Okay, now that all my thoughts have stopped tumbling, I think I'm ready to say something. I don't know how much it will be worth, but it'll be something.

I have a cousin who is a nurse. She recently became a certified acute care nurse practitioner. She works in the critical care unit of some hospital. She wrote about the value and quality of life on her blog. It was an interesting post, and it was a post from a point of view that I'm sure doesn't normally get expressed, that of a care-giver with medical training, mostly seeing people who are dying everyday around them. It was haunting and sad and beautiful. And I could never do it justice trying to explain it.

Shortly after reading that post, I read an update about Anissa Mayhew, who is slowly recovering from a stroke (her second). I, unfortunately, had never heard of her before that happened. I've read some of her writing since then, and found someone who I could truly respect as a person while laughing at what she has to say. Her husband is keeping all her internet followers (new and old) as up to date as he can while not neglecting Anissa or their three children. I'm happy to say that she is doing better, even if she's got a long way to go before she's fully healthy again.

Then, another short while later, I read about Jenna and her IVF treatments. How Jenna and Joey are hoping that they will be able to celebrate a pregnancy very soon. And, I am hoping that they will too. And I'd say more about Jenna, but every time I ever try, my brain stops and I just wish there were some way for me to give her a hug. Besides, I could never try to retell Jenna's story, because it's her story to tell and she tells it so well.

And it hit me, all these posts jumbling around in my head, they are all about medical stuff and showing how precious life is from three very different points of view. From someone who fights for her patients lives (even as they die), to someone fighting to get back to her normal life, to someone trying to create a new life (or two).

It's reminded me that life is special and fragile. It's reminded me that people are tougher than they look, despite how fragile life is. And it's reminded me that life is worth fighting for.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Jumbled Metaphor

After taking more than a few days off, I'm back to say that I'm currently without anything important to say.

Right now, after reading the blogs I normally read, I've got several things tumbling around in my head (none really taking up my attention, they're just tumbling around in the background, reminding me they are there). It's like my head is a dryer and these things are just bouncing around in there trying to find where they belong.

Hopefully, before too much longer, I'll have everything sorted out and put away in the right place. But for now, my head is a dryer and my thoughts are tumbling like laundry.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Check in the Mail

After Ace and I got foreclosed upon (something I'm not up to talking about right now, maybe someday), we had to move quickly. Then we had to cancel services with all the utilities and then try to figure out what the next step was.

We found ourselves moving in with my dad and step-mom for a while, then finding we could move to Springfield, MO (where Ace wanted us to move) fairly shortly after.

Today, or probably yesterday, we got a check in the mail from our homeowner's policy. We've gotten a refund from the payment made to them since we are no longer homeowners. This check will cover our rent for the next month in Springfield.

I'm sitting here, trying not to squeal (again) in excitement. We weren't expecting this check, but we are happy to get it. It'll help me relax more knowing what to expect over the next month.

And now I have to go find a bank. Fun!