He tried to be cheerful. He tried hard to continually be cheerful, because he knew that it would help him stay healthier. He tried to not be bitter or hateful. He tried to let go of his anger and focus on the good things in his life.
But there were times when that seemed impossible. Times when he would cry and hurt. Times when he felt like his heart was breaking. Times when he was just so tired. He was ready for a vacation during times like that.
Sometimes, he wondered if people could see through his cheerfulness, when it was a facade. He wondered if they could see how tired he was, how much he hurt. He wondered if anyone bothered to look past the surface. He tried to not dwell on all the things he had lost, instead he tried to focus on all the things he had.
Sometimes, he felt lost inside his own skin and inside his own head. And he just wanted to find someone who understood.
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I think I've just about written myself back into depression. That was so not my intention. I was trying to do something upbeat and positive, based on Proverbs 17:22 ("A cheerful heart is a good medicine; but a broken spirit drieth up the bones." - American Standard Version). So, yeah.
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