Family Sadness

One of my cousins was pregnant.

I say it that way, because recently the baby died.

She was still pregnant at the time.

I've got mixed emotions about this. I mean, obviously I feel bad for my cousin. This is a terrible thing to have happen. It hurt to hear.

On the other hand, it all seems kind of far away and it doesn't hit very hard. We aren't as close as either of us would like. We don't talk much as she is busy with 2 kids and I haven't tried very hard to reach out.

I'm not feeling as crushed emotionally as I was a few months ago by Jenna's news. I'm just feeling a little sad, like I would if I heard anyone lost a baby. Knowing that makes me feel a little sad.

There is a small, teeny-tiny part of me that's feeling relief from small amounts of jealousy that we're hidden deep down. And I feel a little bad about that too.

This is one of those things that is still rolling around in my head. And I'm not sure I'm quite done thinking about it yet.