The Hilarity of Spam Part 2

Okay, this time I'm going to do something different. I'm going to comment within the e-mail itself. We'll see how it goes. If a line starts with > then it is from the e-mail. If there isn't anything at the start, it's a comment from me.

>Attention:
>ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
>FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
>FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
>J.. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
>935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
>TELEPHONE: 206 984 0470

Right address, wrong phone number. It's not that hard to find out the FBI's phone number on their site ((202)324-3000, not sure if the FBI has an anti-terrorist and monitory crimes division).

>Attention:

>BENEFICIARY,

They're calling me something this time, guess I should be impressed. Except it isn't a name, so it's like addressing the e-mail to Occupant.

>Funds, you are to contact the ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION >(EFCC)London, England to obtain the above required document, find below their contact >information's:

No mention of documents, no clue what they could be referring to. The documents the FBI wanted me to send last time (the ones the FBI could find on their own)? A copy of my marriage license? A copy of my driver's license?

>Contact Person: Mr.James Parker

>PRINCIPAL STAFF OFFICER ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC)
>Email: jamesparker@efcc-staffmails.org

Please don't try e-mailing this address. I have no idea if it's legitimate, but I doubt it. If it is, you would just be annoying some guy who doesn't know what you're talking about.

>Lagos Office Address 15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, London,England

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Lagos in Nigeria, not London, England? I know there are thing called embassies, but I'm fairly sure they have addresses that match the type of the city they are in.

>Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law together with the FBI rules and >regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC OF London,England where the fund >was transfer from. Also Note that you are to take care of the cost of the Document, which will >be issued in your name. due to the content of the document and how important and secured the >document is, you as the beneficiary will send to the EFCC OF ENGLAND the sum of >Usd250Dollars only for the issuing of the document right away and your Usd1.5 million will be >release to you, That is the lay down rules for EFCC OF NIGERIA to release such sensitive >document, EFCC will issue you the authentic and original copy of the documents with seal on it >for verification and approval.

The lack of spaces after commas on place names is starting to bother me. And at least this time there is some money being sent somewhere mentioned. It's still not a believable scam, but it's better than last time. Apparently the document they want is $250. Um, wouldn't they be willing to pull it from the $1.5 million they are holding? It's not like I wouldn't expect them to do that.

>You are here by advice to Contact them through the email address above to make an enquiry >concerning how you will send the official fee to them. Note that you are to observe this >immediately, if you really want your funds to be credited to your personal bank account and to >avoid any legal battle with the security operatives over this matter... We have already >informed the EFCC OF ENGLAND about the present situation, go ahead and contact them >immediately. Your fund is under our custody and will not be release to you unless the required >document is confirmed, after that the fund will be release to you immediately without any >delay.

They misspelled inquiry, which means they didn't spell check this thing. We also have the odd capitalization and slightly off wording to point out that the writer doesn't speak English as their first language (at least, not American English). And I'll be happy to take that legal battle. My lawyers will be wondering what they were smoking when coming up with this plan to steal $250 from me while threatening me with jail. Or rather, threatening Beneficiary with jail.

>NOTE: We have asked for the above document to make available the most complete and up-to >date records possible for no criminal justice purposes. The documents will clarify the intensity >of this fund; exonerate it from money laundry, scam and terrorism

Again, you never mentioned any document. Just the $250 that any government would be happy to dip into the $1.5 million they are holding to take, if it were a legitimate thing. And how intense is this fund? It's crazy intense.

>WARNING: failure to provide the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be >taken immediately by arresting and detaining you as soon as international court of justice >issues a warrant of arrest, if you are found guilty, you will be jailed....... As terrorism, drug >trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today and the world at >large. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and prosecuting any criminal who >indulges in this criminal act. FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL a respecter of anybody. We presumed you are law abiding citizen whom would not want have >scuffles with the authority, in and outside America.

So, I could go to jail for not following up with this? Let me get right on that. And if this document (this mystery document) is so important and hard to get, why would you want me to send it as an e-mail attachment? They have made presumptions about Beneficiary too. How dare they! Apparently they don't believe this presumptions any more though.

>We are charged with the responsibility of implementing legal norms and our authority is >irrevocable so dont dare dispute our instruction, just act as instructed.The person you know >will not help you in this matter rather abide by this instruction. the funds inquestion was >depsited by those people that contacted you.

Um, dude. The FBI, while policing America for the federal government is not the end all be all of law enforcement (I respect the FBI, I'm just saying that this statement of irrevocable authority is BS). Also, my lawyers would definitely be able to help me if I were arrested, it's one of my rights as a citizen of this country. And how do you depsite something?

>Faithfully Your's

It's yours, not your's.

>Robert S.Mueller 111

What's up with the ones? It should be III, for the third. The real Robert S. Mueller III would know that!

>FBI Director

Because the man has nothing better to do than harass beneficiaries all day?

>CC. TO:

>Supreme Court of the United States
>U. S. Courts of Appeals
>U. S. District Courts
>U. S. Circuit Courts
>Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
>Bankruptcy Courts
>Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
>U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
>Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
>U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
>U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
>Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
>Territorial Courts
>Courts of the District of Columbia
>Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
>Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
>Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court
>Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary

I love how they included the names of courts that just wouldn't care about this kind of thing (Commerce Court, 1910-1913? U.S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910-1982? Customs Court, 1890-1980?). Also, they sent it to all the district courts and then to the courts of the District of Columbia again, just in case.

How do people fall for this stuff? I'd like to know.