Lost

I'm beginning to get annoyed with myself. I'm getting maudlin over here.

It's just hard to feel upbeat right now.

Ace is trying to find out what is going to happen next for him with his job. He's doing a sleep study tonight. We'll find out if he has sleep apnea or not.

Ace's parents are back home. They aren't asking me about my laptop, but they are asking lots of questions about what is going on with Ace. Questions that I don't know the answers to. Questions that Ace doesn't always know the answers to.

I'm back to not wanting to go to sleep. Some part of my brain is trying to avoid sleep, like sleep is my enemy. I'm feeling edgy and cagey. It gets too loud in my head and I just want to stay quiet, because I don't want to say what is in my head. And I know these things are not good things, but I keep avoiding falling flat out into depression somehow.

I'm feeling lost. I can't find my shore. I'm not out too far, but I can't get my bearings. And the waves and the tide keep carrying me on.