I have been watching some Ted Talks lately. Brené Brown has a couple of them, talking about vulnerability. And Glennon Doyle Melton talked about her past, sharing her vulnerability.
And it amazes me how much people try to numb themselves. Not that I don't understand the desire. I've felt those scary lows. Deeply. Intimately. And I know how bad they hurt and how much you start wondering if this is your new normal. That is, when depression isn't numbing me to nearly everything.
But you can't just numb the lows. You would numb all the highs, and I wouldn't give those up for anything. As bad as depression is, as bad as some of my life experiences have been (and I'm not ready to talk about them yet), I know that numbing the pain won't work.
That doesn't mean I've not done something to help in those bad times. Chocolate is helpful in keeping depression from fully taking over or pulling me away from the edge sometimes. My husband is even better at helping.
But I don't want to dim my life because I'm afraid of the lows. I don't want to miss the highs. I'd rather be vulnerable.
I'm pretty sure that I would probably find it easy to get addicted, if I let myself. (Sometimes it's a good thing to be a bit of a control freak.) But the lack of control, the lack of being able to think clearly, would spiral me further into panic.
So, I don't numb myself. I remain vulnerable. I keep my heart tender. And I suffer from people being stupid. But I get to feel joy at the idea of my sister's wedding (later this month). I get to rejoice at how precious my niece is (My sister had a baby nearly a year ago!). I get to be present and smile and laugh and cry and hurt. And I don't have to fight to figure out how to get past all those long ignored emotions to be here.
I don't proclaim myself better than anyone else. I'm just doing my best. I'm trying to figure out my next right thing. I have hardly any of the answers.
But I do know that numb is not the way to go through life.
(At some point, I will post about something positive. I just don't know when that will be. I seem to be working through some things.)
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2016
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Let's Be Honest Here
Note: I haven't posted in forever, I know. I don't even know what I last wrote about, and I know at one point I promised funny stories about trucking. This is not that post. I don't know if that post will ever exist, because sometimes that is how my life goes. I have these good intentions, and then other things become urgent and important (not the same thing, by the way) and they take over everything. (End random semi-explanation, start actual post)
I'm getting more honest with myself. We were watching a documentary on Netflix about Tony Robbins (called Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru). I realized that if I had been there, the biggest thing I want to change in my life does not have to do with our finances (even though I want them to change) or the fact that we are still not parents yet (I realized how much of a blessing that has been the last few years, even though I've been wanting to be a mom through them all). The biggest thing I want to change in my life is to stop hating myself.
I don't always hate myself. In fact, I'm often fond of me. I know I have my issues, but I am working on them. I am not just settling and declaring myself done with growing.
But then there are those days. The ones that I spend the whole day wanting to go lay back down because being upright is just so pointless. The ones where I feel like I can do nothing right and all the mistakes I've made in the past two or three years come back to haunt me. And the memories won't shut up. Depression tries to come back.
And on those days, I hate myself. For feeling week enough to believe the lies that depression makes. For believing the harmful things that my mother said so many years ago are things that are still true. For not loving myself enough.
I don't want to hurt myself, even on those bad days. But depression isn't about physical pain, although there is usually some of that with the emotional pain. I just want to lay down and not move, because it feels like there is no point.
I am thankful for my husband, who doesn't let me dwell in the pain and spiraling lies. He brings me food and does whatever he can to make me laugh. He hugs me and gives me the love I can't seem to give myself. He won't leave me alone in my pain, which is the best thing for me, despite depression telling me that I don't deserve these things.
I want to stop hating myself. I want to love me, even on bad days. If I do, maybe they won't be so bad. I want to know, without a doubt, that I am better than all those bad thoughts tell me I am. And most days, I do feel that way. And I am so thankful for that.
I am stronger than I think.
And so are you.
I'm getting more honest with myself. We were watching a documentary on Netflix about Tony Robbins (called Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru). I realized that if I had been there, the biggest thing I want to change in my life does not have to do with our finances (even though I want them to change) or the fact that we are still not parents yet (I realized how much of a blessing that has been the last few years, even though I've been wanting to be a mom through them all). The biggest thing I want to change in my life is to stop hating myself.
I don't always hate myself. In fact, I'm often fond of me. I know I have my issues, but I am working on them. I am not just settling and declaring myself done with growing.
But then there are those days. The ones that I spend the whole day wanting to go lay back down because being upright is just so pointless. The ones where I feel like I can do nothing right and all the mistakes I've made in the past two or three years come back to haunt me. And the memories won't shut up. Depression tries to come back.
And on those days, I hate myself. For feeling week enough to believe the lies that depression makes. For believing the harmful things that my mother said so many years ago are things that are still true. For not loving myself enough.
I don't want to hurt myself, even on those bad days. But depression isn't about physical pain, although there is usually some of that with the emotional pain. I just want to lay down and not move, because it feels like there is no point.
I am thankful for my husband, who doesn't let me dwell in the pain and spiraling lies. He brings me food and does whatever he can to make me laugh. He hugs me and gives me the love I can't seem to give myself. He won't leave me alone in my pain, which is the best thing for me, despite depression telling me that I don't deserve these things.
I want to stop hating myself. I want to love me, even on bad days. If I do, maybe they won't be so bad. I want to know, without a doubt, that I am better than all those bad thoughts tell me I am. And most days, I do feel that way. And I am so thankful for that.
I am stronger than I think.
And so are you.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
I Have Some Things to Say
Dear World,
You do not get to define me. I am much more than your limited views of me would suggest. I am not just anything, except for just me.
Because you do not know me, you cannot tell me that I can't have problems because I am a white woman. You cannot tell me that I cannot have problems just because I don't have children to figure out how to feed. Life is hardly ever as simple as outward causes for mental problems.
You cannot tell me that my husband can't potentially have problems because he is a white man. That his weight is where it is simply because he's lazy. That he doesn't care about me intensely because you don't see him doing whatever you think shows his care.
You can't tell me that everyone is hurting and then expect that everyone is fine emotionally. That someone who outwardly has their life together can't be lost inwardly. That depression only affects those whose lives have obvious complications and the rest of us are just weak or lazy or overly emotional.
You can't tell me that depression only attacks when things are bad. That I've never felt fine emotionally when things were at their bleakest from the outside and barely able to semi-function when things were starting to get better because it suddenly attacked with every trick in it's demented book.
You can't tell me that I'm the only one that's happened to.
Stop telling women that if they don't look like this celebrity or that supermodel that they are fat, unhealthy, and worthless. Too many of us take it to heart and it causes more problems. Quit implying that any woman who has any noticeable body fat anywhere is overweight and needs to diet and exercise. Quit implying that every man finds your insane standards of beauty to be the only standards that are acceptable. Quit lying to us all.
Quit acting like who someone loves is more important than that they have someone they love. That only one religion could possibly have the answers to everyone's questions. That just because I go to this church instead of that one that I am going to Hell because God is so narrowly strict on who he accepts. Quit denying that the Bible says that God wants to save as many people as He can. Quit telling me, without words but with attitudes, that I am going to Hell for any minor wrong and that I've got to be careful to never have a bad day (but apparently judging people based on their sins is okay, despite what the Bible says).
Quit trying to pigeon-hole everyone. Let us all be as free to be ourselves as we want to be. Let us be individuals or a group based on our social understanding and let us label ourselves.
Quit labeling women with negative words when they do things that a man would be praised for. Quit acting like a woman's worth is tied into being perfect at all things at all times while a man's is tied into what he earns. Quit acting like my opinion on anything might be less than my husband's because I am female and he is male.
I think it is time we all grow up and treat each other as we would want to be treated. Let's try that for a while, instead of judging and labeling everyone for convenience.
We are all more than most people see from the brief glimpses we get into each other's lives. Maybe we should try to respect that more.
Love,
M.A. Smith
You do not get to define me. I am much more than your limited views of me would suggest. I am not just anything, except for just me.
Because you do not know me, you cannot tell me that I can't have problems because I am a white woman. You cannot tell me that I cannot have problems just because I don't have children to figure out how to feed. Life is hardly ever as simple as outward causes for mental problems.
You cannot tell me that my husband can't potentially have problems because he is a white man. That his weight is where it is simply because he's lazy. That he doesn't care about me intensely because you don't see him doing whatever you think shows his care.
You can't tell me that everyone is hurting and then expect that everyone is fine emotionally. That someone who outwardly has their life together can't be lost inwardly. That depression only affects those whose lives have obvious complications and the rest of us are just weak or lazy or overly emotional.
You can't tell me that depression only attacks when things are bad. That I've never felt fine emotionally when things were at their bleakest from the outside and barely able to semi-function when things were starting to get better because it suddenly attacked with every trick in it's demented book.
You can't tell me that I'm the only one that's happened to.
Stop telling women that if they don't look like this celebrity or that supermodel that they are fat, unhealthy, and worthless. Too many of us take it to heart and it causes more problems. Quit implying that any woman who has any noticeable body fat anywhere is overweight and needs to diet and exercise. Quit implying that every man finds your insane standards of beauty to be the only standards that are acceptable. Quit lying to us all.
Quit acting like who someone loves is more important than that they have someone they love. That only one religion could possibly have the answers to everyone's questions. That just because I go to this church instead of that one that I am going to Hell because God is so narrowly strict on who he accepts. Quit denying that the Bible says that God wants to save as many people as He can. Quit telling me, without words but with attitudes, that I am going to Hell for any minor wrong and that I've got to be careful to never have a bad day (but apparently judging people based on their sins is okay, despite what the Bible says).
Quit trying to pigeon-hole everyone. Let us all be as free to be ourselves as we want to be. Let us be individuals or a group based on our social understanding and let us label ourselves.
Quit labeling women with negative words when they do things that a man would be praised for. Quit acting like a woman's worth is tied into being perfect at all things at all times while a man's is tied into what he earns. Quit acting like my opinion on anything might be less than my husband's because I am female and he is male.
I think it is time we all grow up and treat each other as we would want to be treated. Let's try that for a while, instead of judging and labeling everyone for convenience.
We are all more than most people see from the brief glimpses we get into each other's lives. Maybe we should try to respect that more.
Love,
M.A. Smith
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Exhausted Rambling
I would love to say that things are going swimmingly over here. They are going pretty well, but today has been long and I'm tired and sore and cold (Pennsylvania is cold in February, especially right after a snow storm, spread the news).
Ace got a load today that we drove 20 miles, maybe? Before he got 5 miles from the shipper, we got a call that he needed to head back. But we had to wait, somewhat, for a call from his dispatcher (because the first call was from someone else) and now we've been waiting for over an hour for getting into a door for them to unload the load they just put on the trailer and...
It's nothing big. We're getting paid well for that short trip. But it just made half the day feel pointless and I already had problems with not wanting to get up this morning.
I just want to wake up and not feel tired. That is where I'm at today.
Tomorrow, we get to be up and have the truck moving by about 6 am to make it to our next pick up on time. And I'm feeling like I've not been getting enough sleep for the past month (I really have, but it's been not so great sleep). And it sucks and I'm whining and feeling annoyed about that.
Things are going well. This is a small issue and I'm not getting depressed over it. I'm just ready for the day to be done. Because I think Ace is coming down with my cold/sinus gunk/whatever, which strangle came back when we got to colder weather. And I just need one of us to be okay right now and it doesn't seem like it's going to be me.
I'm just glad I have my blanket to wrap around me and help me feel like something is going... at least not completely pear-shaped. And I'll get to lay down and sleep soon, I know. I'm just ready to be past soon (and to have some heat warming my toes).
Ace got a load today that we drove 20 miles, maybe? Before he got 5 miles from the shipper, we got a call that he needed to head back. But we had to wait, somewhat, for a call from his dispatcher (because the first call was from someone else) and now we've been waiting for over an hour for getting into a door for them to unload the load they just put on the trailer and...
It's nothing big. We're getting paid well for that short trip. But it just made half the day feel pointless and I already had problems with not wanting to get up this morning.
I just want to wake up and not feel tired. That is where I'm at today.
Tomorrow, we get to be up and have the truck moving by about 6 am to make it to our next pick up on time. And I'm feeling like I've not been getting enough sleep for the past month (I really have, but it's been not so great sleep). And it sucks and I'm whining and feeling annoyed about that.
Things are going well. This is a small issue and I'm not getting depressed over it. I'm just ready for the day to be done. Because I think Ace is coming down with my cold/sinus gunk/whatever, which strangle came back when we got to colder weather. And I just need one of us to be okay right now and it doesn't seem like it's going to be me.
I'm just glad I have my blanket to wrap around me and help me feel like something is going... at least not completely pear-shaped. And I'll get to lay down and sleep soon, I know. I'm just ready to be past soon (and to have some heat warming my toes).
Friday, January 17, 2014
Can I Just Sleep for the Next Week?
I am having a weird day today. I'm not depressed, I don't think. I'm just... emotional? Or something. Other people's emotions are hitting me harder than normal. And I'm way too tired for someone who got plenty of sleep last night.
I am struggling with my own emotions some too.
My grandma is not as well as I'd like (not that I can do anything about that). My laptop, the one that my brain keeps telling me is mine, is supposed to be fixed and waiting in Tulsa, but I don't know when I'll get it (and then I have to add stuff to it all over again).
And people are fighting depression, and I get it and I love the posts about it, but it sort of feels like those posts are dragging me down, unintentionally. And I'd hate to find that talk about depression, even talk about things to pull you out of it, gets me depressed. That undertow would be nasty.
I am finally, after our time off, past my cold. And things are going well, financially, for the first time in years. The laptop thing? A minor blip for a few days. Seriously, we had to watch our spending from Monday until today, and now our bank account looks really nice again. It's been way to long since we've had that kind of financial security.
So, I'm having a weird day. The shoreline is not as steady as I'd like, but I can still see it. I'm not fighting an undertow. And I'm being cautious to keep that from happening.
I am struggling with my own emotions some too.
My grandma is not as well as I'd like (not that I can do anything about that). My laptop, the one that my brain keeps telling me is mine, is supposed to be fixed and waiting in Tulsa, but I don't know when I'll get it (and then I have to add stuff to it all over again).
And people are fighting depression, and I get it and I love the posts about it, but it sort of feels like those posts are dragging me down, unintentionally. And I'd hate to find that talk about depression, even talk about things to pull you out of it, gets me depressed. That undertow would be nasty.
I am finally, after our time off, past my cold. And things are going well, financially, for the first time in years. The laptop thing? A minor blip for a few days. Seriously, we had to watch our spending from Monday until today, and now our bank account looks really nice again. It's been way to long since we've had that kind of financial security.
So, I'm having a weird day. The shoreline is not as steady as I'd like, but I can still see it. I'm not fighting an undertow. And I'm being cautious to keep that from happening.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Another Letter to an Unnamed Trucking Company
Dear Unnamed Trucking Company,
I'm sure you are wondering why Ace left you. Not that any one there except his driving manager seemed to try to really talk him into staying. And that is part of the problem. No one cared.
We even had one guy tell Ace that no one would care at any other company, so he might as well stay with you. That was a bad reasoning on why someone should stay at a company.
Someone else gave some excuse for how he wouldn't be stuck for the better part of a week starting in January. This was in September, so it wasn't a good excuse and the company he was switching to would have the same benefits under the proposed California law. This just made us confused about why that would be a reason to stay.
It doesn't help matters that Ace got stuck in California twice in a month. Nor did it help that no one apparently noticed that his info said that he doesn't drive in New York City. Or that before the second time we got stuck in California he had already declined 2 other chances to go to California that same day (really, why were you all so hot for him to go back to California?).
Your planners apparently decided to stop planning ahead and sending us info for the next load to pick up before we delivered, which was costing us lots of money each week. And left us sitting around more often than not.
His new company did send him to California on his first trip with them. And then gave him a trip right back out of California right afterwards. With no waiting and wondering what the next trip would be. In fact, we've had very little just sitting around between trips, and each time there was a logical reason for why we were waiting (once is because we were having work done on the truck... and we had our next load before it was done being worked on).
Working with people up at your company was stressful. Ace and I hadn't been off the truck since July 1st, but you were not willing to help with a hotel room when it became apparent that quitting the company was going to take until the next day (because the truck wasn't needing work that would keep us off the truck, apparently). The new company rented us a car and had a hotel room paid for us to stay in from Saturday until Wednesday (we paid for 2 days because we got there on Thursday). Quitting cost us way too much money, but we'll happily make more (even if I'm not driving yet) with the new company. So far, there has been no stress when talking with anyone at the new company.
Basically, your company sucks and that is why Ace quit. We miss the size and some of the storage options of your truck, but that's it.
Much less stressed,
M.A. Smith
I'm sure you are wondering why Ace left you. Not that any one there except his driving manager seemed to try to really talk him into staying. And that is part of the problem. No one cared.
We even had one guy tell Ace that no one would care at any other company, so he might as well stay with you. That was a bad reasoning on why someone should stay at a company.
Someone else gave some excuse for how he wouldn't be stuck for the better part of a week starting in January. This was in September, so it wasn't a good excuse and the company he was switching to would have the same benefits under the proposed California law. This just made us confused about why that would be a reason to stay.
It doesn't help matters that Ace got stuck in California twice in a month. Nor did it help that no one apparently noticed that his info said that he doesn't drive in New York City. Or that before the second time we got stuck in California he had already declined 2 other chances to go to California that same day (really, why were you all so hot for him to go back to California?).
Your planners apparently decided to stop planning ahead and sending us info for the next load to pick up before we delivered, which was costing us lots of money each week. And left us sitting around more often than not.
His new company did send him to California on his first trip with them. And then gave him a trip right back out of California right afterwards. With no waiting and wondering what the next trip would be. In fact, we've had very little just sitting around between trips, and each time there was a logical reason for why we were waiting (once is because we were having work done on the truck... and we had our next load before it was done being worked on).
Working with people up at your company was stressful. Ace and I hadn't been off the truck since July 1st, but you were not willing to help with a hotel room when it became apparent that quitting the company was going to take until the next day (because the truck wasn't needing work that would keep us off the truck, apparently). The new company rented us a car and had a hotel room paid for us to stay in from Saturday until Wednesday (we paid for 2 days because we got there on Thursday). Quitting cost us way too much money, but we'll happily make more (even if I'm not driving yet) with the new company. So far, there has been no stress when talking with anyone at the new company.
Basically, your company sucks and that is why Ace quit. We miss the size and some of the storage options of your truck, but that's it.
Much less stressed,
M.A. Smith
Thursday, September 5, 2013
"Can Today Just Be Over Now?" "No."
I'm having one of those days today. The kind where I wonder who okays me being in public, except I have to be for bathroom purposes because I live in a truck and why don't trucks come with toilets? It's not a great day, is what I'm saying.
And it isn't even anything that Ace could fix if he wanted to, because it was something out of his control that made it feel like such a bad day. And something that happened yesterday isn't helping and my brain is going a million miles a minute and nothing is right and why did I get up? (It's kind of loud in my head, is what I'm trying to say.)
Yesterday, we almost had a wreck. It could/would have been a bad one for us. I could have potentially died or at least been in a hospital for a long while. It scared me badly and I don't think I'm fully over that yet, even if the idea of being on the road does not bother me today.
And then today, we had issues with a load that should have been a simple pick up a trailer and drive down the road. It was over-weight. We were picking it up from a drop yard, so we couldn't have the shipper fix it. It wasted a few hours of our day. It wasn't something to get nearly as upset as I seem to be over.
I've also been emotional lately. Weepy about the most random things. I just had my period, so it's not likely hormonal, but I can't rule anything out at this point.
I'm having one of those days. And hopefully the chocolate I'm about to eat will help.
(The title of this post is an actual conversation between Ace and I. He was sympathetic to my desire for the day to be over.)
And it isn't even anything that Ace could fix if he wanted to, because it was something out of his control that made it feel like such a bad day. And something that happened yesterday isn't helping and my brain is going a million miles a minute and nothing is right and why did I get up? (It's kind of loud in my head, is what I'm trying to say.)
Yesterday, we almost had a wreck. It could/would have been a bad one for us. I could have potentially died or at least been in a hospital for a long while. It scared me badly and I don't think I'm fully over that yet, even if the idea of being on the road does not bother me today.
And then today, we had issues with a load that should have been a simple pick up a trailer and drive down the road. It was over-weight. We were picking it up from a drop yard, so we couldn't have the shipper fix it. It wasted a few hours of our day. It wasn't something to get nearly as upset as I seem to be over.
I've also been emotional lately. Weepy about the most random things. I just had my period, so it's not likely hormonal, but I can't rule anything out at this point.
I'm having one of those days. And hopefully the chocolate I'm about to eat will help.
(The title of this post is an actual conversation between Ace and I. He was sympathetic to my desire for the day to be over.)
Monday, August 26, 2013
A Few, Short Letters
Dear Readers,
I have not forgotten this blog. I have just been caught up in a cycle of not enough sleep and focusing on reading Lord of the Rings (we're on book 6 and should be done with the actual story by the end of the month!). Hopefully some things will change soon (the lack of enough sleep).
Sorry,
M.A. Smith
Dear Unnamed Trucking Company,
Why did you decide on black trucks? And why do you think driving overnight in the summer is going to lead to anyone getting a good 8 hours of sleep when the truck is too hot during the day? You suck at making good decisions.
Tired and cranky,
M.A. Smith
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I don't even want to know what happened at the VMAs. But nobody respects you, based off of what little I've seen about it. You are not winning over any parents.
So over it,
M.A. Smith
Dear Heat,
I just want to sleep for 8 hours straight. Between you and my bladder that hasn't happened in a bit. Give me a break!
Overly hot,
M.A. Smith
Dear Ace,
You are the best. Even if it's too hot and I'm too tired. I love you lots. Don't change.
Love,
Your wife
I have not forgotten this blog. I have just been caught up in a cycle of not enough sleep and focusing on reading Lord of the Rings (we're on book 6 and should be done with the actual story by the end of the month!). Hopefully some things will change soon (the lack of enough sleep).
Sorry,
M.A. Smith
Dear Unnamed Trucking Company,
Why did you decide on black trucks? And why do you think driving overnight in the summer is going to lead to anyone getting a good 8 hours of sleep when the truck is too hot during the day? You suck at making good decisions.
Tired and cranky,
M.A. Smith
Dear Miley Cyrus,
I don't even want to know what happened at the VMAs. But nobody respects you, based off of what little I've seen about it. You are not winning over any parents.
So over it,
M.A. Smith
Dear Heat,
I just want to sleep for 8 hours straight. Between you and my bladder that hasn't happened in a bit. Give me a break!
Overly hot,
M.A. Smith
Dear Ace,
You are the best. Even if it's too hot and I'm too tired. I love you lots. Don't change.
Love,
Your wife
Monday, July 29, 2013
This Post Is Also Pointless, But At Least It's Not Disgusting
We seem to have hit a small snag on things just running smoothly lately. Last week just had a bunch of fairly small issues that compounded and made for a bad week. This morning added a new, fixable problem that has not helped things feel like they are going right.
That said, we did get off the yard at unnamed trucking company within 48 hours, which is a record. It was going to be within 24, but there were issues with a load and it was just easier to go back to the yard and try again the next day.
And we have plenty of miles under the last two weeks. Which is good, because they pay by the mile, so any time spent sitting is somewhat costly. Especially when it is because of waiting on a load to be loaded or dealing with overages on a load (both of which happened last week, which is at least partly why it was a bad week).
Things work better, of course, when the people you are dealing with at your own company are not crazy. And when other companies don't lie to your company. Friday was not a good day (lots of sitting, not a lot getting fixed, no chance to actually do our laundry like we wanted/needed to).
I would like to urge anyone out there who thinks that going to a truck stop and doing your laundry there is a good idea, at least do the truck drivers a favor and don't use all the machines at one time. If you do, your laundry getting done is cutting into our break time and we only have 10 hours to get any laundry done and try to get 8 hours of sleep before hitting the roads again and driving vehicles that weigh up to 40 tons. Do you want a sleepy driver driving something that would then become a very heavy weapon down the roads you might need to take? (This has happened to us more than once. Why do people who have cars and can visit laundromats or friends or neighbors or family or anywhere else too think their laundry is more urgent than the truck driver who can, at best, maybe make it another day or two before he or she has to wash their clothes?)
It was not a good week last week. And we're both still a bit annoyed right now. (Especially since we only have one computer that can get online right now, because the other one seems to have some virus.)
Can things just smooth out a bit for a few days, please.
That said, we did get off the yard at unnamed trucking company within 48 hours, which is a record. It was going to be within 24, but there were issues with a load and it was just easier to go back to the yard and try again the next day.
And we have plenty of miles under the last two weeks. Which is good, because they pay by the mile, so any time spent sitting is somewhat costly. Especially when it is because of waiting on a load to be loaded or dealing with overages on a load (both of which happened last week, which is at least partly why it was a bad week).
Things work better, of course, when the people you are dealing with at your own company are not crazy. And when other companies don't lie to your company. Friday was not a good day (lots of sitting, not a lot getting fixed, no chance to actually do our laundry like we wanted/needed to).
I would like to urge anyone out there who thinks that going to a truck stop and doing your laundry there is a good idea, at least do the truck drivers a favor and don't use all the machines at one time. If you do, your laundry getting done is cutting into our break time and we only have 10 hours to get any laundry done and try to get 8 hours of sleep before hitting the roads again and driving vehicles that weigh up to 40 tons. Do you want a sleepy driver driving something that would then become a very heavy weapon down the roads you might need to take? (This has happened to us more than once. Why do people who have cars and can visit laundromats or friends or neighbors or family or anywhere else too think their laundry is more urgent than the truck driver who can, at best, maybe make it another day or two before he or she has to wash their clothes?)
It was not a good week last week. And we're both still a bit annoyed right now. (Especially since we only have one computer that can get online right now, because the other one seems to have some virus.)
Can things just smooth out a bit for a few days, please.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
In Which I Rant About What Makes a Fan
In a different part of my life, I spend way too much time on Tumblr looking at pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch. It's a problem that has mostly been solved by being on the truck and adding more blogs that have nothing to do with Benedict Cumberbatch to my Tumblr dashboard.
Apparently, there are people out there who feel the need to dictate what a fan of something is and who it is not. And this has made me fairly angry. Because why does anyone feel they have a right to determine who is a fan? Who declared them king or queen with the power to dictate who is a fan and who is pretending to be one?
As usual, it was because of something stupid (with a few not so stupid but very childish threats) and it has grown into something even bigger and more stupid. It's growing into something that can hurt the show/books that all these people are claiming to love.
I am declaring, right here, that I don't care what characters you would like to see in a relationship on a show or in a book or movie. That does not determine whether or not you are a fan. If you like what you see, you are a fan. If you are excited about it, you are a fan. If you have only seen 5 minutes and wish you could see the entire thing, no matter how big it is, you are a fan.
Everyone else can back off. Because your opinion on what makes a fan is skewed there. If they like it, they are a fan. Period. That's all it takes. They don't have to dedicate time and energy into anything more than liking it and they are a fan.
There you go world, go be fans. Just stop bringing your drama into my already over dramatized life. I have sleep to catch up on.
Apparently, there are people out there who feel the need to dictate what a fan of something is and who it is not. And this has made me fairly angry. Because why does anyone feel they have a right to determine who is a fan? Who declared them king or queen with the power to dictate who is a fan and who is pretending to be one?
As usual, it was because of something stupid (with a few not so stupid but very childish threats) and it has grown into something even bigger and more stupid. It's growing into something that can hurt the show/books that all these people are claiming to love.
I am declaring, right here, that I don't care what characters you would like to see in a relationship on a show or in a book or movie. That does not determine whether or not you are a fan. If you like what you see, you are a fan. If you are excited about it, you are a fan. If you have only seen 5 minutes and wish you could see the entire thing, no matter how big it is, you are a fan.
Everyone else can back off. Because your opinion on what makes a fan is skewed there. If they like it, they are a fan. Period. That's all it takes. They don't have to dedicate time and energy into anything more than liking it and they are a fan.
There you go world, go be fans. Just stop bringing your drama into my already over dramatized life. I have sleep to catch up on.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
This Post Is Not Worth Reading
I apologize in advance for today. After ignoring this blog for way longer than reasonable, I came today to whine about how I'm not feeling as good as I'd like to.
It starts at about midnight last night. I had gone to sleep at 7 pm (Ace and I hadn't quite had enough sleep lately, and I was exhausted) and woke up between midnight and 1 and needed to go to the bathroom. While I was taking care of business, Ace texted me and asked if I wanted to get dinner while we were inside. Not seeing any particular reason not to, I said something along the lines of I guess.
After I finished eating dinner, I stopped by another bathroom, because my bladder was uncomfortably demanding I go again (I'm pretty sure I may have a mild UTI and maybe some minor dehydration, but without checking with a doctor it's hard to be sure). While in the bathroom, I grew uncomfortably cold. I walked back to the table, where Ace was still eating, and he handed me the key to the truck and told me to go ahead and go out (apparently I looked like I was needing to lay down). I made it to the truck and wrapped up in my blanket, but I couldn't seem to get myself to lay down and be comfortable.
So, I decided to sit in the front seat and watch for Ace (even though he was going to text me when he was on his way). I got out a slightly garbled text to let Ace know I wasn't feeling good (the word throw came out as hrpw), and then I was opening the door to throw up on the ground/steps to the truck. Ace then told me to grab the trash can (too late). He bought me some peppermints and some Pepto Bismol before he came out to the truck. Unfortunately for him, the sight, sound, and smell of vomit causes him to respond in a like manner, so neither of us got to actually digest the meal he had just bought for us. While he was recovering from his reaction to my stomach's protest, I suddenly had to rush back inside.
Apparently, my body was not satisfied with just throwing up. All I will say is that I felt amazingly better after and was just tired. The Pepto at the least didn't hurt my now calm stomach. And I slept until the alarm for us getting up and taking a shower went off this morning at 6:30.
While my stomach is still acting a bit more queasy than I'd like, I seem to be only tired at this point. And I will admit that sometimes my stomach can't quite differentiate between hunger and nausea (after last night, I'm being extra cautious). I don't think Ace has much of a problem with that. The only good thing is that I know it wasn't food poisoning because I threw up a bit too soon for that to be the case. Just my stomach being very unhappy.
And now for another peppermint, because this is not helping my stomach calm down.
It starts at about midnight last night. I had gone to sleep at 7 pm (Ace and I hadn't quite had enough sleep lately, and I was exhausted) and woke up between midnight and 1 and needed to go to the bathroom. While I was taking care of business, Ace texted me and asked if I wanted to get dinner while we were inside. Not seeing any particular reason not to, I said something along the lines of I guess.
After I finished eating dinner, I stopped by another bathroom, because my bladder was uncomfortably demanding I go again (I'm pretty sure I may have a mild UTI and maybe some minor dehydration, but without checking with a doctor it's hard to be sure). While in the bathroom, I grew uncomfortably cold. I walked back to the table, where Ace was still eating, and he handed me the key to the truck and told me to go ahead and go out (apparently I looked like I was needing to lay down). I made it to the truck and wrapped up in my blanket, but I couldn't seem to get myself to lay down and be comfortable.
So, I decided to sit in the front seat and watch for Ace (even though he was going to text me when he was on his way). I got out a slightly garbled text to let Ace know I wasn't feeling good (the word throw came out as hrpw), and then I was opening the door to throw up on the ground/steps to the truck. Ace then told me to grab the trash can (too late). He bought me some peppermints and some Pepto Bismol before he came out to the truck. Unfortunately for him, the sight, sound, and smell of vomit causes him to respond in a like manner, so neither of us got to actually digest the meal he had just bought for us. While he was recovering from his reaction to my stomach's protest, I suddenly had to rush back inside.
Apparently, my body was not satisfied with just throwing up. All I will say is that I felt amazingly better after and was just tired. The Pepto at the least didn't hurt my now calm stomach. And I slept until the alarm for us getting up and taking a shower went off this morning at 6:30.
While my stomach is still acting a bit more queasy than I'd like, I seem to be only tired at this point. And I will admit that sometimes my stomach can't quite differentiate between hunger and nausea (after last night, I'm being extra cautious). I don't think Ace has much of a problem with that. The only good thing is that I know it wasn't food poisoning because I threw up a bit too soon for that to be the case. Just my stomach being very unhappy.
And now for another peppermint, because this is not helping my stomach calm down.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Unnamed Trucking Company Letter
Dear Unnamed Trucking Company,
I am sorry that my existence seems to be troubling your lives lately. I know that it's frustrating that I want my husband to actually have some time off. I mean, in your eyes, he's had time off as recently as April and what does he need more time off for anyway?
The thing is, he hasn't really had time off since March. When we took a few days to visit some friends. In April, we were trying to get the truck fixed. And that didn't really happen until we were back on the yard and supervising the fixing ourselves. Even then, we left with one of the main problems still unfixed (unbeknownst to us at the time).
However, it is our 10th anniversary in just over a week. I have demanded only one thing: not to be on the truck (or in a car, really) on our anniversary. It's really the simplest demand possible. I'm fairly sure most wives demand something more impressive for their 10th anniversary, but my desires right now are fairly simple. We even gave you at least most of June for notice that we wanted time off around then and where we wanted to go.
The fact that this notice did not seem to be enough for you is hardly my fault. My husband cannot go back in time to change our anniversary for you. And he wouldn't even if he could.
While we are off the truck, we will be talking with another company. They seem to treat their drivers better, and that appeals to us right now. How things go from there partially depends on their answers and partially on how close to our anniversary it gets before we get off the truck. There are a few other factors, but those are some of the stronger ones right now.
So, Unnamed Trucking Company, maybe in the future you should remember that your drivers are people. They have lives outside their job for you. And if you keep treating them badly, it's not going to go well for your company in the future. After all, truck drivers are smart enough to know when they are being shafted and to ask drivers from other companies how that company treats their drivers.
Cordially,
M.A. Smith
I am sorry that my existence seems to be troubling your lives lately. I know that it's frustrating that I want my husband to actually have some time off. I mean, in your eyes, he's had time off as recently as April and what does he need more time off for anyway?
The thing is, he hasn't really had time off since March. When we took a few days to visit some friends. In April, we were trying to get the truck fixed. And that didn't really happen until we were back on the yard and supervising the fixing ourselves. Even then, we left with one of the main problems still unfixed (unbeknownst to us at the time).
However, it is our 10th anniversary in just over a week. I have demanded only one thing: not to be on the truck (or in a car, really) on our anniversary. It's really the simplest demand possible. I'm fairly sure most wives demand something more impressive for their 10th anniversary, but my desires right now are fairly simple. We even gave you at least most of June for notice that we wanted time off around then and where we wanted to go.
The fact that this notice did not seem to be enough for you is hardly my fault. My husband cannot go back in time to change our anniversary for you. And he wouldn't even if he could.
While we are off the truck, we will be talking with another company. They seem to treat their drivers better, and that appeals to us right now. How things go from there partially depends on their answers and partially on how close to our anniversary it gets before we get off the truck. There are a few other factors, but those are some of the stronger ones right now.
So, Unnamed Trucking Company, maybe in the future you should remember that your drivers are people. They have lives outside their job for you. And if you keep treating them badly, it's not going to go well for your company in the future. After all, truck drivers are smart enough to know when they are being shafted and to ask drivers from other companies how that company treats their drivers.
Cordially,
M.A. Smith
Friday, June 14, 2013
Why We Are Considering a Change
One of the reasons we are considering a change of places of employment for Ace is how much he's being annoyed by, well, frankly everyone but his driving manager and about two other people (one of whom he hardly ever talks to, so there's that).
Case in point: On Wednesday, we get up at 2 am to deliver a load at 7 am. We finally get to leave with an empty trailer at 10:10 am. By the time we're done with sending off our load sheets (so we can get paid) and doing a post trip inspection (or PTI), it is about noon. When we get done with our trailer being unloaded, we have to send something off via the Qualcom (basically a computer with very limited things it can do) to the company to tell them what time it is, when we will be available for dispatch, how much unloading was, all that fun stuff. We wanted a day and a half to just relax and not deal with anyone at the company, so we put in Friday (today) at 8 am for when we would be available.
Somehow, the system didn't show that we had a trailer, despite one being put in on the unloaded message. That is potentially a glitch. That is only minorly an issue in this story.
So, the planner, doing his job, re-entered stuff in for us having the trailer. Only he didn't pay any attention to when we said we would be available for dispatch. So he sent us a load yesterday and called to let us know. Then he proceeded to interrupt Ace every time he tried to talk after Ace told him that he was planning on taking yesterday off. He proclaimed that Ace had had a day off Wednesday (since when is a 10 hour day a day off?) and that he had hours he could drive.
Nicely, Ace's driving manager was able to go talk to the guy, get us back off that load and point out that he was the reason he was seeing us as available when we had originally said we wouldn't be. A few hours later, we got a different load assignment, but before Ace could accept it, he was sent a message saying that it was for a different driver. This morning, after leaving us waiting for a while, he sent a message asking if Ace was ready yet. We are both annoyed with that planner, as he seems to barely be doing his job (The last time we had him planning something for us, he didn't send us a plan until after we dropped off a load that we had all day to deliver, so we wanted to know when we would pick up and where as we could wait to deliver until close to pick up time. We ended up wasting quite a few hours that day sitting around because of that.).
So, with the diminishing respect for anyone who works in the offices, it is not very surprising that we are considering a change. Preferably to a company that we haven't heard any complaints about thus far (in fact, we've only heard good things about them, even by their own drivers).
Case in point: On Wednesday, we get up at 2 am to deliver a load at 7 am. We finally get to leave with an empty trailer at 10:10 am. By the time we're done with sending off our load sheets (so we can get paid) and doing a post trip inspection (or PTI), it is about noon. When we get done with our trailer being unloaded, we have to send something off via the Qualcom (basically a computer with very limited things it can do) to the company to tell them what time it is, when we will be available for dispatch, how much unloading was, all that fun stuff. We wanted a day and a half to just relax and not deal with anyone at the company, so we put in Friday (today) at 8 am for when we would be available.
Somehow, the system didn't show that we had a trailer, despite one being put in on the unloaded message. That is potentially a glitch. That is only minorly an issue in this story.
So, the planner, doing his job, re-entered stuff in for us having the trailer. Only he didn't pay any attention to when we said we would be available for dispatch. So he sent us a load yesterday and called to let us know. Then he proceeded to interrupt Ace every time he tried to talk after Ace told him that he was planning on taking yesterday off. He proclaimed that Ace had had a day off Wednesday (since when is a 10 hour day a day off?) and that he had hours he could drive.
Nicely, Ace's driving manager was able to go talk to the guy, get us back off that load and point out that he was the reason he was seeing us as available when we had originally said we wouldn't be. A few hours later, we got a different load assignment, but before Ace could accept it, he was sent a message saying that it was for a different driver. This morning, after leaving us waiting for a while, he sent a message asking if Ace was ready yet. We are both annoyed with that planner, as he seems to barely be doing his job (The last time we had him planning something for us, he didn't send us a plan until after we dropped off a load that we had all day to deliver, so we wanted to know when we would pick up and where as we could wait to deliver until close to pick up time. We ended up wasting quite a few hours that day sitting around because of that.).
So, with the diminishing respect for anyone who works in the offices, it is not very surprising that we are considering a change. Preferably to a company that we haven't heard any complaints about thus far (in fact, we've only heard good things about them, even by their own drivers).
Sunday, May 26, 2013
I Don't Even Know Any More
This past month has been awkward for me. I have never wanted to say "I quit" more. And I'm not really sure what it is that I want to quit. Because it's not my marriage. Nor is it being on the truck.
I think we are both done with this company. I'm impressed Ace has made it this long. We're going to talk to another company Tuesday to find out a few things (like if it would be better to wait until he has a year under his belt before switching).
I'd like to blame it on this being May, but I doubt that's the issue.
I'm ready for a break. We aren't planning one for almost two weeks. But I'm ready for a break.
I think we are both done with this company. I'm impressed Ace has made it this long. We're going to talk to another company Tuesday to find out a few things (like if it would be better to wait until he has a year under his belt before switching).
I'd like to blame it on this being May, but I doubt that's the issue.
I'm ready for a break. We aren't planning one for almost two weeks. But I'm ready for a break.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Dear Life...
Dear Life,
Hi. How are you? Doing well? I ask because I'm concerned.
It seems that you seem to think I did something with your spouse. Or at least that's how you are treating me. Given that lately I've barely had the time/the inclination to do things with my spouse, it seems unreasonable to think I'm doing something with yours.
I don't even know if you have a spouse. I'm not sure I care.
Please give me a break and bother someone else. Or better yet, follow Wil Wheaton's advice: Don't be a dick.
And now, I'm going to go back to trying to forget how much I'd like to be at the end of my day. Because it seems to be a bit far away right now.
Signed,
M.A. Smith
Hi. How are you? Doing well? I ask because I'm concerned.
It seems that you seem to think I did something with your spouse. Or at least that's how you are treating me. Given that lately I've barely had the time/the inclination to do things with my spouse, it seems unreasonable to think I'm doing something with yours.
I don't even know if you have a spouse. I'm not sure I care.
Please give me a break and bother someone else. Or better yet, follow Wil Wheaton's advice: Don't be a dick.
And now, I'm going to go back to trying to forget how much I'd like to be at the end of my day. Because it seems to be a bit far away right now.
Signed,
M.A. Smith
Monday, May 13, 2013
I am starting to be able to tell which bathrooms had a woman's help in planning them and which a woman was only consulted to make sure nothing was missing.
To explain, there have been multiple bathrooms I've been in where the trash can for feminine hygiene products was behind the head of the person going to the bathroom. Until today, I didn't use one while on my period. Not that it's stopped me from thinking it was a dumb design before today. Today, it just made me want to scream. Because what woman, while dealing with cramps, wants to have to figure out how to avoid blood dripping off a tampon and onto her clothes?
Whoever designed that bathroom clearly was just trying to cram as many stalls in, and had to have someone (probably a woman) point out that they were missing something from the stalls. With no extra space on the walls (except next to the toilet paper, which would have made more sense), they put it the only place they thought made sense. Behind the woman's head/shoulders.
Yes, I am feeling disgruntled about it. After last month, where my body decided to play with what it was doing, it has decided to bleed like a stuck pig this month. Meaning I've had my period for less than 7 hours and have already had to change my tampon twice. There is a reason I'm eating a king size bag of M&Ms and following it up with a regular sized bag.
So, whoever is designing stalls for women's bathrooms, I implore you. Do not make a woman suffer more when she is on her period. Especially if she lives in a truck. Her life is already hard enough. Make the bathroom as pleasant an experience as you can.
And now I'll go back to eating my chocolate. Because chocolate understands me today. And it thinks my jeans are evil too (Ace claims pants aren't evil, but he doesn't have cramps).
To explain, there have been multiple bathrooms I've been in where the trash can for feminine hygiene products was behind the head of the person going to the bathroom. Until today, I didn't use one while on my period. Not that it's stopped me from thinking it was a dumb design before today. Today, it just made me want to scream. Because what woman, while dealing with cramps, wants to have to figure out how to avoid blood dripping off a tampon and onto her clothes?
Whoever designed that bathroom clearly was just trying to cram as many stalls in, and had to have someone (probably a woman) point out that they were missing something from the stalls. With no extra space on the walls (except next to the toilet paper, which would have made more sense), they put it the only place they thought made sense. Behind the woman's head/shoulders.
Yes, I am feeling disgruntled about it. After last month, where my body decided to play with what it was doing, it has decided to bleed like a stuck pig this month. Meaning I've had my period for less than 7 hours and have already had to change my tampon twice. There is a reason I'm eating a king size bag of M&Ms and following it up with a regular sized bag.
So, whoever is designing stalls for women's bathrooms, I implore you. Do not make a woman suffer more when she is on her period. Especially if she lives in a truck. Her life is already hard enough. Make the bathroom as pleasant an experience as you can.
And now I'll go back to eating my chocolate. Because chocolate understands me today. And it thinks my jeans are evil too (Ace claims pants aren't evil, but he doesn't have cramps).
Sunday, May 12, 2013
I'm Hiding Today
Today is one of those days I have mixed emotions about. Most of them have to do with hiding from anything proclaiming anything about Mother's Day and waiting it out until tomorrow, when I'm safe from all the commotion for until next year.
It's also my mother's birthday today. This only complicates my feelings for today.
On the plus side, Ace is wonderful. He is fine with me ignoring that it's Mother's Day. He's fine with buying me chocolate/sweets/whatever and letting me hide away from the world. He understands why I flinch, mentally, at the reminders.
I hope that if you are a mother, you have a wonderful day. Don't let my issues with the day ruin your day. Celebrate. Take a day off or spend it with your children or celebrate however you want.
As for me, I think I'll spend part of the day eating the Swedish Fish Ace bought for me. He really is the best husband ever.
And hiding. Because avoiding the reminders is better than flinching all day.
It's also my mother's birthday today. This only complicates my feelings for today.
On the plus side, Ace is wonderful. He is fine with me ignoring that it's Mother's Day. He's fine with buying me chocolate/sweets/whatever and letting me hide away from the world. He understands why I flinch, mentally, at the reminders.
I hope that if you are a mother, you have a wonderful day. Don't let my issues with the day ruin your day. Celebrate. Take a day off or spend it with your children or celebrate however you want.
As for me, I think I'll spend part of the day eating the Swedish Fish Ace bought for me. He really is the best husband ever.
And hiding. Because avoiding the reminders is better than flinching all day.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Depression Sucks Enough On Its Own
Lately, I've seen a few things about depression online and they've got me thinking. The talented Allie of Hyperbole and a Half wrote about her long, staggering bout of depression that she's still getting over. And I'm glad she is.
On Tumblr, I read about people who are being treated as not in need of help because while they are depressed, they don't self harm.
And I find that to be hurtful. Just because I don't wear physical scars does not mean that I've not got scars on my mind. Depression is not something to ignore just because I don't react the way that someone else expects me to.
I imagine that everyone who suffers from depression long term comes to a point where they want to give up. I did. It was difficult to just keep doing the very little that I was doing. And the only thing that provided me with hope each week was prayer night (praying for a local ministry). The only reason I didn't end up just laying in bed for about a month straight (other than trips to the bathroom) was because of prayer night.
But I didn't hurt myself. The worst I did was not eat enough. I ended up losing 15 pounds because of it.
I spent days laying in bed, watching tv, not caring about anything. I had no passion. And the only times I felt normal were times Ace was home from driving.
I needed help. I needed someone to know that I needed help and to get it for me, because I wasn't comfortable asking for it.
I hate to think that if someone had gotten me the help I desperately needed (and wanted) that I would have been turned away because I wasn't harming myself. I hate to think that we don't take depression seriously as a problem unless someone is harming themselves or considering suicide. I hate to think that we are hurting people that are already hurting because we don't believe them when they say that want help because they aren't doing what we expect them to.
We need to remember that people have emotional and mental scars too. That not all scars are physical. That someone can be hurting or numb and need help without any outward signs.
I am glad Allie got help. I wish I had gotten help. I'm thankful for the people who reminded me of my blessings when I couldn't see them (by asking what was going on in my life). And I hope that we can help people more often when they are hurting this way.
On Tumblr, I read about people who are being treated as not in need of help because while they are depressed, they don't self harm.
And I find that to be hurtful. Just because I don't wear physical scars does not mean that I've not got scars on my mind. Depression is not something to ignore just because I don't react the way that someone else expects me to.
I imagine that everyone who suffers from depression long term comes to a point where they want to give up. I did. It was difficult to just keep doing the very little that I was doing. And the only thing that provided me with hope each week was prayer night (praying for a local ministry). The only reason I didn't end up just laying in bed for about a month straight (other than trips to the bathroom) was because of prayer night.
But I didn't hurt myself. The worst I did was not eat enough. I ended up losing 15 pounds because of it.
I spent days laying in bed, watching tv, not caring about anything. I had no passion. And the only times I felt normal were times Ace was home from driving.
I needed help. I needed someone to know that I needed help and to get it for me, because I wasn't comfortable asking for it.
I hate to think that if someone had gotten me the help I desperately needed (and wanted) that I would have been turned away because I wasn't harming myself. I hate to think that we don't take depression seriously as a problem unless someone is harming themselves or considering suicide. I hate to think that we are hurting people that are already hurting because we don't believe them when they say that want help because they aren't doing what we expect them to.
We need to remember that people have emotional and mental scars too. That not all scars are physical. That someone can be hurting or numb and need help without any outward signs.
I am glad Allie got help. I wish I had gotten help. I'm thankful for the people who reminded me of my blessings when I couldn't see them (by asking what was going on in my life). And I hope that we can help people more often when they are hurting this way.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
On the Road Again
Ace and I have been on the road again since Saturday evening. And after a few days of not quite enough sleep all at once, I am finally mostly able to not feel like my mind is fuzzy. I'm still tired, but my thoughts aren't quite so mixed up.
The problem is that right now there is little to talk about. Exhaustion does not make me creative or provide many interesting stories. And my current description of Louisiana would include how dark it is (at night), that we could see trees even in the dark, and that we did a lot of waiting for loads to be loaded or unloaded. Not exactly the most accurate description. (The shipper for our current load was supposed to start loading the trailer we were picking up at 5 pm and be done by roughly 10 pm, which is a long time to take to load a trailer. They were done at 5:26 am. And the only explanation we got was that they were running behind.)
On the plus side, we are earning some money. On the minus side, we are both tired and already ready for a break (because Ace didn't really get one when he was supposed to). And we have no idea where we are supposed to be heading after we drop off this trailer tonight, at least we don't yet.
Sometimes, trucking sucks.
The problem is that right now there is little to talk about. Exhaustion does not make me creative or provide many interesting stories. And my current description of Louisiana would include how dark it is (at night), that we could see trees even in the dark, and that we did a lot of waiting for loads to be loaded or unloaded. Not exactly the most accurate description. (The shipper for our current load was supposed to start loading the trailer we were picking up at 5 pm and be done by roughly 10 pm, which is a long time to take to load a trailer. They were done at 5:26 am. And the only explanation we got was that they were running behind.)
On the plus side, we are earning some money. On the minus side, we are both tired and already ready for a break (because Ace didn't really get one when he was supposed to). And we have no idea where we are supposed to be heading after we drop off this trailer tonight, at least we don't yet.
Sometimes, trucking sucks.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Waiting Still
I'm still alive. Hopefully, I'll be joining Ace on the truck soon. As it is, I'm still waiting for him to get close enough.
And maybe someday, I'll start trying to figure out why I seem to ignore this blog for a week and a half sometimes.
And maybe someday, I'll start trying to figure out why I seem to ignore this blog for a week and a half sometimes.
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