A Wrinkle in Time

Ace and I watched A Wrinkle in Time this evening. And now I want to talk about it.

It seems that Meg is depressed. Which might be why she doesn't care that she doesn't really seem to have friends. But, as Mrs. Who tells her, "The wound is the place where the light enters you." (Original quote by Rumi.) And a vast majority of the movie is Meg dealing with her wound.

Along the way, she has to learn how to find a middle ground, how to be afraid but find out the answer anyway, to trust that her flaws have good things, and ultimately to love herself as she is.

As someone who occasionally battles with depression, this movie speaks to me. Meg fighting for Charles Wallace seemed to me to be Meg fighting with her own depression, to make it through to love herself and save her brother. And her stubborn nature got her to rescue her father and then save her brother.

I won't pretend that the movie doesn't change things from the book, it clearly does. The only time Aunt Beast shows up is in a vision between the Happy Medium and Meg. They drop the twins. Charles Wallace is adopted.

That said, it is still a good movie. And it is worth watching.

Let's Be Honest Here

Note: I haven't posted in forever, I know. I don't even know what I last wrote about, and I know at one point I promised funny stories about trucking. This is not that post. I don't know if that post will ever exist, because sometimes that is how my life goes. I have these good intentions, and then other things become urgent and important (not the same thing, by the way) and they take over everything. (End random semi-explanation, start actual post)

I'm getting more honest with myself. We were watching a documentary on Netflix about Tony Robbins (called Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru). I realized that if I had been there, the biggest thing I want to change in my life does not have to do with our finances (even though I want them to change) or the fact that we are still not parents yet (I realized how much of a blessing that has been the last few years, even though I've been wanting to be a mom through them all). The biggest thing I want to change in my life is to stop hating myself.

I don't always hate myself. In fact, I'm often fond of me. I know I have my issues, but I am working on them. I am not just settling and declaring myself done with growing.

But then there are those days. The ones that I spend the whole day wanting to go lay back down because being upright is just so pointless. The ones where I feel like I can do nothing right and all the mistakes I've made in the past two or three years come back to haunt me. And the memories won't shut up. Depression tries to come back.

And on those days, I hate myself. For feeling week enough to believe the lies that depression makes. For believing the harmful things that my mother said so many years ago are things that are still true. For not loving myself enough.

I don't want to hurt myself, even on those bad days. But depression isn't about physical pain, although there is usually some of that with the emotional pain. I just want to lay down and not move, because it feels like there is no point.

I am thankful for my husband, who doesn't let me dwell in the pain and spiraling lies. He brings me food and does whatever he can to make me laugh. He hugs me and gives me the love I can't seem to give myself. He won't leave me alone in my pain, which is the best thing for me, despite depression telling me that I don't deserve these things.

I want to stop hating myself. I want to love me, even on bad days. If I do, maybe they won't be so bad. I want to know, without a doubt, that I am better than all those bad thoughts tell me I am. And most days, I do feel that way. And I am so thankful for that.

I am stronger than I think.

And so are you.

Harry Potter Post 3

We have now made it through the first three Harry Potter books. We're in the middle of watching the 6th movie (we were watching it, but then had to stop to drive for several hours, so we'll finish it later). And we're both really interested in what is going to happen.

I did have to look up Luna Lovegood to see if she lives, because I like the character, but didn't want to commit to loving her if she was just going to break my heart by dying. I've been hurt by fictional characters enough. But she lives, so it's all good. I can love my fellow random person.

I am now trying to figure out why Professor Slughorn's name is so familiar, without looking it up. It's kind of annoying me. (And I'm probably going to look it up here in a moment.)

As I told Ace last night, the magic will never end, because we (or I) can always reread the books or re-watch the movies.

And I think I'm done with my random, barely coherent post. I think Luna has rubbed off more than I expected.

Hurry Up and Wait

Once again, we are waiting for our load to be ready (it's loaded, but there is a potential quality control issue). On the plus side, we know where we are stopping at night. Unfortunately, we aren't getting the one thing that is still not right on our truck fixed until who knows when. Which sucks, because until then we are having to idle more to control the temperature in the truck.

Anyway.

In the mean time, Ace and I have bought a lot of movies lately. We bought 13 in the past 48 hours. And now, Ace is watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time. Ever. And I haven't seen any past the second or third (I've read the first 4 books, but stopped there. The last decade was weird for me.).

It's exciting. At least for me.

And now, back to the movie for me.

The World Has Ended!

Just in case I was wrong, I'm writing a post about the end of the world. My biggest regrets: Not seeing The Hobbit and not getting to spend the last days of my life with my husband.

Okay, I would seriously hate both those things, but likely I just forgot that I put this on the schedule for today and I'm fine. Hopefully I'll remember to post after this to prove that I'm fine.

So, the world has ended. That sucks. Maybe it's not a full ending, but the Mayans have come back as zombies to take over and punish us for them all dying off. Maybe my imagination is sometimes morbid. I blame all the cop shows on TV and my love of watching them.

If Sherlock Holmes was real, I'd ask that he try to figure out how I died. I'm betting on either eaten by zombies (or would they avoid smart people?) or run over by some vehicle. If the Avengers were real, I'd ask them to avenge me (and if they can, the thousands of other people who have died as well).

And now, I'd like to thank the following people (or former people, depending on the nature of the end of the world) for making things rock and making things that rock: Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Wil "Don't be a dick" Wheaton, Martin Freeman, Benedict Cumberbatch, Julie Garwood, John Green, Hank Green, the George Lucas who shot the original Star Wars trilogy, the cast and crew of Firefly, Joss Whedon, the cast and crew of the Avengers, the cast and crew of any show/movie/comic/whatever that Joss Whedon worked on, Mark Gatiss, Steven Moffat, the cast and crew of Doctor Who, the people of ThinkGeek, my fellow bloggers, Ace, my family, my friends, and God.

That list is not in order of my gratitude. And it does not fully express my fangirl crushes on Martin Freeman (Seriously, one of the best actors, with one of the filthiest mouths, around. I've crushed on him since I saw him in Love, Actually.), Neil Gaiman (His writing is enough to make me like him, but his encouragement of writers has me seriously crushing on him), or Benedict Cumberbatch (Have you heard his voice? Or seen him? Or seen him acting? Or heard his lisp? There was no hope for me not having a crush!). Or how much I like stuff that Joss Whedon is a part of (Buffy the Vampire Slayer [show and movie], Angel, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, The Avengers, Serenity, and I'm sure Dollhouse, when I finally watch it).

I shall miss all this stuff. Unless I'm still alive and just forgot about this post. In which case, I hope everyone ignores all this random stuff I'm saying, and instead sends me chocolate. (Don't ignore the plea for chocolate.)

Hello from NW Arkansas

So, I am now living with my dad and step-mom. Unfortunately, there have been issues. Not so much with anyone living here. With Ace's truck. He was supposed to be back in it yesterday. Instead, it's in the shop. While Ace is enjoying having time off, we do need him making money again soon.

However, I refuse to let him drive when it isn't safe, and it currently wouldn't be safe to drive his truck. The back light on his gauges works as long as his headlights aren't on. Which is a problem for driving at night. The truck still hasn't been even checked out.

So, we are waiting. And dealing with living in a full house.

On the other hand, I've finally seen The Dark Knight Rises. And I've got nothing to say about the ending, but that I giggled through it. (And how did I forget that Ra's had a daughter? I knew that!)

So, yeah. Life is weird right now.

10 Things About Me

Today, I am coming at you with a random list of things about me.

1. Today I got a new cell phone that I will be using for about a month. It's a pay as you go phone, so it's not quite what Ace and I would have picked for me, but my grandmother bought it and mailed it so I would have a phone. I hope she doesn't get too upset when it gets replaced next month.

2. As much as I've heard good things about The Avengers movie, I won't likely be seeing it in theaters. I only go to see certain movies in the theater, and I have two of those types coming out this year (Batman and The Hobbit). I will eagerly watch it when it comes on DVD.

3. I have only intentionally gone to see 1 movie at the theaters more than once. I don't count seeing Dinosaur (the Disney movie) on a big screen twice, because I wouldn't have picked that movie to see a second time. Serenity, however, was intentionally seen twice on the big screen. I still wish I could have seen it at least once more.

4. I once accidentally saw The Breakup because the group I was with went into the wrong theater. We weren't happy about mixing up our movies and none of us really cared for The Breakup. I was surprised and kind of pleased at the ending though (it was a nice change from what I was expecting).

5. I currently have tan lines from my socks. I never thought I'd wear shorts outside often enough to get tan lines in the first half of May. I can also see where my watch sits, even though it's off my wrist more than half the time.

6. Getting over heat exhaustion has been so weird. I get hot easier than I'd like. I've been tired more than I thought possible. A short trip out of the house can tire me completely. And for some reason, my back is protesting everything right now.

7. I have been getting annoyed with way too many stupid things lately. I think the heat has shortened my temper a bit. And I find that annoying!

8. I still haven't read a western, but I think I've read just about every other genre of fiction. For the most part, I like them all.

9. This year, I've been too busy thinking about driving a truck to think about Mother's Day. I'm surprisingly okay with that. (I did get cards for my mother-in-law and my step-mom. I'm not quite that far out of the loop.)

10. This year, for the first time ever, I got heat rash. My arms are finally starting to look mostly normal and my neck doesn't seem to have bumps all over it. Ace is already mentally preparing himself to do most of the outside work in the heat. He's a smart man.

NaBloPoMo Day 27

Ace, Taz (my new friend, called the name she gave me permission to use), and I watched Avatar Friday night. Her kids were spending the night with their grandparents and we hung out and watched a movie. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the movie.

I had heard that it was about being green, and I guess that message was in the movie some, but it wasn't the message that hit me. Instead, I was surprised at how much the political message that was much more obvious seemed so appropriate. It surprised me how much I don't think about where our troops go and what the culture is like there.

I know that in Iraq there are families. They are probably fairly similar to the ones I grew up seeing on TV. They are trying to live their lives and walk their faith. And then we come in and fight a war in their country or try to convince them to change to a lifestyle we are more comfortable with.

We don't consider what is special to them. We think we are superior just because we are different and live in a generally more developed nation. We don't listen to them to find out what is important or why they would want to live the way they are. We don't show them respect. And then we wonder why we are hated as a nation.

I don't know that those families in Iraq are right. I don't know that they are wrong. I just know that they are different in ways that probably don't matter. I know that we should show other people, other cultures, and other nations respect. Who is to say that we are right? What if we are wrong?

There are always two sides to every story. Both sides think they are right, or at least less wrong. Maybe it's time we start listening to both sides before we decide.

Alice

Yesterday, Ace and I watched Alice.

Alice is a very interesting if slightly skewed look at Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Instead of playing cards, they have men in suits (with card suits and numbers on their suits). Instead of a walrus, there is a guy who sort of looks like a walrus.

Alice accidentally falls into Wonderland while trying to rescue her boyfriend. In her efforts to find her boyfriend, she meets the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter helps Alice in her quest for reasons of his own.

I don't want to give a lot of details, but it was definitely a movie I'd recommend. I cheered for Alice to help save Wonderland and find love.

And now I'm off to find out if Primeval is a series I'd be interested in, because I'd like to see Andrew Lee Potts as something other than the Mad Hatter.

And the Wackiness Continues

People, it's been wacky over here for me.

Last night, I was up until 4 am. You would think that I'd be exhausted today, dragging myself out of bed and forcing myself to stay up until tonight so I start sleeping like a normal person. You would be wrong. I don't know if it's the extremely warm weather (It's in the 70s with a high in the 80s. It's fantastic for me, but really wacky too.) or if it was the movie last night or what is going on, but I'm feeling wide awake and wonderful and like I've finally gotten enough sleep.

I'm still not interested in even coming near chicken, but my stomach seems happy again. And while I totally enjoyed my movie last night, I only teared up a little at the scene where the shop is closed for good.

So, after a few days of really odd behavior, I'm still experiencing odd behavior (but it's positive odd behavior, so I'll take it).

Just so long as nobody tries to make me feel bad for putting soap in my dishwasher a while before planning on running it, we'll all be good (weird dream).

TTFN!

Confusion

My body and I are on different wave lengths right now. It wants to sleep, can't stand the thought of chicken, and oddly would like me to watch You've Got Mail and cry.

I would like to stop feeling so tired, usually love chicken, and actually wouldn't mind crying at You've Got Mail (okay, we agree on one thing). Except that I really want to skip some of the movie, because I think it's entirely too embarrassing (I get embarrassed on behalf of a fictional character. It's ridiculous!).

On the plus side, egg rolls seem to be fine.

And the longer I wait, the more I think I know what may be the cause. And the more that happens, the more I'm slightly nervous, because I'm not sure I'm ready for my dreams to start coming true (I'm not 28 yet, right? I'm 23 and a newlywed, right? What do you mean the wedding was 5 and 1/2 years ago?). And while that would make me extremely happy, the idea is freaking me out some right now (it's the unknown aspects that have me freaking, I can promise you that).

So, tonight I focus on egg rolls and movies and potentially crying. And tomorrow, I deal with what comes then. And the same for every day after.

TTFN!

Quick Turn Around

I know I just asked for suggestions, but then I read some things that got my brain working and wanting to write.

1. Emma Thompson rocks! She is proud to be a normal sized woman (not someone who fits into a size 2 and feels fat because of it). Plus, she is a really good actress. And she's good at adapting books into movies. Basically, she really rocks! And she looks great for someone who is 50 (and she's still acting as a romantic lead!).

2. There are men out there who feel that it is okay to poke fun at famous women who have normal body sizes. The ones who are curvy and not rail-thin. They try to claim that these women should be spending hours in the gym working off their curves because they don't look like every other woman in Hollywood. These guys are jerks.

Because of these two things, I started thinking of how women are seen. I know that I need to lose weight, my belly is obviously not appropriate on my body and my thighs could stand to shed some weight too. I'm not happy to be in a size 14 jeans (although, I did find out that I need to wear petite in size 14 to not be too long for my legs and I don't know how I feel about this).

But, when I am in a size 10 (which is what I wore when Ace and I got married), I feel sexy. I have curves and I'm proud of those curves. My hips are made for having babies and my chest is made for providing nourishment. Those things make me proud of my curves. The fact that those curves are part of what attracted my husband to me (and help keep him interested) makes me appreciate them all the more. I understand that thin is in, but not every woman was built to be thin. I was built for curves. My body was designed to have a landscape to it. And that is something that I think should be represented more in movies and on TV. We need to show everyone, but especially young girls that it is normal to have curves and not diet yourself to thinness just because that is some what celebrities do.

These thoughts make me wonder what all I'll have to tell any girls I have. How loud will I have to speak to let them know that just because Hollywood and magazines tell them that they should be as tiny as they can be that it's okay to have a curvy body, it's natural, normal, and it won't stop them from finding love? And can't we change what is being said by Hollywood and those magazines now, before I have to struggle with this problem, when I'm the only one who I have to say these things to?

Marilyn Monroe was a size 10 (at least, that's what I've read) and she was a sex symbol. If 10 is good enough for Marilyn, it's good enough for me.

Besides, curvy women are extremely sexy (at least, that's what Ace says).

TTFN!

P.S.: "No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty. Even if they aren't." - Marilyn Monroe

Freaky

And now, the winner for the freakiest thing I've done lately (possibly ever)...

Randomly crying when Ace made a joke earlier.

I was practically bawling. And the only thing to blame is hormones, because normally I would have rolled my eyes or laughed and moved on with my day.

I'm still wondering about what could have possibly set me off like that. On the plus side, I felt better afterward (when I calmed back down and we watched Johnny Dangerously).

I'm just wondering if this has anything to do with me tearing up at holiday commercials and Christmas specials (I teared up while watching Frosty and Crystal get married, which is a somewhat silly thing to tear up over).

Ace is starting to wonder if I might be pregnant (my period isn't due to start for another 24-72 hours). I'm just wondering if I'm getting all emotional like I did when I was a teenager (The week before my period, anything could make me cry or make me angry for no real reason. I scared my dad a couple of times by crying at one of his jokes because he had bad timing.) and am really hoping that I'm not. It wasn't fun the first time around and it hasn't happened in years.

So, yeah, I'm trying not to be freaked out by my random emotional outburst earlier and have moved on to trying to joke about it. I'm not sure that any of this is reassuring Ace that his wife is still sane.

If you have any suggestions on what could help me continue to be sane, please let me know.

Inspirational Movies

I started to write about my shoulder and all the stuff that I'm tired of talking about, and it hit me that I need to focus on something else. So, I decided to write about movies that I find inspirational.

1. Remember the Titans - a story about football that is really about not judging people based on their skin color (or anything else). It's about a group of boys who learn to become men, at least most of them do. And it's a good lesson for today even.

2. Serenity - a story about doing the right thing, even when it costs. It's about not giving up just because the other side has more power and more people. It about the fact that sometimes the truth is more important than the life of the individual. And sometimes, the government is wrong and doesn't want to admit it.

3. The Rookie - a story about making your dreams come true. And not giving up just because you think you've passed your dreams by. Pursue you dreams because they will not just be handed to you.

4. Major League: Back to the Minors - okay, I know that there are a lot of sports movies on here, but sports movies are rather inspiring. A story about pushing yourself to greatness and not giving up until you get there. And that you can learn something from anyone.

Well, this is where I'm left for now. These are movies that inspire me. What movies inspire you?

Heat and Randomness

I'm feeling hot and my mind isn't focusing on anything I want to write about (I'm getting tired of mentioning that I'm waiting). So, I'm going to go with random stuff.

1. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde - I forgot how good this movie is, even though the main character is silly and seems rather stupid. Elle is actually really smart, at least she is when it matters (and apparently fashion knowledge will help anywhere, even Congress).

2. I'm for equal pay for men and women for doing the same job. I'm not for the idea that men suck and women rule (because, actually, both genders can suck and both can rule).

3. Why is my bedroom at 78 degrees? No wonder I'm feeling hot! The fan is on, but it's not helping enough. Am I putting off enough extra heat to make me this miserable?

4. The a/c had to be nudged to cool down the room I'm sitting in. Because my comfort is more important than the dog's. Besides, he's probably warm with all that fur anyway.

5. Um, have I mentioned that I'm warm? And that's zapped any and all other thoughts out of my head? Oh, yeah... that's been the theme of the last 2 points too.

6. I'd like to go by the library, but I'm in the middle of at least 7 books (possibly more) that I own, so I think I should finish some of those first. I want to go to the library to look for books by Erma Bombeck, because I know that I will enjoy them (I have in the past).

Yeah, I think I've been random enough (or ranted about the heat enough). I'm going to go back to either books or logic problems (probably the logic problems).

TTFN!

The Dark Knight

Well, I got to see The Dark Knight last night.

I'm not sure there are words to describe how I feel now. I'm in awe.

It was a wonderful movie. The visual effects were wonderful. Heath Ledger did a wonderful job, and I wish he were around to be in one in the future. But, I could see how playing a character like that could take a lot out of him emotionally. Who could work so long playing someone so insane without it taking a toll.

Christian Bale plays Batman and Bruce Wayne wonderfully. The way he changes his voice between Batman and Bruce Wayne was inspired. It helps to distinguish between the two, while helping to hide who Bruce Wayne really is from Batman's allies.

Aaron Eckhart did well as Harvey Dent. He was impressive as a heroic figure. I only have one minor complaint, but I don't want to spoil the ending for anyone. And, they could correct my complaint in a future movie.

Overall, the movie was worth the wait. Of course, I've been waiting since I first heard it was coming out, but it was worth the wait.

TTFN!

One Word

BATMAN!

Obsession?

Tonight, the plan is to go see The Dark Knight. Around 11:30, hopefully, we'll leave our house to go to the theater to see the 12:01 or 12:02 showing.

If we don't make it to see the movie tonight, we're waiting until next Tuesday for the latest showing then.

I will see this movie in the theaters, if I have to go by myself (which I shouldn't).

Do I sound obsessed?

I Love to Laugh

I'm sure it doesn't surprise you to hear that I love to laugh. Who doesn't? But sometimes things that make me laugh the first time don't after seeing it quite a few times. Of course, give me a break from seeing it for a while, those things make me laugh again.

I've been trying to find things to make me laugh lately, because I'm finding the world to be a depressing place. And that isn't good for anyone (depression, I mean). Secondhand Lions, which Ace and I bought not too long ago, is one of the things that has been making me laugh the past couple of days.

The story is just beautiful. It reminds me that anyone can have adventure, they just might have to go looking for it though. And it's always interesting to listen to stories of the past and imagine them while hearing the tales.

So, what makes you laugh?

Losing the Stress

Ace has mandated that I not watch movies like V for Vendetta late at night any more. Mainly, he wants me to stop watching movies that stress me out right before bed (not that I think V for Vendetta stresses me out, but I'll go with it). He's tired of me waking up with a sore back, unable to do much.

And I agree with his sentiments on wanting me to be able to move. I just think he's blaming the wrong thing. My back problems didn't pop up the day after I watched V for Vendetta, but on the day after I didn't have a clean bra and moved around heavy loads of laundry. But if it makes him happy, I won't watch V for Vendetta close to bedtime. It's a small sacrifice, and I can easily handle it.

Next time, I'll just watch a comedy instead. Less stress, more laughter, at least that's the theory.

On the plus side, after some time in a massage chair and some all natural muscle relaxant (and having on a bra), I'm feeling pretty good. I'm not wanting to move laundry or load the dishwasher (I'd like to keep my back feeling good), but I'm able to sit and bend over and walk without looking like I've got a board strapped to my back (which kind of negates the bending over, now that I think of it).

Well, I'm off to find another comedy to watch (and then I'll move into the bedroom, where I can be more relaxed).

TTFN!