One of the things Gretchen Rubin wrote about in The Happiness Project was being grateful. Between that and the book Ace and I are reading about marriage (not the best book as we keep disagreeing with things said in it and our marriage is doing quite well, thank you), I have been thinking about how much I am grateful for how good a husband Ace is.
And they have caused me to reflect that I say "Thank you" to Ace regularly for him holding open doors for me. He prefers it when I let him get doors and I'm happy to let him, as I like it when he holds open doors. I almost always say "Thank you" and I always mean it when I say it. Sometimes it probably sounds like a subconscious statement, but it never is. I always appreciate his being willing to hold a door like a gentleman.
It's also caused me to reflect on the other things about Ace that I'm thankful for. The man takes such good care of me, even when I'm being cranky or grouchy. He cares and it shows. He cares more about our relationship and my well being than I sometimes give him credit for. Mostly when I'm being cranky or grouchy.
I have a wonderful husband who makes it easy to be thankful that he's in my life. He lets me tease him all the time and while he often teases me back, he never gets his feelings hurt by my teasing (not that I'm malicious). He is my hero. And he's very easy to get along with.
So, I am thankful for Ace. And I love him. Enough to make stupid jokes about silly books. And have serious talks about serious subjects. And to make plans for the future.
Thank you for being the best husband ever, Ace. Hopefully I'm at least as good a wife.
Showing posts with label dreams of the future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams of the future. Show all posts
Friday, January 24, 2014
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Studying, But Not What I Expected to Be Studying
Well, I am obviously not getting any better about remembering to post while we are on the road. But, I have a good reason lately. I've been working on a project that spawned a second project.
It started like this: I was listening to a sermon that we had playing overnight. It woke me up, and I was awake, so I had little else better to do. In it, the teacher was talking about how his mother had typed up scriptures for the teacher and his wife to stand on when they were believing God for a child. And I thought, "I should look up scriptures to do that." So, I started doing that.
Well, then we took a week's vacation and I relaxed and didn't work on the list. But when we got back on the truck, I started back up. And then I saw a verse that I know I've read before, but it didn't quite hit me the way it did this time I read it. It was Colossians 3:21 and in the Amplified, it reads as "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]"
So, I looked up all the things not to do to children and how they would become and feel if you did those things. Because words are important, and I wanted to clearly understand what God meant by that. And that lead me to I Corinthians 13:4-8, which is all about love. And I realized that we are supposed to be parents that live what is said about love, which would avoid all of those things.
Basically, I seem to be starting to get a lesson about parenting together, which will hopefully lead back to me getting together my list of scriptures on parenting. (In other news, I know at least one thing that God is obviously gearing me up for, at some point.
So, yeah. I'm over here (and there but maybe not there) doing research about parenting. (No, I'm not currently pregnant. I'm just finishing up my period, thanks for asking.) If nothing else, I should be well prepared when I do become a mother. But the timing seems to be right for doing all this research and getting this information together.
Nicely, I have at least one ministry that I've got CDs from that I know teaches about marriage and parenting. I'll go through all my CDs and make notes soon. I am going to have lots of information on hand about children and parenting. And maybe someday, I'll be teaching others what God and others have taught me.
It started like this: I was listening to a sermon that we had playing overnight. It woke me up, and I was awake, so I had little else better to do. In it, the teacher was talking about how his mother had typed up scriptures for the teacher and his wife to stand on when they were believing God for a child. And I thought, "I should look up scriptures to do that." So, I started doing that.
Well, then we took a week's vacation and I relaxed and didn't work on the list. But when we got back on the truck, I started back up. And then I saw a verse that I know I've read before, but it didn't quite hit me the way it did this time I read it. It was Colossians 3:21 and in the Amplified, it reads as "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]"
So, I looked up all the things not to do to children and how they would become and feel if you did those things. Because words are important, and I wanted to clearly understand what God meant by that. And that lead me to I Corinthians 13:4-8, which is all about love. And I realized that we are supposed to be parents that live what is said about love, which would avoid all of those things.
Basically, I seem to be starting to get a lesson about parenting together, which will hopefully lead back to me getting together my list of scriptures on parenting. (In other news, I know at least one thing that God is obviously gearing me up for, at some point.
So, yeah. I'm over here (and there but maybe not there) doing research about parenting. (No, I'm not currently pregnant. I'm just finishing up my period, thanks for asking.) If nothing else, I should be well prepared when I do become a mother. But the timing seems to be right for doing all this research and getting this information together.
Nicely, I have at least one ministry that I've got CDs from that I know teaches about marriage and parenting. I'll go through all my CDs and make notes soon. I am going to have lots of information on hand about children and parenting. And maybe someday, I'll be teaching others what God and others have taught me.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Why I'd Prefer It If My Children Didn't Read Twilight
Let me preface this by saying that I've not read the Twilight series. I've read enough about it from people who have read it to know that I'd probably prefer to keep it that way. And most of it is not the story line (although I have my issues with that), it's because of the writing. Yes, I've read enough descriptions of the writing to know that I'd prefer to avoid the writing (ones that gave examples from the books).
I'd prefer it if my children don't read Twilight though. And part of it is the story line. I'd prefer my children not think that the characters in the story are good role models. I'd prefer they don't think that it's okay to break and enter to watch someone sleep or to get depressed because someone breaks up with you (for your own good, in their opinion) and then start pulling stupid, suicidal stunts. And hopefully, even if they do read the books (because I won't stop them, even if I discourage it), I will have taught them enough to realize why they should look to other sources for good role models.
I'd prefer, honestly, that my children are inspired by someone like Hermoine Granger (with less rule breaking, preferably) or River Tam, or River Song for that matter. Someone who found love, but was strong even without that. Someone who had a fully developed personality. Someone who shows that doing the right thing is more important than some teenage relationship.
I want my children to read freely, from lots of sources. I plan on reading lots of books, lots of different types of books, to them when they are young. I hope to cultivate a lifetime love of reading. I don't want them to see books as my husband does; non-fiction preferred to fiction, movies preferred to books. Not because there is something wrong with non-fiction or movies, but because there are wonderful worlds out there in fiction.
I'd rather they keep an open mind.
I'd prefer they read and re-read Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, and similar books. I'd prefer that if they are interested in vampire fiction, they go for Dracula or Interview with a Vampire (even if I couldn't quite finish that book).
But I won't ban Twilight. I don't really plan on banning any books, if I can help it. I plan on encouraging them to read books that others have banned. Including Harry Potter. And Fahrenheit 451. And To Kill a Mockingbird. Because there are important things in these books. Some of those things are what got them banned in the first place.
But I want my children, especially my daughters, to have strong female role models. To know that they can be awesome and strong. To know that they can change their world.
And I'm not sure Bella Swan and sparkly Edward Cullen are the way to do that.
I'd prefer it if my children don't read Twilight though. And part of it is the story line. I'd prefer my children not think that the characters in the story are good role models. I'd prefer they don't think that it's okay to break and enter to watch someone sleep or to get depressed because someone breaks up with you (for your own good, in their opinion) and then start pulling stupid, suicidal stunts. And hopefully, even if they do read the books (because I won't stop them, even if I discourage it), I will have taught them enough to realize why they should look to other sources for good role models.
I'd prefer, honestly, that my children are inspired by someone like Hermoine Granger (with less rule breaking, preferably) or River Tam, or River Song for that matter. Someone who found love, but was strong even without that. Someone who had a fully developed personality. Someone who shows that doing the right thing is more important than some teenage relationship.
I want my children to read freely, from lots of sources. I plan on reading lots of books, lots of different types of books, to them when they are young. I hope to cultivate a lifetime love of reading. I don't want them to see books as my husband does; non-fiction preferred to fiction, movies preferred to books. Not because there is something wrong with non-fiction or movies, but because there are wonderful worlds out there in fiction.
I'd rather they keep an open mind.
I'd prefer they read and re-read Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Lord of the Rings, and similar books. I'd prefer that if they are interested in vampire fiction, they go for Dracula or Interview with a Vampire (even if I couldn't quite finish that book).
But I won't ban Twilight. I don't really plan on banning any books, if I can help it. I plan on encouraging them to read books that others have banned. Including Harry Potter. And Fahrenheit 451. And To Kill a Mockingbird. Because there are important things in these books. Some of those things are what got them banned in the first place.
But I want my children, especially my daughters, to have strong female role models. To know that they can be awesome and strong. To know that they can change their world.
And I'm not sure Bella Swan and sparkly Edward Cullen are the way to do that.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Making Plans
Ace and I have been talking, a lot, about our questions about truck driving. It's not the driving part that has us asking questions, it's the other stuff.
"Do they charge for taking showers at truck stops?" "Should we buy laundry detergent that we'll have to figure out how to split while we are in training? Or just buy the smallest bottles we can find and hopefully finish them up quickly after training is over?" "How often will we have days off?" "How often do you think we'll be able to go grocery shopping?" "If we pay this and do that, how much do you think we will have saved up at six months? a year?"
We're trying to get things organized and figure out what we need to take with us when we go for on the job training. Obviously, we'll need clothes, and I'm taking my pillow, but do we need sheets for while we're in training? We obviously will need to eat, but are we going to be driving trucks with food in them or eating out for the most part while we're in training?
On the plus side, we still have over 3 weeks to find answers to most of these questions. We're already planning the purchase of my cell phone, so Ace and I can talk to each other when we are apart during training. We know what phone we are getting (and it's cheaper than when I first found it) and it's not something my in-laws can complain too much about.
I'm excited about our changes, but I'm nervous too. What if I hate driving a truck? (After about a year, it may not matter, because we may make changes that would let me be a housewife again.) What if I suck at it? (Okay, the trucking school wouldn't let me go take a test yet if I suck at driving, but still.) What if I find I can't do it after we've invested all this money into it? (How would that be different from my degree in Accounting, other than the fact that truck driving school is shorter and less expensive?) My questions are most silly and should be all answered in just a few weeks. But they are there for now.
In all this, Ace and I have been doing a lot of talking about our future. And this is a great opportunity for us to pay off all our debts, while leaving our monthly expenses low, and maybe even start investing for the future. We'll still get to spend a ton of time together, and we're planning on getting a wifi hotspot in the truck so we can still get online while we're on the road. Things are looking up. So, I refuse to let my questions keep me down. For every argument I could make about how this could blow up in our face, I've got about a dozen more about how this is the best decision for our current circumstances (and the biggest thing is that we'll be on our own again, so I won't have to deal with his parents' brand of craziness on a regular basis).
Look out USA, here we come.
"Do they charge for taking showers at truck stops?" "Should we buy laundry detergent that we'll have to figure out how to split while we are in training? Or just buy the smallest bottles we can find and hopefully finish them up quickly after training is over?" "How often will we have days off?" "How often do you think we'll be able to go grocery shopping?" "If we pay this and do that, how much do you think we will have saved up at six months? a year?"
We're trying to get things organized and figure out what we need to take with us when we go for on the job training. Obviously, we'll need clothes, and I'm taking my pillow, but do we need sheets for while we're in training? We obviously will need to eat, but are we going to be driving trucks with food in them or eating out for the most part while we're in training?
On the plus side, we still have over 3 weeks to find answers to most of these questions. We're already planning the purchase of my cell phone, so Ace and I can talk to each other when we are apart during training. We know what phone we are getting (and it's cheaper than when I first found it) and it's not something my in-laws can complain too much about.
I'm excited about our changes, but I'm nervous too. What if I hate driving a truck? (After about a year, it may not matter, because we may make changes that would let me be a housewife again.) What if I suck at it? (Okay, the trucking school wouldn't let me go take a test yet if I suck at driving, but still.) What if I find I can't do it after we've invested all this money into it? (How would that be different from my degree in Accounting, other than the fact that truck driving school is shorter and less expensive?) My questions are most silly and should be all answered in just a few weeks. But they are there for now.
In all this, Ace and I have been doing a lot of talking about our future. And this is a great opportunity for us to pay off all our debts, while leaving our monthly expenses low, and maybe even start investing for the future. We'll still get to spend a ton of time together, and we're planning on getting a wifi hotspot in the truck so we can still get online while we're on the road. Things are looking up. So, I refuse to let my questions keep me down. For every argument I could make about how this could blow up in our face, I've got about a dozen more about how this is the best decision for our current circumstances (and the biggest thing is that we'll be on our own again, so I won't have to deal with his parents' brand of craziness on a regular basis).
Look out USA, here we come.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thoughts about Food
Lately, I've been slightly obsessed with food. Ace and I have been stuck in a rut food wise, and my mind seems to think that planning out stuff for when we are on our own is a good way to over come it's objections to whatever we're having for dinner.
So, we've been talking about setting up a few specific things for some days. We're going to give up meat one day a week to eat less fat. This probably sounds bigger than it really is, we often end up not eating meat for several meals and this is just us being intentional about doing so. We're calling it Meatless Monday, although we haven't pinned down what day we'll actually be meatless (Ace says if Douglas Adams can have a trilogy with 5 books in it, we can have Meatless Monday on a Tuesday. I love this man.).
We are also talking about having New Recipe Thursday. I've got a cookbook with recipes already marked for things we should like. We're going to start trying some of those recipes. I figure it's important to try some new things (to expand our food options) and if we end up not liking something, we can always eat something else after we try the new recipe (this is my way of pushing myself to try some new things and to actually use that cookbook for something besides meatloaf).
Hopefully we'll find plenty of new options for the other 5 days of the week. And if nothing else, it'll get us thinking of new things and get me cooking more regularly.
So, any suggestions for recipes to try?
So, we've been talking about setting up a few specific things for some days. We're going to give up meat one day a week to eat less fat. This probably sounds bigger than it really is, we often end up not eating meat for several meals and this is just us being intentional about doing so. We're calling it Meatless Monday, although we haven't pinned down what day we'll actually be meatless (Ace says if Douglas Adams can have a trilogy with 5 books in it, we can have Meatless Monday on a Tuesday. I love this man.).
We are also talking about having New Recipe Thursday. I've got a cookbook with recipes already marked for things we should like. We're going to start trying some of those recipes. I figure it's important to try some new things (to expand our food options) and if we end up not liking something, we can always eat something else after we try the new recipe (this is my way of pushing myself to try some new things and to actually use that cookbook for something besides meatloaf).
Hopefully we'll find plenty of new options for the other 5 days of the week. And if nothing else, it'll get us thinking of new things and get me cooking more regularly.
So, any suggestions for recipes to try?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Why I Love Ace
Ace and I are at a marriage conference this weekend (because even a great marriage can get better). Our homework for tonight is to write 10 things we love about each other. So, I'm posting my 10 things online, because I feel like sharing them with the world.
1. Ace loves God. Ace loves God more than he loves me, and he loves me a lot. While this bothered me when we were first married, I've since come to realize that I prefer it that way. If God is first, He will make sure that I am a very close second.
2. Ace takes wonderful care of me. Whether it's pain relievers and a heating pad when my back hurts or chocolate and a hug when I've had a long day or talking in silly accents to make me laugh when I'm depressed he takes wonderful care of me. It makes me feel loved and cherished.
3. Ace surprises me with special things from the store. Earlier tonight, we went shopping at Walmart. I went to the bathroom while Ace checked out. When we got home, he gave me the Nutella and bread sticks he bought for me as a surprise just because he knows I like Nutella (We tried it about a month ago. I liked it, Ace didn't.).
4. Ace doesn't take offense when I ask him to brush his teeth or have a mint after he eats barbecue sauce. He knows I don't like the smell and just want to be happy being close to him afterwards.
5. Ace puts my desires over his. 99% of the time, when we go out to eat, he lets me pick where we go. He lets me decide what we're watching most of the time. He lets me keep the remote, because he just doesn't care enough if he's got it.
6. Ace wants me to be able to be a housewife. For as much as I've complained about the bad stuff with my job lately, I know how much he's appreciated my being willing to work this job for us to have some money. And he is ready to let me be a housewife again as soon as possible.
7. Ace doesn't let his parents dictate how our marriage is going. They've tried, but he's stood up for me each time. He protects me, especially from people I can't quite protect myself from.
8. Ace dreams big. We may not be where we want to be, but his dreams of the future help mine grow and help make us see that these circumstances are just temporary. And that is magical.
9. Ace knows how to make my toes curl.
10. Ace loves my family. Even my brother (who annoys him).
1. Ace loves God. Ace loves God more than he loves me, and he loves me a lot. While this bothered me when we were first married, I've since come to realize that I prefer it that way. If God is first, He will make sure that I am a very close second.
2. Ace takes wonderful care of me. Whether it's pain relievers and a heating pad when my back hurts or chocolate and a hug when I've had a long day or talking in silly accents to make me laugh when I'm depressed he takes wonderful care of me. It makes me feel loved and cherished.
3. Ace surprises me with special things from the store. Earlier tonight, we went shopping at Walmart. I went to the bathroom while Ace checked out. When we got home, he gave me the Nutella and bread sticks he bought for me as a surprise just because he knows I like Nutella (We tried it about a month ago. I liked it, Ace didn't.).
4. Ace doesn't take offense when I ask him to brush his teeth or have a mint after he eats barbecue sauce. He knows I don't like the smell and just want to be happy being close to him afterwards.
5. Ace puts my desires over his. 99% of the time, when we go out to eat, he lets me pick where we go. He lets me decide what we're watching most of the time. He lets me keep the remote, because he just doesn't care enough if he's got it.
6. Ace wants me to be able to be a housewife. For as much as I've complained about the bad stuff with my job lately, I know how much he's appreciated my being willing to work this job for us to have some money. And he is ready to let me be a housewife again as soon as possible.
7. Ace doesn't let his parents dictate how our marriage is going. They've tried, but he's stood up for me each time. He protects me, especially from people I can't quite protect myself from.
8. Ace dreams big. We may not be where we want to be, but his dreams of the future help mine grow and help make us see that these circumstances are just temporary. And that is magical.
9. Ace knows how to make my toes curl.
10. Ace loves my family. Even my brother (who annoys him).
Friday, January 6, 2012
Calmer
Okay, since Wednesday, there have been a few changes around here.
Ace is continuing to work this job, but he's switching what team he's working on. Hopefully that will fix a majority of the issues that we were having with the lack of training going on. We're at least giving the whole thing a bit longer before we make any more decisions.
I am going on Tuesday to fill out paperwork for a job. Apparently, without being interviewed, I have gotten a job. It's a temp job, but it will provide us with some steady income while Ace is training and building his business. It'll be a great thing for us, and the only minor complication in this is that we'll have to figure out how to get me to and from work.
Things are calmer and better now. We're still a bit frustrated with how things have been, but we are focused on the brighter future that is coming up.
Ace is continuing to work this job, but he's switching what team he's working on. Hopefully that will fix a majority of the issues that we were having with the lack of training going on. We're at least giving the whole thing a bit longer before we make any more decisions.
I am going on Tuesday to fill out paperwork for a job. Apparently, without being interviewed, I have gotten a job. It's a temp job, but it will provide us with some steady income while Ace is training and building his business. It'll be a great thing for us, and the only minor complication in this is that we'll have to figure out how to get me to and from work.
Things are calmer and better now. We're still a bit frustrated with how things have been, but we are focused on the brighter future that is coming up.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year!
Ace and I are both expecting good things coming from this new year. We're excited about 2012.
And I have about four other things I should be doing right now, so I'll post about our excitement about 2012 later. I just wanted to say:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And I have about four other things I should be doing right now, so I'll post about our excitement about 2012 later. I just wanted to say:
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas
It hit me, as I sit here trying to mentally unwind from the day, that I should probably post again. I'm doing better. I'm not focusing on the current financial stuff that had me so upset a few days ago. I don't like not having Christmas gifts for people, and between that and the hormones I was not in a good place mentally. I was obviously having a bad day.
Today, while long and full of people for longer than I wanted it to be, was much better. My in-laws surprised me in good ways today. And if I hadn't been fighting off something, I would probably have enjoyed the day a lot more (I spent most of it wanting to lay down and not move much).
Tomorrow I get to see my dad and step-mom (and my siblings, I believe). I get to enjoy some yummy smoked turkey and ham. I get to spend time with people I don't get to see nearly often enough.
I'm trying to focus on the good things that are coming in this next year. Things like having my own cell phone again (that will be my late Christmas gift from Ace). And my date weekend away from the craziness that is life in my in-law's house (really late birthday celebration). Giving the Christmas gifts we wanted to be giving out today and tomorrow.
Today, while long and full of people for longer than I wanted it to be, was much better. My in-laws surprised me in good ways today. And if I hadn't been fighting off something, I would probably have enjoyed the day a lot more (I spent most of it wanting to lay down and not move much).
Tomorrow I get to see my dad and step-mom (and my siblings, I believe). I get to enjoy some yummy smoked turkey and ham. I get to spend time with people I don't get to see nearly often enough.
I'm trying to focus on the good things that are coming in this next year. Things like having my own cell phone again (that will be my late Christmas gift from Ace). And my date weekend away from the craziness that is life in my in-law's house (really late birthday celebration). Giving the Christmas gifts we wanted to be giving out today and tomorrow.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Why So Quiet?
I love doing NaBloPoMo. It's a great challenge, and even when I know I've posted everyday, part of me freaks out and checks obsessively to make sure I haven't missed a day. It's something that seems like an important part of my life in November. Then December rolls around and I go back to posting randomly. I start letting days slip by without posting, because nothing exciting seems to happen, or because I'm just so busy with life that I don't have the energy to post. Or I just want a break after posting every day for 30 days.
This year, those 30 posts seemed harder to do. I posted 3 different spam mails! I don't think I've ever done that before. It wasn't that there was absolutely nothing to talk about, it's just that I really don't want to write my complaints in every post. And my stress levels were through the roof. I'm feeling much less stressed now. Things have calmed down at lot.
I stopped raiding in World of Warcraft. It was one thing too many right now. Ace and I were both having problems adjusting ourselves to his work schedule, trying to spend time with Taz some, finding time alone, and raiding. Something had to go. Ace needed more sleep at night and I needed to not be stressing the muscles in my back and shoulder so much. I'm still hoping that I can see Karen soon to get a massage, so that my back will stop feeling like a big knot.
Part of trying to drop my stress levels has been me not posting. I've been focusing on other things, like sleeping and reading. I've been trying to focus on the positives in my life. I've been talking with Ace about good things in our future. Things seem to be getting better, at least a bit. Now you know why things have been so quiet around here lately.
This year, those 30 posts seemed harder to do. I posted 3 different spam mails! I don't think I've ever done that before. It wasn't that there was absolutely nothing to talk about, it's just that I really don't want to write my complaints in every post. And my stress levels were through the roof. I'm feeling much less stressed now. Things have calmed down at lot.
I stopped raiding in World of Warcraft. It was one thing too many right now. Ace and I were both having problems adjusting ourselves to his work schedule, trying to spend time with Taz some, finding time alone, and raiding. Something had to go. Ace needed more sleep at night and I needed to not be stressing the muscles in my back and shoulder so much. I'm still hoping that I can see Karen soon to get a massage, so that my back will stop feeling like a big knot.
Part of trying to drop my stress levels has been me not posting. I've been focusing on other things, like sleeping and reading. I've been trying to focus on the positives in my life. I've been talking with Ace about good things in our future. Things seem to be getting better, at least a bit. Now you know why things have been so quiet around here lately.
Friday, November 18, 2011
NaBloPoMo Day 18
or Making Lists
Yesterday seems to have been a day for me to make lists. I made a list for my post. I made a grocery list (granted, it was stuff Ace and I forgot at the store the day before or found out we are almost out of after we got back from the store, but still). But those aren't the important lists that were made yesterday.
Ace and I made a list of what we need to get or have the money for to be able to move out. There are some important things on that list. Things like sheets, towels, pots & pans, and a car.
And then Ace and I made a list of our expected outgo each month. We figured up how much we're likely to need for income to meet our monthly expenses. It's all doable. It's not an outrageous amount. And that list will definitely be adjusted as we get more definite numbers in the future.
But we can see financially where we need to be to get out of here. We can see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. We make lists like these so that we can remind ourselves that there is hope. We have a brighter future ahead of us.
Yesterday seems to have been a day for me to make lists. I made a list for my post. I made a grocery list (granted, it was stuff Ace and I forgot at the store the day before or found out we are almost out of after we got back from the store, but still). But those aren't the important lists that were made yesterday.
Ace and I made a list of what we need to get or have the money for to be able to move out. There are some important things on that list. Things like sheets, towels, pots & pans, and a car.
And then Ace and I made a list of our expected outgo each month. We figured up how much we're likely to need for income to meet our monthly expenses. It's all doable. It's not an outrageous amount. And that list will definitely be adjusted as we get more definite numbers in the future.
But we can see financially where we need to be to get out of here. We can see the light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. We make lists like these so that we can remind ourselves that there is hope. We have a brighter future ahead of us.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Daydreams
I daydream about taking a beach vacation. I imagine the warmth from the sun, the shade from the umbrella over me, the look of white sand on the beach and the water in shades of green and blue stretching out as far as my eye can see.
I imagine someone providing me with cold drinks to keep me from getting overheated. I imagine a book sitting on my chair for me to read when I get tired of watching the water. I imagine the breeze keeping me feeling comfortable.
After a while, I imagine walking out into the water, just wanting to see what the ocean feels like again. The water is cooler than the air, but not too cold. It feels nice with the heat of the sun hitting me directly. I imagine all the fish I can clearly see swimming around my feet. I've waded out a decent way from where I was sitting, and the water is only up to my waist.
I smile at Ace and gesture for him to join me. We splash around and joke and laugh. We act like newly-weds again. Then I head back to my chair to air dry and read. I relax and let every bit of stress fade away. I wish I never have to leave.
I find myself looking forward to when this is not just in my daydreams, but in my reality.
I imagine someone providing me with cold drinks to keep me from getting overheated. I imagine a book sitting on my chair for me to read when I get tired of watching the water. I imagine the breeze keeping me feeling comfortable.
After a while, I imagine walking out into the water, just wanting to see what the ocean feels like again. The water is cooler than the air, but not too cold. It feels nice with the heat of the sun hitting me directly. I imagine all the fish I can clearly see swimming around my feet. I've waded out a decent way from where I was sitting, and the water is only up to my waist.
I smile at Ace and gesture for him to join me. We splash around and joke and laugh. We act like newly-weds again. Then I head back to my chair to air dry and read. I relax and let every bit of stress fade away. I wish I never have to leave.
I find myself looking forward to when this is not just in my daydreams, but in my reality.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Short Update
My period is over 2 weeks late.
I've taken two different pregnancy tests. They've both come up not pregnant.
I've got some symptoms that indicate pregnancy, but they could be something else too (I guess).
All this waiting and wondering is making me grouchier to live with. I'm keeping most of my grouchy complaining to myself, but it's annoying me.
I'm ready for some cooler weather.
I've taken two different pregnancy tests. They've both come up not pregnant.
I've got some symptoms that indicate pregnancy, but they could be something else too (I guess).
All this waiting and wondering is making me grouchier to live with. I'm keeping most of my grouchy complaining to myself, but it's annoying me.
I'm ready for some cooler weather.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Late
I'm back in that vague waiting state. My period is late, but I'm resisting testing to see if my period is just late or if I'm pregnant.
This delay has been coupled with feeling more tired than usual, although that could be blamed on the heat.
I'm late, but I'm waiting.
This delay has been coupled with feeling more tired than usual, although that could be blamed on the heat.
I'm late, but I'm waiting.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
To My Valentine
Dear Ace,
I know I said I was writing about this past weekend, and I started to but it didn't seem to be flowing well. It was stilted and unnatural. I did appreciate that you found it just as important as I did to go to the marriage seminar we attended. It touched a special place in my heart.
Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Tomorrow I don't know how much time we'll have together, but I know that it won't be as much as I would like. I know that we probably won't get to have a date night tomorrow night, but I am hoping we can go out to eat (even if it's fast food eaten in the car). I know that you would love to take me out to a nice dinner, shower me with chocolate and flowers, and spend time showing me just how much you appreciate our marriage. Hopefully we can do that next year on Valentine's Day.
But, for as much as I wish some things could be different, I am happy to know that you love me. You feel that it's important to spend time with me and talk with me and take care of our marriage. I was thrilled to hear that you wouldn't want to do something momentarily exciting that would endanger our relationship. It made me feel safe and loved.
I love that our conversations flow so easily most of the time. I love that we talk so much and challenge each other to think outside our own points of view. I love that you help my brain stretch and grow. I love that you encourage me to read, even though you don't enjoy reading like I do. You may not love going to the library, but you are happy to take me when I ask. I appreciate that so much and I don't feel like I can find the words to express how much that means to me.
Thank you, for all that you've done, for all that you're doing, and for all that you will continue to do. Thank you for making this relationship feel easy and not like work. I know that we've both worked stuff out in the past to get to this point, but it's felt fairly easy the whole way through. Thank you for listening to me when I talk, it means so much. Thank you for being patient enough to have learned what I can and cannot do at various times. Thank you for understanding that my hormones make my emotions crazy sometimes and that if I'm upset it's probably not really your fault or my fault but the hormones' fault.
Thank you for being my hero by not allowing your family to just order me about. Thank you for being willing to stand up for me and for our marriage. I know that there are women out there who would love it if their husbands did that. Thank you for pushing me to grow without trying to completely change my personality. Thank you for understanding that I don't always know why I like or don't like something or why I feel things need to be this way or that way. It helps that you don't push, you just accept that it's one of my quirks and life goes on.
Thank you for being the perfect husband for me.
Love,
M.A.
P.S.: I love you!
I know I said I was writing about this past weekend, and I started to but it didn't seem to be flowing well. It was stilted and unnatural. I did appreciate that you found it just as important as I did to go to the marriage seminar we attended. It touched a special place in my heart.
Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Tomorrow I don't know how much time we'll have together, but I know that it won't be as much as I would like. I know that we probably won't get to have a date night tomorrow night, but I am hoping we can go out to eat (even if it's fast food eaten in the car). I know that you would love to take me out to a nice dinner, shower me with chocolate and flowers, and spend time showing me just how much you appreciate our marriage. Hopefully we can do that next year on Valentine's Day.
But, for as much as I wish some things could be different, I am happy to know that you love me. You feel that it's important to spend time with me and talk with me and take care of our marriage. I was thrilled to hear that you wouldn't want to do something momentarily exciting that would endanger our relationship. It made me feel safe and loved.
I love that our conversations flow so easily most of the time. I love that we talk so much and challenge each other to think outside our own points of view. I love that you help my brain stretch and grow. I love that you encourage me to read, even though you don't enjoy reading like I do. You may not love going to the library, but you are happy to take me when I ask. I appreciate that so much and I don't feel like I can find the words to express how much that means to me.
Thank you, for all that you've done, for all that you're doing, and for all that you will continue to do. Thank you for making this relationship feel easy and not like work. I know that we've both worked stuff out in the past to get to this point, but it's felt fairly easy the whole way through. Thank you for listening to me when I talk, it means so much. Thank you for being patient enough to have learned what I can and cannot do at various times. Thank you for understanding that my hormones make my emotions crazy sometimes and that if I'm upset it's probably not really your fault or my fault but the hormones' fault.
Thank you for being my hero by not allowing your family to just order me about. Thank you for being willing to stand up for me and for our marriage. I know that there are women out there who would love it if their husbands did that. Thank you for pushing me to grow without trying to completely change my personality. Thank you for understanding that I don't always know why I like or don't like something or why I feel things need to be this way or that way. It helps that you don't push, you just accept that it's one of my quirks and life goes on.
Thank you for being the perfect husband for me.
Love,
M.A.
P.S.: I love you!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Things Have Shifted
On airplanes, when the plane has landed and everyone is getting ready to get their luggage from the overhead compartments, they tell you to be careful because things may have shifted (at least, they always said that when I was a semi-regular flier from OKC to Dallas and back).
Things have shifted here. Ace has a second job, one that will probably be our main source of income for a while. He went through 8 hours of training for his new job. He'll work on it part time for the next 2 days (and keep the insurance appointments he's made already for the other half) and then start working full time at it Friday (preset appointments, which is great for potential money making). And he plans on selling insurance part time (I'm guessing 8 - 12 hours a week on that).
But this means we could conceivably move out on our own by mid-March. We could finally be living on our own again. 2011 has started looking brighter. Ace is planning to do most of his insurance appointments on Saturdays, which will leave us evenings and Sundays to spend together (he has decided that he'll take Sunday off each week, something I'm extremely happy about).
It feels like our lives are getting even closer to being back on track. And I'm excited about the possibilities.
Things have shifted here. Ace has a second job, one that will probably be our main source of income for a while. He went through 8 hours of training for his new job. He'll work on it part time for the next 2 days (and keep the insurance appointments he's made already for the other half) and then start working full time at it Friday (preset appointments, which is great for potential money making). And he plans on selling insurance part time (I'm guessing 8 - 12 hours a week on that).
But this means we could conceivably move out on our own by mid-March. We could finally be living on our own again. 2011 has started looking brighter. Ace is planning to do most of his insurance appointments on Saturdays, which will leave us evenings and Sundays to spend together (he has decided that he'll take Sunday off each week, something I'm extremely happy about).
It feels like our lives are getting even closer to being back on track. And I'm excited about the possibilities.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Baby Talk
Ace and I have lots of conversations about babies, something that should surprise nobody. The other day, we were talking about whether we want a boy or a girl first, when I get pregnant.
I personally don't care one way or the other which we have. I'd be happy with either. Ace wants a girl. And that makes me smile. I mentioned that there are a lot of guys who want a boy to carry on the family name. Ace doesn't care about that.
Is it any wonder why I love this man? He wants a girl to spoil/protect/raise. I'm certain that if we have a boy, he won't mind. He'll love a son as much as he would a daughter. He's just looking forward to having a girl at this point. And that is something special.
I personally don't care one way or the other which we have. I'd be happy with either. Ace wants a girl. And that makes me smile. I mentioned that there are a lot of guys who want a boy to carry on the family name. Ace doesn't care about that.
Is it any wonder why I love this man? He wants a girl to spoil/protect/raise. I'm certain that if we have a boy, he won't mind. He'll love a son as much as he would a daughter. He's just looking forward to having a girl at this point. And that is something special.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Let's Talk About Adoption
Ace and I aren't talking about us adopting a child at this point. We're not ready to meet all the criteria for someone to be willing to let us raise a child (I know they want you to support yourself and have enough funds to support a child before they hand over a kid). That doesn't mean that I'm not reading up on adoption though.
My reasons are two fold. One, I want to adopt someday and I want to have the knowledge of how the process works and what to expect when raising an adopted child. Especially since I'm not talking about adopting a baby, but want to adopt a slightly older child, which adds to potential problems. Two, my book includes a guy who has adopted, so I need to be knowledgeable about how that happens to make my book realistic.
I originally got interested in learning more about adoption after finding out/understanding that my dad is adopted (it wasn't a big secret, I just didn't really understand what that meant for a long time). My grandmother adopted him when he was 3 days old. In college, I did a research paper on adoption, because the subject interested me. I talked with someone on campus who adopted. Interestingly for me, he had questions about my view of adoption, seeing as I was the child of an adoptee. Mostly he wondered if I wondered about my biological grandparents. To be honest, until he asked I hadn't really thought about them, but after that I was slightly curious (not curious enough to do anything about it, just curious enough to wonder).
I do think that my grandmother's decision to adopt has helped me make a similar decision. It showed me, in a very understated way, that a person could choose to love someone, that families come together in more than just one way. I love my grandmother, and I know that she loves me. But the connection we have to each other is one that was chosen, because it's not one that's based on DNA.
I won't compare my grandmothers' affections towards me, as that would be unfair to both of them. My mom's mom had 7 children. To her, I'm one of many grandchildren (at least 14, and now there are many great-grandchildren in the picture). To my dad's mom, I'm one of 3 grandchildren and I was the only one for a long time. I'm special, because she helped take care of me when I was still in diapers. She helped raise me, to a degree. And for a little while, it looked like I'd be her only grandchild. But they both love me. And that is what is truly important in my life.
I don't know quite where I'm going with all of this. I may never fully figure it all out. I just know that someday, I plan on adopting a child. I'm not sure if I would have ever decided that without my grandmother doing it first. But she did and I do. And now I'm going to go read about adoption.
My reasons are two fold. One, I want to adopt someday and I want to have the knowledge of how the process works and what to expect when raising an adopted child. Especially since I'm not talking about adopting a baby, but want to adopt a slightly older child, which adds to potential problems. Two, my book includes a guy who has adopted, so I need to be knowledgeable about how that happens to make my book realistic.
I originally got interested in learning more about adoption after finding out/understanding that my dad is adopted (it wasn't a big secret, I just didn't really understand what that meant for a long time). My grandmother adopted him when he was 3 days old. In college, I did a research paper on adoption, because the subject interested me. I talked with someone on campus who adopted. Interestingly for me, he had questions about my view of adoption, seeing as I was the child of an adoptee. Mostly he wondered if I wondered about my biological grandparents. To be honest, until he asked I hadn't really thought about them, but after that I was slightly curious (not curious enough to do anything about it, just curious enough to wonder).
I do think that my grandmother's decision to adopt has helped me make a similar decision. It showed me, in a very understated way, that a person could choose to love someone, that families come together in more than just one way. I love my grandmother, and I know that she loves me. But the connection we have to each other is one that was chosen, because it's not one that's based on DNA.
I won't compare my grandmothers' affections towards me, as that would be unfair to both of them. My mom's mom had 7 children. To her, I'm one of many grandchildren (at least 14, and now there are many great-grandchildren in the picture). To my dad's mom, I'm one of 3 grandchildren and I was the only one for a long time. I'm special, because she helped take care of me when I was still in diapers. She helped raise me, to a degree. And for a little while, it looked like I'd be her only grandchild. But they both love me. And that is what is truly important in my life.
I don't know quite where I'm going with all of this. I may never fully figure it all out. I just know that someday, I plan on adopting a child. I'm not sure if I would have ever decided that without my grandmother doing it first. But she did and I do. And now I'm going to go read about adoption.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Day 6
Today, I am thankful for God.
I originally intended to wait until day 7 for saying that I am thankful for God, but it seems somewhat appropriate to appreciate God on the Sabbath, even if I'm not Jewish.
God has been the one completely stable thing in my life. He has been with me from the beginning and will be with me. He helped me live through all the crap my mother said and all her insanity that I put up with for years. He brought me Ace at a time I desperately needed something good to start happening in my life. Since I've met Ace, I've had two stable influences.
God gave me strength when I started realizing that I probably needed to cut my mom out of my life. He gave me strength enough to actually cut her out about a year and a half later, when it was obvious that my mother could never give me her love and approval in any sort of recognizable way. He helped me patch my broken soul back together afterward when part of me wondered what was wrong with me that my own mother couldn't love me.
Since I've decided to leave the topic of my mother alone (seriously, I've poked at that tender area enough to realize that there was nothing healthy to be obtained by continuing to poke at it), God has been able to heal me even more. I can talk, briefly, about her without hurting. My mourning for the relationship I didn't have has passed and I'm just wondering why I held on to the relationship I did have for so long.
Through it all, the good times and the bad, God has been there for me. Even when I wasn't looking for him because I was too busy just trying to survive mentally intact. I can look back and see God's blessing on my life. I can look ahead and see what God's Word has promised me for my future.
I'm done looking back on my own life. There's nothing new to learn there. I'm looking ahead to God's promises and I'm moving toward them. And I know that God will be with me every step of my way. And for that, I am truly thankful.
I originally intended to wait until day 7 for saying that I am thankful for God, but it seems somewhat appropriate to appreciate God on the Sabbath, even if I'm not Jewish.
God has been the one completely stable thing in my life. He has been with me from the beginning and will be with me. He helped me live through all the crap my mother said and all her insanity that I put up with for years. He brought me Ace at a time I desperately needed something good to start happening in my life. Since I've met Ace, I've had two stable influences.
God gave me strength when I started realizing that I probably needed to cut my mom out of my life. He gave me strength enough to actually cut her out about a year and a half later, when it was obvious that my mother could never give me her love and approval in any sort of recognizable way. He helped me patch my broken soul back together afterward when part of me wondered what was wrong with me that my own mother couldn't love me.
Since I've decided to leave the topic of my mother alone (seriously, I've poked at that tender area enough to realize that there was nothing healthy to be obtained by continuing to poke at it), God has been able to heal me even more. I can talk, briefly, about her without hurting. My mourning for the relationship I didn't have has passed and I'm just wondering why I held on to the relationship I did have for so long.
Through it all, the good times and the bad, God has been there for me. Even when I wasn't looking for him because I was too busy just trying to survive mentally intact. I can look back and see God's blessing on my life. I can look ahead and see what God's Word has promised me for my future.
I'm done looking back on my own life. There's nothing new to learn there. I'm looking ahead to God's promises and I'm moving toward them. And I know that God will be with me every step of my way. And for that, I am truly thankful.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me!
Today is my 30th birthday.
Instead of focusing on the past, as I've done far too often, I'm going to focus on the future.
In the next few months, I expect that Ace and I will be living on our own again, and will stay that way. We've found apartments we like, they are reasonably priced, and they come with a washer and drier in the apartment (something that seems rare for apartments).
In the next year, I expect that Ace and I will get a second car and will fix our current car's electric and heater problems.
In the next year, I expect that Ace and I will probably be getting ready for a baby (because I am an optimist).
In the next year, I expect Ace and I will start paying off our debts. Even if we aren't fully out of debt in a year, we'll be in a much better position than we are now.
In the next few months, I expect a new laptop and a new one for Ace too. We've needed them for at least the last year.
So, there you go. Those are my expectations for the next year.
Instead of focusing on the past, as I've done far too often, I'm going to focus on the future.
In the next few months, I expect that Ace and I will be living on our own again, and will stay that way. We've found apartments we like, they are reasonably priced, and they come with a washer and drier in the apartment (something that seems rare for apartments).
In the next year, I expect that Ace and I will get a second car and will fix our current car's electric and heater problems.
In the next year, I expect that Ace and I will probably be getting ready for a baby (because I am an optimist).
In the next year, I expect Ace and I will start paying off our debts. Even if we aren't fully out of debt in a year, we'll be in a much better position than we are now.
In the next few months, I expect a new laptop and a new one for Ace too. We've needed them for at least the last year.
So, there you go. Those are my expectations for the next year.
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