Today, I'm going to talk about modesty. Which almost makes me want to roll my eyes because why is this something to have to write about?
(I will post weird stories from the road sometime... I'm just not sure when.)
Recently (meaning in the last two weeks), I've read two different blog posts and an article on modesty. The article was about one of the blog posts. They were all fairly reasonable statements about modesty and all of them coming from a Christan basis. Apparently, there was a big uproar about them online. Which strikes me as stupid, because most of the people complaining were probably not the intended audience.
One of the blog posts was about the author's decision to stop wearing leggings as pants outside her house unless her shirt covered her behind. To help Christian men to not have as big a problem with lust. She wasn't necessarily trying to tell everyone else what to do or that they should wear clothes that are a size too big and cover from neck to knee at minimum. Just that maybe wearing leggings as pants is not the best thing for a modest woman to do. She put it on her blog to encourage accountability, most likely. To help her keep to her new decision. It was something she had been thinking about and struggling with for a bit and finally decided and shared her decision. It was a nice post that reminded me as a Christian that I am accountable for my intentions behind my clothes and caused me to think about my wardrobe for about 5 minutes before remembering that I'm actually a fairly modest dresser naturally and that, other than one t-shirt, most of my shirts come to at least below the waist (that one comes down to the waistband of my pants) and that I plan on replacing it later this year, before I'm likely to wear it.
The article I mentioned was based off that blog post. About how people need to calm down and carefully read that this woman was talking about changing her own behavior. And to not give her grief about following her own morals about modest dressing.
The other blog post was written by the mom of teen boys. She was writing to teen girls about appropriate pictures to take and post on FaceBook. She and her husband monitor what their boys can see and will weed out female friends of their sons if they are wearing immodest clothing. Her main point was that posting pictures in pajamas from their room was not becoming and that it will get them dropped and don't they want their future husbands to think of them as being modest. I struggled more with this blog post, because I see both sides better. This was not someone talking about their own behavior only, but about what they feel other's should do. But I understand, from a Christian standpoint, what they meant. The pictures may have been less modest than should be shared on FaceBook or anywhere online.
I found that post based off a link that briefly mentioned that she should be teaching her sons that they are responsible for their own thoughts. And there is some truth to that, but I understand wanting to help them by removing a source of potential temptation to sin. It's not a bad thing to remind people that their actions have consequences, even if the consequences are as simple as being unfriended for posting less modest pictures.
The thing is, I'm not anyone else's voice of morality at this point. I just have me, and only slightly Ace when he is really tired, to concern myself with. I don't have to tell a daughter that her clothes are immodest or tell a son that he needs to not think lustfully after someone just because of what they are wearing. I can understand both sides of the conflict that is in people's heads. I don't have the right to tell you what to do. But I also need to take my actions and intentions to heart when I make decisions based on what I wear.
As I said, I'm a fairly modest dresser. Right now, I'm wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt, with a pair of exercise pants under the jeans and a hoodie over the shirt (It's cold outside, so I layer to stay warm). Tomorrow, I'll go without the exercise pants. The hoodies are a most of the year thing, dropped completely only in summer, and still with one not too far away because I get cold long before my husband. My hoodies are not really all that form fitted, even if the shirts under are somewhat. Until I finally get around to having breast reduction surgery (because I doubt that I can just lose enough weight to drop my bra size down to a reasonable size), there will be no questions about my gender from the front. 38H is just too large to hide. And I'm currently just grabbing appropriately sized shirts from Walmart to replace my old ones, so the shirts will mostly be snugger than the older ones (I may grab some of the more fun ones from the men's department next time, because I want fun shirts).
I don't generally flaunt my body to anyone but my husband. But I don't try to hide it all away either. I'm much more likely to go for comfort over tight fit. Because I don't want to feel uncomfortable all day. I've always gone for comfort first. That's why I wear sneakers or flats if I have to dress up. Because I'll whine if I'm uncomfortable. Thankfully, comfortable clothes are generally fairly modest. I do have a couple of shirts that show cleavage, but unless you are looking over my shoulder, you shouldn't see that much. And if you are, why are you looking over my shoulder? (Not you, Ace. I know why you are looking over my shoulder.)
What you decide to do when it comes to clothes is not really my business. But, if you are Christian, please keep in mind that the Bible tells us not to be a stumbling block to other Christians. If that means you stop wearing leggings as pants without long shirts, then that's not generally that big of a thing to give up. If that means you wear shirts that are less cleavage bearing, go you. I'll support you in that. But if you aren't Christian, you've got to figure out your own moral compass. I would suggest that leggings as pants are probably not the best plan, but that's up to you.
These thoughts are by no means my only ones, but they are the only ones I feel comfortable sharing.
P.S.: Sorry for the title. Unless it made you smile.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Friday, February 6, 2015
Sunday, February 23, 2014
I Have Some Things to Say
Dear World,
You do not get to define me. I am much more than your limited views of me would suggest. I am not just anything, except for just me.
Because you do not know me, you cannot tell me that I can't have problems because I am a white woman. You cannot tell me that I cannot have problems just because I don't have children to figure out how to feed. Life is hardly ever as simple as outward causes for mental problems.
You cannot tell me that my husband can't potentially have problems because he is a white man. That his weight is where it is simply because he's lazy. That he doesn't care about me intensely because you don't see him doing whatever you think shows his care.
You can't tell me that everyone is hurting and then expect that everyone is fine emotionally. That someone who outwardly has their life together can't be lost inwardly. That depression only affects those whose lives have obvious complications and the rest of us are just weak or lazy or overly emotional.
You can't tell me that depression only attacks when things are bad. That I've never felt fine emotionally when things were at their bleakest from the outside and barely able to semi-function when things were starting to get better because it suddenly attacked with every trick in it's demented book.
You can't tell me that I'm the only one that's happened to.
Stop telling women that if they don't look like this celebrity or that supermodel that they are fat, unhealthy, and worthless. Too many of us take it to heart and it causes more problems. Quit implying that any woman who has any noticeable body fat anywhere is overweight and needs to diet and exercise. Quit implying that every man finds your insane standards of beauty to be the only standards that are acceptable. Quit lying to us all.
Quit acting like who someone loves is more important than that they have someone they love. That only one religion could possibly have the answers to everyone's questions. That just because I go to this church instead of that one that I am going to Hell because God is so narrowly strict on who he accepts. Quit denying that the Bible says that God wants to save as many people as He can. Quit telling me, without words but with attitudes, that I am going to Hell for any minor wrong and that I've got to be careful to never have a bad day (but apparently judging people based on their sins is okay, despite what the Bible says).
Quit trying to pigeon-hole everyone. Let us all be as free to be ourselves as we want to be. Let us be individuals or a group based on our social understanding and let us label ourselves.
Quit labeling women with negative words when they do things that a man would be praised for. Quit acting like a woman's worth is tied into being perfect at all things at all times while a man's is tied into what he earns. Quit acting like my opinion on anything might be less than my husband's because I am female and he is male.
I think it is time we all grow up and treat each other as we would want to be treated. Let's try that for a while, instead of judging and labeling everyone for convenience.
We are all more than most people see from the brief glimpses we get into each other's lives. Maybe we should try to respect that more.
Love,
M.A. Smith
You do not get to define me. I am much more than your limited views of me would suggest. I am not just anything, except for just me.
Because you do not know me, you cannot tell me that I can't have problems because I am a white woman. You cannot tell me that I cannot have problems just because I don't have children to figure out how to feed. Life is hardly ever as simple as outward causes for mental problems.
You cannot tell me that my husband can't potentially have problems because he is a white man. That his weight is where it is simply because he's lazy. That he doesn't care about me intensely because you don't see him doing whatever you think shows his care.
You can't tell me that everyone is hurting and then expect that everyone is fine emotionally. That someone who outwardly has their life together can't be lost inwardly. That depression only affects those whose lives have obvious complications and the rest of us are just weak or lazy or overly emotional.
You can't tell me that depression only attacks when things are bad. That I've never felt fine emotionally when things were at their bleakest from the outside and barely able to semi-function when things were starting to get better because it suddenly attacked with every trick in it's demented book.
You can't tell me that I'm the only one that's happened to.
Stop telling women that if they don't look like this celebrity or that supermodel that they are fat, unhealthy, and worthless. Too many of us take it to heart and it causes more problems. Quit implying that any woman who has any noticeable body fat anywhere is overweight and needs to diet and exercise. Quit implying that every man finds your insane standards of beauty to be the only standards that are acceptable. Quit lying to us all.
Quit acting like who someone loves is more important than that they have someone they love. That only one religion could possibly have the answers to everyone's questions. That just because I go to this church instead of that one that I am going to Hell because God is so narrowly strict on who he accepts. Quit denying that the Bible says that God wants to save as many people as He can. Quit telling me, without words but with attitudes, that I am going to Hell for any minor wrong and that I've got to be careful to never have a bad day (but apparently judging people based on their sins is okay, despite what the Bible says).
Quit trying to pigeon-hole everyone. Let us all be as free to be ourselves as we want to be. Let us be individuals or a group based on our social understanding and let us label ourselves.
Quit labeling women with negative words when they do things that a man would be praised for. Quit acting like a woman's worth is tied into being perfect at all things at all times while a man's is tied into what he earns. Quit acting like my opinion on anything might be less than my husband's because I am female and he is male.
I think it is time we all grow up and treat each other as we would want to be treated. Let's try that for a while, instead of judging and labeling everyone for convenience.
We are all more than most people see from the brief glimpses we get into each other's lives. Maybe we should try to respect that more.
Love,
M.A. Smith
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Studying, But Not What I Expected to Be Studying
Well, I am obviously not getting any better about remembering to post while we are on the road. But, I have a good reason lately. I've been working on a project that spawned a second project.
It started like this: I was listening to a sermon that we had playing overnight. It woke me up, and I was awake, so I had little else better to do. In it, the teacher was talking about how his mother had typed up scriptures for the teacher and his wife to stand on when they were believing God for a child. And I thought, "I should look up scriptures to do that." So, I started doing that.
Well, then we took a week's vacation and I relaxed and didn't work on the list. But when we got back on the truck, I started back up. And then I saw a verse that I know I've read before, but it didn't quite hit me the way it did this time I read it. It was Colossians 3:21 and in the Amplified, it reads as "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]"
So, I looked up all the things not to do to children and how they would become and feel if you did those things. Because words are important, and I wanted to clearly understand what God meant by that. And that lead me to I Corinthians 13:4-8, which is all about love. And I realized that we are supposed to be parents that live what is said about love, which would avoid all of those things.
Basically, I seem to be starting to get a lesson about parenting together, which will hopefully lead back to me getting together my list of scriptures on parenting. (In other news, I know at least one thing that God is obviously gearing me up for, at some point.
So, yeah. I'm over here (and there but maybe not there) doing research about parenting. (No, I'm not currently pregnant. I'm just finishing up my period, thanks for asking.) If nothing else, I should be well prepared when I do become a mother. But the timing seems to be right for doing all this research and getting this information together.
Nicely, I have at least one ministry that I've got CDs from that I know teaches about marriage and parenting. I'll go through all my CDs and make notes soon. I am going to have lots of information on hand about children and parenting. And maybe someday, I'll be teaching others what God and others have taught me.
It started like this: I was listening to a sermon that we had playing overnight. It woke me up, and I was awake, so I had little else better to do. In it, the teacher was talking about how his mother had typed up scriptures for the teacher and his wife to stand on when they were believing God for a child. And I thought, "I should look up scriptures to do that." So, I started doing that.
Well, then we took a week's vacation and I relaxed and didn't work on the list. But when we got back on the truck, I started back up. And then I saw a verse that I know I've read before, but it didn't quite hit me the way it did this time I read it. It was Colossians 3:21 and in the Amplified, it reads as "Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or fret your children [do not be hard on them or harass them], lest they become discouraged and sullen and morose and feel inferior and frustrated. [Do not break their spirit.]"
So, I looked up all the things not to do to children and how they would become and feel if you did those things. Because words are important, and I wanted to clearly understand what God meant by that. And that lead me to I Corinthians 13:4-8, which is all about love. And I realized that we are supposed to be parents that live what is said about love, which would avoid all of those things.
Basically, I seem to be starting to get a lesson about parenting together, which will hopefully lead back to me getting together my list of scriptures on parenting. (In other news, I know at least one thing that God is obviously gearing me up for, at some point.
So, yeah. I'm over here (and there but maybe not there) doing research about parenting. (No, I'm not currently pregnant. I'm just finishing up my period, thanks for asking.) If nothing else, I should be well prepared when I do become a mother. But the timing seems to be right for doing all this research and getting this information together.
Nicely, I have at least one ministry that I've got CDs from that I know teaches about marriage and parenting. I'll go through all my CDs and make notes soon. I am going to have lots of information on hand about children and parenting. And maybe someday, I'll be teaching others what God and others have taught me.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
In Which I Feel Like a Hypocrite
There have been a couple of things bugging me lately. One is minor, it's pesky, it's annoying more than anything. The other is something that I feel speaks strongly of my heart.
The minor, pesky one is that lately words have not seemed like enough. Words don't express things fully enough. I cannot explain, to myself, to my satisfaction what I mean. This is likely to be something that, while never really going away, will soon fade back into the background of my attention. That's one of the problems with fighting depression. Words aren't adequate enough.
The major thing is the one I really want to write about tonight.
I apologize in advance. Mostly because I'm about to do what I'm about to complain about. I hate that. I don't like being a hypocrite. My only salvation for myself is that I'm not complaining about anyone in particular, but the perception of the whole. This does not satisfy me though.
My biggest problem with Christians, or at least how Christians are perceived (even by other Christians) is that Christians are, in general, a group that judges people (especially other Christians). I say that feeling like I'm being a hypocrite, because I'm judging Christians when I say that. I recognize the irony of judging their judgment. And I recognize this puts me into the group of people that I'm judging.
Anyway, my problem is that the Bible tells us to "Judge not, lest you be judged" (Matthew 7:1). We aren't supposed to accept sin in our churches, but we are supposed to accept the sinners. Somewhere, most Christians seem to lose that. We stop condemning the sin and start condemning the sinner. I'm not saying that people aren't capable of messing up. I mess up most days. I'm just saying that I don't have a right to tell someone that they are going to hell because I disagree with what they are doing (unless I'm trying to save them, I probably shouldn't be telling them that they are going to hell anyway).
It seems to me that this judging goes on in pretty much every area of people's lives. Who am I to tell someone what they can wear? Who am I to tell them what they can eat? Who am I to tell them who they can love? Who am I to tell them how they can love?
I know there are scriptures that cover at least some of those things. But it's not up to me to "enforce" those scriptures. As long as I live my life by what I learn from my Bible, I have no reason to tell someone else how to live theirs. At least, that seems what "Judge not" means to me. I am not their judge, God is. That means that I don't get to tell them how to live. Nicely, it also means they don't get to tell me how to live. Things are convenient that way.
I may not like my sister's tattoos or piercings, but that doesn't mean I should say that she's ugly (I don't like them, at least not the piercings. She's not ugly.). I may be able to prove that God thinks tattoos are ugly (I don't really care to try). That doesn't mean I should.
I may think that the kid on the next aisle should be in bed when I'm shopping at 11 pm. I may not be impressed that he's got a bottle of soda and is screaming at the top of his lungs. I may have lots of scripture on how kids should be raised. It doesn't mean I should judge that kid's parents. I don't know their lives. I don't know if this is normal or odd for their family. I shouldn't judge I don't have all the facts.
I may think that it's wrong for two men or two women to be in a relationship. I may have scripture to back up how wrong it is. I may think they are sinning. But that does not mean I should judge.
God didn't die and make me judge. I have no right to tell anyone (except maybe Ace and at some point our children) how to live. I have no right to tell anyone they are going to hell because they kiss someone of the wrong gender, have a tattoo, are a bad parent, or even just that they mess up. I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT.
And I have no right to judge Christians as judgmental. I HAVE NO RIGHT.
If I don't have that right, what makes someone else think they do?
The minor, pesky one is that lately words have not seemed like enough. Words don't express things fully enough. I cannot explain, to myself, to my satisfaction what I mean. This is likely to be something that, while never really going away, will soon fade back into the background of my attention. That's one of the problems with fighting depression. Words aren't adequate enough.
The major thing is the one I really want to write about tonight.
I apologize in advance. Mostly because I'm about to do what I'm about to complain about. I hate that. I don't like being a hypocrite. My only salvation for myself is that I'm not complaining about anyone in particular, but the perception of the whole. This does not satisfy me though.
My biggest problem with Christians, or at least how Christians are perceived (even by other Christians) is that Christians are, in general, a group that judges people (especially other Christians). I say that feeling like I'm being a hypocrite, because I'm judging Christians when I say that. I recognize the irony of judging their judgment. And I recognize this puts me into the group of people that I'm judging.
Anyway, my problem is that the Bible tells us to "Judge not, lest you be judged" (Matthew 7:1). We aren't supposed to accept sin in our churches, but we are supposed to accept the sinners. Somewhere, most Christians seem to lose that. We stop condemning the sin and start condemning the sinner. I'm not saying that people aren't capable of messing up. I mess up most days. I'm just saying that I don't have a right to tell someone that they are going to hell because I disagree with what they are doing (unless I'm trying to save them, I probably shouldn't be telling them that they are going to hell anyway).
It seems to me that this judging goes on in pretty much every area of people's lives. Who am I to tell someone what they can wear? Who am I to tell them what they can eat? Who am I to tell them who they can love? Who am I to tell them how they can love?
I know there are scriptures that cover at least some of those things. But it's not up to me to "enforce" those scriptures. As long as I live my life by what I learn from my Bible, I have no reason to tell someone else how to live theirs. At least, that seems what "Judge not" means to me. I am not their judge, God is. That means that I don't get to tell them how to live. Nicely, it also means they don't get to tell me how to live. Things are convenient that way.
I may not like my sister's tattoos or piercings, but that doesn't mean I should say that she's ugly (I don't like them, at least not the piercings. She's not ugly.). I may be able to prove that God thinks tattoos are ugly (I don't really care to try). That doesn't mean I should.
I may think that the kid on the next aisle should be in bed when I'm shopping at 11 pm. I may not be impressed that he's got a bottle of soda and is screaming at the top of his lungs. I may have lots of scripture on how kids should be raised. It doesn't mean I should judge that kid's parents. I don't know their lives. I don't know if this is normal or odd for their family. I shouldn't judge I don't have all the facts.
I may think that it's wrong for two men or two women to be in a relationship. I may have scripture to back up how wrong it is. I may think they are sinning. But that does not mean I should judge.
God didn't die and make me judge. I have no right to tell anyone (except maybe Ace and at some point our children) how to live. I have no right to tell anyone they are going to hell because they kiss someone of the wrong gender, have a tattoo, are a bad parent, or even just that they mess up. I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT.
And I have no right to judge Christians as judgmental. I HAVE NO RIGHT.
If I don't have that right, what makes someone else think they do?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Why I Love Ace
Ace and I are at a marriage conference this weekend (because even a great marriage can get better). Our homework for tonight is to write 10 things we love about each other. So, I'm posting my 10 things online, because I feel like sharing them with the world.
1. Ace loves God. Ace loves God more than he loves me, and he loves me a lot. While this bothered me when we were first married, I've since come to realize that I prefer it that way. If God is first, He will make sure that I am a very close second.
2. Ace takes wonderful care of me. Whether it's pain relievers and a heating pad when my back hurts or chocolate and a hug when I've had a long day or talking in silly accents to make me laugh when I'm depressed he takes wonderful care of me. It makes me feel loved and cherished.
3. Ace surprises me with special things from the store. Earlier tonight, we went shopping at Walmart. I went to the bathroom while Ace checked out. When we got home, he gave me the Nutella and bread sticks he bought for me as a surprise just because he knows I like Nutella (We tried it about a month ago. I liked it, Ace didn't.).
4. Ace doesn't take offense when I ask him to brush his teeth or have a mint after he eats barbecue sauce. He knows I don't like the smell and just want to be happy being close to him afterwards.
5. Ace puts my desires over his. 99% of the time, when we go out to eat, he lets me pick where we go. He lets me decide what we're watching most of the time. He lets me keep the remote, because he just doesn't care enough if he's got it.
6. Ace wants me to be able to be a housewife. For as much as I've complained about the bad stuff with my job lately, I know how much he's appreciated my being willing to work this job for us to have some money. And he is ready to let me be a housewife again as soon as possible.
7. Ace doesn't let his parents dictate how our marriage is going. They've tried, but he's stood up for me each time. He protects me, especially from people I can't quite protect myself from.
8. Ace dreams big. We may not be where we want to be, but his dreams of the future help mine grow and help make us see that these circumstances are just temporary. And that is magical.
9. Ace knows how to make my toes curl.
10. Ace loves my family. Even my brother (who annoys him).
1. Ace loves God. Ace loves God more than he loves me, and he loves me a lot. While this bothered me when we were first married, I've since come to realize that I prefer it that way. If God is first, He will make sure that I am a very close second.
2. Ace takes wonderful care of me. Whether it's pain relievers and a heating pad when my back hurts or chocolate and a hug when I've had a long day or talking in silly accents to make me laugh when I'm depressed he takes wonderful care of me. It makes me feel loved and cherished.
3. Ace surprises me with special things from the store. Earlier tonight, we went shopping at Walmart. I went to the bathroom while Ace checked out. When we got home, he gave me the Nutella and bread sticks he bought for me as a surprise just because he knows I like Nutella (We tried it about a month ago. I liked it, Ace didn't.).
4. Ace doesn't take offense when I ask him to brush his teeth or have a mint after he eats barbecue sauce. He knows I don't like the smell and just want to be happy being close to him afterwards.
5. Ace puts my desires over his. 99% of the time, when we go out to eat, he lets me pick where we go. He lets me decide what we're watching most of the time. He lets me keep the remote, because he just doesn't care enough if he's got it.
6. Ace wants me to be able to be a housewife. For as much as I've complained about the bad stuff with my job lately, I know how much he's appreciated my being willing to work this job for us to have some money. And he is ready to let me be a housewife again as soon as possible.
7. Ace doesn't let his parents dictate how our marriage is going. They've tried, but he's stood up for me each time. He protects me, especially from people I can't quite protect myself from.
8. Ace dreams big. We may not be where we want to be, but his dreams of the future help mine grow and help make us see that these circumstances are just temporary. And that is magical.
9. Ace knows how to make my toes curl.
10. Ace loves my family. Even my brother (who annoys him).
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
NaBloPoMo Day 16
What makes a Christian? Can I be called a Christian if I don't live a perfect life? These questions have popped up in my life recently (mostly from quizzes I was taking).
My problem with the idea of not being able to call myself a Christian if I slip in my walk with God is that no one would be able to call themselves a Christian if we hold them to that standard. We all mess up. Even on our best days, the ones we find our Christian walk the easiest, we still are human and can slip.
I don't have every scripture memorized. I doubt I ever will. The Bible is kind of a big book to try to memorize. But I have learned from it. I apply what I've learned to my life. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the easiest way to learn how to do the right thing in a situation is to sometimes do the wrong thing. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to mess up.
I don't always feel bad when I swear. I don't feel guilty because my entire focus is not on Jesus 24/7. I don't always remember to put others first, and because of that I have learned that sometimes you need to stop and take care of yourself. I can't help you feel better if I'm barely able to dress myself today.
I'm not perfect in my Christian walk. I struggle some days. I say the wrong thing entirely too often. I'm too selfish when something stressful is on my mind. I strive to do better after messing up and sometimes I still end up messing up worse. I focus too much on my flaws sometimes and fail to see the things that make me beautiful. I don't always remember to count my blessings.
I am a Christian. God loves me in spite of these things. And that makes me special.
My problem with the idea of not being able to call myself a Christian if I slip in my walk with God is that no one would be able to call themselves a Christian if we hold them to that standard. We all mess up. Even on our best days, the ones we find our Christian walk the easiest, we still are human and can slip.
I don't have every scripture memorized. I doubt I ever will. The Bible is kind of a big book to try to memorize. But I have learned from it. I apply what I've learned to my life. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I have to remind myself that the easiest way to learn how to do the right thing in a situation is to sometimes do the wrong thing. That doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to mess up.
I don't always feel bad when I swear. I don't feel guilty because my entire focus is not on Jesus 24/7. I don't always remember to put others first, and because of that I have learned that sometimes you need to stop and take care of yourself. I can't help you feel better if I'm barely able to dress myself today.
I'm not perfect in my Christian walk. I struggle some days. I say the wrong thing entirely too often. I'm too selfish when something stressful is on my mind. I strive to do better after messing up and sometimes I still end up messing up worse. I focus too much on my flaws sometimes and fail to see the things that make me beautiful. I don't always remember to count my blessings.
I am a Christian. God loves me in spite of these things. And that makes me special.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
There Is a Problem
Before I get into the post proper, allow me to proclaim that I am a Christian and that half of what I'm typing is probably being typed to me as well as anybody else. I'll admit that I am not perfect, in fact I'm probably pretty far from perfect. But, I feel like this is something that needs to be said.
Christians of the world, we have a problem. And until we get it straightened out, Jesus won't reach some of the people he should.
Before you get all up in arms, I know there is probably more than one problem in the body of Christ. But I'm focusing on this one, because it is the one that is on my mind. What problem is this? Let me tell you.
Christians are being too judgmental. The whole thing reminds me of the supposed Mommy Wars online. If we have even the slightest differences in belief from each other, then we seem to feel it's alright to judge. If I show up at church in a dress that's tighter than you would like, or worse in jeans, then I know that most places I'll be judged. My worth as a person is judged based on superficial things.
We seem to feel that as one of God's saved, we can sit in judgment over others. I find it frustrating, because I clearly remember red letters saying "Judge not that ye be not judged." (Matt. 7:1, KJV) We've been told not to judge by Jesus, the person we've decided to model our lives after. He even tells us why, we'll be judged by the same standards we judge with.
What sinner wants to face a group of people who are already judging them? What sinner wants to believe in a God waiting to condemn them for any and all wrongs they make? What Christian wants that either?
This is, in my opinion, a big problem among Christians. It seems to be a big part of the reason that some churches are dying off. I'm not trying to say that we, as Christians, need to tolerate any and all behavior from others. I'm just trying to encourage us all to look past the sin and love the sinner. God made this person too. They are probably hurting inside. Let's help them find the love of God to make them whole. And we need to start by showing each other love. Just because someone believes in Jesus, that doesn't mean that they aren't hurting too.
Christians of the world, let's start following after Jesus. Let's turn our image back to one of people who happily help serve others, no matter their faith. Let's bring God's love to the world.
Christians of the world, we have a problem. And until we get it straightened out, Jesus won't reach some of the people he should.
Before you get all up in arms, I know there is probably more than one problem in the body of Christ. But I'm focusing on this one, because it is the one that is on my mind. What problem is this? Let me tell you.
Christians are being too judgmental. The whole thing reminds me of the supposed Mommy Wars online. If we have even the slightest differences in belief from each other, then we seem to feel it's alright to judge. If I show up at church in a dress that's tighter than you would like, or worse in jeans, then I know that most places I'll be judged. My worth as a person is judged based on superficial things.
We seem to feel that as one of God's saved, we can sit in judgment over others. I find it frustrating, because I clearly remember red letters saying "Judge not that ye be not judged." (Matt. 7:1, KJV) We've been told not to judge by Jesus, the person we've decided to model our lives after. He even tells us why, we'll be judged by the same standards we judge with.
What sinner wants to face a group of people who are already judging them? What sinner wants to believe in a God waiting to condemn them for any and all wrongs they make? What Christian wants that either?
This is, in my opinion, a big problem among Christians. It seems to be a big part of the reason that some churches are dying off. I'm not trying to say that we, as Christians, need to tolerate any and all behavior from others. I'm just trying to encourage us all to look past the sin and love the sinner. God made this person too. They are probably hurting inside. Let's help them find the love of God to make them whole. And we need to start by showing each other love. Just because someone believes in Jesus, that doesn't mean that they aren't hurting too.
Christians of the world, let's start following after Jesus. Let's turn our image back to one of people who happily help serve others, no matter their faith. Let's bring God's love to the world.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
God is Faithful
Despite the feeling that the second half of May was stormy and frustrating, I never did get caught up in the undertow and dragged down into depression. For that, I am truly thankful. I did feel, towards the end of the day on the 31st, that I had nothing left to give to anyone because people kept making demands of me, but I wasn't depressed. I was just tired.
It's been just over a week since then. I'm feeling better, now that I've had some time away from demands. I feel a bit more like myself. I'm still looking out for the undertow, because I remember how quickly it can drag me to places I don't want to be. I'm trying to find my peacefulness again.
Yesterday, Ace and I went to pray for a local ministry. While we were there, we got to fellowship with a fellow Christian. She gave us some money for a dinner out to celebrate Ace's birthday. She helped us see the brightness of our future instead of focusing on our current circumstances. She blessed us far more than she will ever know. And she kept telling us that we were blessing her too. She found it hard to believe that we are coming up on our 8th anniversary, because we are still so obviously in love.
Things like that are what help strengthen my relationship with God. Every time I think I've reached a breaking point, I find a new measure of strength. Every time I need encouragement the most, someone is there to encourage me. When I need hope the most, some how hope finds me. Every time I wonder if some part of my story is going to have a sad ending, I find that the end hasn't come yet.
I understand how having something that hurts you to the core, shakes everything you thought you believed, can pull you away from God. I understand how losing something you had been praying for, waiting for, hoping for can make you mad and hurt and not ready to be friendly with God. But I also understand how, when the time is done and you find out more of the story, God's mercy and love can be seen shining through.
Every time something tragic and painful has happened to me, I found that after it was over, my faith had grown stronger. Every time, I found out something that showed me how God was looking out for me. No matter how much the emotional storms are raging, God always finds a way to give me the compassion and love that I so desperately need to find my way through to the end. And every time I start feeling like giving up, I only need to remember the good things, no matter how small, that have happened in the past to find the strength to carry on.
I know what it is to hurt. I know what it is to face loss. I know what it means to be broke and hungry. And all of those things have made me a stronger person. I have found that my God is bigger than my circumstances. He loves me. He never lets me walk alone. And during all those times, He has helped me find peace.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Phil. 4:13 KJV
It's been just over a week since then. I'm feeling better, now that I've had some time away from demands. I feel a bit more like myself. I'm still looking out for the undertow, because I remember how quickly it can drag me to places I don't want to be. I'm trying to find my peacefulness again.
Yesterday, Ace and I went to pray for a local ministry. While we were there, we got to fellowship with a fellow Christian. She gave us some money for a dinner out to celebrate Ace's birthday. She helped us see the brightness of our future instead of focusing on our current circumstances. She blessed us far more than she will ever know. And she kept telling us that we were blessing her too. She found it hard to believe that we are coming up on our 8th anniversary, because we are still so obviously in love.
Things like that are what help strengthen my relationship with God. Every time I think I've reached a breaking point, I find a new measure of strength. Every time I need encouragement the most, someone is there to encourage me. When I need hope the most, some how hope finds me. Every time I wonder if some part of my story is going to have a sad ending, I find that the end hasn't come yet.
I understand how having something that hurts you to the core, shakes everything you thought you believed, can pull you away from God. I understand how losing something you had been praying for, waiting for, hoping for can make you mad and hurt and not ready to be friendly with God. But I also understand how, when the time is done and you find out more of the story, God's mercy and love can be seen shining through.
Every time something tragic and painful has happened to me, I found that after it was over, my faith had grown stronger. Every time, I found out something that showed me how God was looking out for me. No matter how much the emotional storms are raging, God always finds a way to give me the compassion and love that I so desperately need to find my way through to the end. And every time I start feeling like giving up, I only need to remember the good things, no matter how small, that have happened in the past to find the strength to carry on.
I know what it is to hurt. I know what it is to face loss. I know what it means to be broke and hungry. And all of those things have made me a stronger person. I have found that my God is bigger than my circumstances. He loves me. He never lets me walk alone. And during all those times, He has helped me find peace.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." - Phil. 4:13 KJV
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Things I'm Thankful For
I feel like I've been whining and complaining a lot lately. Here on my blog, in real life, in my head. I don't like this. I'm thinking it's time to be focusing on things I'm thankful for.
Today, I am thankful for:
1. Claritin; it's been helping me breathe when whatever is affecting my lungs is messing with me.
2. Ace; he's been especially great while I've been emotional lately. He's been putting up with my non-sense for longer than seems fair.
3. My dad; Saturday, when we go to my brother's graduation, he's buying us lunch and giving us gas money for our trip. He helps make the certainty of seeing my mother seem less bad.
4. Half-priced drinks from Sonic.
5. God; He blessed me with some wonderful people who care about me. He cares about me. Even when people have let me down, He is there for me.
Today, I am thankful for:
1. Claritin; it's been helping me breathe when whatever is affecting my lungs is messing with me.
2. Ace; he's been especially great while I've been emotional lately. He's been putting up with my non-sense for longer than seems fair.
3. My dad; Saturday, when we go to my brother's graduation, he's buying us lunch and giving us gas money for our trip. He helps make the certainty of seeing my mother seem less bad.
4. Half-priced drinks from Sonic.
5. God; He blessed me with some wonderful people who care about me. He cares about me. Even when people have let me down, He is there for me.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
On Marriage
Ace and I went to a wedding today. It was lovely. There was laughter and kids making noise (as kids do). It went extremely well.
I didn't know either the bride or the groom before the wedding. I've now met the groom, but still really don't know either one of them. Ace used to know the groom back before we met.
Every time I go to a wedding (which isn't that often, since I can only think of 5 weddings I've been to and 2 were on the same day in the same location), I think of my wedding and the vows I made. I get reminded of what I promised Ace and it gives me a chance to look back and decide if I've been fulfilling those promises.
During the reception, Ace and I talked. I apologized for not always walking in love with him and following what I Corinthians 13 says about how love acts. He forgave me, as I knew he would. He shouldn't have had to.
Ace and I have known each other for 8 and 1/2 years now. We've been married for almost 8 years. I won't say we know everything there is to know about marriage, but we've got our relationship fairly well worked out. And I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything.
I love you, Ace! Thanks for being there and being yourself. It's helped make the past few years much more bearable. I'm excited about spending the rest of my life with you.
I didn't know either the bride or the groom before the wedding. I've now met the groom, but still really don't know either one of them. Ace used to know the groom back before we met.
Every time I go to a wedding (which isn't that often, since I can only think of 5 weddings I've been to and 2 were on the same day in the same location), I think of my wedding and the vows I made. I get reminded of what I promised Ace and it gives me a chance to look back and decide if I've been fulfilling those promises.
During the reception, Ace and I talked. I apologized for not always walking in love with him and following what I Corinthians 13 says about how love acts. He forgave me, as I knew he would. He shouldn't have had to.
Ace and I have known each other for 8 and 1/2 years now. We've been married for almost 8 years. I won't say we know everything there is to know about marriage, but we've got our relationship fairly well worked out. And I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything.
I love you, Ace! Thanks for being there and being yourself. It's helped make the past few years much more bearable. I'm excited about spending the rest of my life with you.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
6 Words
A while back people tried to tell a story with only 6 words. I could never quite figure out what to say in just 6 words. Today, I think I found my 6 words.
I am stronger than I think.
I am stronger than I think.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Better
I apologize for the absence. The past week was a bigger emotional struggle than it probably should have been. But I'm doing much better now.
Sometimes I just need someone to guide me back to my shore. I needed someone to remind me that my God is bigger than my problems. I needed someone to show me hope again.
I'm not saying life is perfect or necessarily even very different. But my emotional state is better.
Sometimes I just need someone to guide me back to my shore. I needed someone to remind me that my God is bigger than my problems. I needed someone to show me hope again.
I'm not saying life is perfect or necessarily even very different. But my emotional state is better.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Day 6
Today, I am thankful for God.
I originally intended to wait until day 7 for saying that I am thankful for God, but it seems somewhat appropriate to appreciate God on the Sabbath, even if I'm not Jewish.
God has been the one completely stable thing in my life. He has been with me from the beginning and will be with me. He helped me live through all the crap my mother said and all her insanity that I put up with for years. He brought me Ace at a time I desperately needed something good to start happening in my life. Since I've met Ace, I've had two stable influences.
God gave me strength when I started realizing that I probably needed to cut my mom out of my life. He gave me strength enough to actually cut her out about a year and a half later, when it was obvious that my mother could never give me her love and approval in any sort of recognizable way. He helped me patch my broken soul back together afterward when part of me wondered what was wrong with me that my own mother couldn't love me.
Since I've decided to leave the topic of my mother alone (seriously, I've poked at that tender area enough to realize that there was nothing healthy to be obtained by continuing to poke at it), God has been able to heal me even more. I can talk, briefly, about her without hurting. My mourning for the relationship I didn't have has passed and I'm just wondering why I held on to the relationship I did have for so long.
Through it all, the good times and the bad, God has been there for me. Even when I wasn't looking for him because I was too busy just trying to survive mentally intact. I can look back and see God's blessing on my life. I can look ahead and see what God's Word has promised me for my future.
I'm done looking back on my own life. There's nothing new to learn there. I'm looking ahead to God's promises and I'm moving toward them. And I know that God will be with me every step of my way. And for that, I am truly thankful.
I originally intended to wait until day 7 for saying that I am thankful for God, but it seems somewhat appropriate to appreciate God on the Sabbath, even if I'm not Jewish.
God has been the one completely stable thing in my life. He has been with me from the beginning and will be with me. He helped me live through all the crap my mother said and all her insanity that I put up with for years. He brought me Ace at a time I desperately needed something good to start happening in my life. Since I've met Ace, I've had two stable influences.
God gave me strength when I started realizing that I probably needed to cut my mom out of my life. He gave me strength enough to actually cut her out about a year and a half later, when it was obvious that my mother could never give me her love and approval in any sort of recognizable way. He helped me patch my broken soul back together afterward when part of me wondered what was wrong with me that my own mother couldn't love me.
Since I've decided to leave the topic of my mother alone (seriously, I've poked at that tender area enough to realize that there was nothing healthy to be obtained by continuing to poke at it), God has been able to heal me even more. I can talk, briefly, about her without hurting. My mourning for the relationship I didn't have has passed and I'm just wondering why I held on to the relationship I did have for so long.
Through it all, the good times and the bad, God has been there for me. Even when I wasn't looking for him because I was too busy just trying to survive mentally intact. I can look back and see God's blessing on my life. I can look ahead and see what God's Word has promised me for my future.
I'm done looking back on my own life. There's nothing new to learn there. I'm looking ahead to God's promises and I'm moving toward them. And I know that God will be with me every step of my way. And for that, I am truly thankful.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Things I'm Grateful For
1. A husband who loves me enough to stop playing his game and cuddle with me.
2. An iPod full of good preaching.
3. Solving my mouse problem without spending more money.
4. Having access to a hot tub when I'm sore and hurting (or just wanting to get in a hot tub).
5. Knowing that God has a plan for me.
6. That my in-laws did get Ace and I shirts while they were on vacation.
7. Finding someone else who doesn't like watermelon (there are at least two of us now, and I'm not quite as weird as I once was).
8. Getting a chance to realize that my father-in-law is pretty decent in general, he's just frustrated with his wife most of the time (I think).
9. My father, step-mother, brother, and sister all love me.
10. Going to church again, even if it is just on Wednesdays for now (girl's got to have some alone time with her hubby). Especially when I hear a message I need to hear, even if my metaphorical toes are a little squished afterward.
11. Getting reminded that I need to see myself with God's eyes instead of my own (or my mother's).
12. Praise and worship.
13. That God rocks, even if my socks stay on.
14. That being grateful for one thing leads me to being grateful for something else, until I have a nice long list.
15. That I've gotten to do some amazing things in my life, including helping build 4 different church buildings, go on a cruise, and get married to an amazing man.
16. Inside jokes. (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj) (No, I'm not explaining that joke today, that's why it's an inside joke.)
17. Having a husband that can make me laugh, even when I'm feeling like crying.
18. Having a husband who will hold me close when I'm crying.
19. Stories about kids that make me laugh and daydream about the day I'll have those same kind of stories.
20. Having a place to sort out my thoughts and share them with the world.
2. An iPod full of good preaching.
3. Solving my mouse problem without spending more money.
4. Having access to a hot tub when I'm sore and hurting (or just wanting to get in a hot tub).
5. Knowing that God has a plan for me.
6. That my in-laws did get Ace and I shirts while they were on vacation.
7. Finding someone else who doesn't like watermelon (there are at least two of us now, and I'm not quite as weird as I once was).
8. Getting a chance to realize that my father-in-law is pretty decent in general, he's just frustrated with his wife most of the time (I think).
9. My father, step-mother, brother, and sister all love me.
10. Going to church again, even if it is just on Wednesdays for now (girl's got to have some alone time with her hubby). Especially when I hear a message I need to hear, even if my metaphorical toes are a little squished afterward.
11. Getting reminded that I need to see myself with God's eyes instead of my own (or my mother's).
12. Praise and worship.
13. That God rocks, even if my socks stay on.
14. That being grateful for one thing leads me to being grateful for something else, until I have a nice long list.
15. That I've gotten to do some amazing things in my life, including helping build 4 different church buildings, go on a cruise, and get married to an amazing man.
16. Inside jokes. (jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj) (No, I'm not explaining that joke today, that's why it's an inside joke.)
17. Having a husband that can make me laugh, even when I'm feeling like crying.
18. Having a husband who will hold me close when I'm crying.
19. Stories about kids that make me laugh and daydream about the day I'll have those same kind of stories.
20. Having a place to sort out my thoughts and share them with the world.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
In Which a Line Is Thrown
I struggled the past few days. I've been fighting off depression and doubts about myself that had been creeping up on me while I had been distracted with something else. They are sneaky like that.
Anyway, I had been trying to go to some services of a conference at a local ministry the past few nights. I skipped Wednesday night, because I was busy fight off cramps and trying to find center emotionally (my period seems to have arrived a week early, I think). It wasn't a time for trying to focus on my spiritual side. Thursday, Ace and I went to the service, and I started crying twice before the actual service started. We left before the actual service started too, and I cried part of the way home. After we got home I cried some more, and then Ace and I talked and I started to feel better.
Friday, I wasn't sure I would make it through the service. Instead, I stayed home and watched it online (something I didn't think about doing on Wednesday). I managed to make it through the whole thing without crying, so I had hopes for Saturday night. I did realize that I needed to go Saturday, no matter what. So, Saturday comes and we go to the services. We got seated on the end of a pew (which was nice because I ducked out once to try to get my emotions back under control). I had clearly been remembered (Who would forget the one person carrying a throw pillow?), since I was asked if this seemed like it would work better for me. Over all, I did well. I only cried once and didn't bother anyone when I cried.
At the end of the service, I talked to some people who greatly helped me start feeling better about life in general. One of our friends offered to put us up in their home when/if we ever go down to visit them (they live in Mississippi). In fact, they said all we needed to do was pay for the gas to get down there, so we're hoping to make it down there sometime before the year is over. Then, we talked to another friend who obviously was extremely concerned about how I have been doing. She recommended some things and I'll be taking her advice to heart.
After probably floundering around emotionally, draining both my spiritual resources and my emotional ones, I finally have a line guiding me back to the shore. I have a feeling that I got exactly what I needed from the services tonight. It helped to be reminded how much God loves me, from multiple sources. I may not be where I want to be emotionally or spiritually (or physically) yet, but I now know how to get there from where I am at. And that makes all the difference.
Anyway, I had been trying to go to some services of a conference at a local ministry the past few nights. I skipped Wednesday night, because I was busy fight off cramps and trying to find center emotionally (my period seems to have arrived a week early, I think). It wasn't a time for trying to focus on my spiritual side. Thursday, Ace and I went to the service, and I started crying twice before the actual service started. We left before the actual service started too, and I cried part of the way home. After we got home I cried some more, and then Ace and I talked and I started to feel better.
Friday, I wasn't sure I would make it through the service. Instead, I stayed home and watched it online (something I didn't think about doing on Wednesday). I managed to make it through the whole thing without crying, so I had hopes for Saturday night. I did realize that I needed to go Saturday, no matter what. So, Saturday comes and we go to the services. We got seated on the end of a pew (which was nice because I ducked out once to try to get my emotions back under control). I had clearly been remembered (Who would forget the one person carrying a throw pillow?), since I was asked if this seemed like it would work better for me. Over all, I did well. I only cried once and didn't bother anyone when I cried.
At the end of the service, I talked to some people who greatly helped me start feeling better about life in general. One of our friends offered to put us up in their home when/if we ever go down to visit them (they live in Mississippi). In fact, they said all we needed to do was pay for the gas to get down there, so we're hoping to make it down there sometime before the year is over. Then, we talked to another friend who obviously was extremely concerned about how I have been doing. She recommended some things and I'll be taking her advice to heart.
After probably floundering around emotionally, draining both my spiritual resources and my emotional ones, I finally have a line guiding me back to the shore. I have a feeling that I got exactly what I needed from the services tonight. It helped to be reminded how much God loves me, from multiple sources. I may not be where I want to be emotionally or spiritually (or physically) yet, but I now know how to get there from where I am at. And that makes all the difference.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Faith
I don't often talk about my religious beliefs. Mostly because I feel like it's one of those topics that is better left alone in general. It's too personal to me to open myself up to just anyone and risk their censure of what I feel is the truth.
That said, I am a Christian. I've gone to a church for most of my life, and would be now if it weren't one of the only times Ace and I get to be fully alone (which usually leads to sex). When we get out of here, we'll go back to going to church, either in person or online.
I enjoy reading different versions of the Bible to see what they each say. So far, my favorite version is the Amplified Bible. I like the extra details that are put in to clarify things. It's a good reminder that the Hebrew or Greek words had a bigger meaning than a lot of the English words do.
I know several verses by heart, but don't know the reference to go with it on all of them. I know that "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word," but I'm not fully sure where that is in the New Testament (Romans?). I know that some of the best conversations I have with Ace are about the Bible, something that thrills me. I like having a husband I can talk to about what I believe, who will challenge me to grow with him spiritually instead of leaving me to find faith by myself.
I am not ashamed of my faith, but I'm protective of it. It's not fragile, most of it having been formed during hard times filled with struggles necessitating strong faith, but it's intensely personal and I've learned to protect that which is personal.
I believe that what Jesus said (all that stuff in red, if you have a red letter Bible) is still as true today as it was when Jesus said it. I believe that I should try to be like Jesus, but that doesn't mean that I need to give up my laptop/car/technology/indoor plumbing/etc. I believe that new technology can be used to spread the Gospel, even if it's not the first thing that it's used for.
I have faith, but I don't normally talk about it. Maybe it's time to start. Maybe it's time to show another side of myself.
That said, I am a Christian. I've gone to a church for most of my life, and would be now if it weren't one of the only times Ace and I get to be fully alone (which usually leads to sex). When we get out of here, we'll go back to going to church, either in person or online.
I enjoy reading different versions of the Bible to see what they each say. So far, my favorite version is the Amplified Bible. I like the extra details that are put in to clarify things. It's a good reminder that the Hebrew or Greek words had a bigger meaning than a lot of the English words do.
I know several verses by heart, but don't know the reference to go with it on all of them. I know that "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word," but I'm not fully sure where that is in the New Testament (Romans?). I know that some of the best conversations I have with Ace are about the Bible, something that thrills me. I like having a husband I can talk to about what I believe, who will challenge me to grow with him spiritually instead of leaving me to find faith by myself.
I am not ashamed of my faith, but I'm protective of it. It's not fragile, most of it having been formed during hard times filled with struggles necessitating strong faith, but it's intensely personal and I've learned to protect that which is personal.
I believe that what Jesus said (all that stuff in red, if you have a red letter Bible) is still as true today as it was when Jesus said it. I believe that I should try to be like Jesus, but that doesn't mean that I need to give up my laptop/car/technology/indoor plumbing/etc. I believe that new technology can be used to spread the Gospel, even if it's not the first thing that it's used for.
I have faith, but I don't normally talk about it. Maybe it's time to start. Maybe it's time to show another side of myself.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Goals
Earlier this month, I set myself some goals for each day. Nothing hard, only a few that are potentially time consuming, but all important for me.
I'm reading Proverbs everyday, as well as reading the Gospels and reading along with a church Ace and I were going to when we lived in Springfield (although, right now they are reading the Gospels, so I'm reading 2 chapters of the Bible a day Mon-Fri and 1 on weekends). And I read my Bible chapters before I look at anything else online (I like the flexibility of the versions I get reading the Bible online).
When I get up, I'm doing my shoulder exercises (except the last Tuesday and Wednesday, because of the bed stuff). They usually take me less than a minute, but should help my shoulder a lot.
I do a lot of surveys and I'm now trying to do that as I find them in my e-mail so that they don't stack up (that has also fallen slightly off track because of the bed stuff). This is one of the time consuming things on my list, but they don't really take that long if I do them everyday.
I am trying to focus on listening to Biblical teaching everyday during the news, and following along in the Bible while the are teaching. This has been a little too hit and miss since I went to visit my dad last week, but I now have space in a cleaned out bedroom to be able to do that. This is "time consuming", but it's using some of my abundant free time, so I'm fine with that.
I'm also trying to write something, somewhere everyday. That's part of the reason I'm posting here more often all of the sudden. It's important to be in the habit of writing, since I'm a writer. So, I'm getting into that habit. It's probably the only habit that didn't suffer from this bed situation (I'll tell you the rest of that story later).
The only other things on my list of goals are things for me to pray about. The big one for me is that I'm praying for my Mom's happiness. I do want her to be happy, and that's something that I've struggled with some. It took me a long while to realize that it's okay for me to want her to find something that makes her happy. I'm starting to hope that happiness with spread throughout her life and make lots of changes there.
Anyway, right now, for the time being, those are my goals. Hopefully doing these things daily will make an impact. Hopefully spending more time in the Word will help me to spend more time living the Word in the rest of my life. Hopefully it will help me grow discipline in the areas of my life that need discipline. Hopefully it will help me heal emotionally from the past.
I'm reading Proverbs everyday, as well as reading the Gospels and reading along with a church Ace and I were going to when we lived in Springfield (although, right now they are reading the Gospels, so I'm reading 2 chapters of the Bible a day Mon-Fri and 1 on weekends). And I read my Bible chapters before I look at anything else online (I like the flexibility of the versions I get reading the Bible online).
When I get up, I'm doing my shoulder exercises (except the last Tuesday and Wednesday, because of the bed stuff). They usually take me less than a minute, but should help my shoulder a lot.
I do a lot of surveys and I'm now trying to do that as I find them in my e-mail so that they don't stack up (that has also fallen slightly off track because of the bed stuff). This is one of the time consuming things on my list, but they don't really take that long if I do them everyday.
I am trying to focus on listening to Biblical teaching everyday during the news, and following along in the Bible while the are teaching. This has been a little too hit and miss since I went to visit my dad last week, but I now have space in a cleaned out bedroom to be able to do that. This is "time consuming", but it's using some of my abundant free time, so I'm fine with that.
I'm also trying to write something, somewhere everyday. That's part of the reason I'm posting here more often all of the sudden. It's important to be in the habit of writing, since I'm a writer. So, I'm getting into that habit. It's probably the only habit that didn't suffer from this bed situation (I'll tell you the rest of that story later).
The only other things on my list of goals are things for me to pray about. The big one for me is that I'm praying for my Mom's happiness. I do want her to be happy, and that's something that I've struggled with some. It took me a long while to realize that it's okay for me to want her to find something that makes her happy. I'm starting to hope that happiness with spread throughout her life and make lots of changes there.
Anyway, right now, for the time being, those are my goals. Hopefully doing these things daily will make an impact. Hopefully spending more time in the Word will help me to spend more time living the Word in the rest of my life. Hopefully it will help me grow discipline in the areas of my life that need discipline. Hopefully it will help me heal emotionally from the past.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Hymns
Lately, I've been going back over old hymns I remember from years and years of singing. I've been looking at what the lyrics say and comparing it to what I know the Bible says.
Some of my favorites, the ones written in the late 1800s, are the ones that follow closest to what the Bible says. That makes me happy, because if I'm singing to or about God, it should be something that agrees with what God said about himself.
Some songs seem to offer comfort to me, as they are familiar at a time when things seem to be so different than what I'm used to. Some songs offer me encouragement, they remind me what God has promised. Some songs surprise me, I find more faith in them than I originally expected to find.
That's not to say that I haven't found some disappointment in looking a hymns too. There are a few too many that seem to have been written based on how people expect life to be, because of what they are seeing, instead of what the Bible tells them life should be. The writers seem to not have much faith in God doing what he said (or much faith in God, period). It doesn't seem right that those songs have found their way into the mix with songs full of faith and God's word.
I know that I've been talking about God a lot lately. Part of it is posting every day this month. I'm finding that I'm posting about what I've been focusing on, which has been the Bible. Part of it is the fact that I've been focusing on the Bible. I've been stirring myself up in my most holy faith and it's come shining out.
And I think I like that. It's what seems right for right now. Maybe we all need a little more light in a world that seems determined to drown us in darkness. Maybe it's God, trying to reach out and touch someone (probably me).
Some of my favorites, the ones written in the late 1800s, are the ones that follow closest to what the Bible says. That makes me happy, because if I'm singing to or about God, it should be something that agrees with what God said about himself.
Some songs seem to offer comfort to me, as they are familiar at a time when things seem to be so different than what I'm used to. Some songs offer me encouragement, they remind me what God has promised. Some songs surprise me, I find more faith in them than I originally expected to find.
That's not to say that I haven't found some disappointment in looking a hymns too. There are a few too many that seem to have been written based on how people expect life to be, because of what they are seeing, instead of what the Bible tells them life should be. The writers seem to not have much faith in God doing what he said (or much faith in God, period). It doesn't seem right that those songs have found their way into the mix with songs full of faith and God's word.
I know that I've been talking about God a lot lately. Part of it is posting every day this month. I'm finding that I'm posting about what I've been focusing on, which has been the Bible. Part of it is the fact that I've been focusing on the Bible. I've been stirring myself up in my most holy faith and it's come shining out.
And I think I like that. It's what seems right for right now. Maybe we all need a little more light in a world that seems determined to drown us in darkness. Maybe it's God, trying to reach out and touch someone (probably me).
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Why I Don't Judge Most People
I don't like the idea of being judged. I, in my own mind, feel like I am being judged by everyone around me, even though I'm fairly sure most people don't pay any attention to me.
I got reminded last night why it's a good thing not to judge others. I don't know their hearts or their intentions behind their actions. Since I don't know why they do something, I am unable to judge them effectively. I don't know what all they thought their options were, which would make judging someone even harder.
I'm not perfect about this, I know. If I were, I would probably still be talking to my mother, at least a little bit. But I know how her decisions have effected me, so I find it harder to look for good intentions behind some of her actions (mostly the intentions behind her harsh words).
So, I'm trying to be better about this. I'm trying to realize that some people have messed up thinking and intentions that I'll never understand. I'm trying to remember that just because I don't understand why someone is doing something doesn't mean that they have bad intentions or bad logic.
I'm trying not to judge others. And usually, I succeed. Maybe the world would be better if we could all do this. Maybe.
I got reminded last night why it's a good thing not to judge others. I don't know their hearts or their intentions behind their actions. Since I don't know why they do something, I am unable to judge them effectively. I don't know what all they thought their options were, which would make judging someone even harder.
I'm not perfect about this, I know. If I were, I would probably still be talking to my mother, at least a little bit. But I know how her decisions have effected me, so I find it harder to look for good intentions behind some of her actions (mostly the intentions behind her harsh words).
So, I'm trying to be better about this. I'm trying to realize that some people have messed up thinking and intentions that I'll never understand. I'm trying to remember that just because I don't understand why someone is doing something doesn't mean that they have bad intentions or bad logic.
I'm trying not to judge others. And usually, I succeed. Maybe the world would be better if we could all do this. Maybe.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Light and Easy
Today has been a good day. Today, Ace and I got up way earlier than I wanted to and went to church. We got to sit nice and close to the front, so there wouldn't be anyone distracting us.
And then, when we could have let the sermon seem like it was stepping on our toes, we instead looked at it as a gentle reminder of what we need to be doing so that our toes don't need stepping on.
Church lead to a nice discussion on the way home and a chance to work on forgiving Christians who have hurt us in the past, as we need to not carry hurt and anger around. It lead to us talking about our faith and how we've continually trusted God even when we were shaky on trusting Christians we didn't know very well. And how we feel like we can trust other Christians at our new church.
And then we spent a good portion of the afternoon playing World of Warcraft (Ace is still playing, which doesn't surprise me at all). And now I'm sitting here thinking that this has been a great day. We could use more days like this. And the only reason I don't feel like we have them is because of me focusing on the wrong things.
Today has been light and easy. Just as it should be.
And then, when we could have let the sermon seem like it was stepping on our toes, we instead looked at it as a gentle reminder of what we need to be doing so that our toes don't need stepping on.
Church lead to a nice discussion on the way home and a chance to work on forgiving Christians who have hurt us in the past, as we need to not carry hurt and anger around. It lead to us talking about our faith and how we've continually trusted God even when we were shaky on trusting Christians we didn't know very well. And how we feel like we can trust other Christians at our new church.
And then we spent a good portion of the afternoon playing World of Warcraft (Ace is still playing, which doesn't surprise me at all). And now I'm sitting here thinking that this has been a great day. We could use more days like this. And the only reason I don't feel like we have them is because of me focusing on the wrong things.
Today has been light and easy. Just as it should be.
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