Suicide Is Hardly Painless

I know it's been forever since I last posted. Sorry about that. Things have changed some, and I'm now driving (at least sometimes) and that has lead to being more tired and less inclined to write. I'm also less inclined to read as much. It's making me sad. That, however, is not the point of this post.

I want to talk about my theory of suicide. (Robin Williams is still having a profound effect. Hopefully people will get help instead of following the leader.) If that bothers you, sorry. Hopefully I'll post something less emotionally traumatizing soon after this. You might want to skip this post if you are fighting that fight, although I'm not really planning on going into hows as much as whys.

I have a friend who posted a link on FaceBook about depression. And it got me thinking, once I got past my emotional first reaction of finding depression entirely too close for comfort.

I used to believe, back before I ever fought depression, that suicide was selfish. I was a stupid teenager who wondered how someone suicidal didn't see the impact on their loved ones who were left to mourn the loss. I didn't understand that sometimes people are just pushed to the edge of what they can handle and the lack of hope is the final straw. I did understand that as bad as things seemed, ending my own life would never seem likely a good solution, because I'm probably more scared of the potential physical pain than I am of finding a way to just keep going. I'm kind of wired oddly sometimes, but it works well for me in the long run.

Today, I saw much more clearly that suicide is much more about someone who couldn't hold on any more. The pain and rawness of depression are too much. The numbness seems unending. The lies of depression seem too believable. The self-loathing is too acute and the belief that no one else cares seems too real. You know that it's not true, but you just can't fight any more.

I'm still not the kind of person to attempt suicide. I'd rather just hide from society and just not move until something motivates me enough. I struggled two years ago with depression crippling enough that I wasn't eating right and couldn't find it in me to want to do anything about it. But I found the motivation to go shopping once a week and go to a prayer team once a week and to do the minimum that I needed to not become one with the bed. It was horrible, because I just felt so bad and I wasn't sure how I was going to be okay again. And then, it got better.

But it helps me understand better why someone might give up. When 3 steps is too far for food, you learn things about yourself. And they aren't pretty things.

I survived. I've not had anything even remotely as bad as that happen again.

We are, all of us, more than our weakest moments.

Even when we fail to make it through those moments.

If you are depressed, please find help. I should have. I wish I did. I wish I could have. I'm thankful that my will to survive was stronger than my lack of motivation. I am willing to listen/read. I don't have answers for you, but sometimes just sharing with someone helps. If I'm not your cup of tea, please find someone who is. There are plenty of people out there willing to help. And not all of them require making a phone call. (Sorry, my own weird phone phobia is slipping in.)

And remember, please, that you are more than your weakest moments. It does, eventually, get better. Depression lies. And someone does love you.

Thanks.

Depression Doesn't Care About That

I have talked, briefly, in the past about my depression. I have mostly, in my own opinion, whined about feeling depressed and upset and sad. Trust me when I say, I hate talking about depression as much as I hate having depression.

However, I've never really talked about depression as just the disease of depression. Because it is a disease, and not just because it's in a big medical text book about mental health diseases. After all, homosexuality used to be in that big book. No, depression is a disease because we know at least some of the causes (mostly chemical imbalances in the brain).

Not that that is what I want to talk about either.

I want to talk about the fact that depression doesn't care about race, sexuality, gender, or any other factor when deciding who to affect. It doesn't care about your politics, who you went to school with, or what your favorite color is. How things are going in your life can affect whether or not you have a depressive episode (it sounds like a TV show when I say that... if only it could be fixed in 30 minutes or less with a nice warm hug at the end and never return again). My worst bout of depression happened last year when Ace was on a truck and I was stuck living with his parents and feeling helpless about most things. And it was bad enough that I stopped eating almost entirely and barely functioned as a human being.

Before you say that I was just a whiny girl, keep in mind that I wanted to care about at least some of normal, regular, everyday things. But I just couldn't because it took all I had some days just to get out from under the covers, get dressed, and grab food that was sitting three steps away. I never wanted to hurt myself, I just couldn't seem to take care of myself either.

Depression didn't care that I was only a few months away from spending almost 24-7 with Ace again. Depression didn't care that I was finally starting to be more financially stable. Depression didn't care that my life wasn't truly getting worse (except the parts where my father-in-law was trying to sexually harass me, claiming it was to show me love, but that is a totally different topic). Depression didn't care about any of that. It just wanted to suck me down into it's seedy undertow.

And there have been times that just something less than good happening on some random day that depression has tried to suck me into it's midst. And while you might feel like that's me being somewhat entitled and stuck up, it's been about stupid things that have only minorly inconvenienced us. Things that didn't matter in the long run. Because depression didn't care that it was stupid and annoying more than anything else. It had found a foothold and wanted to drag me down.

If you ever have someone you care about tell you that they are depressed, please don't tell them to get over it. Please don't act like they can just choose to become happy again. Tell them that you care and you want to do anything you can to help. Tell them that it's good that they got out of bed and got dressed, because those things can be big accomplishments when you are depressed. Tell them that you are willing to listen or help them find professional help. Be willing to listen and help them find professional help. And for God's sake, don't act like it's not important that they are hurting and needing help. Don't treat their statements as light. If they are telling you, they feel safe with you and they want to confide in you and probably get help. If they tell you they've thought about hurting themselves or committing suicide, take them seriously. Help them help themselves and be willing to help them get serious help. Because it is a cry for help.

I considered asking for help last year. I knew that what I was feeling and how I was living was not healthy, but I didn't have anyone I trusted around me to help. Despite that, I did get better. Mostly because Ace got to take some time off and that helped tremendously. I had something to do each week that helped me focus on other people and that helped. But it was not the way I wanted to get better. I deserved better and so does everyone else who is hurting. Because those commercials about depression meds are right about one thing; depression hurts. And it hurts others to see the effects of depression on someone they love (at least it seems to hurt Ace when I'm hurting).

If you are depressed, please remember that it does get better. Sometimes it needs help, but it does get better. If someone you care about is depressed, please help them through until it gets better. Sometimes, that some of the help that is needed.

And no matter what, don't tell someone to just get over it. That never works.

It Gets Better - The Depressed Version

Lately, I've been doing things at odd times. I blame my sleep schedule, which is fairly erratic right now. That really has nothing to do with anything, I just thought I'd share it.

I've been thinking on the campaign for LGBT teen community. Mostly with the statement "It gets better." I like that statement. It's a good statement.

I'm adopting it as my statement to people who are depressed. Mostly because some days, some really dark days, that statement needs to be said. So, here it is: "It gets better."

I know that it won't fix your problems or make you feel motivated or make things magically better. I know this. I've been there. Where sitting up is all you are up for. Where changing clothes seems pointless or exhausting or stupid. Where you either eat anything you can get your hands on or you can't be bothered to eat because the food is over there and that's just too far away right now. I have been there. Somehow, I doubt I'll avoid ever going there again, no matter how much I'd like to.

But it gets better. It does. No matter how bad I'm feeling, it doesn't last. No matter how little I care right now, at some point I'll start caring again. No matter how low things seem, it won't stay that way.

I never fully know what will pull me out of my depression. Sometimes it's watching cartoons and funny movies and just putting things that make me laugh in front of my face. Sometimes it's getting reminded of my blessings. Sometimes, apparently, it takes Ace telling me to just grow up and deal with it.

The important thing is that it gets better. I don't stay in that place, where I can barely breath. I find passion for things again. I can take care of myself again. I can tell someone else that it gets better.

So please, if you are depressed, get some help. Find something that works to pull you out. But please, please, please, keep in mind that "It gets better." Don't do something dangerous or stupid. Please.

Keep Your Friends Close

My dad commented on a FaceBook post of mine and it's got me thinking. I quoted part of the song Lean on Me (If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry, I'm right up the road I'll share your load if you just call me.). He said, "just because that is how you roll. You seem to believe keep your friends close, and your best friends even closer."

He's right, of course. If you are my friend, I care about what is going on in your life and I generally try to keep at least some tabs on you. If I love you, I keep myself in your life. I replied, "helps keep me happy, being surrounded by people I love."

I think this is the secret to living a fulfilling life. It's not to keep your enemies close, it's to walk away from them and surround yourself with people you care about who also care about you. It's not that you'll never have problems this way, but they will be easier to deal with. You will have surrounded yourself with an emotional safety net to keep you from getting hurt.

So, keep your friends close and your best friends even closer.

Marriage Is Work, But It's Fun

Yesterday, Ace and I got to hear about marriage and how to build a stronger marriage (we love learning about how to strengthen our marriage). Nicely, we left feeling like we'd already figured most of the things we were being taught out before now and that our marriage was flowing fairly smoothly because of it. It did, however, inspire me to want to write about marriage some today.

One of the biggest things that seems to need saying is that no one can read another person's mind. If you are mad at me, there's probably a very good chance that I don't know exactly what I did to make you mad. Most people, usually women, get mad at their spouses and then won't say why they are mad. And that just complicates things for no good reason.

To be honest, I think the biggest thing that kills most marriages is that no one in that marriage is communicating clearly with their spouse. Ace and I occasionally miss what the other person said or have misunderstandings of the ideas trying to be communicated. But, instead of just getting mad, we try again to communicate with each other. It helps us communicate with other people better, because we are working on communicating within our own marriage.

As the pastor spoke, he mentioned that if the couples he would counsel would just communicate more (and be allowed to tell their spouse what changes they need in the relationship without anger being expressed over them), most of their problems would not exist. That doesn't surprise me. Ace and I talk a lot and we don't have many problems in our relationship because we don't let things fester. I don't continuously get onto him if he leaves his dirty socks out of the laundry, but I occasionally remind him that it really bothers me. He doesn't constantly tell me that I need to start doing X or Y more often (he has things for X or Y, but I'd rather not discuss them today), but he does remind me from time to time that he'd prefer it if I'd do them. We vent the frustration quickly and then we move on to other, more positive things.

Ace and I don't push each other's buttons when one of us is mad. We walk away from the discussion for a few minutes and calm down and then discuss it calmly and rationally (normally, I'm the one who feels the need to calm down, and I haven't needed to do that in years). There's passion in our conversations, but there isn't anger or hurt. We fix the cause and that pulls us closer together. So, for heaven's sake, talk to each other! Be honest and open, but respectful! This could help keep your marriage from being a negative statistic!

Now comes the exciting part of this post. I'm going to talk about sex. Men, if you want more sex, give your wife some non-sexual affection. You can go look up non-sexual now, we'll all wait. If you are wondering how that works, when a woman gets non-sexual affection, she starts to feel loved and cherished instead of feeling like she is just someone you want to have sex with. It starts making her want to return the affection, which leads to sex. If you try giving your wife non-sexual affection and it doesn't lead to sex within a week, I'll be happy to refund you your entrance fee for reading this post. Women, if you have sex with your husband, it will lead to more affection. I'm not sure how it works, but sex will somehow make your husband more interested in giving you hugs and kisses and holding your hand and all those other things he did when you were dating (if he didn't do those things, I'm not sure what to tell you, other than point out that if he does them, he'll get more sex).

While you are doing those 3 simple things, remember that while they may feel like you are doing a lot of work (and that it may only start out with one of you doing these things, because someone has to start the process), they quickly become easier until they become habits. And once they become habits, you should realize that they are fun. Sex is fun! Non-sexual affection is fun! Communicating is fun! Not needing to fight about things is fun. And more importantly, it helps you to have a more stable relationship. I know this, because Ace and I do this. We communicate openly and honestly, we show affection for each other, we have sex and both enjoy it. And we both want you to have all of that too.

Isn't a great, fun marriage worth a little bit of work? Especially when it saves you work in the long run?

Why I Don't Judge Most People

I don't like the idea of being judged. I, in my own mind, feel like I am being judged by everyone around me, even though I'm fairly sure most people don't pay any attention to me.

I got reminded last night why it's a good thing not to judge others. I don't know their hearts or their intentions behind their actions. Since I don't know why they do something, I am unable to judge them effectively. I don't know what all they thought their options were, which would make judging someone even harder.

I'm not perfect about this, I know. If I were, I would probably still be talking to my mother, at least a little bit. But I know how her decisions have effected me, so I find it harder to look for good intentions behind some of her actions (mostly the intentions behind her harsh words).

So, I'm trying to be better about this. I'm trying to realize that some people have messed up thinking and intentions that I'll never understand. I'm trying to remember that just because I don't understand why someone is doing something doesn't mean that they have bad intentions or bad logic.

I'm trying not to judge others. And usually, I succeed. Maybe the world would be better if we could all do this. Maybe.

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is my birthday. 29 years ago, my mother gave birth to me. I feel like I should have more to say about that, but I really don't.

Instead, I'm taking a page out of Jenna's book (or a tradition from her family) and posting what I've learned this last year.

1. While it's embarrassing for a little while, you get over the embarrassment of having gone through a foreclosure. And you get over leaving the better part of a houseful of furniture, because it's just stuff.

2. My marriage is strong. It doesn't always feel that way, but that's usually because we are focusing on the small differences. When we're dealing with anything big, those differences can come in handy.

3. My family rocks. My dad is currently letting us live with him (we aren't sure how long that's going to last). My sister came up to help us move (even though we didn't end up needing her help that much). My dad has also offered to store some of our stuff until we are ready for it again.

4. Sometimes someone else's pain cuts just as deeply as our own does. We can mourn for their loss as if it were ours. It can make us long to be able to comfort someone, even though there isn't really much we can say or do. It can give the past some merit, even if it doesn't feel like enough.

5. Often change, even painful and surprisingly drastic change, is a good thing. Sometimes when things seem the hardest, you find that you're happy to see the changes happening. And while you may get nostalgic for what was, you're happy that things changed.

6. No two people, even when they go through the same experience, feel the exact same way. You can sympathize more, but it's not the same.

7. My sister is fun to talk to, even when she's talking about people I don't know. She's a great person and I'm glad I got to spend a lot of time with her Friday and Saturday. Also, we both describe movies the same way (We jump around in the movie, trying to tell everything we think is important. I'm sure it's annoying.).

8. Sometimes situations are more fluid than they seem. Things can change quickly. It's amazing how quickly you can adjust to change. It's also amazing how quickly you can figure out what is really important and what isn't.

Today is my birthday. This past year has been one of the roughest of my life. But, I survived it and am able to meet new challenges.

But first, I'm going to celebrate. Because it is my birthday.

Finding Strength

Sometimes, I find myself surprised that I'm not a quivering mass hiding under the blankets, because I figured that this or that would be the last thing I could handle at this point.

And yet, I still find the ability to continue on with life instead of hiding. I find hidden stores of emotional strength just when I think I've reached my breaking point.

More and more lately I've been wondering exactly how this happens, but tonight I realized why. It's because of God's grace.

Every time I think I'm at a breaking point, I find that he's given me the grace and the strength to continue. In fact, he seems to give me enough grace to find peace and humor in my situation.

That isn't to say that I never have tears to shed or a desire to skip past certain things. It just that the tears don't stay and there is grace to help me through those uncomfortable times.

I still find it amazing and awe-inspiring that God loves me enough to ensure that I'm not a quivering mass under my blanket, but instead am strong enough to hold my head up high and keep pushing through the bad times until I get to the good times.

And if He does it for me, He'll do it for you too. Because while I'm special to God, so are you.

Leave and Cleave

Ace and I are spending some time today listening to some mp3s of a marriage enrichment seminar.

Right now, they are covering the idea of leaving your parents and cleaving to your spouse. It is an important step for marriages, especially for young newlyweds. And it's odd, because I'm seeing things that will be important for when I've got kids who are married (something a way off). Mostly things that will ensure that I'm a good mother-in-law, which is a good thing to be.

Right now, Ace and I are still working on the leaving of his parents. We don't see them often, but we need to stop telling them every detail of our lives (mostly our finances) when we do see them. They don't need to know all of this stuff.

Right now, we aren't sure what the response would be if we told them that they don't need to know the information. And right now, we aren't in a position to fully be able to not care about their response (soon, we will be, at which time it will hopefully be something we find amusing even if it's not meant to be).

And for now, we will continue to work on leaving and cleaving. And hopefully, we won't the only people doing so.

TTFN!

To Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor,

You don't mind me calling you Taylor do you? You seem like such a sweet girl, so I doubt that it's a big issue (if you do care, let me know).

Tonight, I saw the episode of CSI that you did. I was very impressed. You did well. It was interesting to see how they had your character change through the year, with a different look each time she was seen.

I love your songs. Whenever one comes on that I know, I sing along (which is so totally not fair to your wonderful voice). It reminds me of being a teenager and trying to fit in/find love. And I think those songs will take you far.

I'm just hoping you stay on top of your career and around trustworthy people, because I'd hate to see the stresses of fame cause problems. I also hope you don't take any criticism too seriously, because there are people out in the world that will say hateful things because they are jealous. I don't understand those thought patterns (you being talented doesn't take anything away from me, so I just enjoy the fact that you are able to share your talent with the world).

I'm impressed with many of the decisions you and your family have made. You dress well while still being appropriately covered. You seem to know that teens and pre-teens are looking up to you, and it shows that you care when you make sure you are a good example of how to dress and act in public. And for this I appreciate you all the more. You do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things, which is something that most girls your age seem to struggle with. And that encourages me to follow your career so that I can show my future children that they can do what they love and not bend just to follow others examples.

So, as a future mother, I just really want to say, "Thank you, Taylor Swift. Thank you for being a good example, and for making that important in your life. I know it's not always easy, but it is important and people do appreciate you for doing so."

And as a fan of your music, I say, "Keep them coming, please."

Love,

M.A. Smith

P.S.: I love Our Song and Love Story. I'm also impressed that you write or co-write all of your songs.

Control, TV, and Randomness

OK, I wasn't going to post today, but I have words and they are bursting to come out (if Ace didn't have to work today, he would be asking me to settle down for a little while, I think). Unfortunately for you, dear readers, I have a bunch of random things that all want to be said all at once, and you're just going to either have to skip today's post to avoid it or deal with it.

1. I have recently decided that I'm a bit of a control freak about some things (like how laundry is folded). And I need to let go of that need for control, because it's not healthy (I stress myself out about those things under my control). So, I'm trying to relax and remember to breath and to not worry about whether or not the dishes are done right away or how Ace folds clothes when we pack to go somewhere.

2. Tomorrow, we get an HD-DVR installed in the living room. Ace wants to take the DVR that's in there now and put it in the bathroom so that I will use it to record shows I like and spend more time relaxing in the tub (even if it's just for an episode of one of my favorite shows or listening to one of the music stations). We'll see how this all works out, but it has possibilities. More than the bribe attempt that never actually happened.

3. Speaking of DVRs and TV, my dad suggested that I record all my favorite Christmas shows and keep them so I can watch them whenever (I was already planning on recording them, but I hadn't thought about keeping them). So, now I'll be able to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 30 min. cartoon) and the Frosty episodes whenever I want (year round) because of my dad.

4. Our house, over the past couple of days has had issues with the temperature dropping severely in our bedroom and the kitchen. It would be 74 in the living room and 69 in the bedroom (5 degrees is severe to me). Today, I left the fan on in the bedroom and so far it's stayed around where it's supposed to. I wonder if there is some connection to those two things.

And now that I've got some of the extreme randomness out, I'm going to go back to watching the Grinch, because it makes me smile.

TTFN!

Questions I Won't Ask

I have questions about my parent's divorce (mainly, what was the true cause of it), but I won't ask my dad those questions. Mainly because the answers don't really concern me. My relationship with my dad has nothing to do with why his marriage to my mother didn't last.

I was thinking, though, that the only glimpse my mother showed me into their divorce (which she first mentioned the day she told me they were divorcing) is something I know don't feel fully comfortable trusting (mostly because I would have problems with believing it if she told me the sky was blue, even though I know it's true).

A friend of mine is getting divorced. Her kids (who are actually only a couple of years younger than me) have heard their dad's side of the story, but not hers. I was just wondering what my advice would be to them on whether or not to trust what they've heard and how to let it affect their relationships with their mother.

I remember, after hearing my mother's side, being angry with my dad. I remember feeling betrayed. But the anger didn't last long. Because he was still there for me. He provided a steady relationship, one that I didn't really have with my mom. And now, when I'm not sure I fully believe my mother's tale from long ago (14 years, almost half my life), I realize that the relationship I have with my dad has nothing to do with what he did or didn't do that set off the divorce.

So, I guess my advice to those friends is that they should look to the past, was their mother (who isn't telling her side, kind of like my dad didn't tell his) there for them? Is she still trying to be there for them? If so, then they shouldn't reject her based on someone else's pain. Because it just makes things more awkward (and they are awkward enough as it is).

So, while I have questions about my mother's story, a story that took me 14 years to start wondering about, I won't ask my dad. Because it's not any of my business. And, it won't change how I look at him now anyway, because our relationship is built on trust and conversation between us, and not based on the picture my mother has tried to paint in the past (not talking to her has produced at least a few good things, like more rational and logical thinking skills).

Do you have any questions that you won't ask because the answers don't really matter?

Spam: Protects the Ones You Love

I got an offer for life insurance, and the title of the post was what the subject line said. I know that whoever sent the e-mail didn't add the word spam, but it struck me as funny.

I had a couple of hits for braces from talking about having had braces in the past. I figure I should offer a few words of advice for those who currently have braces.

Follow the list of foods you shouldn't eat. I ate hard shell tacos twice while I had braces, and the shells broke the wire both times. Nicely it wasn't that long before I was to go back and get the wires changed, but it was uncomfortable until it got changed.

It takes a little while to get used to the braces, but despite the feeling your lips aren't an inch from your teeth.

So, that's my advice for people who have just gotten braces.

And that's pretty much all I have for you today.

Later.

Lessons From Working Retail

Now that I've stopped working retail for a month, I've got some lessons people who do work retail would probably love to share with their customers (at least, I always wanted to share them).

1. Please stop leaving things across the store from where you picked it up. The products don't have legs, which means they don't return themselves. I could have sworn some days that our products grew legs and moved themselves to various parts of the store.

2. Sometimes we wonder how you got dressed this morning. Mainly because you ask questions that seem to have rather obvious answers. We understand that you may not get the sales posters/fliers/coupons, but how much plain English do we have to interpret? When it says if you buy x you get y, it should be easy to understand.

3. Sometimes we wonder if you actually looked at anything before asking us questions. When there is a big wall of what your looking for and you completely miss it, we start wanting to answer sarcastically, because hello! big wall full of what you are looking for right over there!.

4. If we walk away without assisting you, it may be to control our impulse to roll our eyes or get snippy with you. We're trying not to get fired, but you are making it difficult.

5. Walking up to us to complain that the sale isn't good enough makes us (or at least me) want to roll our eyes. Our store didn't have to have this sale, so you should be happy. I don't really care what the sale was last time, this isn't last time. And your complaining about it before is what had me moving away from you without assisting you in the first place (no, I'm not still frustrated about that, why do you ask?).

6. Sometimes, we don't care about looking in the back for some product. We already know it's not there (we've looked not that long ago), but we'll humor you just in case we missed it last time.

7. If the store is crowded, it's going to take longer to look in the back and get back to you. Mainly because at least one other person will stop us on our way to check asking about something else. We aren't necessarily happy about that, and it may cause us to forget what exactly you look like. It may take 3 or 4 times as long to get back to you because of this.

8. If the store is crowded, please don't wander away from where you were when you asked, it will be harder to give you an answer to your question, because it's harder to find someone you're not completely sure who they are and they aren't where you left them. I understand you are curious about what else we have, but you may never get your answer that way. Exception: if you are moving toward where we have to go look in the back and ask us again as soon as we get back out into the store, we will not be upset with you.

Okay, that's all I have for now. If only I could have thought of two more. Oh well.

TTFN!

Update: I thought of two more, so now it's a nice round ten.

9. This is slightly more of a seasonal complaint, but if the store (and mall) is going to close in 5 minutes, please don't come in and wander around for an hour before leaving without buying anything. There is only so much the people working can do to get ready to close while there are still customers in the store, and we all have been working for a while and are looking forward to going home. Some of us have kids to get home to. Some of us have a dog who is waiting to go out. Some of us would like to let the dog out before we have to go pick up our spouse from their job, and you are seriously making us wonder if we'll get to. And some of us are just plain tired and didn't really want to come in at all today. If you are just looking, do us a favor and come back during normal business hours (the closer Christmas came, the worse this was since the mall was open later).

10. If you walk past after closing and the store is still open because there are customers inside, please don't come in unless you know what you are getting and are going to leave quickly. Otherwise, you are being even more annoying than the ones who came in while we were still in normal operating hours.

In case you're wondering why this is such a big deal, retailers don't normally sweep, empty the trash cans, or close the registers when there are still customers in the store (Wal-Mart being an exception, because they are usually open 24-7). Closing the registers takes longer than you would think (it seems to take at least 30 minutes for 4 registers), and someone has to stay with the manager until that's done, even if everyone else gets to leave.

Yeah, that's it.

The Perfect Response

Guys, if a woman asks you if she looks fat in her jeans, the best response is "To me, you are perfect."

That's better than chocolate, and it's healthier for our thighs.

That is all.

Advice for Everyone Part 2

Respect your body. This means keeping it decently covered in public. And listen to it when it tells you it needs a break. You can only go so long on adrenaline before you drop. Don’t push yourself that far.

People who spend more time at work than at home have one of two things going on: 1. They love their job. 2. They are avoiding something at home. More often, it will be number 2. This is a problem for their marriage.

Learn as much as you can about parenting before you do it. Then, jump in with both feet and your arms wide open. And remember, when you parent you are learning as you go. So is your child. This remains true for each additional child you add to your life. Each stage is the first one.

Start your own traditions, especially around holidays and birthdays. This is extremely important. You won’t always have your parents around to do their traditions. Besides, you should have your own traditions for your own family. And as much as traditions are important, they need to change as the family does.

Always remember to let the people you love know it. Even if it’s only a simple request that they stay safe. It will warm their hearts to know how much you care. And, stay safe, because I care about you!

Be patient with small children and geniuses. Small children are still learning. Geniuses sometimes have to talk or think things out. We both require some patience in dealing with our idiosyncrasies. We are doing the best we can.

Fall in love. Believe it will work out. But fall in love.

That's all for today.

TTFN!

Advice for Everyone (I Guess)

Earlier, I promised to share the advice I'm writing for my children/nieces/nephews/ anyone else. Here is part one of that advice.

Don’t ever fully grow up. This advice is one of the most important pieces of advice I could possibly give you, especially since so much of the world needs to learn it. This will keep you looking young for longer than you think it will as the truly young at heart look younger than they are.

Always try to look at something as a child does each day.

Listen to God. This is especially important when your mind and your heart say two different things (God speaks to your heart). If it’s God, it won’t change (and God has a really big time table).

Always, and I do mean always, keep your checkbook balanced. This will save you more problems than you realize.

Read. Read a lot of books. Try new genres. Try new authors. Explore. This will teach you more words (meanings and spellings) than you could ever imagine.

Don’t read the newspaper, except the comics. More importantly, don’t watch the news. You can find out the important things that are happening on the internet. And, there are many more happy stories there.

Education is important. Having said that, remember that there are many kinds of education. Some can be taught by others, which is the best way to learn when possible. Some can only be learned by doing, which can sometimes hurt. Don’t shy away from the lesson; it is there for a reason.

Not everyone you are related to is supposed to be in your life. Sometimes, it is better to create your own family. Listen to your heart to find out when that is. This is obviously the case when if it were anyone else people would encourage you to break off contact.