Last Monday night/early Tuesday morning, I did laundry. When I went to move the clothes to the dryer, I found out that the washer had leaked. Of course, I found out the way I always seem to find out something is leaking, by stepping in the water and getting my foot wet (I really don't like my feet being wet, so I notice it right away).
I went to get Ace to check and make sure I wasn't going crazy (and to clean the water, because bending makes my back unhappy). He cleaned up the water and then went to tell his mom that the washer was leaking. I moved clothes to the dryer and tried not to think about it too much.
The next day, after my father-in-law came home, he was told about the washer and called up Sears (because they have a policy that Sears has to come out and fix things, but they will fix them for free, and will even order new parts for free, which is nice as long as you aren't in a hurry about having things like a fully fixed washer). It turns out that there is a small hole in the bottom of the washer that was letting a little bit of water out. The washer was bought in 1986 and they stopped making it in 1987. Since the warranty policy thing my in-laws have with Sears gives Sears up to two weeks to find a replacement part, we are currently stuck with a washer that can do half loads and needs a towel right there to soak up the water that will escape.
If Sears can't find a replacement part, I think they have to replace the washer (I'm not sure, I'm fuzzy on the details and we weren't here when the Sears' guy came and talked to them about it all). I get that a free washer is better than paying for a washer, but a washer without a hole in it is better than one that has a hole in it and a new washer could be delivered faster than a week or two while Sears searches for a part. But it's not my house and these are not my decisions, so I'm not going to ask about it. It wouldn't do any good anyway.
So, tonight I'm doing several half loads of laundry, trying to get all my clothes clean so that we can pack up and take a trip this weekend (we're going to Meno, OK, for a marriage enrichment seminar). I'm not sure it's going to be exciting, but it gets us away from the in-laws for 2 nights, so it's worth it to me.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Breathe
At some point, a confrontation is going to occur. I know this, and hope that when it comes I'll have all the right things to say. That my anger and frustration don't overshadow my words. But that confrontation is for another day, so for now I breathe.
I focus on breathing in and out. I focus on closing doors, both mentally and physically, to give myself some relief from my almost constant source of stress. I remind myself that everything now is temporary and that I'm getting closer, so much closer to the place I want to be.
The pain is strong, stronger than I ever knew I could withstand. Right now my breathing is almost like a prayer. "Please God," I think. "Help me make it until the medications kick in. Give me a little relief." I try to focus on breathing through the pain and remind myself that soon I won't be hurting, I can make it, after it stops I can rest and let my body relax. I focus on breathing in and out and wait for something to take away the pain of cramps and backaches.
I breathe. I focus on breathing in and out because everything is too much and it's all louder/brighter/stronger than normal. I've been pushed too far physically and I'm just reminding myself that in just a few more moments I'll be allowed to rest, relax, and imagine that the world is kept at bay by a closed door. I'll be allowed to recover, physically and emotionally, with healing sleep so very soon, and for now I need to just breathe.
The past few weeks and months have been long and stressful. The only real word to describe them is long. Time seems to be almost slowing down. I'm struggling with holding myself together until Ace and I can get out of here. My emotional walls have taken a huge beating from me just trying to hold on for just a little while longer, to not be disappointed that perfect timing ended up with cramps and slight disappointment. I've been trying some to focus on just breathing more.
Breathe in, breathe out. Focus on breathing and nothing more. Don't think, don't move, just breathe. Find center again. Calm everything. Breathe in, breathe out. Ignore sound, ignore everything else, just breathe.
I focus on breathing in and out. I focus on closing doors, both mentally and physically, to give myself some relief from my almost constant source of stress. I remind myself that everything now is temporary and that I'm getting closer, so much closer to the place I want to be.
The pain is strong, stronger than I ever knew I could withstand. Right now my breathing is almost like a prayer. "Please God," I think. "Help me make it until the medications kick in. Give me a little relief." I try to focus on breathing through the pain and remind myself that soon I won't be hurting, I can make it, after it stops I can rest and let my body relax. I focus on breathing in and out and wait for something to take away the pain of cramps and backaches.
I breathe. I focus on breathing in and out because everything is too much and it's all louder/brighter/stronger than normal. I've been pushed too far physically and I'm just reminding myself that in just a few more moments I'll be allowed to rest, relax, and imagine that the world is kept at bay by a closed door. I'll be allowed to recover, physically and emotionally, with healing sleep so very soon, and for now I need to just breathe.
The past few weeks and months have been long and stressful. The only real word to describe them is long. Time seems to be almost slowing down. I'm struggling with holding myself together until Ace and I can get out of here. My emotional walls have taken a huge beating from me just trying to hold on for just a little while longer, to not be disappointed that perfect timing ended up with cramps and slight disappointment. I've been trying some to focus on just breathing more.
Breathe in, breathe out. Focus on breathing and nothing more. Don't think, don't move, just breathe. Find center again. Calm everything. Breathe in, breathe out. Ignore sound, ignore everything else, just breathe.
Monday, July 12, 2010
I Hope It Was Worth It
The grand total made at the garage sale: $1.50. They sold 5 books, and I took 10 more off their hands.
I hope my in-laws feel the whole garage sale was worth it. Because I'm pretty sure Ace and I don't.
I hope my in-laws feel the whole garage sale was worth it. Because I'm pretty sure Ace and I don't.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Garage Sale
Today is the day of the big, talked about garage sale. I don't think it's going well, but it's hard for me to judge since I'm inside, away from the garage sale (last I heard, 1 drive by and 1 guy trying to kill some time are all who've been here).
I tried people, I really did. I got up shortly after 7, I got dressed, fed, and outside by 8, and was back in the house shortly after 9. And I made a run to a local convenience station to get myself some Sprite in between going out to the garage and coming back in the house.
It doesn't help that my stomach has been somewhat touchy all week. Nor does it help that the donuts this morning were fine, but the energy drink made my stomach feel icky. So, I grabbed some saltines (which are still near me) and some peppermints (I'm currently sucking on one) and tried to will myself to be okay for the morning. As you can see, it didn't really work.
My stomach keeps violently suggesting that it would feel ever so much better if I empty it. I somehow doubt this is the case. I did let Ace know that he could come get me if they get a rush, but I'm not expecting to be needed, as no one seems to be interested in all these teaching supplies my mother-in-law has.
Hopefully, this means that at noon, Ace and I can go to our friends' house and help them with what they need and I can relax for the rest of the weekend (with a happier stomach, I hope). Hopefully, my mother-in-law will find another way to get rid of all this stuff (like donate it to a school) instead of keeping it here (this is probably less likely than my weekend relaxation plans).
On the plus side, Ace did apologize for making me go get my own drinks (he would have, but his parents didn't seem to understand that he should take care of his wife's stomach before helping with their garage sale). He was worried that I was pissed with him (I wasn't). That man genuinely loves me (not something I'm surprised about, but it sometimes needs to be said).
I'm off to find something else to look at while waiting for something exciting to happen.
I tried people, I really did. I got up shortly after 7, I got dressed, fed, and outside by 8, and was back in the house shortly after 9. And I made a run to a local convenience station to get myself some Sprite in between going out to the garage and coming back in the house.
It doesn't help that my stomach has been somewhat touchy all week. Nor does it help that the donuts this morning were fine, but the energy drink made my stomach feel icky. So, I grabbed some saltines (which are still near me) and some peppermints (I'm currently sucking on one) and tried to will myself to be okay for the morning. As you can see, it didn't really work.
My stomach keeps violently suggesting that it would feel ever so much better if I empty it. I somehow doubt this is the case. I did let Ace know that he could come get me if they get a rush, but I'm not expecting to be needed, as no one seems to be interested in all these teaching supplies my mother-in-law has.
Hopefully, this means that at noon, Ace and I can go to our friends' house and help them with what they need and I can relax for the rest of the weekend (with a happier stomach, I hope). Hopefully, my mother-in-law will find another way to get rid of all this stuff (like donate it to a school) instead of keeping it here (this is probably less likely than my weekend relaxation plans).
On the plus side, Ace did apologize for making me go get my own drinks (he would have, but his parents didn't seem to understand that he should take care of his wife's stomach before helping with their garage sale). He was worried that I was pissed with him (I wasn't). That man genuinely loves me (not something I'm surprised about, but it sometimes needs to be said).
I'm off to find something else to look at while waiting for something exciting to happen.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Give and Take
After venting yesterday, I feel a need to point out that Ace is almost nothing like his parents. And the longer we live here, the more obvious that fact is.
Today, Ace needed us get a DVD player for him to get ready for Monday when he starts training at his new office. We got up, got dressed, and left to go looking for a good, used, portable DVD player (5 hours of some guy talking about leads, not something he wants to take over his parents TV or one of our laptops with). While we were out, we got breakfast for tomorrow (donuts, yum) and some energy drinks to help us stay awake tomorrow morning (his mother wants the garage sale to start at 8 a.m., most of this household is still in bed at 8 a.m. currently, so at least Ace and I will need something to help us stay awake).
After we got back, we found out that his mother cried when his father called to mention he would be a little late because we didn't leave a note when we left and she couldn't do everything on her own. She has our cell phone number programmed into her phone (I programmed it, so I know she has it, under Ace's name), but she never called us to find out what we were doing or if we could come back and help her. She just got frustrated and Ace got scolded as if he had done something wrong when he hadn't.
Ace spent most of the time we were gone trying to get something to start his training and thinking ahead and planning for tomorrow. His mother didn't use her head to remember that she had a cell phone with the number of the people she thought would help her (with only a little notice).
Last night, Ace and I went to the store to buy some ketchup (and get me out of the house for a while). We started discussing our plans on paying off our debts and potential investments. Because I didn't feel comfortable with Ace's first thought on how we would pay off our debts, he came up with another plan within 5 minutes that I was cool with and would help us not only be debt free (or nearly debt free) within the next 2 years, but would also allow us to start building up our net worth at the same time. A plan that made BOTH of us happy.
That's the kind of guy Ace is. He tries to find solutions that will satisfy more than just one person when possible. His parents usually end up only satisfying only one of them, which seems like it would be less satisfying to me.
And now I'm going to go. I've got things to do besides thinking about my in-laws (as if they would let me forget them right now!).
Later.
Today, Ace needed us get a DVD player for him to get ready for Monday when he starts training at his new office. We got up, got dressed, and left to go looking for a good, used, portable DVD player (5 hours of some guy talking about leads, not something he wants to take over his parents TV or one of our laptops with). While we were out, we got breakfast for tomorrow (donuts, yum) and some energy drinks to help us stay awake tomorrow morning (his mother wants the garage sale to start at 8 a.m., most of this household is still in bed at 8 a.m. currently, so at least Ace and I will need something to help us stay awake).
After we got back, we found out that his mother cried when his father called to mention he would be a little late because we didn't leave a note when we left and she couldn't do everything on her own. She has our cell phone number programmed into her phone (I programmed it, so I know she has it, under Ace's name), but she never called us to find out what we were doing or if we could come back and help her. She just got frustrated and Ace got scolded as if he had done something wrong when he hadn't.
Ace spent most of the time we were gone trying to get something to start his training and thinking ahead and planning for tomorrow. His mother didn't use her head to remember that she had a cell phone with the number of the people she thought would help her (with only a little notice).
Last night, Ace and I went to the store to buy some ketchup (and get me out of the house for a while). We started discussing our plans on paying off our debts and potential investments. Because I didn't feel comfortable with Ace's first thought on how we would pay off our debts, he came up with another plan within 5 minutes that I was cool with and would help us not only be debt free (or nearly debt free) within the next 2 years, but would also allow us to start building up our net worth at the same time. A plan that made BOTH of us happy.
That's the kind of guy Ace is. He tries to find solutions that will satisfy more than just one person when possible. His parents usually end up only satisfying only one of them, which seems like it would be less satisfying to me.
And now I'm going to go. I've got things to do besides thinking about my in-laws (as if they would let me forget them right now!).
Later.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Sometimes I Just Need to Vent
This is a letter to my in-laws.
Hello,
I'm not going to call you dear anything, because at this point you aren't dear to me. I am daily trying to remind myself that you are being somewhat generous in letting Ace and I stay here while we are waiting on him to earn enough money to get us out of here. You are providing us food in addition to shelter, even if it's food we wouldn't normally choose ourselves.
I'm trying to remind myself that you do love Ace, somewhere in your hearts. That you see him (and by extension me) as something other than a servant to help you do whatever it is you want to do, but can't do on your own (and are going to do even if we have to do almost all the work). I'm trying to remember that you won't be able to decide to fill our weekends with stuff we really don't want do in just a short time, and that you aren't quite asking us to move the moon.
I'm trying to remember all of this, but I'm also trying to keep from yelling at you that you are driving your son away from you. You want to know why we don't visit? It's because you have a way of driving people away by making everything all about you. You've managed to do something in 3 months that my mother took over 20 years to do, I'm ready to cut you out of my life because you obviously don't really care that much about me.
It's obvious that you don't see me as someone you would have chosen for a son you keep telling, in words and actions, that you don't think is very bright. You probably think that I'm mooching off of your son and that since I haven't provided you with any grandchildren that I'm not really good for anything. I don't really care what you think of me, your opinions don't matter to me, it does sting a little that you have so little confidence in your son and his decision making abilities.
While Ace and I admit that we have some blame in our current financial situation, we also recognize that he has found not 1, but 2 well paying jobs in a fairly short time frame given the current job market. Both jobs have meant that I would have been able to not work, something that is fine with your son even if it's not fine with you. One of your other sons is still trying to find a job, while Ace has mostly spent the past few weeks waiting on background checks to be finished so he could schedule that test you thought he'd fail the first time around. He passed, of course, because he is good at remembering whatever it is he puts his mind to remembering.
I am getting tired of you planning my life for me while I'm staying here. I know you want to have your precious garage sale, and you have apparently decided that it will be this Saturday. Good for you. You didn't ask Ace or I if we had plans before you made these decisions, so why do you assume that we are free to help you (and that we're happy to help you for free)? It just so happens that we don't have plans, but that's beside the point. You are supposed to ask people before you assume they can do whatever it is that you want from them. Our schedules and plans aren't supposed to revolve around you, just like yours aren't supposed to revolve around us. But when you want our help, you should at least include us in the planning of such an event.
I'm ready to leave your house, and if I had my way I would never return. However, that is not purely up to me. Ace has acknowledge that I may get a month away from you before we potentially join you for lunches on Sundays. I'm still angling to only have lunch once a month, as that is way more often than I really want to see you, but we'll see. Ace is only pushing for twice a month, so you can see that even he is getting sick of your stuff and how your moods dictate everything in this house.
I'm going to go now. I'm feeling a little better, even though I know you'll never read this. Even if you did, I doubt you would recognize yourselves. But some of these things needed to be said.
M.A. Smith
P.S.: I wish I was making most of this up. It's really hard living here because it's true. Now to just make it through Saturday and maybe next week will be a much better week.
Hello,
I'm not going to call you dear anything, because at this point you aren't dear to me. I am daily trying to remind myself that you are being somewhat generous in letting Ace and I stay here while we are waiting on him to earn enough money to get us out of here. You are providing us food in addition to shelter, even if it's food we wouldn't normally choose ourselves.
I'm trying to remind myself that you do love Ace, somewhere in your hearts. That you see him (and by extension me) as something other than a servant to help you do whatever it is you want to do, but can't do on your own (and are going to do even if we have to do almost all the work). I'm trying to remember that you won't be able to decide to fill our weekends with stuff we really don't want do in just a short time, and that you aren't quite asking us to move the moon.
I'm trying to remember all of this, but I'm also trying to keep from yelling at you that you are driving your son away from you. You want to know why we don't visit? It's because you have a way of driving people away by making everything all about you. You've managed to do something in 3 months that my mother took over 20 years to do, I'm ready to cut you out of my life because you obviously don't really care that much about me.
It's obvious that you don't see me as someone you would have chosen for a son you keep telling, in words and actions, that you don't think is very bright. You probably think that I'm mooching off of your son and that since I haven't provided you with any grandchildren that I'm not really good for anything. I don't really care what you think of me, your opinions don't matter to me, it does sting a little that you have so little confidence in your son and his decision making abilities.
While Ace and I admit that we have some blame in our current financial situation, we also recognize that he has found not 1, but 2 well paying jobs in a fairly short time frame given the current job market. Both jobs have meant that I would have been able to not work, something that is fine with your son even if it's not fine with you. One of your other sons is still trying to find a job, while Ace has mostly spent the past few weeks waiting on background checks to be finished so he could schedule that test you thought he'd fail the first time around. He passed, of course, because he is good at remembering whatever it is he puts his mind to remembering.
I am getting tired of you planning my life for me while I'm staying here. I know you want to have your precious garage sale, and you have apparently decided that it will be this Saturday. Good for you. You didn't ask Ace or I if we had plans before you made these decisions, so why do you assume that we are free to help you (and that we're happy to help you for free)? It just so happens that we don't have plans, but that's beside the point. You are supposed to ask people before you assume they can do whatever it is that you want from them. Our schedules and plans aren't supposed to revolve around you, just like yours aren't supposed to revolve around us. But when you want our help, you should at least include us in the planning of such an event.
I'm ready to leave your house, and if I had my way I would never return. However, that is not purely up to me. Ace has acknowledge that I may get a month away from you before we potentially join you for lunches on Sundays. I'm still angling to only have lunch once a month, as that is way more often than I really want to see you, but we'll see. Ace is only pushing for twice a month, so you can see that even he is getting sick of your stuff and how your moods dictate everything in this house.
I'm going to go now. I'm feeling a little better, even though I know you'll never read this. Even if you did, I doubt you would recognize yourselves. But some of these things needed to be said.
M.A. Smith
P.S.: I wish I was making most of this up. It's really hard living here because it's true. Now to just make it through Saturday and maybe next week will be a much better week.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Huge... Tracts of Land
Today, I went and got fitted for a bra. It had been over 5 years since I last got measured. I am now wearing a 38G. It's a jump up on band size, but now "the ladies" as they are called (they are too big to be girls) are sitting where they are supposed to.
We also ordered 3 more bras (we've only bought one for now, as our finances and the store's stock dictated), which we should be able to get over the next two months, and will probably order more after that to get me enough to last a full week.
I'm sure that there will be a time of adjustment as I get used to the new location of the ladies. My back will have to adjust to feeling less stress (yay!). I'll have to adjust to the tightness of the band (I can still easily breathe, but it is snugger than my old bras are). But all of that is worth it, especially since these bras are affordable, in my size, and come in some colors besides just white (nude, black, red, and mocha... I've ordered another white, a nude, and a black for now).
Ace is ready for some alone time, I'm just ready for my body to be adjusted to the new sensations. But, now I know my current bra size. I know where to go if I lose weight and need new bras, or get pregnant and need nursing bras. And I know that they can work with me on ordering bras and paying for them as my finances allow, which is wonderful for now and hopefully won't be needed in the future. And I feel comfortable enough with them to come back to Tulsa for new bras when we eventually move back to Springfield.
If you live in Tulsa and need a bra, head to the Bust Stop. (I did not get paid anything for this, I'm just really impressed with their service. Although, if they do want to pay me in bras, we can work something out.)
We also ordered 3 more bras (we've only bought one for now, as our finances and the store's stock dictated), which we should be able to get over the next two months, and will probably order more after that to get me enough to last a full week.
I'm sure that there will be a time of adjustment as I get used to the new location of the ladies. My back will have to adjust to feeling less stress (yay!). I'll have to adjust to the tightness of the band (I can still easily breathe, but it is snugger than my old bras are). But all of that is worth it, especially since these bras are affordable, in my size, and come in some colors besides just white (nude, black, red, and mocha... I've ordered another white, a nude, and a black for now).
Ace is ready for some alone time, I'm just ready for my body to be adjusted to the new sensations. But, now I know my current bra size. I know where to go if I lose weight and need new bras, or get pregnant and need nursing bras. And I know that they can work with me on ordering bras and paying for them as my finances allow, which is wonderful for now and hopefully won't be needed in the future. And I feel comfortable enough with them to come back to Tulsa for new bras when we eventually move back to Springfield.
If you live in Tulsa and need a bra, head to the Bust Stop. (I did not get paid anything for this, I'm just really impressed with their service. Although, if they do want to pay me in bras, we can work something out.)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
A Brief Moment of Levity
Today has been an up and down day. Ace passed his test, which is great, but his dad ended up being in an accident (the guy tried to blame my father-in-law, but he was at fault, as the witnesses said). We got to see a friend and he helped fix a few things about our room to make it better while we're here, but Ace's mother decided that plain leftovers from yesterday weren't good enough and ended up making something with some of the hot dogs that I didn't like for dinner (again, which makes me feel a little like she's trying to slowly starve me to death). And I managed to burst some blood vessels in my tongue trying to drink a shake, so it was a really mixed day.
Anyway, after all this, Ace and I needed something light hearted today. And it came when we were talking on the bed.
Me: Congratulations on passing your test.
Ace: Thank you.
Me: And on getting a job.
Ace: You're welcome.
Me & Ace: (copious amounts of laughter).
And then, about 5 minutes later, after some other randomness, I said, "You're welcome and thank you." And then we laughed again. Then, "This is going on my blog."
Anyway, after all this, Ace and I needed something light hearted today. And it came when we were talking on the bed.
Me: Congratulations on passing your test.
Ace: Thank you.
Me: And on getting a job.
Ace: You're welcome.
Me & Ace: (copious amounts of laughter).
And then, about 5 minutes later, after some other randomness, I said, "You're welcome and thank you." And then we laughed again. Then, "This is going on my blog."
Good News and Odd News
Ace passed his test!!!!! (I'm a little excited, does it show?) He starts training next Monday, but he goes in to the office Thursday to meet everyone he'll be working alongside/with. I'm now married to an official insurance salesman.
The only other thing on my mind right now is my mother-in-law's FaceBook status last night. "Had the family over for lunch today. I really did enjoy it. We ate in the tea house. it was a little hot, but we had a fan." A little hot was not fully taken care of by a fan, and that was made obvious someone (me!) feeling ill before lunch was over. It's not really a big deal, I know, but it is at the same time, for a variety of reasons.
The only other thing on my mind right now is my mother-in-law's FaceBook status last night. "Had the family over for lunch today. I really did enjoy it. We ate in the tea house. it was a little hot, but we had a fan." A little hot was not fully taken care of by a fan, and that was made obvious someone (me!) feeling ill before lunch was over. It's not really a big deal, I know, but it is at the same time, for a variety of reasons.
Monday, July 5, 2010
It's July, Of Course It's Hot!
Today, we had the cookout. Technically, it's not over yet, as there are still people here who came for the cookout, but all the social aspects have pretty much petered out.
Because this was all about my mother-in-law, we had to eat outside. When I get hot, I stop eating (because my stomach tells me it's full, even when it's not, to avoid emptying itself). My father-in-law has a heart condition that gets aggravated by the heat, but he was in charge of grilling outside before we all ate outside (which was probably a bit much, but he seems to be doing fairly well).
Not surprisingly, before I was finished with the food on my plate (a hamburger and 3 deviled eggs, so not much), I was done. Before Ace was finished with his food, I was ready to come back inside (he had a bite of his hamburger left, I let him finish before making him move to let me out). I then stretched out for a little bit on the couch (with fans on) before realizing that I should move to the bed to be more out of the way (instead of taking up the whole couch when there is limited seating in the living room).
Nicely I've cooled off. I finished my hamburger. The only one besides Ace to show concern that I wasn't feeling well was our niece (although, my father-in-law did ask after I got up this morning how I was doing, which was nice of him).
My mother-in-law thought that one fan would cool everybody off enough to eat outside in July. The air from it never felt particularly cool, just less hot. And while the heat alone would not have been bad, the humidity added to the heat was more than my body could handle. If I had been fine yesterday, I would probably had done better today. Probably.
Basically, no one (but my mother-in-law, and maybe my niece) really wanted to eat outside, but we did anyway (to please my mother-in-law). And now I'd like to torch her tea house (but I won't) to keep this from ever happening again (which it probably will, adding to the list of reasons why I don't like celebrating anything with my in-laws).
And now I'm off to do something elsewhere that will hopefully lead to less whining on my part.
Because this was all about my mother-in-law, we had to eat outside. When I get hot, I stop eating (because my stomach tells me it's full, even when it's not, to avoid emptying itself). My father-in-law has a heart condition that gets aggravated by the heat, but he was in charge of grilling outside before we all ate outside (which was probably a bit much, but he seems to be doing fairly well).
Not surprisingly, before I was finished with the food on my plate (a hamburger and 3 deviled eggs, so not much), I was done. Before Ace was finished with his food, I was ready to come back inside (he had a bite of his hamburger left, I let him finish before making him move to let me out). I then stretched out for a little bit on the couch (with fans on) before realizing that I should move to the bed to be more out of the way (instead of taking up the whole couch when there is limited seating in the living room).
Nicely I've cooled off. I finished my hamburger. The only one besides Ace to show concern that I wasn't feeling well was our niece (although, my father-in-law did ask after I got up this morning how I was doing, which was nice of him).
My mother-in-law thought that one fan would cool everybody off enough to eat outside in July. The air from it never felt particularly cool, just less hot. And while the heat alone would not have been bad, the humidity added to the heat was more than my body could handle. If I had been fine yesterday, I would probably had done better today. Probably.
Basically, no one (but my mother-in-law, and maybe my niece) really wanted to eat outside, but we did anyway (to please my mother-in-law). And now I'd like to torch her tea house (but I won't) to keep this from ever happening again (which it probably will, adding to the list of reasons why I don't like celebrating anything with my in-laws).
And now I'm off to do something elsewhere that will hopefully lead to less whining on my part.
Try Again
It's been a little slow lately. Okay, that's not the full truth. I've been moving slow lately. I've felt kind of icky the past 24+ hours. My head has been a little light headed. My stomach has rejected most foods for most of that time (until about 6 pm, when my stomach decided to be fine overall).
I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring. But I know that it will give me the opportunity to try things again.
Ace has been studying for his test. He has been taking practice tests, and is doing better each time (with studying the parts he's been missing between tests). The last practice test he passed. His main frustration is that on some questions, the answers he's giving are probably right, but they are marked as wrong (one was totally right and marked as wrong, a situation that's messed up).
Tuesday, he'll take the real test. If he doesn't pass (not very likely at this point), he'll get a chance to try again.
Hopefully tomorrow the time will go by much faster and Tuesday Ace will pass his test with flying colors. If not, we will both get a chance to try again.
I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring. But I know that it will give me the opportunity to try things again.
Ace has been studying for his test. He has been taking practice tests, and is doing better each time (with studying the parts he's been missing between tests). The last practice test he passed. His main frustration is that on some questions, the answers he's giving are probably right, but they are marked as wrong (one was totally right and marked as wrong, a situation that's messed up).
Tuesday, he'll take the real test. If he doesn't pass (not very likely at this point), he'll get a chance to try again.
Hopefully tomorrow the time will go by much faster and Tuesday Ace will pass his test with flying colors. If not, we will both get a chance to try again.
Friday, July 2, 2010
The War at Home
Earlier, I was laying in bed, trying to take a nap. It wasn't happening, much to my chagrin. I asked Ace to check to see when dinner was or if we needed to feed ourselves. The next thing I know, Ace doesn't seem to be coming back and I think I hear my mother-in-law saying something about volunteering to cook.
Feeling tired but curious, I wandered to the kitchen to find out what was up. It turns out that apparently Ace (and I, potentially) should be volunteering to cook dinner from time to time. Forget the fact that it was never mentioned that it would maybe help ease tensions if we would before this or that Ace is currently studying for a test (he takes it next Tuesday) to get a license to get a job.
The probable cause of all of this happened earlier this week. Ace's mother decided that we all (my mother-in-law, father-in-law, oldest brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, Ace, and I) should celebrate the 4th of July on the 5th of July (since my brother-in-law is off, because that's more important than Ace's test to my in-laws) with a cookout. None of the men that are supposed to be here like to grill, but we're going to have the typical fare of hamburgers and hot dogs, because my mother-in-law wants us to. My father-in-law is less than thrilled, as it has been too hot for him outside lately and now he has to cook in the heat to keep his wife happy. Ace and I are supposed to make sides, but who knows what will happen at this point.
Basically, my in-laws are a fight waiting to happen, but it'll probably ignite on the 5th, when everyone is here. Until then, Ace is apparently their scapegoat for any frustration and anger. I don't think they realize the damage they are doing to their relationship(s) with their son, but if they keep all this up he won't want to keep in touch when we move out. You would think they would have learned their lesson when they didn't see us for a year and didn't know we had moved, but apparently not.
Oh, and Ace got in trouble for all the stuff put on the dining room table (Where else were we supposed to put the candles? Outside?). They had just cleared the table off, and we covered it with their stuff that was in their guest room (currently our room). My sympathy is at zero, since they should have gotten rid of a lot of stuff long before now (and because my mother-in-law still doesn't see her problem, even though she knows she doesn't have anywhere to stick this stuff).
And now that I've expressed all this, I think I'm going to try to get some sleep. After all, I've been tired all day (I took a nap after dinner). I think that maybe I'll be able to get a full night's sleep now that I've gotten all this off my chest (so to speak).
Feeling tired but curious, I wandered to the kitchen to find out what was up. It turns out that apparently Ace (and I, potentially) should be volunteering to cook dinner from time to time. Forget the fact that it was never mentioned that it would maybe help ease tensions if we would before this or that Ace is currently studying for a test (he takes it next Tuesday) to get a license to get a job.
The probable cause of all of this happened earlier this week. Ace's mother decided that we all (my mother-in-law, father-in-law, oldest brother-in-law, sister-in-law, niece, Ace, and I) should celebrate the 4th of July on the 5th of July (since my brother-in-law is off, because that's more important than Ace's test to my in-laws) with a cookout. None of the men that are supposed to be here like to grill, but we're going to have the typical fare of hamburgers and hot dogs, because my mother-in-law wants us to. My father-in-law is less than thrilled, as it has been too hot for him outside lately and now he has to cook in the heat to keep his wife happy. Ace and I are supposed to make sides, but who knows what will happen at this point.
Basically, my in-laws are a fight waiting to happen, but it'll probably ignite on the 5th, when everyone is here. Until then, Ace is apparently their scapegoat for any frustration and anger. I don't think they realize the damage they are doing to their relationship(s) with their son, but if they keep all this up he won't want to keep in touch when we move out. You would think they would have learned their lesson when they didn't see us for a year and didn't know we had moved, but apparently not.
Oh, and Ace got in trouble for all the stuff put on the dining room table (Where else were we supposed to put the candles? Outside?). They had just cleared the table off, and we covered it with their stuff that was in their guest room (currently our room). My sympathy is at zero, since they should have gotten rid of a lot of stuff long before now (and because my mother-in-law still doesn't see her problem, even though she knows she doesn't have anywhere to stick this stuff).
And now that I've expressed all this, I think I'm going to try to get some sleep. After all, I've been tired all day (I took a nap after dinner). I think that maybe I'll be able to get a full night's sleep now that I've gotten all this off my chest (so to speak).
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Babies on My Mind
It seems that I'm thinking of being pregnant and raising children a lot lately. It could be hormonal, it could be the blogs I read, or it could be that on Sunday the timing was just right for us to try to get me pregnant and we had lots of alone time in which to have sex. It felt kind of like God was smiling on our efforts.
And the timing was right for trying. I couldn't have planned that kind of timing if I tried. So, there is a very real hope that those sperm will meet that egg and we'll have a little one next year.
It didn't help my feelings that Monday night my mother-in-law said something about babies and dirty diapers and implied that I might not be able to get pregnant. It was just too soon after finding an elusive perfect time and led to me getting two or three times as hurt as I might otherwise have been.
After a night's sleep, I'm feeling better about life. I'm still wanting to avoid my mother-in-law, in hopes that I won't get hurt. But I'm reminded that there is hope and I just have to be patient, something I'm beginning to get very good at (a lot of my life lately seems to be me doing something and then waiting for the situation to fully be resolved by someone else).
So, that's where I'm at right now. Waiting and trying to keep my hope up that this month the timing was absolutely perfect. After all, I have babies on my mind.
And the timing was right for trying. I couldn't have planned that kind of timing if I tried. So, there is a very real hope that those sperm will meet that egg and we'll have a little one next year.
It didn't help my feelings that Monday night my mother-in-law said something about babies and dirty diapers and implied that I might not be able to get pregnant. It was just too soon after finding an elusive perfect time and led to me getting two or three times as hurt as I might otherwise have been.
After a night's sleep, I'm feeling better about life. I'm still wanting to avoid my mother-in-law, in hopes that I won't get hurt. But I'm reminded that there is hope and I just have to be patient, something I'm beginning to get very good at (a lot of my life lately seems to be me doing something and then waiting for the situation to fully be resolved by someone else).
So, that's where I'm at right now. Waiting and trying to keep my hope up that this month the timing was absolutely perfect. After all, I have babies on my mind.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Does She Ever Realize What She's Saying?
My mother-in-law is causing me pain, but I'm sure she'd say that it's not intentionally.
She has made several comments since we've moved in about wanting more grandchildren (here's a hint on how to help, leave us alone for more than 3 or 4 hours a week and stop pushing us to reproduce). In addition to that, she's made several comments that allude to the idea that I may not be capable of getting pregnant. I'm biting my tongue, sometimes almost literally, to keep from commenting that her comments are just hurtful.
It's bad enough my own mind is telling me that something may not be quite right. I can't do anything to find out right now, we have neither the money nor the insurance. All I can do is try to time things right and hope that Ace's sperm and my egg are willing to cooperate. It's semi-stressful enough trying to figure all this out with only our internal pressure on the situation. Add all the extra stress that we've had come pouring down lately (the past month has pretty much been fixing one problem after another, I'm ready for a day off of fixing problems).
I know that to my mother-in-law everything she's said is just commentary on life or her way of encouraging us. I know that she doesn't mean to say things that go right to my heart and rip into my tender emotional state. But she does, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know that she's just making me hurt. That she's saying things that echo some of my worst thoughts. That all these comments could end up really doing some major emotional damage if there is something wrong. That this situation has already caused me to wonder if Ace chose the wrong woman to try to create a family with, because what if there is something wrong with me?
The few comments she's made about adoption haven't helped either. She wants to point out the negatives, I'm guessing in an effort to prepare me for what she thinks could happen (although the negatives are still just potential problems for an adoption we haven't even tried to start yet).
To a degree, it's like she is cutting into the part of me that's a mother and criticizing it already. It's like I've failed as a parent before I've even had a chance to start, something that I don't know that I'd ever have felt if it hadn't been for her comments. I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. So for now, I hurt and hold my tongue and try to wait it out.
She has made several comments since we've moved in about wanting more grandchildren (here's a hint on how to help, leave us alone for more than 3 or 4 hours a week and stop pushing us to reproduce). In addition to that, she's made several comments that allude to the idea that I may not be capable of getting pregnant. I'm biting my tongue, sometimes almost literally, to keep from commenting that her comments are just hurtful.
It's bad enough my own mind is telling me that something may not be quite right. I can't do anything to find out right now, we have neither the money nor the insurance. All I can do is try to time things right and hope that Ace's sperm and my egg are willing to cooperate. It's semi-stressful enough trying to figure all this out with only our internal pressure on the situation. Add all the extra stress that we've had come pouring down lately (the past month has pretty much been fixing one problem after another, I'm ready for a day off of fixing problems).
I know that to my mother-in-law everything she's said is just commentary on life or her way of encouraging us. I know that she doesn't mean to say things that go right to my heart and rip into my tender emotional state. But she does, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know that she's just making me hurt. That she's saying things that echo some of my worst thoughts. That all these comments could end up really doing some major emotional damage if there is something wrong. That this situation has already caused me to wonder if Ace chose the wrong woman to try to create a family with, because what if there is something wrong with me?
The few comments she's made about adoption haven't helped either. She wants to point out the negatives, I'm guessing in an effort to prepare me for what she thinks could happen (although the negatives are still just potential problems for an adoption we haven't even tried to start yet).
To a degree, it's like she is cutting into the part of me that's a mother and criticizing it already. It's like I've failed as a parent before I've even had a chance to start, something that I don't know that I'd ever have felt if it hadn't been for her comments. I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. So for now, I hurt and hold my tongue and try to wait it out.
Monday, June 28, 2010
There's Still More Work to be Done
Ace and I have been trying to clean some on the room this weekend (while not doing too much, because we did want to celebrate our anniversary too). It's been busy and long and tiring.
After Ace's mother went through a bunch of stuff and gave most of it a new home, we still have 10-12 bins with of stuff that we've removed from that room. It's not really that big a room, but it was stuffed with stuff.
Part of what has me so tired tonight is that we rearranged the room tonight (which means Ace did most of the work, and I just attempted to not get in the way too much). The desk is on a different wall, so now our backs won't be to the door (although the lock should keep that from being a major problem). Our bed is no longer sharing a wall with my mother-in-law's office, but is on the wall the desk was on. The dresser (which was originally beside the desk) is now turned to the side. It actually helps make the room look bigger arranging everything that way.
We still have work to do. The book case needs some serious attention to finish clearing off and I still need to go back and fold and put away our laundry from last week. We have a closet to organize and a few other things to work out, but it's feeling much more like a good guest room instead of a cluttered mess.
Unfortunately, since there weren't too many places for all the stuff that was in the room, it's now in either the sun room (which has a narrow walkway through it) or the shed (which is almost completely full). I'm ready to be out of here, especially since we can't toss most the non-working things because "They might be useful one day." The part left out of that sentence is "if they can be found", which I know they wouldn't be.
After Ace's mother went through a bunch of stuff and gave most of it a new home, we still have 10-12 bins with of stuff that we've removed from that room. It's not really that big a room, but it was stuffed with stuff.
Part of what has me so tired tonight is that we rearranged the room tonight (which means Ace did most of the work, and I just attempted to not get in the way too much). The desk is on a different wall, so now our backs won't be to the door (although the lock should keep that from being a major problem). Our bed is no longer sharing a wall with my mother-in-law's office, but is on the wall the desk was on. The dresser (which was originally beside the desk) is now turned to the side. It actually helps make the room look bigger arranging everything that way.
We still have work to do. The book case needs some serious attention to finish clearing off and I still need to go back and fold and put away our laundry from last week. We have a closet to organize and a few other things to work out, but it's feeling much more like a good guest room instead of a cluttered mess.
Unfortunately, since there weren't too many places for all the stuff that was in the room, it's now in either the sun room (which has a narrow walkway through it) or the shed (which is almost completely full). I'm ready to be out of here, especially since we can't toss most the non-working things because "They might be useful one day." The part left out of that sentence is "if they can be found", which I know they wouldn't be.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Sometimes the Love Comes Shining Through
Ace and I are celebrating 7 years of being married. It's interesting, because I think we both feel like we've known each other longer, but that it also doesn't seem like it's been all that long since we got married (I checked with math, it's been 7 years).
Ace has been trying some to make up for the fact that we are still living with his parents (at least, I think that's part of it), so he's been doing lots of little loving things (like adding a locking doorknob to our door).
I think a big part of it is to give us a sanctuary in this too full house. While our stuff may still take up more room than we'd like in the bedroom we now share, the room isn't nearly as full as the rest of the house and we are almost done getting everything that isn't ours (except the furniture) out of the room.
On the plus side, Ace's parents went out of town for the weekend, so we're getting to have lots of alone time. I doubt they imagined that we'd spend most of our alone time getting online and getting stuff out of our room, but it's not a bad way to spend the weekend (at least, it's not when it adds to the feeling of being loved and cherished).
So, while it's not the best anniversary ever, it's been the best we can do this year. Next year though, I'm holding Ace to his weekend at a bed and breakfast get away plan.
Ace has been trying some to make up for the fact that we are still living with his parents (at least, I think that's part of it), so he's been doing lots of little loving things (like adding a locking doorknob to our door).
I think a big part of it is to give us a sanctuary in this too full house. While our stuff may still take up more room than we'd like in the bedroom we now share, the room isn't nearly as full as the rest of the house and we are almost done getting everything that isn't ours (except the furniture) out of the room.
On the plus side, Ace's parents went out of town for the weekend, so we're getting to have lots of alone time. I doubt they imagined that we'd spend most of our alone time getting online and getting stuff out of our room, but it's not a bad way to spend the weekend (at least, it's not when it adds to the feeling of being loved and cherished).
So, while it's not the best anniversary ever, it's been the best we can do this year. Next year though, I'm holding Ace to his weekend at a bed and breakfast get away plan.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Faith
I don't often talk about my religious beliefs. Mostly because I feel like it's one of those topics that is better left alone in general. It's too personal to me to open myself up to just anyone and risk their censure of what I feel is the truth.
That said, I am a Christian. I've gone to a church for most of my life, and would be now if it weren't one of the only times Ace and I get to be fully alone (which usually leads to sex). When we get out of here, we'll go back to going to church, either in person or online.
I enjoy reading different versions of the Bible to see what they each say. So far, my favorite version is the Amplified Bible. I like the extra details that are put in to clarify things. It's a good reminder that the Hebrew or Greek words had a bigger meaning than a lot of the English words do.
I know several verses by heart, but don't know the reference to go with it on all of them. I know that "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word," but I'm not fully sure where that is in the New Testament (Romans?). I know that some of the best conversations I have with Ace are about the Bible, something that thrills me. I like having a husband I can talk to about what I believe, who will challenge me to grow with him spiritually instead of leaving me to find faith by myself.
I am not ashamed of my faith, but I'm protective of it. It's not fragile, most of it having been formed during hard times filled with struggles necessitating strong faith, but it's intensely personal and I've learned to protect that which is personal.
I believe that what Jesus said (all that stuff in red, if you have a red letter Bible) is still as true today as it was when Jesus said it. I believe that I should try to be like Jesus, but that doesn't mean that I need to give up my laptop/car/technology/indoor plumbing/etc. I believe that new technology can be used to spread the Gospel, even if it's not the first thing that it's used for.
I have faith, but I don't normally talk about it. Maybe it's time to start. Maybe it's time to show another side of myself.
That said, I am a Christian. I've gone to a church for most of my life, and would be now if it weren't one of the only times Ace and I get to be fully alone (which usually leads to sex). When we get out of here, we'll go back to going to church, either in person or online.
I enjoy reading different versions of the Bible to see what they each say. So far, my favorite version is the Amplified Bible. I like the extra details that are put in to clarify things. It's a good reminder that the Hebrew or Greek words had a bigger meaning than a lot of the English words do.
I know several verses by heart, but don't know the reference to go with it on all of them. I know that "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word," but I'm not fully sure where that is in the New Testament (Romans?). I know that some of the best conversations I have with Ace are about the Bible, something that thrills me. I like having a husband I can talk to about what I believe, who will challenge me to grow with him spiritually instead of leaving me to find faith by myself.
I am not ashamed of my faith, but I'm protective of it. It's not fragile, most of it having been formed during hard times filled with struggles necessitating strong faith, but it's intensely personal and I've learned to protect that which is personal.
I believe that what Jesus said (all that stuff in red, if you have a red letter Bible) is still as true today as it was when Jesus said it. I believe that I should try to be like Jesus, but that doesn't mean that I need to give up my laptop/car/technology/indoor plumbing/etc. I believe that new technology can be used to spread the Gospel, even if it's not the first thing that it's used for.
I have faith, but I don't normally talk about it. Maybe it's time to start. Maybe it's time to show another side of myself.
Me? Strict? If I Need to Be
I'm trying hard to think of something to write that isn't about my in-laws. It's hard, because this evening seemed to have more conversations about them than normal.
Ace and I were discussing what our thoughts are regarding his parents and our future children. We discussed the fact that we're willing to seem strict to our kids and our parents alike, if need be. We want to ensure that our authority is rock solid in our kids minds.
I mentioned that I'd be willing to take away inappropriate gifts, even ones given for birthdays or Christmas, if I felt it necessary. I'm willing to be seen as mean and unbending if it teaches my kids that they can't wear me down to get their way. Which is not to say that I plan on being unreasonable. I just don't want my kids eating candy/having dessert/pigging out everyday. I want to instill good eating habits in them from a young age.
Basically, I don't plan on letting my in-laws do some of the things that they've done with my niece. I recognize that life has a way of changing plans, but so far I'm trying not to be completely insane when planning how I want to raise my children. I just want my kids to understand that I love them, so when I make a decision about a food or a toy it's because I feel that it's what's best for them.
And as much as I'm not willing to let my in-laws do those things, I'm not willing to let my dad do them either. Knowing my dad, that shouldn't be a problem. My dad would be more than happy to clear things with me first if something is questionable. He wouldn't go against my wishes. I don't know that my in-laws would do the same, and I find it frustrating.
I'm trying to walk a line here. Like usual, I'm thinking carefully about what I put in a public place and what to leave unsaid. I'm trying to balance my feelings on the subject with the knowledge that someday one of my in-laws might potentially see this. I don't want to say something deeply hurtful, but I also don't want to ignore my feelings and let them fester.
I realize that since I'm not currently raising a child these thoughts might seem silly to parents. I recognize that reality might necessitate changes to some of our plans. But at the same time, the core thought should never change. My kids should know they are loved even when I'm doing something they don't like. My dad likes to remind me that parenting isn't a popularity contest, and that's part of what has driven our decision to potentially seem strict.
I'd rather my child "hate" me for a week over not getting a toy than have something much worse happen if I could have stopped it by staying an authority figure in my child's life. Kids will get over not getting toys/candy/dessert/whatever, most of the time within minutes or hours. I don't know if I'd be able to fully forgive myself if I let my child get hurt or killed because they didn't see me as having authority. And that is something worth remembering when boundaries are tested (by my kids or their grandparents).
Ace and I were discussing what our thoughts are regarding his parents and our future children. We discussed the fact that we're willing to seem strict to our kids and our parents alike, if need be. We want to ensure that our authority is rock solid in our kids minds.
I mentioned that I'd be willing to take away inappropriate gifts, even ones given for birthdays or Christmas, if I felt it necessary. I'm willing to be seen as mean and unbending if it teaches my kids that they can't wear me down to get their way. Which is not to say that I plan on being unreasonable. I just don't want my kids eating candy/having dessert/pigging out everyday. I want to instill good eating habits in them from a young age.
Basically, I don't plan on letting my in-laws do some of the things that they've done with my niece. I recognize that life has a way of changing plans, but so far I'm trying not to be completely insane when planning how I want to raise my children. I just want my kids to understand that I love them, so when I make a decision about a food or a toy it's because I feel that it's what's best for them.
And as much as I'm not willing to let my in-laws do those things, I'm not willing to let my dad do them either. Knowing my dad, that shouldn't be a problem. My dad would be more than happy to clear things with me first if something is questionable. He wouldn't go against my wishes. I don't know that my in-laws would do the same, and I find it frustrating.
I'm trying to walk a line here. Like usual, I'm thinking carefully about what I put in a public place and what to leave unsaid. I'm trying to balance my feelings on the subject with the knowledge that someday one of my in-laws might potentially see this. I don't want to say something deeply hurtful, but I also don't want to ignore my feelings and let them fester.
I realize that since I'm not currently raising a child these thoughts might seem silly to parents. I recognize that reality might necessitate changes to some of our plans. But at the same time, the core thought should never change. My kids should know they are loved even when I'm doing something they don't like. My dad likes to remind me that parenting isn't a popularity contest, and that's part of what has driven our decision to potentially seem strict.
I'd rather my child "hate" me for a week over not getting a toy than have something much worse happen if I could have stopped it by staying an authority figure in my child's life. Kids will get over not getting toys/candy/dessert/whatever, most of the time within minutes or hours. I don't know if I'd be able to fully forgive myself if I let my child get hurt or killed because they didn't see me as having authority. And that is something worth remembering when boundaries are tested (by my kids or their grandparents).
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
In the End, It's a Wash
Over the weekend, we had a minor financial drama. Nicely we seem to have sorted it all out yesterday.
Ace had ordered something from a website and they included 10 free days of looking at their website (something he wasn't interested in). He e-mailed them a few hours after midnight on day 11, but they don't actually charge you for access until day 12 (in case you take a little extra time to remember to cancel). So, no big deal, right?
Wrong. They charged us for the next month. Ace responded telling them that he canceled and they needed to refund our money. The next invoice from them showed them refunding the money, but then taking it back out again. Ace e-mailed again, telling them that they weren't supposed to re-charge it, just to submit the refund and someone needs to be trained.
They e-mailed back that the charge had been voided, but our bank showed that they had charged us twice. So, we decided to ask our bank if we could dispute the charges. We could, if they all go through (they were pending at the time). Ace called this company 3 times before finally talking with the guy who sent the last e-mail (he didn't call back after the first time because he thought the e-mail had answered everything... except Ace called the first time after getting the e-mail). That guy didn't seem to understand why Ace was frustrated and stressed about the whole thing (he also claimed that the entire financial department had the day off, so I'm not sure he was all that honest).
Ace finally talked to someone higher up, who promised to call back within 30 minutes after finding out what he needed to do to fix the problem. He actually did call back before the 30 minutes were out. While he gave a slightly confusing message, he does seem to have fixed the problem since we've only seen their name pop up with one charge and one refund on our online bank statement.
So, yesterday was a bit more stressful than it needed to be (for other reasons as well, but I'm not ready to talk about those yet... they are still up in the air right now). But in the end, everything seems to have been worked out for the best. Or at least it was a wash, and I can live with that.
Ace had ordered something from a website and they included 10 free days of looking at their website (something he wasn't interested in). He e-mailed them a few hours after midnight on day 11, but they don't actually charge you for access until day 12 (in case you take a little extra time to remember to cancel). So, no big deal, right?
Wrong. They charged us for the next month. Ace responded telling them that he canceled and they needed to refund our money. The next invoice from them showed them refunding the money, but then taking it back out again. Ace e-mailed again, telling them that they weren't supposed to re-charge it, just to submit the refund and someone needs to be trained.
They e-mailed back that the charge had been voided, but our bank showed that they had charged us twice. So, we decided to ask our bank if we could dispute the charges. We could, if they all go through (they were pending at the time). Ace called this company 3 times before finally talking with the guy who sent the last e-mail (he didn't call back after the first time because he thought the e-mail had answered everything... except Ace called the first time after getting the e-mail). That guy didn't seem to understand why Ace was frustrated and stressed about the whole thing (he also claimed that the entire financial department had the day off, so I'm not sure he was all that honest).
Ace finally talked to someone higher up, who promised to call back within 30 minutes after finding out what he needed to do to fix the problem. He actually did call back before the 30 minutes were out. While he gave a slightly confusing message, he does seem to have fixed the problem since we've only seen their name pop up with one charge and one refund on our online bank statement.
So, yesterday was a bit more stressful than it needed to be (for other reasons as well, but I'm not ready to talk about those yet... they are still up in the air right now). But in the end, everything seems to have been worked out for the best. Or at least it was a wash, and I can live with that.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
For My Father
Today, the greeting card industry (or somebody else) has decided that we must honor dads. I'm feeling surprisingly emotional about it this year.
I don't get to see my dad for Father's Day, at least not this year. Instead, I got to spend time waiting for lunch with my father-in-law slowly getting closer and closer to me, ignoring all rules of personal space, until I needed to walk outside for a few moments to feel like I didn't have someone right on top of me.
But that's not what I want to talk about. I don't feel all that warm and fuzzy about my father-in-law, mostly because he's made it obvious that I'm not fully family and never will be. It's his loss, because I am awesome.
I want to talk about my dad, who loves me no matter what. He's a man who has gone without so that I could live a lot better than he was. He has kept me sheltered, even when it shouldn't have had to be his responsibility. He has offered kind words when I've felt like my life was at it's worst. And other than a little time where I was upset and stressed about my wedding and things said surrounding it, he has always been there for me to talk to.
He has told me that I am one of the 3 best things to come from his marriage to my mother. He has apologized and taken responsibility for his part in how crappy things were when I was a teenager (mostly because he wasn't there day in and day out). He reminded me that I was the kid, so I wasn't to carry any of the blame. He reminded me that the only way my mother can hurt him any now is to hurt us and it frustrates him that she's willing to do that to her own children.
In short, my dad is one of my heroes. He's not perfect, but I don't expect him to be. No matter how hard life hits him, he keeps getting back up and working on doing what is right. He inspires me to be the kind of parent he is now. He isn't afraid to be a strong parent and tell his kids no if they need to hear it. He admits he has a favorite child, but you would never be able to tell it based on his actions.
So, today I wish I could be with my father. I wish I had kids to let him spoil and love. I wish I could make his dreams come true and I could take away his physical pain. But all I can do today, right now, is let him know that I love him and that I hope he has a good day/week/month/year.
I don't get to see my dad for Father's Day, at least not this year. Instead, I got to spend time waiting for lunch with my father-in-law slowly getting closer and closer to me, ignoring all rules of personal space, until I needed to walk outside for a few moments to feel like I didn't have someone right on top of me.
But that's not what I want to talk about. I don't feel all that warm and fuzzy about my father-in-law, mostly because he's made it obvious that I'm not fully family and never will be. It's his loss, because I am awesome.
I want to talk about my dad, who loves me no matter what. He's a man who has gone without so that I could live a lot better than he was. He has kept me sheltered, even when it shouldn't have had to be his responsibility. He has offered kind words when I've felt like my life was at it's worst. And other than a little time where I was upset and stressed about my wedding and things said surrounding it, he has always been there for me to talk to.
He has told me that I am one of the 3 best things to come from his marriage to my mother. He has apologized and taken responsibility for his part in how crappy things were when I was a teenager (mostly because he wasn't there day in and day out). He reminded me that I was the kid, so I wasn't to carry any of the blame. He reminded me that the only way my mother can hurt him any now is to hurt us and it frustrates him that she's willing to do that to her own children.
In short, my dad is one of my heroes. He's not perfect, but I don't expect him to be. No matter how hard life hits him, he keeps getting back up and working on doing what is right. He inspires me to be the kind of parent he is now. He isn't afraid to be a strong parent and tell his kids no if they need to hear it. He admits he has a favorite child, but you would never be able to tell it based on his actions.
So, today I wish I could be with my father. I wish I had kids to let him spoil and love. I wish I could make his dreams come true and I could take away his physical pain. But all I can do today, right now, is let him know that I love him and that I hope he has a good day/week/month/year.
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