And Dog Makes Three

After wondering for a week, I would imagine the family that was temporarily taking care of Guillermo was wondering if they were ever going to see signs up for him.

So, we have him back. We finally got to putting more and newer signs up where more people could see them last night (or really early this morning, since it was after Ace got off work). And we got 2 calls and a text message from the people who took Guillermo in within an hour (I'm not sure which finally woke Ace up, but one of them did). They were excited to give him back.

Guillermo apparently escaped the yard, made his way over to a nearby park we've walked with him to (and around) a few times. The daughter (and her boyfriend) of the people who had him noticed him there and opened the door to their vehicle, which was all it took for him to decide he could go with these people (luckily, they seem to be nice people).

The family where he stayed were more than happy to return him, as they already had two dogs and weren't really looking to expand their canine family. But, they did buy him a ball, which we figure will last about 30 minutes if he has uninterrupted access (which we are fine with him having, because we are just so happy to have him back).

At this point, I've had less than 4 hours sleep so far today, but I'm too excited to sleep right now because Guillermo is home! Safe and sound!

Plus, I know we've fixed the problem with the gate (cable and a key lock, that gate's not moving without our permission now), so I'm free to stick him outside if I need to. Also, we've got his rabies shot tag on his collar (which he'll be wearing until we get him chipped, which will also happen as soon as possible) which will at least identify him well enough should he somehow get out again. Plus, we plan on getting him an actual name tag for said collar, so the rabies shot tag will be getting some company.

But, we are now whole again.

I've learned a few things about a dog free life. 1. It was nice to have a week where no one was watching me eat, but I didn't eat as much (or as often) as I should have. 2. I really and truly missed Guillermo while he was gone. I realized how much I love him. 3. Now I can go back to enjoying watching Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity, which is good, because I've got that on DVD now (as well as already having Arguing with Myself) and I really think the man is funny (One of the last things I watched before Guillermo escaped the back yard was that special. Guillermo was sitting near me, Ace was taking a nap, and the evening felt nice... until the next time I watched it trying to cheer myself back up because the dog was gone, and I couldn't laugh at the end because I remembered how nice it was that night and now he was gone. So, I'm very happy he's back, so I can fully enjoy that DVD.). 4. I almost wished he was a kid so that I could call the cops and get him back quickly, except I'm pretty sure I'd never kick my kids into the backyard in this neighborhood unless they were old enough to be unsupervised and happy enough not to run away.

But for today, I'm happy, because the dog is back home. And he'll stay here if he knows what's good for me.

Setting Goals

I don't have many goals. Okay, that's not totally honest. I don't have many short-term goals. Most of my goals right now are long term.

Because of this, I decided to set a goal for myself to take part of NoBloPoMo this year. I've already proven to myself that I can write everyday for a month, I did earlier this year.

And now, I'm going to try to write everyday for the month of November. And with that, I've set up a short-term goal.

We'll all see if I can follow through with this.

TTFN!

Birthdays and Confusing Calls*

Yesterday was my birthday. I've had better days, but it was a much better day this year than it was last (even with the dog still missing).

I got several welcome birthday greetings (my dad, my sister, one of my aunts, one of my cousins, YzArC and, of course, Ace). Ace took the day off to start working on finding the dog (he's not at the animal shelter and our vet knows he's missing now). He found ways to make me giggle all day.

But, I did get one odd birthday greeting. My mother (who I believe I've mentioned before that I'm not talking to) called me. For reasons totally unknown to me, I answered. The call was... tense is the word Ace used about it, which I suppose sums it up accurately.

She wanted to say happy birthday, tell me she was thinking of me (which isn't surprising, but...), say she loves me (I did return the sentiment, because I do love her, even if I want her to stay away), and say she's sorry we don't have a better relationship (which I wasn't aware we had anymore, given that I don't normally consider there to be a relationship with people I don't talk to). And it's left me feeling slightly confused ever since.

Why, on a rather insignificant birthday (28 isn't that important, right?), did she feel the need to cross the one line I asked her not to in order to say those things to me? And why did I answer the phone instead of letting it go to voice mail when I knew that I probably wouldn't really want to talk to her?

And, my final question, where is my dog (I miss him)?

*There was only one of each yesterday, but the plurals seemed to make more sense in my head.

If I'm So Innocent, Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Today, I took a bath. This is a good thing, because I seriously needed to take some time and just relax and focus on me for a little while. I put the dog outside before I got in the tub, because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be in there (about 45 minutes). When I got out, I decided that he could stay outside for a little longer, because it was about the time I would normally let him out.

When I went to let him in (30 minutes later), I discovered that our lawn had apparently been mowed today. While that normally wouldn't matter, we have an extra step on making sure Guillermo won't escape the backyard that they never seem to remember to put back. So, he escaped sometime in the hour and half I let him out.

And I'm stuck here with no car to go searching the neighborhood for him (I already searched the backyard and know he's not there).

I've cried. I've distracted myself with TV and music. I've told myself that I didn't do anything wrong, because I couldn't have known they mowed our lawn (I slept deeply because of a really crappy nights sleep yesterday).

So, I know that I'm innocent, but I feel really guilty. Why? The only thing I could have done differently is go check the gate before my bath, but there wasn't any indication (to me, because I didn't notice the length of the grass over the last few days) that he could get out.

But a part of me still says this is all my fault. And that I should never leave him outside like that unless I've checked the gate first (I was wearing nothing but a robe at the time I let him out, so I wasn't really wanting to actually go outside). And that maybe I shouldn't take baths when Ace isn't home so this can't ever happen again (provided we find him).

I'm going to go back to trying to distract myself, because otherwise I'm going to cry again, and that isn't productive.

Later.

Searching for Normal

Normal - "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural" - Dictionary.com (first definition under normal)

I have spent years trying to figure out what normal is. And my problem with finding an answer is actually shown in the very definition of normal (the other definitions do not help the issue). Because everyone has a different idea as to what the standard is. Unlike an inch, for which a standard has been set, there is no real standard normal for people (there isn't something out there for me to measure myself against to decide if I am normal).

So, I wonder, as I look at the other definitions, if any of them help me.

Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. Sorry, but I still have that cough. Plus, I'm pretty sure glasses kill this one too (my eyes aren't "normal").

Approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm "normal" in this sense. I'm pretty sure I'm not fully (I snapped at Ace Tuesday night because my hormones threw me a pity party and I decided to show up. But I got some nice pajama pants and some M&Ms before the end of the night.).

Being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. Um... I'm not perpendicular, but this definition is related to math, so I don't think it really counts.

Containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution. While I understand each individual word, the combination of them all throws me off (but I'm not a solution or part of science, so again, it doesn't count).

The average or mean. I'm back to not being sure if I'm average, but knowing that I'm not mean (does this mean I'm not normal?).

So, for now, I'm spending a little time studying some philosophy (from Wikipedia right now, so I'm not exactly doing any deep studying). All I do know is that while I'm not sure if I'm normal, I've realized that most people don't know if they are normal either. So in that regard, I guess I am normal after all.

But I'll probably keep searching for a better idea of what normal is than what dictionary.com says for its definitions.

The Cycle

When I start to drift off towards depression, I start a cycle that doesn't help me get over it. I know this, but it seems to happen each time.

I start with a thought, one that makes me feel worse. And that leads to other thoughts that depress me more. And before I know it, I'm stuck in the middle of this cycle of bad thoughts and there are few things that can pull me out.

That's when I try to go searching for shows that make me laugh. I try to find things that stop the cycle. And, if nothing else works, I talk to Ace who then helps me move past that cycle.

I just need to find a way to have a better cycle, to start thinking good things that lead to thinking other good things. Ace and I discussed this recently. It's just kind of hard to change even bad habits.

But, I recognize the need to change, which I guess is the first step. Now I just need to find a way to remind myself to change my thoughts when I have them (I'm going to try to change things with baby steps).

TTFN!

A Trickle of E-Mail

Well, my e-mail access is back, but the e-mails are only trickling through.

And, so, I'm trying to be patient, because I'm not happy that I was without e-mail access so long and now it's taking so long for e-mails to actually reach me (what is up with that?).

It also doesn't help that Ace, who uses the exact same company for one of his e-mail addresses, has not lost his e-mail access in this process (from what the company has said, he's one of the lucky few who hasn't lost e-mail access).

On the plus side, they have mentioned some kind of compensation type thing for this being such an extreme outage.

So, I sit and wait for my e-mails to come through for me.

And so goes another day.

TTFN!

How Much Upgrading Is Enough?

One of my e-mail addresses (I have 3) in a paid for e-mail address. Once a year, I have to fork over money to keep it. Sometime in 2006 (or possibly 2007), the company who runs it merged with another company. And for the past year, they have been doing tons of upgrades.

The problem with those upgrades is that every time they do one, I loose e-mail access for two or three days. 4 times in the past year, I've had no access to the e-mail sent to the address on a system that I pay for (my free e-mail addresses have never been down).

Their latest reason for me loosing my e-mail access (right after they had restored it) was that too many people were trying to access their e-mail (because we had gone for most of 48 hours without e-mail and were slightly desperate to get our services, the ones we pay for, back). So, they took half (or more) of us offline (I'm so lucky to be in that group, huh?) and will stagger us back on. So that there won't be problems.

I will admit, one of the times I had no e-mail access wasn't their fault (I was down for a week and a half), but it is getting ridiculous (before they merged, they had it where I didn't have service one time and gave me three months of free service to make up for it, I miss that type of customer service).

So, now I'm waiting until who knows when to get this e-mail address back, and guess what time of the year it is too.

If only I could make this insanity up. Instead, I've been reminding myself that it's too early to drink if I've just gotten out of bed (because I'm not an alcoholic, in fact, I barely ever drink) and that it's healthier to kill bad guys in World of Warcraft instead.

So, how much upgrading is enough when you know it knocks the access to a group of your customers pretty much every time you update?

Tenderness

Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel happy. Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel mad. Some days, I read other people's posts and I start to think. Some of the posts that make me think the most also leave me feeling raw inside, where I need some tenderness to start to feel whole again.

My mother has been on my mind more than is healthy lately. I know this because she keeps showing up in my dreams and she is more antagonistic than she should be (if she wants to show up in my dreams, she can stay silent or be supportive).

Today, I read a post by someone who feels frustrated because she can't communicate with her mother. And it started me wondering why women seem to have problems connecting with their mothers when they are all grown up. I know that this isn't guaranteed. I have cousins (older than me) who love talking with their mother. But, it is still a problem.

All this thinking, and my memory of my mother haunting me, has left me feeling a little raw right now. So, Ace is going to provide me with some tenderness. And maybe sometime soon I'll figure out the answer to how to have a healthy relationship with my own children when my mother couldn't.

Later.

Finding Sleep

My biggest problem with trying to sleep at night is getting my brain to shut off. Because that's the case, I've spend most nights trying to keep my mind busy until my body forces me to sleep (which I notice when I think I'm going to blink and don't open my eyes for a few minutes).

I recognize that this isn't healthy, but I'm not fully sure what to do to change this. Hopefully with the changes Ace and I are making to our routines for when he comes home from work I'll be able to go to sleep easier.

Now, if this works and if I could only figure out how I relaxed so well a few weeks ago, I'll be doing really well.

TTFN!

What Do You Say?

What do you say when someone gives you information about someone else and the only thing you can think to reply is "OK"?

Ace got an e-mail from one of his cousins about her brother who is graduating from basic training soon. I would guess that congratulations is the proper thing to say, but only to the person graduating. Otherwise, it's kind of hard to tell what to say.

This is a slight problem because it comes up from time to time. I know what to say when someone dies ("I'm sorry for your loss."), when someone is pregnant, engaged or married ("Congratulations!"), and when someone is moving away ("I'll miss you."). I've even got stuff to say for other occasions that is situationally appropriate.

But what do you say when someone tells you news about something happening to someone else when you aren't sure how they feel? What do you say when someone blindsides you with something that doesn't have a particular "right" answer? What do you do when someone tells you that someone is graduating from basic training?

Someone, please tell me.

Questions I Won't Ask

I have questions about my parent's divorce (mainly, what was the true cause of it), but I won't ask my dad those questions. Mainly because the answers don't really concern me. My relationship with my dad has nothing to do with why his marriage to my mother didn't last.

I was thinking, though, that the only glimpse my mother showed me into their divorce (which she first mentioned the day she told me they were divorcing) is something I know don't feel fully comfortable trusting (mostly because I would have problems with believing it if she told me the sky was blue, even though I know it's true).

A friend of mine is getting divorced. Her kids (who are actually only a couple of years younger than me) have heard their dad's side of the story, but not hers. I was just wondering what my advice would be to them on whether or not to trust what they've heard and how to let it affect their relationships with their mother.

I remember, after hearing my mother's side, being angry with my dad. I remember feeling betrayed. But the anger didn't last long. Because he was still there for me. He provided a steady relationship, one that I didn't really have with my mom. And now, when I'm not sure I fully believe my mother's tale from long ago (14 years, almost half my life), I realize that the relationship I have with my dad has nothing to do with what he did or didn't do that set off the divorce.

So, I guess my advice to those friends is that they should look to the past, was their mother (who isn't telling her side, kind of like my dad didn't tell his) there for them? Is she still trying to be there for them? If so, then they shouldn't reject her based on someone else's pain. Because it just makes things more awkward (and they are awkward enough as it is).

So, while I have questions about my mother's story, a story that took me 14 years to start wondering about, I won't ask my dad. Because it's not any of my business. And, it won't change how I look at him now anyway, because our relationship is built on trust and conversation between us, and not based on the picture my mother has tried to paint in the past (not talking to her has produced at least a few good things, like more rational and logical thinking skills).

Do you have any questions that you won't ask because the answers don't really matter?

Bubbles

Wednesday night, I took a bath. Ace helped me out with that by running the water for me (thus, getting me to actually enter the bathroom). Then, this conversation happened.

Ace: Are you shaving, or is that for relaxing?

Me: Relaxing.

Ace: Yay! Bubbles!

Of course, he knows that I only take bubble baths when he runs them, so he is oddly excited about the idea of me taking a bubble bath, because he wants me to relax and rest. He wants me to be stress free, and he knows that I don't let myself relax enough (or more so, I don't fully relax when I'm relaxing). It's just cute that he's that concerned about me.

And, it's fun when he inadvertently gives me something to post.

So, thank you Ace for being so sweet and cute. And I'll try to work on the relaxing thing some more. And hopefully sometime I'll actually make a bubble bath all by myself (and yes, I know how, I just don't seem to treat myself to bubbles).

TTFN!

Silence

I've not wanted to get on and talk. I'm not pregnant, yet. I took a pregnancy test and then started my period (all in a 2 minute time frame). And since then I've been trying not to mope about it.

So, I stayed silent. Because who wants to hear someone whine because it's taking them a while to get pregnant?

So, I've been focusing on other things, like my mouse deciding it doesn't want to work anymore (we've ordered a new one, it should be here within a week... only the new mouse will be for Ace and I'll get his current mouse). And I've been discovering that I don't seem to care much about, well, anything lately.

Hopefully soon I'll have something more important to say and the silence will be broken again.

TTFN

Heat and Randomness

I'm feeling hot and my mind isn't focusing on anything I want to write about (I'm getting tired of mentioning that I'm waiting). So, I'm going to go with random stuff.

1. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde - I forgot how good this movie is, even though the main character is silly and seems rather stupid. Elle is actually really smart, at least she is when it matters (and apparently fashion knowledge will help anywhere, even Congress).

2. I'm for equal pay for men and women for doing the same job. I'm not for the idea that men suck and women rule (because, actually, both genders can suck and both can rule).

3. Why is my bedroom at 78 degrees? No wonder I'm feeling hot! The fan is on, but it's not helping enough. Am I putting off enough extra heat to make me this miserable?

4. The a/c had to be nudged to cool down the room I'm sitting in. Because my comfort is more important than the dog's. Besides, he's probably warm with all that fur anyway.

5. Um, have I mentioned that I'm warm? And that's zapped any and all other thoughts out of my head? Oh, yeah... that's been the theme of the last 2 points too.

6. I'd like to go by the library, but I'm in the middle of at least 7 books (possibly more) that I own, so I think I should finish some of those first. I want to go to the library to look for books by Erma Bombeck, because I know that I will enjoy them (I have in the past).

Yeah, I think I've been random enough (or ranted about the heat enough). I'm going to go back to either books or logic problems (probably the logic problems).

TTFN!

9/11

Yesterday was different. It was the first time in the past few years that I had thought about the date very much. I felt the date weighing on my mind throughout the day.

I will never forget the shock I felt that day, in 2001, when I fully woke up (I was in bed asleep when the planes hit) and found out what had happened. I felt like I had been kicked. My sinus infection (for I was suffering with one) seemed silly and my doctor's appointment that afternoon seemed less important (I still went, because I happen to like breathing, and there wasn't much I could do anyway). I remember the lines at the gas stations, even here in Oklahoma, and the prices soaring (although they didn't get nearly as high as they did elsewhere). I remember being counseled to wait a few days before getting gas (my doctor cared about what I was going to pay for gas as well as keeping me breathing).

Because of those memories I want to honor the people who died and the people who lived that day. They deserve to be honored.

But it is 7 years later, and my life has changed a lot. And I've got other things on my mind, things that seem more important now. Things that seemed like they would never happen then.

So, I remembered, at least for a little bit, in honor of the past and then I allowed myself to focus on the present. Because I'm fairly sure those people I'm honoring would want me to continue on with my life.

So, September 11th was meaningful. And I won't forget it. But, it's feeling like it's time for me to move forward. When I have children to teach, I'll share with them the importance of the date, while reminding them that we aren't going to live in fear.

TTFN!

Waiting Patiently

In a departure from the past, other than feeling slightly frustrated when time seems to not be moving forward at a normal pace, I'm feeling patient about waiting for Sunday (when I'll finally allow myself to take a pregnancy test). It's one of those things where I'm interested in finding out the answer, but it won't change in the next few days.

But, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling good about the possibilities. And other than finding Tex-Mex to be irresistible, I'm feeling fairly normal. And I'm feeling content to be where I am right now, in the magical place of possibilities and hope for the future.

Well, it's back to distracting myself with other things to help pass that time.

TTFN!

Slow Moving Days

The part I hate the most about waiting is that time seems to slow way down and I'm stuck waiting what feels like twice as long as I should be. I haven't started my period yet, even though it was due yesterday, and I'm not interested in basically any of the food in the house (I want Taco Bell, and have since yesterday!). Plus, even though I'm not a big round 7 or 8 months pregnant, I feel big and round.

It doesn't help me a bit that tomorrow starts Ace's weekend and tonight when he gets home from work we are actually going to go by the store. It actually makes the waiting seem even longer, because I'm waiting for something (anything!) to happen. So, when I check the clocks, I'm not surprised that it's only been 5 minutes since the last time I checked, because time is creeping by so slowly.

And for some reason, I slept from roughly 7 am to 5:45 pm today. I didn't realize I needed so much sleep, but I felt 100% better for having slept for so long.

Any suggestions you've got for making time go more quickly when I'm here with just the dog (and no way to go anywhere that I can't walk to, because I'm short 1 vehicle), please let me know.

TTFN!

My Monthly Does of Insanity

I'm waiting. It's part of this all important 2 week wait thing, seeing if I'm pregnant this month.

Other than feeling disgusted by the thought of half the food in the house, a feeling that is beginning to be common around this time of the month, I don't feel any way in particular.

Okay, that not completely true. I'm tired of this random cough that hasn't wanted to leave and I'm tired (again, not totally unexpected any more). But, I'm not feeling particularly pregnant or not. I'm not pinning any hopes upon this month being any different.

I'm just waiting.

The Bad Influence

Being a doggie mommy is resembling being having a child more and more.

Our neighbors (who just recently moved in) have a dog. This dog will bark at anything outside, squirrels, people, I'm beginning to think the breeze. He does stop sometimes, but it doesn't seem like long before something sets him off again.

Guillermo has decided that he wants to be outside ALL THE TIME now. I think he's made friends with this new dog. But, that means he's started barking at things. Guillermo hasn't really been all that big a barker before, but this new dog is being a bad influence on him.

This has lead to a battle of wills lately. Guillermo and I, for the past two nights, have been battling each other for whether or not he can spend all the time he wants to outside if he's going to bark. The most annoying thing is that he starts whining, which he does when he actually needs to go out, so part of me doesn't want him to be in pain or really needing to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to just let him go out and stay out (although, I do know that if I've let him out an hour ago, he'll be fine without going out).

What do I do to stop my dog from being influenced by a dog I can't get rid of?

Confrontation

I dislike confrontation.

Wait, let me adjust that statement. I dislike confronting other people. I have this inner thing that just wants people to like me. Even if those people will never meet me/talk to me again.

And because of this, I let people walk all over me when I shouldn't. I don't stand up for myself as well as I should. I let, or practically beg, Ace to be the one who is sticking up me, because I know that he can take someone else's displeasure.

And I know that I need to get past this. I can't always be nothing but a people pleaser. It's not healthy. It ignores what I need. And it leads to me snapping at people I love and who I know will love me even if I get snippy with them. And that's not healthy for others.

So, I've got to find a way to confront others while still feeling like I'm not just pushing my own agenda. And I've got to remind myself that it's not just okay, but important to take care of myself. And while I somewhat know this, I don't practice it enough.

So, right here, right now, I am promising myself to stand up more for my rights. Because this will be good practice for stand up for my kids rights when they need it. That and I can't make someone else fight my battles for me forever.

I'm growing up, right here, right now. And isn't the point of life to grow?

The Good, the Bad, and the Quiet

It's currently rather quiet in my house. It's nice. Ace and I don't spend enough time just being quiet. We're both on our laptops, so there is some noise, but we've got the TV off (for once) and it's nice and quiet.

In good news, at least for me, Ace got today off (which is why he's home... I probably should have lead with that, huh?). Also, we changed our sheets and dusted off our fan, both of which we should have done a while ago. And I'm coughing a lot less, except for when the dust hits me just right.

In bad news, I think the dust gave me a sinus headache and I probably need to go see an optometrist (on a completely unrelated matter), because one of my eyes feels like it's doing something strange lately (I keep feeling like something is twitching, and my vision is acting all strange sometimes too). Plus, all I want to do right now is take a nap (I've been awake 3 and 1/2 hours, isn't that a little soon to be taking a nap?).

So, there you have it. The good, the bad, and the quiet from the Smith household.

What's happening in your life?

Refusing to Sleep

Some part of my subconscious is unhappy. I can tell because I'm having problems finding a desire to sleep when I'm tired. My brain doesn't seem to want to relax, which I take to mean that there's something I don't want to deal with in my dreams.

I think the problem is that I recently dreamt of my mother. And she was mad. Ace and I were trying to sleep for a few hours at her house (I have not clue why, that part is fuzzy), and she was determined that we not do that (What's interesting is that I'm fairly sure she wouldn't react that way, but would instead try to reinstate a relationship if we were to come by her house.).

I'm not sure what I'm avoiding, but it's obvious that I'm avoiding something and it's obviously not pleasant. Unfortunately, there isn't much Ace can do for me at this time. He's trying (or at least he did last night when I first brought it up), but it's not like he can crawl into my head and find out what I need. And I'm not much help right now.

So, I'm frustrated and trying to find things to make me laugh to help while Ace is at work. So, anything you want to send me to help cheer me up, send to a_masmith at yahoo dot com and you will be much appreciated.

TTFN!

A Survey

I don't really have much to say, so I thought I'd give my answers to a survey that my sister did earlier.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Not at all.

Does a kiss make you feel better?
sometimes

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
I've passed out and woken up with my legs on the bathroom floor (I was on the toilet at the time), but I've never passed out on the bathroom floor.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
before I get in, to adjust the temperature just right.

What did you do today?
had a bad dream, called Ace, slept a little more, watched TV, got food, watched more TV... that's been it.

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
no

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
I've never had more than 1 boyfriend at a time.

Have you ever thought about your death?
yes, possibly more than I should have in the past

Ever been in love?
I'm in love now.

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
I'm in a permanent relationship now, and I'm perfectly happy to be in it.

What is your favorite sport?
Watching - gymnastics. Playing - I don't play sports.

What color is your shower curtain?
vanilla (at least, that's what the packaging said)

Have you ever had stitches?
yes, but only from surgery

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
probably, at some point when I was really little.

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
yes, fairly decently in fact

Lyrics stuck in your head?
nothing currently

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
I could care less.

What are you doing tomorrow?
probably something similar to what I did today

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I don't remember.

Have you ever run over an animal?
no

What is your favorite cereal?
honey nut cheerios, dry

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
not that I remember

What are you doing right at this moment?
listening to Mythbusters

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Why do you care what I think on this?

Where's your favorite place to be?
bed, with Ace (although, I'm dreaming of a vacation right now)

What's your favorite song?
The Dance by Garth Brooks

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
I don't drink coffee ever and rarely drink alcohol.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
no... Why do people do this?

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
um... sort of, but it's a secret (don't tell my in-laws)

Have you ever been arrested?
no

Do you dream in black and white?
not usually

Do you talk in your sleep?
only if I'm trying to get someone to shut up, from what I can tell

Do you snore?
when my nose is stuffy, yes... otherwise, I've been told I don't

Are you a redneck?
no

Funniest thing you heard all day?
"Am I missing an eyebrow?" Adam Savage

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
um, no, but that's one of the few places I haven't gotten bitten

What are you afraid of?
I'm not afraid of anything.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Just because the only thing resembling a baby in this house doesn't mean that I don't have some phrases that I'm getting tired of saying.

"Out!" I say this and the dog usually interprets it to mean that he needs to move 5 feet (or less) and can then sit again, necessitating me to say it again. Occasionally it means I'm kicking him out of the house for a little while.

"Off!" This means the dog has tried to climb on something I don't want him on. Usually it's the bed or my chair. This isn't actually used that often.

"Shut up!" This is screamed from another room because Guillermo is barking at either another dog walking outside or the garage door going up because Ace is home (that has gotten decidedly less, as he seems to understand that he doesn't need to bark at the garage door if someone is home).

"Do you want to go outside?" This is another way of me trying to kick him out for a little while.

I'm viewing this as good practice for when I have kids to try to do what I want them to do. Of course, I'm hoping not to be yelling things out from another room when I've actually need to discipline my kids.

TTFN!

Ever Present Optimism

Last night, Ace and I went by Whataburger and Wal-Mart after Ace got home from work (I'm fairly sure we were the only customers in Wal-Mart). Ace was hungry and wanted to go buy World of Warcraft (this means he should be spending a little less time on it than he was as it being a 10 day free trial).

While Ace went to go look for his game, I looked at baby clothes. Then, I found a onesie that we actually bought (it was inexpensive, and gives us something to focus on). It's green and has Genius in the Making written on it.

And the onesie is where the ever present optimism comes in. Because, as far as we know, I'm not currently pregnant (since I just had my period, it's unlikely that I am). But, we are still trying. And I've figured out how to relax, so it's more likely that we'll be successful.

I did wonder, while looking at baby clothes, why purple isn't considered a neutral color for babies (it's the color that's produced when red and blue are mixed, so you would think it would be the most neutral, but...). I decided that if I ever got into designing baby clothes (which I probably won't), I'd make some neutral purple clothing.

So, for now, I'm still happily in a place of ever present optimism.

TTFN!

Since I Last Posted

I've been working on continuing to breath since I last posted. Sunday, I woke up feeling sleepy (okay, I usually wake up sleepy, but I was sleepier than normal) and figured that I was probably fighting off something. By the end of the day, I had a cough.

Monday, I had a runny, stuffy nose. And a not so nice cough still.

By Wednesday, my nose had stopped running, and I could breathe though my nose again. But, the cough decided to stay.

I know that I should probably have tried to find a doctor in my insurance's health coverage and gotten medicine so that I'd already be breathing easy, but I haven't wanted to stay that upright for that long.

Instead, I've spent most of the last 4 days in bed (at least, as much as I felt I could). I'm not coughing nearly as much (for the most part), but I'm still ready for my breathing to be entirely easy again.

So, tomorrow, at least, I'll continue to try to take it easy and focus on continuing to breathe.

TTFN!

The Accident

Earlier, Ace got into an accident on the way to work.

He's fine. He didn't even get the slightest bit hurt. Serenity, our SUV, didn't fair so well. She'll need some body work and some lights fixed.

As it turns out, the guy at the back of the 3 car pile up (the car in front of Ace took off and left the scene, otherwise it would have been a 4 car pile up). Car #3 (the guilty party) had breaking issues, so Ace tried to move around the car in front of him (into an empty lane), but couldn't without hitting the car in front of him, so he hit the breaks. Then, Car #3 hit Car #2 who in turn hit Ace, who then couldn't help but hit Car #1 (who left).

Most likely, no one was hurt (the passenger of Car #3 left in an ambulance, but he was probably faking). The driver of Car #3 was pissed off that the cops (who got to the scene after I did, and I had to get dressed before I could even start to get there) did not believe him that Ace was the one at fault (he was pointing to the plastic from the light that got broken when Ace hit Car #1). But, Serenity and Car #2 were both starting to be in the other right hand lane in an obvious attempt to avoid the accident, or at least to lessen the damage. Of course, the driver was also pissed off that he was being arrested. He was trying to get some sympathy from the cops by telling them that he had recently had surgery on his shoulder (which, if he were on pain medications, may have helped them to be under the impression that he was drunk). The cops didn't care (the man evoked no sympathy from anyone).

Ace did not go to work. He spent a good 2 hours letting me just be near to him so that irrational part of me that felt like I could have potentially lost him (um, not really, based on the damage) would realize that he's fine (he came out without a scratch).

But, all in all, it wasn't the best way to start my day.

The Olympics

I've been watching the Olympics lately (big surprise, who hasn't been?). Mostly, I've been watching the swimming and gymnastic events.

Last night, after being slightly frustrated that I couldn't find out exactly how the USA did at men's gymnastics (because the recording ran out before the final scores were posted), I looked it up online. Then I read where apparently most people weren't thinking that the USA had much of a chance at winning any medals at all. Now, I don't closely follow gymnastics (or any sport), but I never doubted that we could win medals at the Olympics for gymnastics. For a little bit last night, I thought we could win gold, until we didn't get as high of scores as I thought that we should have on a the high bar (2 people who seemed to do flawlessly impressive routines and they both got under 16? I think they were robbed!).

All I can hope is that the women's gymnastics will be judged in a way that doesn't seem biased. And that they've worked out the small issues they had at the trials (hopefully, they will keep sticking those landings!).

I've enjoyed watching Michael Phelps (please tell me I spelled his name right) break several world records while winning gold medals. I can see why the man might have some fans (having all those rippling muscles doesn't hurt either). 3 days, 3 gold medals, 3 new world records. Wow!

I've got to go. My stomach is starting to demand food and I've got shopping to do. But I will be watching the Olympics tonight (I love my DVR!) and cheering the USA on for more wins (by which, I mean medals).

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers: Lessons Learned"

Mainly, I've been reminded that having kids is popular these days. It's popular for everyone to have kids.

But, and I can't stress this strongly enough, I don't want to have kids because it's popular.

I want to have kids, because I want to be a mother. I dream of it (at least, I day dream of it). I want to face all the hard times (midnight feedings, temper tantrums, potty training, etc.) because I know that ultimately it IS worth it, that kids are better than they seem based on reality TV/movies/books/whatever (I do like that the show showed the real possibilities though, because I'm all for teaching teens why they don't want kids yet).

So, hopefully, a lot of teens learned something from this show (hey, if someone in their mid-20s can learn lots of things, teens should have too). I somewhat hope this comes out on DVD so that I can be able to show it to my kids when they are old enough (which obviously happens after I have kids).

I wonder if there will be a second season with new teens and new kids. If so, I'll probably watch again.

What did you learn from this series?

Questioning

I'm wondering what makes a marriage last. Why some couples are able to be married for 50-60+ years and others don't make it past 2. The only thing I can imagine was that it has to do with communication. Maybe the couples who communicate are able to stay married longer.

I'm happy that my marriage is going well. I'm glad it has been well for the last 5 years. I'm hoping for it to go even better over the next 50+ years. Ace and I talk, a lot. And sometimes when we talk more, I write less here, because I say those things I need to say.

I'm going to go. I've got things to do, including eating some chocolate that is calling my name.

But for now, I'll keep wondering about what makes a marriage last.

TTFN!

Feeling Better

My shoulder is still slightly getting over Guillermo's strength fighting against my strength. It feels fine most of the time, but if I've been using my arms a lot during the day, it gets sore and doesn't want to let me use it.

Nicely, it's already started feeling better. But I still think I'm going to give it a break for the rest of the evening (as I've no been up long enough to go to bed yet).

So, while my shoulder is doing much, much better, it's not quite whole yet.

TTFN!

Still Waiting

Today has moved by slowly. Or at least parts of it have moved by slowly.

I'm waiting on Ace to get back home so we can go pick up a couple of things from the store.

I'm also waiting for the weekend, when I'll be obsessed with my body and whether or not I'm pregnant.

Can doing a lot of waiting make you go crazy?

Later.

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Parts 5 and 6

This is a combined post of what I've learned from episodes 5 and 6 of The Baby Borrowers. I wrote what I was learning while watching, so some of my points may end up looking awkward by the end.

1. Teens feel comfortable cursing in front of other teens, even when they are supposed to be setting a good example.

2. I was only surprised about who left because he seemed so mellow and like he would stick out the short time left, even if they would be sleeping in different rooms and not really talking (although, leaving was a better idea).

3. Boys are going to do some stupid things (because they are boys), but just yelling at them won't fix the problem. You need to actually discipline them.

4. Family trips should be doing something fun, not boring (at least one member of the family should be having fun, preferably the whole family will have fun).

5. Teenagers are willful, at least at times.

6. Breakups are hard. Living together after you decide to break up is even worse. And it will mess up your kids if you fight in front of them (or loudly away from them).

7. Sorry means a lot, but it doesn't cover everything when you kick someone out of their house for 5 hours. It's really awkward if you are planning on breaking up with them within a few weeks.

8. Girls are, overall, calmer and more relaxed than boys (at least, they cause less problems and do less crazy stuff).

9. Sometimes a break from your significant other is a good thing, even if it's just for 8 hours for work.

10. Teen boys maybe somewhat wild, but they can be very sweet when they want to be. At least, when they aren't getting an attitude and mouthing off.

11. Sometimes your heart tells you one thing and your head tells you another and you have to decide which one to listen to. Life's not always easy.

12. A lot can happen in roughly 3 weeks (I'm estimating based on how long each group is with the teens and how much time they had alone to begin with).

13. Sometimes, I just wish I could reach into the TV and give people hugs. But I can't.

14. Maybe the best things you could do with older people is learn from them. Talk to them and listen. But, you do actually have to talk.

15. Old people are cute! Of course, I kind of thought that before this, but it's been reinforced.

16. There are consequences to things you do now that may not hit until you are older. Sometimes, it's hard to judge what those consequences are and whether or not they are worth it. Try to be careful in you decision making.

17. Unexpected things happen. Sometimes those unexpected things have long lasting effects. You just have to keep up your hope and push through today to get to tomorrow.

18. Sometimes old people and babies have a lot in common. But sometimes they have a lot in common with teens/young adults.

19. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. It's how you deal with your differences that determines how your relationship goes.

20. The elderly like getting up early. And sometimes, they are sarcastic. But, they are cute!

21. I've changed my mind on how doomed all the relationships are, but I'm not sure how many of these couples will be able to make it for the rest of their lives.

22. We really can learn a lot from those who have been there before us. The biggest thing you can learn is that you have to stay devoted to your relationship, even if things get hard. Actually, you have to be more devoted to get through the hard times.

23. You have to be patient when it comes to figuring out who you love and who you want to spend your life with. Don't just follow your emotions. Listen to your head as well as your heart.

24. I am definitely ready for having kids of my own, but I'm glad I won't have to go through them growing quite as fast as they did on the show.

25. According to the end, I was right about none of the couples making it as a couple. Most of them stayed friends, but they realized they weren't ready for a life long commitment quite yet. There was a part of me that wished I was wrong, but I'm not surprised.

And now you know that I've learned from The Baby Borrowers.

Wishing and Waiting

I feel like I'm in a period of waiting in my life. I'm waiting on, well, pretty much everything. Specifically, right now, I am waiting on Ace to get off work. He's not got much longer until he will be off and on his way home, but it's what I'm waiting on right now.

While I'm waiting, I'm finding myself wishing. Wishing for a baby (you'd think I was trying to get pregnant or something, huh?), wishing for a better house with better furniture, wishing for the library of my dreams (I love books), wishing I was in great physical condition, wishing that America's culture wasn't one that made a woman feel bad if she didn't look similar to Angelina Jolie.

Most of those wishes are things that I just have to wait on. So, I'm wishing and waiting.

TTFN!

P.S.: I'll write later about the Baby Borrowers, I just felt the need to post to help pass the time while waiting.

I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist

I don't normally talk that much about my faith, because to me it is a personal thing. But, I would like to say that I think being an atheist takes a lot more faith than believing in God.

It takes more faith, because you have to believe that randomly, by chance, life happened on this planet, where it would be safe from all the other space things, it wouldn't be too warm or too cold, and the atmosphere would be just right for humans to live. I don't have that much faith. You also have to have enough faith to realize that you don't know where the things that created the universe as we know it came from (even if you believe in the Big Bang, where did the stuff that the big bang came from?). I only have to try to convince myself that God was here before time and will be here long after time is gone, which isn't nearly as hard to do.

I don't have to convince myself that things that should be impossible, like bumblebees, are some random chance. I don't have to believe that I am descended from monkeys. And I'm glad, because I don't think I have that much faith.

When I see the universe at night (when I can), it always makes me feel small and I realize that I'm a tiny dot on a tiny dot. But it is beautiful and shows me that God exists and cares for me, even if I am a tiny dot on a tiny dot.

So, today, I am thinking about how I don't have enough faith to be an atheist. Besides, it sounds like too much work to believe all that.

TTFN!

P.S.: Look for what I've learned on the last two weeks of the Baby Borrowers this weekend. Probably Saturday.

Setting Goals for My Life

Tonight, Ace and I decided to start trying to figure out some goals for us to work on starting soon. So, I set a couple of goals.

One is the obvious, become a parent. I figure I shouldn't stop focusing on that goal until it's accomplished. I've also decided to start looking at furniture and clothes that are necessary for having babies.

My other goal is to learn sign language. I've been interested in sign language most of my life and have been wanting to learn for a while. Basically, my goal is to actually do something toward learning, like taking classes. I'm hoping to convince Ace to take them with me.

But, for now, those are my goals. I don't know what my next goals will be, but I've at least got some goals for now.

TTFN!

Visiting Friends

Today, Ace and I went up to see some friends (at their office) that we haven't seen in a long while. We were reminded to not wait so long to see them again. We made plans to have one of them come over in a few weeks for an evening.

Ace and I need to make sure we spend more time with our friends, because we don't do that often enough. And we need to change that, because being around friends lowers my stress level and gets me happy and excited (which doesn't happen nearly enough).

YzArC has also been invited to visit here if she can and/or wants to come. Hopefully, she'll be visiting soon.

Well, I'm going to go back to watching TV with Ace.

TTFN!

Thoughts of My Mother

Ace and I discussed his recent thoughts on me trying to have a relationship with my mother again. He reminded me that his plan from the beginning was to let me decide how I wanted to that relationship to be resolved. I reminded him of his question to me on if I would ever truly be able to fully relax around my mother, or if I would be waiting for a shoe to drop, even if I felt I had evidence that she had truly changed.

All of that got me thinking of planning our wedding. We originally thought of having our parents and a couple of friends in a private ceremony and then having a bigger ceremony a year later when we could afford to do it right.

My mother whined that we didn't even want to allow her to invite her sister (I wasn't aware they were all that close, since I didn't see my aunt all that often), and if her sister couldn't come, she didn't really want to be there either. Besides, if we got married and then had a large ceremony the next year, everyone would think we were doing it for the presents (um... no, we wanted people to see the ceremony, we just wanted to do it how we wanted it). And all I could think then was that suddenly my wedding wasn't about me anymore, which made me sad, because who else is the wedding supposed to be about than the bride (and the groom, but Ace was helping plan it).

So, instead of a small wedding to create a legal union before having our dream ceremony (we weren't necessarily going to tell everyone we were married that year instead of the next), we had a medium sized wedding that wasn't fully what we wanted. It was beautiful and I have good memories of it, but it wasn't really my dream wedding.

It did have Ace and I deciding that we are going to let our kids plan their weddings for them, instead of for us. We won't ask to invite anyone (they can ask us if we want to invite people, but we aren't forcing them to invite anyone), we won't even ask them to invite us (if they don't want us there). We want them to be satisfied with their wedding and to remember that it was all about them.

It's been over 2 years since I've even seen my mother any place other than my dreams. For my birthday the year I stopped talking to her, she sent me a card, with a check, to my in-laws (a passive-aggressive move? trying to get an ally? who knows?). I signed the check over to my church (she didn't particularly care for where I was going to church). For Christmas that year, she sent a card, with cash, along with my brother and sister to my dad's, we spent the money on a massage for me and gave the rest. She didn't do anything for my last birthday and at Christmas this last year she only sent a card with nothing else in it (I've sent her no correspondence at all).

I think the point of the cards was to show she was trying to maintain contact (even though I asked her not to contact me at all). The only type of contact that was offered was her e-mailing Ace to find out how I was, if I was still mad, and that sort of thing. Guess how often that's happened (here's a hint, never).

Well, that's enough about relationship, or lack there of, with my mother. I'm going to relax and watch TV.

TTFN!

A Letter to Me

Dear me,

Take a mental break. Stop thinking so much. You're not doing us any favors.

Find things to make yourself smile. I miss smiling.

And go eat something, because we are hungry.

Love,
Me

What Do You Do?

What do you do when you can't find the shoes you were intending to wear to your husbands high school reunion?

You get him to help you find them, after wondering if you were foolish enough to really toss them like you had threatened to do.

High School Reunion

Tonight starts Ace's high school reunion. We're just about to go out to dinner with some of the people he graduated with.

I'm somewhat excited about getting to meet people he knew back in high school.

I've gotta go, we need to leave.

TTFN!

What Guillermo Thinks

Ace and I spend a lot of time joking about what we think the dog thinks.

"He thinks we're crazy." "He wants food." "Leave me alone already people!" "You've got food, you might give it to me, therefore I must stare at you." "Food! Food! FOOD! FOOD!" "I'm going for a ride! Oh, wait, they're leaving me here."

Of course, we still can't figure him out when there is a vehicle that is open and you say in (pointing to the house) and he jumps in the car. He apparently feels the need for rides more often than he gets them.

But mostly, I think he just thinks "I'm hungry!", "Fetch?", or "Can I go for a ride? Can I? Can I?" and usually, it's not a good time for that.

Later!

The Dark Knight

Well, I got to see The Dark Knight last night.

I'm not sure there are words to describe how I feel now. I'm in awe.

It was a wonderful movie. The visual effects were wonderful. Heath Ledger did a wonderful job, and I wish he were around to be in one in the future. But, I could see how playing a character like that could take a lot out of him emotionally. Who could work so long playing someone so insane without it taking a toll.

Christian Bale plays Batman and Bruce Wayne wonderfully. The way he changes his voice between Batman and Bruce Wayne was inspired. It helps to distinguish between the two, while helping to hide who Bruce Wayne really is from Batman's allies.

Aaron Eckhart did well as Harvey Dent. He was impressive as a heroic figure. I only have one minor complaint, but I don't want to spoil the ending for anyone. And, they could correct my complaint in a future movie.

Overall, the movie was worth the wait. Of course, I've been waiting since I first heard it was coming out, but it was worth the wait.

TTFN!

One Word

BATMAN!

Sex

I mention, at least from time to time, that Ace and I have sex, but I never really talk about it. I never mention anything aside from the fact that it is good (great, wonderful, marvelous, close to perfect). I think part of it is that I'm semi-slightly prudish when it comes to talking about sex with anyone but Ace (and I'm hoping to get over it in one post... wish me luck).

We have sex in different was at different times (and no, I'm not talking positions, because I need to maintain at least a slight air of mystery about my sex life).

There's the passionate sex: the kind where we (or at least I) want it hard and fast and don't really want much foreplay. The kind where I say "Fuck me now" and Ace knows exactly what I mean.

There's the sensual sex: where Ace licks, kisses, and caresses me until I'm ready to ask him to please move this into the passionate sex area, because my mind thinks it's going to explode. And he refuses for a while. And it feels so good, I wish he would move a little faster, just to take away the slightest bit of the pleasure, because I can't mentally handle it (and he still refuses).

There's the foreplay only: neither of us really wants sex, we just want to have fun. It could possibly lead to sex, but I seriously doubt it. This is rare and usually involves me giggling WAY too much.

There's the relief sex: only one of us is interested in sex (more often Ace, sad to say) and we're only having sex for that one person. This is rare and not very fulfilling. This is probably the lowest form of sex out there.

There's the slow-moving sex: this is related to the sensual, but Ace is more willing to move into passionate sex whenever I ask him too. This is the most common, as I'm sure it is in most couples. It's relaxed and friendly, but lots of fun.

What talk about sex would be complete without talking about mood breakers?

There's the bodily function mood breaker: I think this is rather self explanatory. If not, e-mail me at a_masmith at yahoo dot com and I'll tell you straight out what I mean.

There's the phone call mood breaker: especially bad when it's a relative. Few thing kill desire faster. It's extremely hard for me to get back in the mood after this one, because...

There's the random emotion mood breaker: you suddenly shift from being in the moment, enjoying the sex, to being 500 miles away emotionally (at least, that's how it feels). It's hard to recover from this, but it can happen.

Yeah, that's all the mood breakers coming to mind just now, but I'm sure there are plenty of others out there. If you think of one, let me know.

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 4

Well, I've watched another episode, and it's time for me to tell what I've learned from this episode.

1. You can't just be a friend to your kids. Otherwise, they will walk all over you.

2. There are seriously people out there who think they can not eat veggies and still have their kids eat healthy (really?). Everyone I've seen who doesn't eat right has kids that don't eat right either.

3. I'm still convinced that most of these teens will not still have a relationship at the end of this experience.

4. When you have an evening alone, it's probably better to spend it alone instead of with a friend (at least, it's a good idea if you and your significant other already have a rocky relationship).

5. Try different things to entertain your kids. You'll never know if sitting and doing math problems will be entertaining and fun unless you just try it (do take your cues from the kids).

6. You can't ignore kids just because they are fighting. They could be bored. You need to try to find them something else to do.

7. 3 boys are going to need a lot of attention and things to do, otherwise they are just going to make a mess and play fight a lot (actually, this can happen with any number of boys/girls).

8. No one should have a sleepover with roughly 10 kids of all different ages. That's just asking for madness. And for someone to get hurt.

9. Contrary to popular opinion, girls will fight just as much, if not more so, than boys. And it can get violent and painful.

10. Good discipline techniques can be hard to come by, but when you stick to them, they will effective (even if it's just for the short term)

11. Preteens can be fairly easy to get along with too, unless they are throwing a fit.

12. Some teens will listen better if you sound like you are concerned about them, even if they didn't respond well the first time that someone had a concern about the kids (and the teens).

So, I learned a lot watching the latest episode.

I'm just wondering who leaves, because at this point, it could be anyone. And thus, I am even more excited for this next episode.

What did you learn from this episode?

There Comes a Buzzing

I'm reading the posts that were read at BlogHer '08 (since I'm nowhere near there, but am at home watching The Phantom of the Opera, for some reason I'm not fully clear on) and it's reminding me of about a billion things I've never said here that seem somewhat important. And then I hear a buzzing in my head over the fighting of which thing seems most important to post first (which, sadly, drowns out the pretty music coming from the TV).

I guess the thing that seems most important is the fact that I fight my fears that I could ever be even remotely like my mother. And that I avoid thinking about my past, because it feels like an ugly mass of scar tissue. And I don't know how to remove the ugly parts from the pretty ones (there are, obviously, good times sprinkled in with the bad). I avoid thinking about why most people, the ones who I know love me the most, are pushing me to even think about restoring contact with someone who has hurt me so much, while complete strangers (and some people who care about me) are happy to let me make my own choices. How is it that these loved ones don't see that their pushing hurts just as much as those memories I try to avoid? That while I look whole, there is really a piece that doesn't work like it should? That to stop hurting and cringing about my phone ringing, I cut off contact with the person who caused the pain in the first place?

I also am thinking about the fact that I sometimes avoid technology. It's not because I'm afraid of technology, but because I don't want to give myself something else that I can hardly drag myself away from. I avoided joining MySpace for so long that I think I was the only one under 30 who didn't have an account. I don't really feel the need to have others judge whether or not I was worthy of being their friend online, I feel funny enough about that in real life (blogging, on the other hand, doesn't bother me at all). I'm avoiding joining Twitter, because I let other people's blogs take up enough of my day without adding their twitters to the process too.

And those things, which are now content to relax since they've been let out, are what I heard buzzing in my head. I'll try not to wait so long to express myself next time, because I don't particularly care for the sound.

TTFN!

2 Quick Questions

Can anyone tell me why my body seems to heat up every evening Ace works sometime between 10 and 12?

And why is my first thought to take a warm bath when this happens?

Obsession?

Tonight, the plan is to go see The Dark Knight. Around 11:30, hopefully, we'll leave our house to go to the theater to see the 12:01 or 12:02 showing.

If we don't make it to see the movie tonight, we're waiting until next Tuesday for the latest showing then.

I will see this movie in the theaters, if I have to go by myself (which I shouldn't).

Do I sound obsessed?

The Crash After

People, I've had a lot of energy lately. I got all the clothes put away (for, like 24 hours). I got the dishes caught up and clean.

And now, I'm fighting to stay awake at 10:30, a time I'm normally fine with being awake at. Because my energy has crashed.

But, I should have more energy tomorrow (at least I'll have the option to relax and not do anything if I want tomorrow night).

ZZZ....

Are You a Leader?

I, as a general rule, am not a leader. I don't like to be in charge of other people (at least people roughly my age).

But, I like that there are leaders out there. It's a good thing. I sometimes wish that there were some better leaders, but at least there are leaders out there.

So, are you a leader?

He Seems to Like Getting in Trouble

Again, the dog has done something stupid.

Ace made up some cinnamon monkey bread (it seems he wanted some) and had left some for me. I went back to bed for a little while after I got up (I took a nap, because I didn't want to argue with myself on a 30 minute nap). After I got up, I went to go get food. By this point, I had forgotten about the monkey bread, until I saw a plate on the floor.

The dog ate the monkey bread that Ace had left for me, partially because I didn't do anything with it before I took my nap (frankly, I had forgotten already and had somewhat assumed that it was put where the dog couldn't get to it).

Guillermo is currently outside, where he will stay at least until Ace gets home from work.

And I don't get paid enough to deal with a dog that does things he knows are wrong.

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 3

Okay, I watched Friday, but I've had to give this episode some time to sink in, because I was a little overwhelmed with other things Friday.

1. Teenagers and toddlers apparently have a lot in common, especially their attitudes. It is apparently helpful for the teenagers though, because everything seemed to go fairly well.

2. Communication is important, because otherwise those teens are going to be scolded by the nannies. And they deserve it.

3. Just because you're good with infants doesn't mean you'll be good with toddlers. Even if you start off well. Just because you didn't do so well with the infant doesn't mean you'll do badly with the toddler. Maybe you'll finally find your stride.

4. Every guy should be a stay-at-home parent at least one day. It'll show them how hard it is and how much work is really being done while they aren't there.

5. It's not going to get any easier from here.

6. Birthday parties should consist of a least a little more than kids running around playing and a birthday cake. Presents should be included too.

Anything you've learned?

Housework

After taking a couple of weeks to do almost nothing to help my shoulder heal, I now have a lot of housework to catch up on. It's kept me kind of busy the past two days. In fact, I need to go do another load of dishes right now.

How is it that even when we don't use many dishes, they pile up so quickly?

Unintentionally Funny

I'm sitting in my house, listening to the party shuffle on my iTunes, and checking to see if I need to delete something because it's popping up too much and I ran into the most funny unintentional song pairing.

I Don't Need You by Kenny Rogers
All I Ever Need is You by Kenny Rogers


Yeah, that order makes sense...

(Yes, I listen mostly to country music, but I'm fairly sure I've mentioned it before).

TTFN!

Things I Refuse to Talk About

I'll talk about almost anything with almost anyone. I'm not shy about revealing most things to others. But there are a few things I refuse to talk about with anyone except Ace, and I don't normally talk to him about them.

1. Politics - I don't care about the Presidential race and politics as a whole bore me. I think the government is too large and has gotten too involved in things that don't concern it, but I'm not sure exactly how to fix the problem, so I just leave it alone for now.

2. Religion - I have very deep beliefs that I will discuss one on one, but I'm not going to preach those beliefs to others, especially not here. You have the right to believe what you believe, and I'm not really convinced I could change your beliefs if we disagreed (nor would I necessarily care to try).

3. Finances - I'll not share my financial situation, because frankly I don't care to think on this subject either. Plus, most of the people who want to know don't really need the information, they are just nosy.

I think that's pretty much it, which slightly bothers the part of me that likes even numbers, but because I'm fairly open, there isn't really anything else to add.

So, now I've opened up, a little, about things I won't open up about. And that will just have to do you on those topics for, well, a good long time.

TTFN!

Writing

I have an odd history with writing. I didn't like to write while I was in school, mainly because it was forced and I had little to do with the whole thing. I hate being forced to do things.

While I was in college, I kind of enjoyed the idea of writing a book. I went so far as to start writing one, and even had most the plot figured out (names, character traits). And then I just stopped. I found something "better" to do.

I originally started a blog so that I could comment on pictures of my cousin's children. She didn't allow comments from people who weren't registered with blogger, and I didn't feel like it was too much of an imposition to register and create a blog so that I could tell her that her children were cute.

Lately, I've been trying to figure out how I feel about writing. I enjoy writing here, telling stories or ranting about things or just sharing my opinion, but if I felt like there was some big, huge obligation in writing, I would probably feel frustrated and stifled and I'd write less often.

I'm not sure where my relationship with writing will go in the future, but I'm sure its not anywhere near done. Especially since I've been more interested in grammar and writing. But, I'm fairly sure of this, it will have more ups and downs than I'd like over the rest of my life.

TTFN!

I've Lost Track

I know that sometime rather soon (I think) I'm supposed to start my period, but I've kind of lost track as to when that is. I blame the dog (he hurt my shoulder, which is easier to keep track of).

So, yeah, I'm just waiting and wondering if I'm going to start my period and when. Because I am completely lost on when that's supposed to happen.

But I'm enjoying everything until it happens. And taking some advantage of having an arm that I can't use for heavy things (not to the detriment of my marriage, I've got a good working brain). Basically, I'm asking Ace to do a few extra things around here.

And now I'm off to do something else that I may lose track of. Just because I can.

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 2

This is a short list, because I didn't learn a whole lot more this week, but here we go.

1. Some of those teenagers did better than it seemed like they would on the first episode. Some of them didn't seem to really care, which is just a shame.

2. Teenage girls don't necessarily have any better relationships with their mothers than I do (actually, they probably do, even if they don't act like it).

3. There was at least one couple that I barely remember seeing (Jordan and Sasha, where have you guys been?). What's up with that? Because even when things are going fairly well, they've shown the other couples.

4. The nannies seemed to stay off camera as much as possible, which was interesting.

5. Is it time for the next episode yet? (I guess I didn't really learn that, I'm just wondering what's going to happen next.

What have you learned so far?

Amusement

While we were visiting my dad, we got to see a show called Mobile Home Disaster. I enjoy watching it, because it is similar to Extreme Home Makeover. Only it doesn't usually make me tear up or cry as much.

It's also amusing to see everyone "bicker" with each other. I'm fairly sure that most of the bickering is just for the camera. I would imagine that there is some true arguing that goes on, but most of the shown arguing is just for laughs.

So, I'm watching it and feeling amused. And when this episode is over, I'll probably watch last Wednesday's Baby Borrowers. Maybe tomorrow I'll share what I've learned in the fist two weeks of the Baby Borrowers (if I learn anything new).

What's been amusing you lately?

A Day Mostly Off

I try, at least once a week, to have a day where I don't have to do anything. Usually this day falls on Sunday (it's just the easiest day to not do any housework for some reason).

Ace probably feels like I spend too much time not doing anything, but I think he's okay with me taking today off for the most part. I moved some stuff from one spot in the house to the other, and it ended up being too heavy for my shoulder right now. So, I'm back to trying to let my shoulder heal, even though I feel frustrated about it.

What gets me is I've lifted heavier things while I was working for Bath and Body Works (because it was mostly their products). Darn shoulder.

I'm going to go back to relaxing now.

TTFN!

Sometimes Words Are Not Enough

I struggle within myself to define who I am. The words I can easily ascribe to myself don't seem to be enough. Because saying I am a woman or I am a housewife (or even just I am a wife), doesn't seem to truly describe who I am deep inside.

Saying that I am a reader doesn't fully do me or the books I read justice (not that I read just one specific type of book). Saying that I want to be a mother doesn't really give the emphasis that it should on how I feel about it.

Sometimes, words just aren't enough, but they are all I have. And so, I make the best I can of the situation.

Have words ever been not enough for you?

I Can Legally Drive Again

Or: How I Stressed Myself Out for No Reason for 3 Days

Sunday night/extremely early Monday morning, Ace and I went to Wal-Mart to do our shopping. When we checked out, I suddenly realized that our licenses expire at the end of Monday and we needed to go get that taken care of.

Monday, we go to a local tag agency (because that's where you go to renew your license in OK). There is a fairly long line, but it ends up moving decently fast. The last three people in front of me (who actually got to get their licenses in process) are waiting for the licenses to print out. I go through everything and move to a bench to join those who are waiting. Ace, who was right behind me, also gets through with everything.

Then they spent at least the next 30 minutes trying to get the printer to work and print off the 5 licenses that are in queue. And they work on it. And they work on it. And then they call whoever fixes the machines when they are down and see if they can fix it that way (no, they can't). They end up sending everyone home who was still in line and giving the three of us who were still there waiting our old licenses and our money/checks back (actually, I don't know how it turned out with the other guy there, we left after we got our checks back). Ace decides that we aren't going to go wait in line at another tag agency, we'll just come back to this one tomorrow.

Tuesday, Ace calls the tag agency to find out if the printer is fixed. We're told not yet. We, unfortunately for us, have someone coming to try to fix our problems with our printer/external hard drive (and no, I won't post about that later, because I'd like to just forget all about it). When he leaves, after we eat, we go back to the tag agency to try to renew our licenses. We're told we have to have our certified birth certificates to do so (they couldn't have mentioned this Monday?). I have to get mine out of our safety deposit box at the bank (I grabbed a certified copy of the marriage license too, just in case). Ace has to find out if his parents have a certified copy, because the copy they gave us isn't certified (they didn't, and then we went shopping at Sam's, which is totally unrelated). I post about what I will write about soon.

Wednesday, Ace calls to find out what he needs to get a certified copy of his birth certificate (his license, and some knowledge about some of the facts on the birth certificate, including how to spell his parents full birth names). We go by and pick up 2 copies (somewhat long line, but he filled out the form while we were waiting). I had to remind him to get his old license before we left. Then we went back to the tag agency (we've been there 3 days now, in their 4 day work week). There is no line, just someone standing in a bad spot. We get our licenses quickly, as we now have all the right data to prove we are US citizens (born, although we've both lived in the US all of our lives, the state of Oklahoma doesn't care). Ace comments that my picture looks just like the one on my old license (except I'm not wearing my glasses), and I wonder if this all would have happened if I'd just worn a red shirt on Monday.

So, I can legally drive and am not having problems sleeping through the night anymore (except when we forget to close the office door and the phone rings).

And believe me, I'm hoping in 4 years, we'll remember to renew our licenses in February when we have to get the new tag for Serenity, because, as we so helpfully learned, you can renew your license up to 6 months early (Ace just wants to know why they don't send our reminders for licenses like they do for car tags. I do too.).

Have you recently stressed yourself out for no reason? If so, why?

How I Spent My 5th Anniversary

I'm not quite ready to talk about the driver's license drama, mostly because I have people coming over at 6:30. So, instead, I'll tell you all about my anniversary.

I got to bed around 4 am (while visiting my dad). Then I woke up at 8 am, in pain and unable to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. So, I got up and moved to the living room and finished reading the book I had started the night before.

Then I got another book to read. Read on that a while and then took a nap on the very comfortable sofa. After that, I went back to reading until my dad got home from work.

We went out to dinner and had some very yummy catfish. Before the food got to the table, my dad gave me a Vicoden, which hit me not long after I finished eating (within minutes). I realized very quickly that I couldn't trust my legs to actually hold me upright when I stood up (but my shoulder was feeling nice and warm and it didn't hurt anymore).

After getting safely to the car (thanks in large part to Ace), we went to go get soft-serve ice cream. I had the biggest small cone that I've ever had and fought the Vicoden and myself to keep my head upright until we got back to my dad's house. We noticed how bad the menu was at the ice cream place (they had egg & roll and foo longs).

Then, after we got back to my dad's house, I laid on the comfy sofa for about 5 minutes before I was told they were going to open up the hot tub if I wanted to get in. Which, of course, I did as I was sure it would help my shoulder. So, Ace helped me (again) in getting changed into my swimming suit and played with their dog while everyone else soaked in the hot tub (nicely, by the time I got to the hot tub, I was no longer high or light headed, but I still wasn't in pain).

After the lovely soaking in the hot tub, I got into their pool for a few minutes (15? 20? somewhere in there). Then I came back inside and got dressed for bed and relaxed watching some TV/reading a book in the living room.

At 10 pm, I took some other medicine that my dad gave me and then slept 13 of the next 15 hours before being able to easily keep myself awake.

So, yeah... not nearly as exciting as I would have liked.

Tell me about how you were expecting one thing and got another.

Because It's My Blog

I'm going to go out of the order I put on my list yesterday and talk about what I've learned from one episode of The Baby Borrowers. And you can't do anything about it because... (Do I really have to finish that sentence?)

1. There is actually a reality show that I am interested in. I wasn't sure there would be, because I'm not interested in most reality shows out there as they aren't truly portraying reality. This one does, at least as much as possible when the teenagers don't actually have kids of their own yet.

2. Teenage girls can be extremely whiny and bratty. Or to put it in more blunt terms, teenage girls can be really b*tchy. I have never wanted to slap a person so hard in my life. And I'm not a particularly violent or aggressive person.

3. Teenage boys can be extremely mature. Um, I don't remember the guys I was in high school with being quite as mature as most of the guys on the show (of course, most of the guys I went to high school with didn't have babies to take care of, so...).

4. Most of these couples don't stand a chance of making it through this experience with their relationship intact. Well, maybe this one is just my opinion.

5. I am so ready for the challenges of parenthood.

6. I'd kind of like to see this show with adults close to my age as the ones trying to determine if they are ready to be parents. I imagine they would do better at handling the stress, and it wouldn't be quite the ratings grabber.

7. I'm impressed with the thought the people in charge put into ensuring the babies (and hopefully toddlers) are safe. Parents within walking distance (watching via monitors) and nannies on hand for emergencies.

Yeah, that' what I've learned so far from watching The Baby Borrowers. Have I missed anything?

Stories to Come

I don't have anything to talk about today, but I do have a glimpse at stories to come in the near future.

1. Renewing my license. There is a long post about this, after it gets fully accomplished.

2. The Baby Borrowers: What I've learned after just one episode.

3. What I did for my anniversary. It's not nearly as racy as it sounds (darn it).

Yeah, I think that's about it.

TTFN!

I'm Back

I took off most of this last week not because I was visiting my dad, but because the day before we went, Guillermo thought smelling another dog was more important than listening to me. Which lead to him jerking my arm enough to almost dislocate it. I'm still recovering, but I'm feeling much better now.

It lead to my dad offering me Vicoden while we were visiting (so that I wouldn't hurt anymore). I was stoned for roughly an hour after it kicked in. But I didn't hurt. I refused to walk without Ace being behind me in case I started to fall over. But, most importantly, I didn't hurt.

Then, around bedtime, he offered me something to help me not hurt and make me sleep (I have no idea what it was), and it took me 15 hours to get enough of it out of my system to stop sleeping. I didn't hurt during all that time, but it's hard to hurt when you are sleeping.

And now you know the important things that happened while I was gone.

TTFN!

Going Visiting

I'm somewhat excited because I get to go visit my dad later this week. And my siblings are going to be there. It's been since New Year's since I've seen anyone except my sister, so I'm not surprised that I'm excited.

It's slightly difficult to just wait for it to be the right day to go, but I've got to be patient. And so I shall be.

Later.

Making Peace (with Mac and Cheese)

I have a history with Mac and Cheese. It took me (I think) three tries to finally make Mac and Cheese end up like it's supposed too (fully of noodle-y goodness, with no tears shed in the process).

The first time I tried, I forgot to drain the noodles. It was too watery to eat. In my defense, I was making two different dishes at once, and I just forgot the draining step.

The second time I tried, I ended up remembering to drain the water, but ended up burning the tops of my feet with the water, as the sink I was trying to drain into was too full of dishes to be used properly. I cried and ended up having to wear sandals for the evening because I couldn't stand to have the tops of my feet being touched (I really didn't like the sandals, but I had to wear something as I wasn't getting to just stay home).

Nicely, the next time I can remember (several years later) making Mac and Cheese, I did so with an sink that had nothing but the strainer in it and I successfully made the dish.

It's funny, because I am normally quite skilled in the kitchen and can cook several different things without making mistakes like I did while trying to make Mac and Cheese. I guess it was just a dish that my mind had problems with (even though spaghetti was never a problem).

TTFN!

Spam: Protects the Ones You Love

I got an offer for life insurance, and the title of the post was what the subject line said. I know that whoever sent the e-mail didn't add the word spam, but it struck me as funny.

I had a couple of hits for braces from talking about having had braces in the past. I figure I should offer a few words of advice for those who currently have braces.

Follow the list of foods you shouldn't eat. I ate hard shell tacos twice while I had braces, and the shells broke the wire both times. Nicely it wasn't that long before I was to go back and get the wires changed, but it was uncomfortable until it got changed.

It takes a little while to get used to the braces, but despite the feeling your lips aren't an inch from your teeth.

So, that's my advice for people who have just gotten braces.

And that's pretty much all I have for you today.

Later.

Anniversaries

Next week, Ace and I will have been married for 5 years.

A lot has happened in that time. 5 years. It feels like forever (at least like I've known Ace forever) in one second and it feels like I'm exaggerating how long it's been (nope, we got married in 2003) in the next.

I'm extremely happy with how our marriage has gone. We've never had a fight. We rarely argue (debate?) about anything because we are on the same page. The sex is amazing (it's good even when it's not mind-blowing).

I found someone who understands me and loves me unconditionally. I found my self-esteem. I found someone who makes me feel like I'm a complete person in myself, even when he's looking at me like I've lost part of my mind. I found someone to help me laugh when I just want to cry.

And as soon as everyone leaves, I'm going to insist we spend some time together just being close. Because what else do you do when you are head-over-heels-in-love with someone?

Later.

Controlling What I Say

Ace has asked me from time to time to try to get a better control on when I say things. Mainly it happens when we're leaving his parents' house. I seem to feel the need to vocally express my relief to be parting company with them.

He wouldn't mind me saying whatever it is I say, as long as I would wait until we get into the car. But, I seem to feel the need to express my happiness just as soon as I think we may be out of ear shot of his parents.

I'm not really all that sure how to stop this habit. I know that I should hold onto my comments for just a few more minutes (or rather seconds).

Any suggestions?

I Am Not...

1. I am not a vegetarian, although I don't care if you want to be (just let me eat my meat in peace, I'll try not to eat too much meat in front if you). I don't like the idea of animals being tortured just so I can have meat, but I would not do well as a vegetarian.

2. I am not someone who pushes my beliefs off on others, because that won't convince anyone to believe what I believe. If you want to have a dialogue, I'll be willing to listen to you as long as you are willing to listen to me. I'll try to keep my eye rolling to a minimum (depending on your beliefs).

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'll try to add some context.

I was reading, just a few minutes ago, an odd discussion on vegetarianism versus being an omnivore (which I am, because I love veggies too). I'm all for people who can do so being a vegetarian, if they want. I, personally, believe that I need to eat meat for the protein and the iron in order for my body to function normally. Which is not to say I eat meat at every meal (my dinner tonight included no meat).

I decided not to finish reading the discussion, because it seemed like most of the people involved weren't listening to the other side. And I find that frustrating. I like talking to other people and finding out why they believe the things they believe. It's interesting to hear the whole story. But if I disagree with the beliefs, I may want to share my own belief and my reasons for believing it. It doesn't mean I don't respect others (with minor exceptions, because I'm fairly sane), it just means that I feel strongly about what I believe in.

And that I all I have to say about that, except eat your veggies and don't believe in Scientology, because I'm fairly certain most of those people are nuts!

TTFN!

I Love to Laugh

I'm sure it doesn't surprise you to hear that I love to laugh. Who doesn't? But sometimes things that make me laugh the first time don't after seeing it quite a few times. Of course, give me a break from seeing it for a while, those things make me laugh again.

I've been trying to find things to make me laugh lately, because I'm finding the world to be a depressing place. And that isn't good for anyone (depression, I mean). Secondhand Lions, which Ace and I bought not too long ago, is one of the things that has been making me laugh the past couple of days.

The story is just beautiful. It reminds me that anyone can have adventure, they just might have to go looking for it though. And it's always interesting to listen to stories of the past and imagine them while hearing the tales.

So, what makes you laugh?

In Honor of Father's Day

Back when my parent's first got divorced, my father would come up on Fridays on his weekends and sleep on my mom's couch so that he could spend as much of Saturday with us as possible (now, he's got a wife and it would be inappropriate for him to sleep on her couch). By the time he got there on Fridays, it was, at best, bedtime for my siblings.

Which meant that I got to spend time with him alone on Friday nights. Mostly, we would watch TV together. We'd talk some. But it was my special time with my dad. And it meant (and still means) a lot to me.

The year I graduated high school, we started spending a large portion of our summer with him. It was nice, because again after my siblings went to bed, I got to spend some time with my dad. And again, it was a wonderful and special time, and has always had a special place in my heart.

So, Happy Father's Day Daddy.

TTFN!

Losing the Stress

Ace has mandated that I not watch movies like V for Vendetta late at night any more. Mainly, he wants me to stop watching movies that stress me out right before bed (not that I think V for Vendetta stresses me out, but I'll go with it). He's tired of me waking up with a sore back, unable to do much.

And I agree with his sentiments on wanting me to be able to move. I just think he's blaming the wrong thing. My back problems didn't pop up the day after I watched V for Vendetta, but on the day after I didn't have a clean bra and moved around heavy loads of laundry. But if it makes him happy, I won't watch V for Vendetta close to bedtime. It's a small sacrifice, and I can easily handle it.

Next time, I'll just watch a comedy instead. Less stress, more laughter, at least that's the theory.

On the plus side, after some time in a massage chair and some all natural muscle relaxant (and having on a bra), I'm feeling pretty good. I'm not wanting to move laundry or load the dishwasher (I'd like to keep my back feeling good), but I'm able to sit and bend over and walk without looking like I've got a board strapped to my back (which kind of negates the bending over, now that I think of it).

Well, I'm off to find another comedy to watch (and then I'll move into the bedroom, where I can be more relaxed).

TTFN!

The Dog in the Closet

Last night, Ace went to bed early. He took Guillermo with him, because I was eating and didn't want the dog to stare at me (it bothers me, I'm not sure why).

When I came to bed, I looked around for the dog after opening the door, since I couldn't see him at the foot of the bed. It turns out he was sleeping in the closet (which for some reason is tiled, but is currently covered with blankets). Then it took a little while for me to stop giggling about the dog coming out of the closet in order to go to sleep (because my sense of humor has been hanging around with teenagers without me, I guess).

Today, I'm still finding it to be a little silly. Because last night, I watched the dog come out of the closet (giggle giggle giggle).

And now I've destroyed this image of a woman ready to have kids in all your mind. You're welcome.

TTFN!

Orthodontia

Way back when I was about 14, I had braces put on my teeth. Because of an extremely odd situation, I ended up having my orthodontic work done 200 miles from where I lived (there was a move planned when it was ideal for me to get braces, and then the move never happened). Every month I got to sit 8 hours in a car (4 hours each way) to get my braces adjusted. The car rides weren't fun, and it didn't help that we normally had to leave before the sun came up in order to make it to my appointment on time and still get back home.

I had very little choices when it came to the braces, but each month, I got to choose the color of bands holding the wire in place. I matched colors with the holiday of the month (green in March for St. Patrick's Day, red and green in December for Christmas, red and pink in February for Valentine's Day).

I've been thinking about this, because I just found out that my cousin is working in my sister's orthodontist's office. And I'm happy for them to get a chance to see each other more often. I'm also happy that my sister doesn't have to have 8 hour car trips for straight teeth, but instead she just has to travel across town.

And that's pretty much all I've got to say.

Later.

Relaxing Is the Way to Live

Today, Ace and I relaxed for most of the day. It's nice, and I want to spend more days like this. And then we went to church and it was good.

It's not that I have such a lot to do each day, but I usually don't fully relax even when I do relax. But today, I didn't do much of anything, and I feel relaxed even now.

And because of that, I don't have anything I really want to say. Even though the dog ran to sniff another dog and is now in trouble and not allowed in the front yard without a leash.

I'm going to enjoy my relaxed state, because it's so nice.

TTFN!

Men

Ace and I never fight, and usually only play at arguing. Which made our conversation earlier funny.

Me: While we're out, we should probably get me something to eat.

Ace: You only want to eat because the day ends in y.

Me: Well, most people eat on days that end in y.

Ace: Well, most people are broke.

Me: Not because they eat on days that end in y.

Ace: I didn't say they were. You were arguing that most people eat on days that end in y.

Me: You ate earlier, so I figured we should feed me since I haven't eaten yet.

Ace: (something in reply that I don't remember)... (under his breath) Women!

Me: Men! Sometimes men can be just as silly as women.

Ace: Ain't that the truth?

While the wording may not be exact to the conversation, it's a pretty fair rendering of it.

While we were out, we did get me food.

No people or dogs were hurt in the process of this conversation.

TTFN!

When Being Stubborn Is Stupid

Sometimes, I get stubborn. I know that comes as a shock, but what can I say? I start something and feel that I must finish it.

I need to stop being so stubborn about food right now. My stomach is objecting quite a bit to several foods. And I need to not be stubborn to finish eating whatever the food is that is making my stomach upset.

Because eating food that upsets my stomach is stupid. And I'm tired of being so stubborn that I'm doing stupid stuff.

TTFN!

Waiting for the Undefined

I'm at the point in the two week wait where I would normally be itching to take a pregnancy test. Instead, I'm feel no rush, and in fact want to wait. I'm not sure if it's because normally when I've taken a pregnancy test it's followed by a period starting within 24 hours, but that may be a small part of it.

I think a big part of it is that if I take the test and it's positive, my life will really be changed, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that just yet. So, I'm waiting for now.

Maybe I'm just waiting for it to be Ace's days off so he's here with me when I test? Maybe I'm waiting for next Sunday, so we can celebrate the possibility that next year we'll be celebrating father's day for Ace? Maybe I'm just unnerved about all the possibilities, because we're coming up for our 5 year anniversary?

All I know is that for now, I am waiting, but I'm not impatient about it. In fact, I'm extremely relaxed about it right now. And I'm not sure what that means.

TTFN!

Obsession

Lately, I've had an obsession with two things (lately may only mean the past 24 hours).

1. Sleep - all I feel like doing is sleeping. Or talk about sleeping. It's just about the only thing I can think about at night when I should be sleeping (and am wide awake). Some of the obsession could be because of the lack of good night's sleep this week because of the heat. But I don't think that's all of it. Because I don't normally get this obsessed with sleep just because I miss a few hours. It's odd.

2. My stomach - it can't decide how it's feeling. Or more precisely, it's not communicating well with me. If I can't figure it out soon, I may have to go see an arbitrator, because every time I ask it how it feels, it just gurgles at me. It would be helpful if I spoke gurgle. Most of what I've eaten today has been saltines and a bagel (baked apple flavored, which is rather plain, which I like, except the bits of apple, which are also good). I seem to be doing well with juice, but my stomach didn't like the yogurt I ate earlier, even though there shouldn't have been a problem with it. So, it's not surprisingly been on my mind.

And now you know what's been on my mind.

TTFN!