Happy Veteran's Day!

That's all I have to say about that. Other than I appreciate them serving their country so that I can have freedoms that I all to often take for granted (and a thank you to those of you out there who are currently serving our country or have loved ones serving, we appreciate your sacrifice).

Ace and I did our grocery shopping tonight (a fascinating topic to pick, I know). Right as we first walked in, I caught sight of some strawberry mini-doughnuts. And I know they were put there as an impulse buy, but I thought they looked good, so I grabbed them. Then, the next thing I know, Ace and I are buying 4 packages of mini-doughnuts (strawberry, powdered, chocolate-coated, and cinnamon) and they are only $10 for all 4 packages. That was, pretty much, the only thing we bought that wasn't on our list (Ace also grabbed some Swiss Rolls, but I wasn't there to stop him and I just didn't care by the time he got back to me with them, and there will be no mention of my lemonade purchase since it was just $1 for a 2 liter).

Oddly, my shoulder started hurting about the time I got dressed to go shopping (roughly an hour before Ace got home) and stopped about 30 minutes (I think) after we got home from shopping. No clue why, but I did let Ace do all the heavy lifting both at the store, and here at home. On the plus side, I do know that Ace doesn't think I'd lie about something like that (Who fakes wincing at pangs of pain in their shoulder?) because he knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't lie about something like that.

On the plus side for my shoulder, I have a wonderful husband who will be home for most of the next 3 days to do any heavy lifting I've got. And all the heavy lifting I'm currently seeing is the laundry, which will be done later, and getting me juice, which he doesn't mind doing.

Well, I'm going to go, I've got some time with Ace before we go to sleep nearing, and I want to take advantage of it while it's here.

TTFN!

P.S.: Sorry for this being so random today, apparently I've got a wondering mind and it's taking my fingers with it for the ride. Hopefully I'll be a little more cohesive tomorrow.

Nostalgia or Hormone Rush?

I've been getting sappy lately about the weirdest stuff. I'm thinking about things people have done for me in the past, and the next thing I know, I want to cry a little and say thank you about 5 bazillion times.

So, is this nostalgia or is it hormones?

It's kind of hard to say, because it could be hormone caused nostalgia. Or it could be just the hormones (although, I don't seem to tend to think about my past right before my period, even though I have been most of this past week). There is a small chance that it might be because of the time of year (my first Thanksgiving after breaking off my wrecktastic relationship with my mother left me kind of down, but I haven't had that problem since).

Either way, I'm feeling a little silly for being so sappy. And I'm fairly sure that Ace doesn't want to hear me say thank you every second he's with me.

So, I'm going to wait and see if the sappiness continues, as that is all I can do.

But feel free to weigh in on what you think could be causing me to be so sappy, because I love hearing what people have to say (or comment on the weather, I really don't care, just comment) (And now I seem sad, because I'm begging for comments. Never thought I'd get this way.).

TTFN!

P.S.: You can leave a sappy comment if you would like.

The Sore Shoulder

Way back at the end of June, Guillermo dislocated my right shoulder (it's about half his fault and half mine, and unfortunately for me I'm right handed and that hasn't helped matters any since I have problems just not using my main arm) when trying to go sniff a dog he's sniffed before. It's healed for the most part, but I still have to be careful about resting my weight on that side.

Either the massage (and the stretching done within the massage) or my night's sleep earlier seems to have popped my shoulder back out of place (and after my chiropractor was nice enough to ensure it was back properly not too long after the original dislocation). I relaxed my arm earlier and after a loud pop, my shoulder started feeling better and is allowing me to pick up things that are heavier than an empty Styrofoam plate (don't lecture, I'm just mentioning it to show you how bad my shoulder was).

It has meant that Ace gets to do the laundry when he gets home (yay for him!). On the plus side, he knew that it was possible that I would still be too sore from the massage to actually do laundry myself (I doubt either of us thought that I could have problems with my shoulder like I seem to have though).

It's still not wanting me do much of anything with it (like rest the slightest bit of my weight on it when I try to sit more upright and lean forward some). So, I'll have to be more gentle with myself over the next few days and let my shoulder heal up, again, while hoping that I'll do better at keeping myself from straining it while it's already unhappy.

But, it does give me a good change to work on relaxing more (if only I didn't need to shave my legs so badly, I wouldn't care at all, but...). And that is a good thing to come out of this whole experience. And maybe I'll get a little better at doing things with my left hand.

I've got to go, because typing is starting to hurt.

TTFN!

P.S.: The ouch from yesterday still stands.

Ouch for now

I had a massage earlier. Which is great. I needed it. I haven't had one in a very long time and I'm owed several. I should have scheduled one sooner.

But for now, I am sore. Muscles that felt wonderful right after my appointment hurt now. And I just want Ace to get home and put some stuff on my shoulders and lower back to make the pain go away (it's similar to icing down an injury without needing ice).

So, for now, I'm feeling the burn of muscles that were abused a little too long and need to recover. And part of me just wants to be knocked out for this, but it's not too bad and will disappear at some point.

I must go, for typing isn't helping me feel any better.

TTFN!

P.S.: Ouch!

Graduation Countdown

My sister graduates high school this year (okay, it's not until May, but it's this school year). She is extremely excited about it. She's been ready to be out of school since last May at least (from what she says). And I completely understand that. I wasn't wanting to still be in high school when I was her age, although having most of my friends being in the same year helped to keep it interesting at lunch at least.

I am hoping that while she's overly excited she will keep in mind to try to find ways to make the year enjoyable. And that she'll work hard at making good grades. Because I know she's smart, but I'm not sure she knows what she wants to do after she graduates. I think she's a little less than sure about what she wants to do with her life. And that's fine at her age. But it doesn't keep me from wondering where she'll be in the next few years.

While not everything in my life is how I want it currently, I am moving toward my long term goals and know how to get the things I want. And that's really all I want for her.

Hopefully, after getting a massage later, I'll be less sentimental and have thing to actually talk about. But for now, I think I'll take my sappy self and talk with Ace.

TTFN!

Your Mission...

Your mission, if you choose to accept it is to tell me how you would spend a day off (not doing any housework or work outside of the house).

Would you stay in your pajamas all day and watch TV? Would you spend 10 hours playing video games? Would you take a bath and read a book? Would you go shopping? Would you spend it outdoors? Would it change things if you knew it was rainy?

I chose to stay in my pajamas all day, watch TV, play online, take a bath and read a book, mess with my new teddy bear's fur (he still needs a name, it hasn't come to me yet and I've had no suggestions). Ace has spent the day (the day being Wednesday) playing World of Warcraft and watching TV with me after sleeping in until 5 pm (his first question when he woke up was if it was really after 5, because he's cute and doesn't sleep like that very often).

So, yeah. Tomorrow (Thursday, which I realize is technically today, but I haven't been to bed yet), we'll be back to being busy (lunch out to eat, going by Bass Pro Shop, and a table to clear before 6). And hopefully, I'll have something exciting to talk about in my next post.

So, I'm looking for info on what you do on your day off and for suggestions on naming my bear.

TTFN!

It's Bigger Than I Remember

Ace and I went shopping at Wal-Mart earlier (no, Wal-Mart isn't any bigger than I remembered). We went around most of the store and found a teddy bear that I really liked (it's all soft, fuzzy, and dressed for winter). Ace decided that if the price was reasonable, we would get it. We checked the price and it was $10, so that settled that and the teddy bear is now mine.

I teased Ace about the fact that it's been almost 6 years since he's bought me a teddy bear (The day before Thanksgiving 2002, he bought me a teddy bear that is named after him. I got him a matching one for Christmas that year, which got named after me, and they now sit beside each other on my dresser.). He hadn't realized that it had been that long.

So, we got home and I put down my new teddy bear (who doesn't have a name, yet) to help put away groceries. Then I don't remember to grab him before moving to the living room to relax, and then I just kind of forget about him.

So, Ace just recently helped me move to the bedroom (I'm about to lay down and will probably go to sleep soon). He then came back in and brought me my new teddy bear (minus tags) and my first thought was "he's bigger than I remember."

So, any suggestions for names for my new bear?

And the Winner Is...

Okay, so I voted. And I feel good that I did go make my voice heard.

Does this mean I can stop hearing about the election now?

I'd say that it took us an hour to vote, but that would be lying. Ace and I got up at 1 (pm) to go vote. We took about 30 minutes to get dressed (Ace kept playing with the dog, and I kept trying to wake up enough to be effective at performing my civil duty). Then, we went by McDonald's (is this supposed to be a possessive use here?) to get something in me (a vanilla shake and a few fries that seemed entirely too greasy so I stopped eating them).

Then, about 1:35 or 1:40 (I didn't keep track of the time), we made it to the polling place and got in line behind some other people. I noticed a possible need to go to a different polling place, but I was just not reading the map right. We signed in, got our ballots, and went off to vote.

I finished quickly (well, more quickly than Ace) and we were on our way back home by 2.

It helps that we could go vote after the lunch rush (if there is one at our polling place) and before the evening rush (which I'm somewhat sure they do have). Instead, there were enough people there to use all the individual voting booths (which, sadly, have no curtains here), but not so many that there was any wait (by anyone) to vote.

And now, I get to relax until we go out to dinner with my brother-in-law, Ace's sister-in-law (whom I like, a lot), and our niece. We're finally celebrating our niece's birthday with her (she had her party and then they went out of town for a little while, and then it's just been a planning thing). Hopefully, we'll go somewhere more kid oriented (like Chuck E. Cheese or Incredible Pizza) so it will be easier to keep it focused on our niece (who loves being the center of attention).

So, I'm going to do that relaxing now.

But, I did go vote (and no, I won't tell you who for, because I'm avoiding having any kind of controversy happening here, since controversy happens too often in my real life).

The Men of Buffy

I was taking a bath and pondering (again) which of the men that were in Buffy's life I would have wanted to spend a lifetime with (you know, if I were in a fictional tv show).

Angel, her first love, was the kind of guy you would hope would be your first boyfriend. He was sweet, kind, caring, gentle (even if he was over 200 years old and still jealous of other guys in your life). At least he was until a moment of pure happiness, and then he went all evil. And as an evil guy, he was more interesting (as long as he wasn't going after you). But he left you no questions as to whether or not he was evil, he was evil to the core. He wanted (and tried several times) to end the world. That's evil.

Riley, her college boyfriend, was nice. He was the kind of guy you could bring home to your mother. He was dependable. Safe. Boring. He loved Buffy, but he didn't feel like he was enough for her just as he was. She faced a family crises, and he fell apart because she wasn't there to reassure him that he was still important. And then, he showed back up with his "perfect" life at a time when Buffy's life seemed bleakest and almost rubbed her nose in what she could have had.

Spike, her boy toy, was complex. He loved, deeply, even while he was evil. He was willing to kill, violently, but he liked the world. He didn't want the end of the world, he just wanted his life to continue as it was. He mourned, and drank, when his "dark princess" rejected him. He always seemed to hesitate just a moment too long when fighting Buffy (which gave her an advantage, and let her get back into the fight). When he found that he couldn't hurt humans, he tried snitching for blood money (or money for blood, however you want to phrase it). When he found he could hurt demons, he started working with his biggest enemy, because he liked to fight. He was willing to do anything for Buffy (after he realized that he loved her), even before he got his soul back (including nearly dying to save her sister). And after, he was willing to die to save the world one more time, even though he knew he would definitely be going to hell.

Um, if you can't tell just from paragraph size alone, I would willingly spend more time with Spike than any of Buffy's other suitors. Because he was a compelling character no matter what his circumstances. Even when he was whiny and contemplating suicide, he was still interesting (it helps that he was only whiny for like 2 or 3 episodes total). And the most interesting part is he was supposed to be killed off after only a few episodes, but the fans loved him enough that he got to stay and play a bigger part.

I like Angel. He got to be a more complex character once he got his own show. But, I still would pick Spike over Angel, because evil Angel, while cooler, was heartless and evil Spike wasn't.

So, there you have it. My opinion on such a vastly important and timely topic (now that Buffy has been off the air for over 5 years now). If you have any better arguments for Angel, or even Riley, leave them in the comments. Maybe you can change my mind (but I doubt it). And if you are as pro-Spike as I am, let me know too.

TTFN!

Excitement and Time Changes

I love the time change in the fall. I enjoy getting an extra hour to do with what I will. Even if I don't normally do anything important with it. Conversely, I dislike the time change in the spring, where I feel out of sorts for at least a week.

Ace, since he had to work tonight, has a different schedule for the day (he went to work an hour early and leaves an hour early, which is why I'm excited). Normally, he works from 4 pm to 2:45 am. For some reason, there were issues with the time change with whoever was in charge thinking that if they didn't come in until 4, they shouldn't leave until it was actually 2:45 (which would be a whole extra hour of work, for no appreciable reason). Personally, I could understand making them work until the end of their normal 10 hour shift (make them work 10 hours, but let them start at their normal time, you know?), but I don't get to make those decisions.

So, I'm trying to be patient with the time, since I'm actually very close to seeing Ace again (and earlier than normal!), but it's not completely easy.

I've also found myself wordy today, itching to type, but holding that in check. That way, I have more things to talk about as the month goes on.

So, now I'm going to try to distract myself until Ace gets home, because I'm practically buzzing in my skin waiting over here.

TTFN!

Happy November 1st!

So, today is the first day of NoBloPoMo.

And I'm excited about the challenge. Now we just have to see if I still feel that way by Thanksgiving.

In fact, I'm so excited that I'm starting the month shortly after it started (within the first hour of November)!

And now, I just need to calm down enough to figure out what I might want to say.

Since Guillermo has been back home, I've been taking pictures of him (at least one a day, it seems). It's so bad that he's gotten used to it. He'll just lay there waiting for me to finish snapping my shot on our digital camera before he moves (or even opens his eyes, really). Which, I'm finding very sweet.

He's also enjoying the cushion we bought for him the other day. He wasn't so sure about it when he first saw it, but Ace convinced him to try it (by putting a towel that Guillermo had been sleeping on already down on top of it), and he's been spending lots of time there, at least he is when Ace and I are in the living room (mostly Ace though, as I spend most of my time in the living room sitting in my massage chair).

So, yeah. I'm happy to have the big, sometimes stinky (but not often), shedding dog back home, but I kind of miss not having someone stare at me while I eat. I love him. Even when I'm complaining about him (mostly to Ace).

TTFN!

Mostly* True Story

* Names have been changed to protect the identities of the participants.

A little while ago, I was talking to Ace about me taking a bath. I came into our living room to try to find a book to read and Ace asked me why I was looking outside of my erotic stories stash, not that he minded a night off (I've not been forcing the boy to have sex daily, but my brain interpreted his question as if I had been). I looked at him and asked if I looked like I was up for doing anything but soaking and reading (my arms were down at my sides, and I'm fairly sure my shoulders were still raised up some in stress). He looks me over and says, "Oh, you want the night off."

I wonder about that man sometimes, because he knew that I've been feeling kind of drained all day (I didn't get out of bed for a couple of hours after waking up, because I was letting the humidifier help clear out my nose, if that tells you what kind of day it's been.).

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

TTFN!

More About Guillermo

Because the dog has taken over my thoughts lately (okay, it's really because the only exciting stuff lately has been stuff to do with the dog).

Yesterday, we took Guillermo by Petsmart to get him weighed (and take down the missing sign, if it was still up). We were excited to find out that he was down to under 100 lbs. so he could safely get his teeth cleaned. And they could fit him in today to do that. Of course, that meant he couldn't eat anything after 10 last night, but he's now got clean teeth, trimmed nails, and he's all chipped (with something on his collar to mention that he's chipped).

So, if he manages to get out again, he can be identified.

On the other hand, Ace is ready for us to just be home for a while. He's had to get dressed to leave the house 3 times already in the past 24 hours (once to drop off the dog, once to pick Guillermo back up, and once to do the majority of our grocery shopping). I'm not helping, because I'm pushing for us to go finish our grocery shopping tonight (thus getting him dressed for the 4th time in 24 hours, and me for the 3rd time since I slept through picking the dog back up from the vet's office).

But, all this running around and getting dressed will mean that tomorrow we can stay home in our pajamas all day if we want (although, there is talk of visiting Bass Pro Shop, but that's for fun). I've kind of promised a day of sleep, sex, and World of Warcraft (with sex being only if he wants it) tomorrow. Because I've got to try to make his days off work fun for him, so he doesn't see them as just more work.

Since I've been up, Guillermo has slept a lot (probably from the anesthesia used while they cleaned his teeth). He's been energetic when awake, but moving slightly slower than normal, possibly because of the drugs still leaving his system. He did get a treat from us in that we bought him a pillow type thing to sleep on. It's been here a few hours, and he's finally laying down on it and seems content.

Now if I can just convince myself to stop taking pictures of him as much as possible, because the dog does need his rest. I'm just overly excited about him being home right now.

And I've got to go, so I can finish my grocery shopping as quickly as possible to get back to relaxing.

TTFN!

And Dog Makes Three

After wondering for a week, I would imagine the family that was temporarily taking care of Guillermo was wondering if they were ever going to see signs up for him.

So, we have him back. We finally got to putting more and newer signs up where more people could see them last night (or really early this morning, since it was after Ace got off work). And we got 2 calls and a text message from the people who took Guillermo in within an hour (I'm not sure which finally woke Ace up, but one of them did). They were excited to give him back.

Guillermo apparently escaped the yard, made his way over to a nearby park we've walked with him to (and around) a few times. The daughter (and her boyfriend) of the people who had him noticed him there and opened the door to their vehicle, which was all it took for him to decide he could go with these people (luckily, they seem to be nice people).

The family where he stayed were more than happy to return him, as they already had two dogs and weren't really looking to expand their canine family. But, they did buy him a ball, which we figure will last about 30 minutes if he has uninterrupted access (which we are fine with him having, because we are just so happy to have him back).

At this point, I've had less than 4 hours sleep so far today, but I'm too excited to sleep right now because Guillermo is home! Safe and sound!

Plus, I know we've fixed the problem with the gate (cable and a key lock, that gate's not moving without our permission now), so I'm free to stick him outside if I need to. Also, we've got his rabies shot tag on his collar (which he'll be wearing until we get him chipped, which will also happen as soon as possible) which will at least identify him well enough should he somehow get out again. Plus, we plan on getting him an actual name tag for said collar, so the rabies shot tag will be getting some company.

But, we are now whole again.

I've learned a few things about a dog free life. 1. It was nice to have a week where no one was watching me eat, but I didn't eat as much (or as often) as I should have. 2. I really and truly missed Guillermo while he was gone. I realized how much I love him. 3. Now I can go back to enjoying watching Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity, which is good, because I've got that on DVD now (as well as already having Arguing with Myself) and I really think the man is funny (One of the last things I watched before Guillermo escaped the back yard was that special. Guillermo was sitting near me, Ace was taking a nap, and the evening felt nice... until the next time I watched it trying to cheer myself back up because the dog was gone, and I couldn't laugh at the end because I remembered how nice it was that night and now he was gone. So, I'm very happy he's back, so I can fully enjoy that DVD.). 4. I almost wished he was a kid so that I could call the cops and get him back quickly, except I'm pretty sure I'd never kick my kids into the backyard in this neighborhood unless they were old enough to be unsupervised and happy enough not to run away.

But for today, I'm happy, because the dog is back home. And he'll stay here if he knows what's good for me.

Setting Goals

I don't have many goals. Okay, that's not totally honest. I don't have many short-term goals. Most of my goals right now are long term.

Because of this, I decided to set a goal for myself to take part of NoBloPoMo this year. I've already proven to myself that I can write everyday for a month, I did earlier this year.

And now, I'm going to try to write everyday for the month of November. And with that, I've set up a short-term goal.

We'll all see if I can follow through with this.

TTFN!

Birthdays and Confusing Calls*

Yesterday was my birthday. I've had better days, but it was a much better day this year than it was last (even with the dog still missing).

I got several welcome birthday greetings (my dad, my sister, one of my aunts, one of my cousins, YzArC and, of course, Ace). Ace took the day off to start working on finding the dog (he's not at the animal shelter and our vet knows he's missing now). He found ways to make me giggle all day.

But, I did get one odd birthday greeting. My mother (who I believe I've mentioned before that I'm not talking to) called me. For reasons totally unknown to me, I answered. The call was... tense is the word Ace used about it, which I suppose sums it up accurately.

She wanted to say happy birthday, tell me she was thinking of me (which isn't surprising, but...), say she loves me (I did return the sentiment, because I do love her, even if I want her to stay away), and say she's sorry we don't have a better relationship (which I wasn't aware we had anymore, given that I don't normally consider there to be a relationship with people I don't talk to). And it's left me feeling slightly confused ever since.

Why, on a rather insignificant birthday (28 isn't that important, right?), did she feel the need to cross the one line I asked her not to in order to say those things to me? And why did I answer the phone instead of letting it go to voice mail when I knew that I probably wouldn't really want to talk to her?

And, my final question, where is my dog (I miss him)?

*There was only one of each yesterday, but the plurals seemed to make more sense in my head.

If I'm So Innocent, Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Today, I took a bath. This is a good thing, because I seriously needed to take some time and just relax and focus on me for a little while. I put the dog outside before I got in the tub, because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be in there (about 45 minutes). When I got out, I decided that he could stay outside for a little longer, because it was about the time I would normally let him out.

When I went to let him in (30 minutes later), I discovered that our lawn had apparently been mowed today. While that normally wouldn't matter, we have an extra step on making sure Guillermo won't escape the backyard that they never seem to remember to put back. So, he escaped sometime in the hour and half I let him out.

And I'm stuck here with no car to go searching the neighborhood for him (I already searched the backyard and know he's not there).

I've cried. I've distracted myself with TV and music. I've told myself that I didn't do anything wrong, because I couldn't have known they mowed our lawn (I slept deeply because of a really crappy nights sleep yesterday).

So, I know that I'm innocent, but I feel really guilty. Why? The only thing I could have done differently is go check the gate before my bath, but there wasn't any indication (to me, because I didn't notice the length of the grass over the last few days) that he could get out.

But a part of me still says this is all my fault. And that I should never leave him outside like that unless I've checked the gate first (I was wearing nothing but a robe at the time I let him out, so I wasn't really wanting to actually go outside). And that maybe I shouldn't take baths when Ace isn't home so this can't ever happen again (provided we find him).

I'm going to go back to trying to distract myself, because otherwise I'm going to cry again, and that isn't productive.

Later.

Searching for Normal

Normal - "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural" - Dictionary.com (first definition under normal)

I have spent years trying to figure out what normal is. And my problem with finding an answer is actually shown in the very definition of normal (the other definitions do not help the issue). Because everyone has a different idea as to what the standard is. Unlike an inch, for which a standard has been set, there is no real standard normal for people (there isn't something out there for me to measure myself against to decide if I am normal).

So, I wonder, as I look at the other definitions, if any of them help me.

Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. Sorry, but I still have that cough. Plus, I'm pretty sure glasses kill this one too (my eyes aren't "normal").

Approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm "normal" in this sense. I'm pretty sure I'm not fully (I snapped at Ace Tuesday night because my hormones threw me a pity party and I decided to show up. But I got some nice pajama pants and some M&Ms before the end of the night.).

Being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. Um... I'm not perpendicular, but this definition is related to math, so I don't think it really counts.

Containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution. While I understand each individual word, the combination of them all throws me off (but I'm not a solution or part of science, so again, it doesn't count).

The average or mean. I'm back to not being sure if I'm average, but knowing that I'm not mean (does this mean I'm not normal?).

So, for now, I'm spending a little time studying some philosophy (from Wikipedia right now, so I'm not exactly doing any deep studying). All I do know is that while I'm not sure if I'm normal, I've realized that most people don't know if they are normal either. So in that regard, I guess I am normal after all.

But I'll probably keep searching for a better idea of what normal is than what dictionary.com says for its definitions.

The Cycle

When I start to drift off towards depression, I start a cycle that doesn't help me get over it. I know this, but it seems to happen each time.

I start with a thought, one that makes me feel worse. And that leads to other thoughts that depress me more. And before I know it, I'm stuck in the middle of this cycle of bad thoughts and there are few things that can pull me out.

That's when I try to go searching for shows that make me laugh. I try to find things that stop the cycle. And, if nothing else works, I talk to Ace who then helps me move past that cycle.

I just need to find a way to have a better cycle, to start thinking good things that lead to thinking other good things. Ace and I discussed this recently. It's just kind of hard to change even bad habits.

But, I recognize the need to change, which I guess is the first step. Now I just need to find a way to remind myself to change my thoughts when I have them (I'm going to try to change things with baby steps).

TTFN!

A Trickle of E-Mail

Well, my e-mail access is back, but the e-mails are only trickling through.

And, so, I'm trying to be patient, because I'm not happy that I was without e-mail access so long and now it's taking so long for e-mails to actually reach me (what is up with that?).

It also doesn't help that Ace, who uses the exact same company for one of his e-mail addresses, has not lost his e-mail access in this process (from what the company has said, he's one of the lucky few who hasn't lost e-mail access).

On the plus side, they have mentioned some kind of compensation type thing for this being such an extreme outage.

So, I sit and wait for my e-mails to come through for me.

And so goes another day.

TTFN!

How Much Upgrading Is Enough?

One of my e-mail addresses (I have 3) in a paid for e-mail address. Once a year, I have to fork over money to keep it. Sometime in 2006 (or possibly 2007), the company who runs it merged with another company. And for the past year, they have been doing tons of upgrades.

The problem with those upgrades is that every time they do one, I loose e-mail access for two or three days. 4 times in the past year, I've had no access to the e-mail sent to the address on a system that I pay for (my free e-mail addresses have never been down).

Their latest reason for me loosing my e-mail access (right after they had restored it) was that too many people were trying to access their e-mail (because we had gone for most of 48 hours without e-mail and were slightly desperate to get our services, the ones we pay for, back). So, they took half (or more) of us offline (I'm so lucky to be in that group, huh?) and will stagger us back on. So that there won't be problems.

I will admit, one of the times I had no e-mail access wasn't their fault (I was down for a week and a half), but it is getting ridiculous (before they merged, they had it where I didn't have service one time and gave me three months of free service to make up for it, I miss that type of customer service).

So, now I'm waiting until who knows when to get this e-mail address back, and guess what time of the year it is too.

If only I could make this insanity up. Instead, I've been reminding myself that it's too early to drink if I've just gotten out of bed (because I'm not an alcoholic, in fact, I barely ever drink) and that it's healthier to kill bad guys in World of Warcraft instead.

So, how much upgrading is enough when you know it knocks the access to a group of your customers pretty much every time you update?

Tenderness

Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel happy. Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel mad. Some days, I read other people's posts and I start to think. Some of the posts that make me think the most also leave me feeling raw inside, where I need some tenderness to start to feel whole again.

My mother has been on my mind more than is healthy lately. I know this because she keeps showing up in my dreams and she is more antagonistic than she should be (if she wants to show up in my dreams, she can stay silent or be supportive).

Today, I read a post by someone who feels frustrated because she can't communicate with her mother. And it started me wondering why women seem to have problems connecting with their mothers when they are all grown up. I know that this isn't guaranteed. I have cousins (older than me) who love talking with their mother. But, it is still a problem.

All this thinking, and my memory of my mother haunting me, has left me feeling a little raw right now. So, Ace is going to provide me with some tenderness. And maybe sometime soon I'll figure out the answer to how to have a healthy relationship with my own children when my mother couldn't.

Later.

Finding Sleep

My biggest problem with trying to sleep at night is getting my brain to shut off. Because that's the case, I've spend most nights trying to keep my mind busy until my body forces me to sleep (which I notice when I think I'm going to blink and don't open my eyes for a few minutes).

I recognize that this isn't healthy, but I'm not fully sure what to do to change this. Hopefully with the changes Ace and I are making to our routines for when he comes home from work I'll be able to go to sleep easier.

Now, if this works and if I could only figure out how I relaxed so well a few weeks ago, I'll be doing really well.

TTFN!

What Do You Say?

What do you say when someone gives you information about someone else and the only thing you can think to reply is "OK"?

Ace got an e-mail from one of his cousins about her brother who is graduating from basic training soon. I would guess that congratulations is the proper thing to say, but only to the person graduating. Otherwise, it's kind of hard to tell what to say.

This is a slight problem because it comes up from time to time. I know what to say when someone dies ("I'm sorry for your loss."), when someone is pregnant, engaged or married ("Congratulations!"), and when someone is moving away ("I'll miss you."). I've even got stuff to say for other occasions that is situationally appropriate.

But what do you say when someone tells you news about something happening to someone else when you aren't sure how they feel? What do you say when someone blindsides you with something that doesn't have a particular "right" answer? What do you do when someone tells you that someone is graduating from basic training?

Someone, please tell me.

Questions I Won't Ask

I have questions about my parent's divorce (mainly, what was the true cause of it), but I won't ask my dad those questions. Mainly because the answers don't really concern me. My relationship with my dad has nothing to do with why his marriage to my mother didn't last.

I was thinking, though, that the only glimpse my mother showed me into their divorce (which she first mentioned the day she told me they were divorcing) is something I know don't feel fully comfortable trusting (mostly because I would have problems with believing it if she told me the sky was blue, even though I know it's true).

A friend of mine is getting divorced. Her kids (who are actually only a couple of years younger than me) have heard their dad's side of the story, but not hers. I was just wondering what my advice would be to them on whether or not to trust what they've heard and how to let it affect their relationships with their mother.

I remember, after hearing my mother's side, being angry with my dad. I remember feeling betrayed. But the anger didn't last long. Because he was still there for me. He provided a steady relationship, one that I didn't really have with my mom. And now, when I'm not sure I fully believe my mother's tale from long ago (14 years, almost half my life), I realize that the relationship I have with my dad has nothing to do with what he did or didn't do that set off the divorce.

So, I guess my advice to those friends is that they should look to the past, was their mother (who isn't telling her side, kind of like my dad didn't tell his) there for them? Is she still trying to be there for them? If so, then they shouldn't reject her based on someone else's pain. Because it just makes things more awkward (and they are awkward enough as it is).

So, while I have questions about my mother's story, a story that took me 14 years to start wondering about, I won't ask my dad. Because it's not any of my business. And, it won't change how I look at him now anyway, because our relationship is built on trust and conversation between us, and not based on the picture my mother has tried to paint in the past (not talking to her has produced at least a few good things, like more rational and logical thinking skills).

Do you have any questions that you won't ask because the answers don't really matter?

Bubbles

Wednesday night, I took a bath. Ace helped me out with that by running the water for me (thus, getting me to actually enter the bathroom). Then, this conversation happened.

Ace: Are you shaving, or is that for relaxing?

Me: Relaxing.

Ace: Yay! Bubbles!

Of course, he knows that I only take bubble baths when he runs them, so he is oddly excited about the idea of me taking a bubble bath, because he wants me to relax and rest. He wants me to be stress free, and he knows that I don't let myself relax enough (or more so, I don't fully relax when I'm relaxing). It's just cute that he's that concerned about me.

And, it's fun when he inadvertently gives me something to post.

So, thank you Ace for being so sweet and cute. And I'll try to work on the relaxing thing some more. And hopefully sometime I'll actually make a bubble bath all by myself (and yes, I know how, I just don't seem to treat myself to bubbles).

TTFN!

Silence

I've not wanted to get on and talk. I'm not pregnant, yet. I took a pregnancy test and then started my period (all in a 2 minute time frame). And since then I've been trying not to mope about it.

So, I stayed silent. Because who wants to hear someone whine because it's taking them a while to get pregnant?

So, I've been focusing on other things, like my mouse deciding it doesn't want to work anymore (we've ordered a new one, it should be here within a week... only the new mouse will be for Ace and I'll get his current mouse). And I've been discovering that I don't seem to care much about, well, anything lately.

Hopefully soon I'll have something more important to say and the silence will be broken again.

TTFN

Heat and Randomness

I'm feeling hot and my mind isn't focusing on anything I want to write about (I'm getting tired of mentioning that I'm waiting). So, I'm going to go with random stuff.

1. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde - I forgot how good this movie is, even though the main character is silly and seems rather stupid. Elle is actually really smart, at least she is when it matters (and apparently fashion knowledge will help anywhere, even Congress).

2. I'm for equal pay for men and women for doing the same job. I'm not for the idea that men suck and women rule (because, actually, both genders can suck and both can rule).

3. Why is my bedroom at 78 degrees? No wonder I'm feeling hot! The fan is on, but it's not helping enough. Am I putting off enough extra heat to make me this miserable?

4. The a/c had to be nudged to cool down the room I'm sitting in. Because my comfort is more important than the dog's. Besides, he's probably warm with all that fur anyway.

5. Um, have I mentioned that I'm warm? And that's zapped any and all other thoughts out of my head? Oh, yeah... that's been the theme of the last 2 points too.

6. I'd like to go by the library, but I'm in the middle of at least 7 books (possibly more) that I own, so I think I should finish some of those first. I want to go to the library to look for books by Erma Bombeck, because I know that I will enjoy them (I have in the past).

Yeah, I think I've been random enough (or ranted about the heat enough). I'm going to go back to either books or logic problems (probably the logic problems).

TTFN!

9/11

Yesterday was different. It was the first time in the past few years that I had thought about the date very much. I felt the date weighing on my mind throughout the day.

I will never forget the shock I felt that day, in 2001, when I fully woke up (I was in bed asleep when the planes hit) and found out what had happened. I felt like I had been kicked. My sinus infection (for I was suffering with one) seemed silly and my doctor's appointment that afternoon seemed less important (I still went, because I happen to like breathing, and there wasn't much I could do anyway). I remember the lines at the gas stations, even here in Oklahoma, and the prices soaring (although they didn't get nearly as high as they did elsewhere). I remember being counseled to wait a few days before getting gas (my doctor cared about what I was going to pay for gas as well as keeping me breathing).

Because of those memories I want to honor the people who died and the people who lived that day. They deserve to be honored.

But it is 7 years later, and my life has changed a lot. And I've got other things on my mind, things that seem more important now. Things that seemed like they would never happen then.

So, I remembered, at least for a little bit, in honor of the past and then I allowed myself to focus on the present. Because I'm fairly sure those people I'm honoring would want me to continue on with my life.

So, September 11th was meaningful. And I won't forget it. But, it's feeling like it's time for me to move forward. When I have children to teach, I'll share with them the importance of the date, while reminding them that we aren't going to live in fear.

TTFN!

Waiting Patiently

In a departure from the past, other than feeling slightly frustrated when time seems to not be moving forward at a normal pace, I'm feeling patient about waiting for Sunday (when I'll finally allow myself to take a pregnancy test). It's one of those things where I'm interested in finding out the answer, but it won't change in the next few days.

But, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling good about the possibilities. And other than finding Tex-Mex to be irresistible, I'm feeling fairly normal. And I'm feeling content to be where I am right now, in the magical place of possibilities and hope for the future.

Well, it's back to distracting myself with other things to help pass that time.

TTFN!

Slow Moving Days

The part I hate the most about waiting is that time seems to slow way down and I'm stuck waiting what feels like twice as long as I should be. I haven't started my period yet, even though it was due yesterday, and I'm not interested in basically any of the food in the house (I want Taco Bell, and have since yesterday!). Plus, even though I'm not a big round 7 or 8 months pregnant, I feel big and round.

It doesn't help me a bit that tomorrow starts Ace's weekend and tonight when he gets home from work we are actually going to go by the store. It actually makes the waiting seem even longer, because I'm waiting for something (anything!) to happen. So, when I check the clocks, I'm not surprised that it's only been 5 minutes since the last time I checked, because time is creeping by so slowly.

And for some reason, I slept from roughly 7 am to 5:45 pm today. I didn't realize I needed so much sleep, but I felt 100% better for having slept for so long.

Any suggestions you've got for making time go more quickly when I'm here with just the dog (and no way to go anywhere that I can't walk to, because I'm short 1 vehicle), please let me know.

TTFN!

My Monthly Does of Insanity

I'm waiting. It's part of this all important 2 week wait thing, seeing if I'm pregnant this month.

Other than feeling disgusted by the thought of half the food in the house, a feeling that is beginning to be common around this time of the month, I don't feel any way in particular.

Okay, that not completely true. I'm tired of this random cough that hasn't wanted to leave and I'm tired (again, not totally unexpected any more). But, I'm not feeling particularly pregnant or not. I'm not pinning any hopes upon this month being any different.

I'm just waiting.

The Bad Influence

Being a doggie mommy is resembling being having a child more and more.

Our neighbors (who just recently moved in) have a dog. This dog will bark at anything outside, squirrels, people, I'm beginning to think the breeze. He does stop sometimes, but it doesn't seem like long before something sets him off again.

Guillermo has decided that he wants to be outside ALL THE TIME now. I think he's made friends with this new dog. But, that means he's started barking at things. Guillermo hasn't really been all that big a barker before, but this new dog is being a bad influence on him.

This has lead to a battle of wills lately. Guillermo and I, for the past two nights, have been battling each other for whether or not he can spend all the time he wants to outside if he's going to bark. The most annoying thing is that he starts whining, which he does when he actually needs to go out, so part of me doesn't want him to be in pain or really needing to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to just let him go out and stay out (although, I do know that if I've let him out an hour ago, he'll be fine without going out).

What do I do to stop my dog from being influenced by a dog I can't get rid of?

Confrontation

I dislike confrontation.

Wait, let me adjust that statement. I dislike confronting other people. I have this inner thing that just wants people to like me. Even if those people will never meet me/talk to me again.

And because of this, I let people walk all over me when I shouldn't. I don't stand up for myself as well as I should. I let, or practically beg, Ace to be the one who is sticking up me, because I know that he can take someone else's displeasure.

And I know that I need to get past this. I can't always be nothing but a people pleaser. It's not healthy. It ignores what I need. And it leads to me snapping at people I love and who I know will love me even if I get snippy with them. And that's not healthy for others.

So, I've got to find a way to confront others while still feeling like I'm not just pushing my own agenda. And I've got to remind myself that it's not just okay, but important to take care of myself. And while I somewhat know this, I don't practice it enough.

So, right here, right now, I am promising myself to stand up more for my rights. Because this will be good practice for stand up for my kids rights when they need it. That and I can't make someone else fight my battles for me forever.

I'm growing up, right here, right now. And isn't the point of life to grow?

The Good, the Bad, and the Quiet

It's currently rather quiet in my house. It's nice. Ace and I don't spend enough time just being quiet. We're both on our laptops, so there is some noise, but we've got the TV off (for once) and it's nice and quiet.

In good news, at least for me, Ace got today off (which is why he's home... I probably should have lead with that, huh?). Also, we changed our sheets and dusted off our fan, both of which we should have done a while ago. And I'm coughing a lot less, except for when the dust hits me just right.

In bad news, I think the dust gave me a sinus headache and I probably need to go see an optometrist (on a completely unrelated matter), because one of my eyes feels like it's doing something strange lately (I keep feeling like something is twitching, and my vision is acting all strange sometimes too). Plus, all I want to do right now is take a nap (I've been awake 3 and 1/2 hours, isn't that a little soon to be taking a nap?).

So, there you have it. The good, the bad, and the quiet from the Smith household.

What's happening in your life?

Refusing to Sleep

Some part of my subconscious is unhappy. I can tell because I'm having problems finding a desire to sleep when I'm tired. My brain doesn't seem to want to relax, which I take to mean that there's something I don't want to deal with in my dreams.

I think the problem is that I recently dreamt of my mother. And she was mad. Ace and I were trying to sleep for a few hours at her house (I have not clue why, that part is fuzzy), and she was determined that we not do that (What's interesting is that I'm fairly sure she wouldn't react that way, but would instead try to reinstate a relationship if we were to come by her house.).

I'm not sure what I'm avoiding, but it's obvious that I'm avoiding something and it's obviously not pleasant. Unfortunately, there isn't much Ace can do for me at this time. He's trying (or at least he did last night when I first brought it up), but it's not like he can crawl into my head and find out what I need. And I'm not much help right now.

So, I'm frustrated and trying to find things to make me laugh to help while Ace is at work. So, anything you want to send me to help cheer me up, send to a_masmith at yahoo dot com and you will be much appreciated.

TTFN!

A Survey

I don't really have much to say, so I thought I'd give my answers to a survey that my sister did earlier.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?
Not at all.

Does a kiss make you feel better?
sometimes

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
I've passed out and woken up with my legs on the bathroom floor (I was on the toilet at the time), but I've never passed out on the bathroom floor.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
before I get in, to adjust the temperature just right.

What did you do today?
had a bad dream, called Ace, slept a little more, watched TV, got food, watched more TV... that's been it.

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
no

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
I've never had more than 1 boyfriend at a time.

Have you ever thought about your death?
yes, possibly more than I should have in the past

Ever been in love?
I'm in love now.

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
I'm in a permanent relationship now, and I'm perfectly happy to be in it.

What is your favorite sport?
Watching - gymnastics. Playing - I don't play sports.

What color is your shower curtain?
vanilla (at least, that's what the packaging said)

Have you ever had stitches?
yes, but only from surgery

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
probably, at some point when I was really little.

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
yes, fairly decently in fact

Lyrics stuck in your head?
nothing currently

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
I could care less.

What are you doing tomorrow?
probably something similar to what I did today

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I don't remember.

Have you ever run over an animal?
no

What is your favorite cereal?
honey nut cheerios, dry

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
not that I remember

What are you doing right at this moment?
listening to Mythbusters

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Why do you care what I think on this?

Where's your favorite place to be?
bed, with Ace (although, I'm dreaming of a vacation right now)

What's your favorite song?
The Dance by Garth Brooks

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
I don't drink coffee ever and rarely drink alcohol.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
no... Why do people do this?

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
um... sort of, but it's a secret (don't tell my in-laws)

Have you ever been arrested?
no

Do you dream in black and white?
not usually

Do you talk in your sleep?
only if I'm trying to get someone to shut up, from what I can tell

Do you snore?
when my nose is stuffy, yes... otherwise, I've been told I don't

Are you a redneck?
no

Funniest thing you heard all day?
"Am I missing an eyebrow?" Adam Savage

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
um, no, but that's one of the few places I haven't gotten bitten

What are you afraid of?
I'm not afraid of anything.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Just because the only thing resembling a baby in this house doesn't mean that I don't have some phrases that I'm getting tired of saying.

"Out!" I say this and the dog usually interprets it to mean that he needs to move 5 feet (or less) and can then sit again, necessitating me to say it again. Occasionally it means I'm kicking him out of the house for a little while.

"Off!" This means the dog has tried to climb on something I don't want him on. Usually it's the bed or my chair. This isn't actually used that often.

"Shut up!" This is screamed from another room because Guillermo is barking at either another dog walking outside or the garage door going up because Ace is home (that has gotten decidedly less, as he seems to understand that he doesn't need to bark at the garage door if someone is home).

"Do you want to go outside?" This is another way of me trying to kick him out for a little while.

I'm viewing this as good practice for when I have kids to try to do what I want them to do. Of course, I'm hoping not to be yelling things out from another room when I've actually need to discipline my kids.

TTFN!

Ever Present Optimism

Last night, Ace and I went by Whataburger and Wal-Mart after Ace got home from work (I'm fairly sure we were the only customers in Wal-Mart). Ace was hungry and wanted to go buy World of Warcraft (this means he should be spending a little less time on it than he was as it being a 10 day free trial).

While Ace went to go look for his game, I looked at baby clothes. Then, I found a onesie that we actually bought (it was inexpensive, and gives us something to focus on). It's green and has Genius in the Making written on it.

And the onesie is where the ever present optimism comes in. Because, as far as we know, I'm not currently pregnant (since I just had my period, it's unlikely that I am). But, we are still trying. And I've figured out how to relax, so it's more likely that we'll be successful.

I did wonder, while looking at baby clothes, why purple isn't considered a neutral color for babies (it's the color that's produced when red and blue are mixed, so you would think it would be the most neutral, but...). I decided that if I ever got into designing baby clothes (which I probably won't), I'd make some neutral purple clothing.

So, for now, I'm still happily in a place of ever present optimism.

TTFN!

Since I Last Posted

I've been working on continuing to breath since I last posted. Sunday, I woke up feeling sleepy (okay, I usually wake up sleepy, but I was sleepier than normal) and figured that I was probably fighting off something. By the end of the day, I had a cough.

Monday, I had a runny, stuffy nose. And a not so nice cough still.

By Wednesday, my nose had stopped running, and I could breathe though my nose again. But, the cough decided to stay.

I know that I should probably have tried to find a doctor in my insurance's health coverage and gotten medicine so that I'd already be breathing easy, but I haven't wanted to stay that upright for that long.

Instead, I've spent most of the last 4 days in bed (at least, as much as I felt I could). I'm not coughing nearly as much (for the most part), but I'm still ready for my breathing to be entirely easy again.

So, tomorrow, at least, I'll continue to try to take it easy and focus on continuing to breathe.

TTFN!

The Accident

Earlier, Ace got into an accident on the way to work.

He's fine. He didn't even get the slightest bit hurt. Serenity, our SUV, didn't fair so well. She'll need some body work and some lights fixed.

As it turns out, the guy at the back of the 3 car pile up (the car in front of Ace took off and left the scene, otherwise it would have been a 4 car pile up). Car #3 (the guilty party) had breaking issues, so Ace tried to move around the car in front of him (into an empty lane), but couldn't without hitting the car in front of him, so he hit the breaks. Then, Car #3 hit Car #2 who in turn hit Ace, who then couldn't help but hit Car #1 (who left).

Most likely, no one was hurt (the passenger of Car #3 left in an ambulance, but he was probably faking). The driver of Car #3 was pissed off that the cops (who got to the scene after I did, and I had to get dressed before I could even start to get there) did not believe him that Ace was the one at fault (he was pointing to the plastic from the light that got broken when Ace hit Car #1). But, Serenity and Car #2 were both starting to be in the other right hand lane in an obvious attempt to avoid the accident, or at least to lessen the damage. Of course, the driver was also pissed off that he was being arrested. He was trying to get some sympathy from the cops by telling them that he had recently had surgery on his shoulder (which, if he were on pain medications, may have helped them to be under the impression that he was drunk). The cops didn't care (the man evoked no sympathy from anyone).

Ace did not go to work. He spent a good 2 hours letting me just be near to him so that irrational part of me that felt like I could have potentially lost him (um, not really, based on the damage) would realize that he's fine (he came out without a scratch).

But, all in all, it wasn't the best way to start my day.

The Olympics

I've been watching the Olympics lately (big surprise, who hasn't been?). Mostly, I've been watching the swimming and gymnastic events.

Last night, after being slightly frustrated that I couldn't find out exactly how the USA did at men's gymnastics (because the recording ran out before the final scores were posted), I looked it up online. Then I read where apparently most people weren't thinking that the USA had much of a chance at winning any medals at all. Now, I don't closely follow gymnastics (or any sport), but I never doubted that we could win medals at the Olympics for gymnastics. For a little bit last night, I thought we could win gold, until we didn't get as high of scores as I thought that we should have on a the high bar (2 people who seemed to do flawlessly impressive routines and they both got under 16? I think they were robbed!).

All I can hope is that the women's gymnastics will be judged in a way that doesn't seem biased. And that they've worked out the small issues they had at the trials (hopefully, they will keep sticking those landings!).

I've enjoyed watching Michael Phelps (please tell me I spelled his name right) break several world records while winning gold medals. I can see why the man might have some fans (having all those rippling muscles doesn't hurt either). 3 days, 3 gold medals, 3 new world records. Wow!

I've got to go. My stomach is starting to demand food and I've got shopping to do. But I will be watching the Olympics tonight (I love my DVR!) and cheering the USA on for more wins (by which, I mean medals).

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers: Lessons Learned"

Mainly, I've been reminded that having kids is popular these days. It's popular for everyone to have kids.

But, and I can't stress this strongly enough, I don't want to have kids because it's popular.

I want to have kids, because I want to be a mother. I dream of it (at least, I day dream of it). I want to face all the hard times (midnight feedings, temper tantrums, potty training, etc.) because I know that ultimately it IS worth it, that kids are better than they seem based on reality TV/movies/books/whatever (I do like that the show showed the real possibilities though, because I'm all for teaching teens why they don't want kids yet).

So, hopefully, a lot of teens learned something from this show (hey, if someone in their mid-20s can learn lots of things, teens should have too). I somewhat hope this comes out on DVD so that I can be able to show it to my kids when they are old enough (which obviously happens after I have kids).

I wonder if there will be a second season with new teens and new kids. If so, I'll probably watch again.

What did you learn from this series?

Questioning

I'm wondering what makes a marriage last. Why some couples are able to be married for 50-60+ years and others don't make it past 2. The only thing I can imagine was that it has to do with communication. Maybe the couples who communicate are able to stay married longer.

I'm happy that my marriage is going well. I'm glad it has been well for the last 5 years. I'm hoping for it to go even better over the next 50+ years. Ace and I talk, a lot. And sometimes when we talk more, I write less here, because I say those things I need to say.

I'm going to go. I've got things to do, including eating some chocolate that is calling my name.

But for now, I'll keep wondering about what makes a marriage last.

TTFN!

Feeling Better

My shoulder is still slightly getting over Guillermo's strength fighting against my strength. It feels fine most of the time, but if I've been using my arms a lot during the day, it gets sore and doesn't want to let me use it.

Nicely, it's already started feeling better. But I still think I'm going to give it a break for the rest of the evening (as I've no been up long enough to go to bed yet).

So, while my shoulder is doing much, much better, it's not quite whole yet.

TTFN!

Still Waiting

Today has moved by slowly. Or at least parts of it have moved by slowly.

I'm waiting on Ace to get back home so we can go pick up a couple of things from the store.

I'm also waiting for the weekend, when I'll be obsessed with my body and whether or not I'm pregnant.

Can doing a lot of waiting make you go crazy?

Later.

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Parts 5 and 6

This is a combined post of what I've learned from episodes 5 and 6 of The Baby Borrowers. I wrote what I was learning while watching, so some of my points may end up looking awkward by the end.

1. Teens feel comfortable cursing in front of other teens, even when they are supposed to be setting a good example.

2. I was only surprised about who left because he seemed so mellow and like he would stick out the short time left, even if they would be sleeping in different rooms and not really talking (although, leaving was a better idea).

3. Boys are going to do some stupid things (because they are boys), but just yelling at them won't fix the problem. You need to actually discipline them.

4. Family trips should be doing something fun, not boring (at least one member of the family should be having fun, preferably the whole family will have fun).

5. Teenagers are willful, at least at times.

6. Breakups are hard. Living together after you decide to break up is even worse. And it will mess up your kids if you fight in front of them (or loudly away from them).

7. Sorry means a lot, but it doesn't cover everything when you kick someone out of their house for 5 hours. It's really awkward if you are planning on breaking up with them within a few weeks.

8. Girls are, overall, calmer and more relaxed than boys (at least, they cause less problems and do less crazy stuff).

9. Sometimes a break from your significant other is a good thing, even if it's just for 8 hours for work.

10. Teen boys maybe somewhat wild, but they can be very sweet when they want to be. At least, when they aren't getting an attitude and mouthing off.

11. Sometimes your heart tells you one thing and your head tells you another and you have to decide which one to listen to. Life's not always easy.

12. A lot can happen in roughly 3 weeks (I'm estimating based on how long each group is with the teens and how much time they had alone to begin with).

13. Sometimes, I just wish I could reach into the TV and give people hugs. But I can't.

14. Maybe the best things you could do with older people is learn from them. Talk to them and listen. But, you do actually have to talk.

15. Old people are cute! Of course, I kind of thought that before this, but it's been reinforced.

16. There are consequences to things you do now that may not hit until you are older. Sometimes, it's hard to judge what those consequences are and whether or not they are worth it. Try to be careful in you decision making.

17. Unexpected things happen. Sometimes those unexpected things have long lasting effects. You just have to keep up your hope and push through today to get to tomorrow.

18. Sometimes old people and babies have a lot in common. But sometimes they have a lot in common with teens/young adults.

19. Every relationship has it's ups and downs. It's how you deal with your differences that determines how your relationship goes.

20. The elderly like getting up early. And sometimes, they are sarcastic. But, they are cute!

21. I've changed my mind on how doomed all the relationships are, but I'm not sure how many of these couples will be able to make it for the rest of their lives.

22. We really can learn a lot from those who have been there before us. The biggest thing you can learn is that you have to stay devoted to your relationship, even if things get hard. Actually, you have to be more devoted to get through the hard times.

23. You have to be patient when it comes to figuring out who you love and who you want to spend your life with. Don't just follow your emotions. Listen to your head as well as your heart.

24. I am definitely ready for having kids of my own, but I'm glad I won't have to go through them growing quite as fast as they did on the show.

25. According to the end, I was right about none of the couples making it as a couple. Most of them stayed friends, but they realized they weren't ready for a life long commitment quite yet. There was a part of me that wished I was wrong, but I'm not surprised.

And now you know that I've learned from The Baby Borrowers.

Wishing and Waiting

I feel like I'm in a period of waiting in my life. I'm waiting on, well, pretty much everything. Specifically, right now, I am waiting on Ace to get off work. He's not got much longer until he will be off and on his way home, but it's what I'm waiting on right now.

While I'm waiting, I'm finding myself wishing. Wishing for a baby (you'd think I was trying to get pregnant or something, huh?), wishing for a better house with better furniture, wishing for the library of my dreams (I love books), wishing I was in great physical condition, wishing that America's culture wasn't one that made a woman feel bad if she didn't look similar to Angelina Jolie.

Most of those wishes are things that I just have to wait on. So, I'm wishing and waiting.

TTFN!

P.S.: I'll write later about the Baby Borrowers, I just felt the need to post to help pass the time while waiting.

I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist

I don't normally talk that much about my faith, because to me it is a personal thing. But, I would like to say that I think being an atheist takes a lot more faith than believing in God.

It takes more faith, because you have to believe that randomly, by chance, life happened on this planet, where it would be safe from all the other space things, it wouldn't be too warm or too cold, and the atmosphere would be just right for humans to live. I don't have that much faith. You also have to have enough faith to realize that you don't know where the things that created the universe as we know it came from (even if you believe in the Big Bang, where did the stuff that the big bang came from?). I only have to try to convince myself that God was here before time and will be here long after time is gone, which isn't nearly as hard to do.

I don't have to convince myself that things that should be impossible, like bumblebees, are some random chance. I don't have to believe that I am descended from monkeys. And I'm glad, because I don't think I have that much faith.

When I see the universe at night (when I can), it always makes me feel small and I realize that I'm a tiny dot on a tiny dot. But it is beautiful and shows me that God exists and cares for me, even if I am a tiny dot on a tiny dot.

So, today, I am thinking about how I don't have enough faith to be an atheist. Besides, it sounds like too much work to believe all that.

TTFN!

P.S.: Look for what I've learned on the last two weeks of the Baby Borrowers this weekend. Probably Saturday.

Setting Goals for My Life

Tonight, Ace and I decided to start trying to figure out some goals for us to work on starting soon. So, I set a couple of goals.

One is the obvious, become a parent. I figure I shouldn't stop focusing on that goal until it's accomplished. I've also decided to start looking at furniture and clothes that are necessary for having babies.

My other goal is to learn sign language. I've been interested in sign language most of my life and have been wanting to learn for a while. Basically, my goal is to actually do something toward learning, like taking classes. I'm hoping to convince Ace to take them with me.

But, for now, those are my goals. I don't know what my next goals will be, but I've at least got some goals for now.

TTFN!

Visiting Friends

Today, Ace and I went up to see some friends (at their office) that we haven't seen in a long while. We were reminded to not wait so long to see them again. We made plans to have one of them come over in a few weeks for an evening.

Ace and I need to make sure we spend more time with our friends, because we don't do that often enough. And we need to change that, because being around friends lowers my stress level and gets me happy and excited (which doesn't happen nearly enough).

YzArC has also been invited to visit here if she can and/or wants to come. Hopefully, she'll be visiting soon.

Well, I'm going to go back to watching TV with Ace.

TTFN!

Thoughts of My Mother

Ace and I discussed his recent thoughts on me trying to have a relationship with my mother again. He reminded me that his plan from the beginning was to let me decide how I wanted to that relationship to be resolved. I reminded him of his question to me on if I would ever truly be able to fully relax around my mother, or if I would be waiting for a shoe to drop, even if I felt I had evidence that she had truly changed.

All of that got me thinking of planning our wedding. We originally thought of having our parents and a couple of friends in a private ceremony and then having a bigger ceremony a year later when we could afford to do it right.

My mother whined that we didn't even want to allow her to invite her sister (I wasn't aware they were all that close, since I didn't see my aunt all that often), and if her sister couldn't come, she didn't really want to be there either. Besides, if we got married and then had a large ceremony the next year, everyone would think we were doing it for the presents (um... no, we wanted people to see the ceremony, we just wanted to do it how we wanted it). And all I could think then was that suddenly my wedding wasn't about me anymore, which made me sad, because who else is the wedding supposed to be about than the bride (and the groom, but Ace was helping plan it).

So, instead of a small wedding to create a legal union before having our dream ceremony (we weren't necessarily going to tell everyone we were married that year instead of the next), we had a medium sized wedding that wasn't fully what we wanted. It was beautiful and I have good memories of it, but it wasn't really my dream wedding.

It did have Ace and I deciding that we are going to let our kids plan their weddings for them, instead of for us. We won't ask to invite anyone (they can ask us if we want to invite people, but we aren't forcing them to invite anyone), we won't even ask them to invite us (if they don't want us there). We want them to be satisfied with their wedding and to remember that it was all about them.

It's been over 2 years since I've even seen my mother any place other than my dreams. For my birthday the year I stopped talking to her, she sent me a card, with a check, to my in-laws (a passive-aggressive move? trying to get an ally? who knows?). I signed the check over to my church (she didn't particularly care for where I was going to church). For Christmas that year, she sent a card, with cash, along with my brother and sister to my dad's, we spent the money on a massage for me and gave the rest. She didn't do anything for my last birthday and at Christmas this last year she only sent a card with nothing else in it (I've sent her no correspondence at all).

I think the point of the cards was to show she was trying to maintain contact (even though I asked her not to contact me at all). The only type of contact that was offered was her e-mailing Ace to find out how I was, if I was still mad, and that sort of thing. Guess how often that's happened (here's a hint, never).

Well, that's enough about relationship, or lack there of, with my mother. I'm going to relax and watch TV.

TTFN!

A Letter to Me

Dear me,

Take a mental break. Stop thinking so much. You're not doing us any favors.

Find things to make yourself smile. I miss smiling.

And go eat something, because we are hungry.

Love,
Me

What Do You Do?

What do you do when you can't find the shoes you were intending to wear to your husbands high school reunion?

You get him to help you find them, after wondering if you were foolish enough to really toss them like you had threatened to do.

High School Reunion

Tonight starts Ace's high school reunion. We're just about to go out to dinner with some of the people he graduated with.

I'm somewhat excited about getting to meet people he knew back in high school.

I've gotta go, we need to leave.

TTFN!

What Guillermo Thinks

Ace and I spend a lot of time joking about what we think the dog thinks.

"He thinks we're crazy." "He wants food." "Leave me alone already people!" "You've got food, you might give it to me, therefore I must stare at you." "Food! Food! FOOD! FOOD!" "I'm going for a ride! Oh, wait, they're leaving me here."

Of course, we still can't figure him out when there is a vehicle that is open and you say in (pointing to the house) and he jumps in the car. He apparently feels the need for rides more often than he gets them.

But mostly, I think he just thinks "I'm hungry!", "Fetch?", or "Can I go for a ride? Can I? Can I?" and usually, it's not a good time for that.

Later!

The Dark Knight

Well, I got to see The Dark Knight last night.

I'm not sure there are words to describe how I feel now. I'm in awe.

It was a wonderful movie. The visual effects were wonderful. Heath Ledger did a wonderful job, and I wish he were around to be in one in the future. But, I could see how playing a character like that could take a lot out of him emotionally. Who could work so long playing someone so insane without it taking a toll.

Christian Bale plays Batman and Bruce Wayne wonderfully. The way he changes his voice between Batman and Bruce Wayne was inspired. It helps to distinguish between the two, while helping to hide who Bruce Wayne really is from Batman's allies.

Aaron Eckhart did well as Harvey Dent. He was impressive as a heroic figure. I only have one minor complaint, but I don't want to spoil the ending for anyone. And, they could correct my complaint in a future movie.

Overall, the movie was worth the wait. Of course, I've been waiting since I first heard it was coming out, but it was worth the wait.

TTFN!

One Word

BATMAN!

Sex

I mention, at least from time to time, that Ace and I have sex, but I never really talk about it. I never mention anything aside from the fact that it is good (great, wonderful, marvelous, close to perfect). I think part of it is that I'm semi-slightly prudish when it comes to talking about sex with anyone but Ace (and I'm hoping to get over it in one post... wish me luck).

We have sex in different was at different times (and no, I'm not talking positions, because I need to maintain at least a slight air of mystery about my sex life).

There's the passionate sex: the kind where we (or at least I) want it hard and fast and don't really want much foreplay. The kind where I say "Fuck me now" and Ace knows exactly what I mean.

There's the sensual sex: where Ace licks, kisses, and caresses me until I'm ready to ask him to please move this into the passionate sex area, because my mind thinks it's going to explode. And he refuses for a while. And it feels so good, I wish he would move a little faster, just to take away the slightest bit of the pleasure, because I can't mentally handle it (and he still refuses).

There's the foreplay only: neither of us really wants sex, we just want to have fun. It could possibly lead to sex, but I seriously doubt it. This is rare and usually involves me giggling WAY too much.

There's the relief sex: only one of us is interested in sex (more often Ace, sad to say) and we're only having sex for that one person. This is rare and not very fulfilling. This is probably the lowest form of sex out there.

There's the slow-moving sex: this is related to the sensual, but Ace is more willing to move into passionate sex whenever I ask him too. This is the most common, as I'm sure it is in most couples. It's relaxed and friendly, but lots of fun.

What talk about sex would be complete without talking about mood breakers?

There's the bodily function mood breaker: I think this is rather self explanatory. If not, e-mail me at a_masmith at yahoo dot com and I'll tell you straight out what I mean.

There's the phone call mood breaker: especially bad when it's a relative. Few thing kill desire faster. It's extremely hard for me to get back in the mood after this one, because...

There's the random emotion mood breaker: you suddenly shift from being in the moment, enjoying the sex, to being 500 miles away emotionally (at least, that's how it feels). It's hard to recover from this, but it can happen.

Yeah, that's all the mood breakers coming to mind just now, but I'm sure there are plenty of others out there. If you think of one, let me know.

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 4

Well, I've watched another episode, and it's time for me to tell what I've learned from this episode.

1. You can't just be a friend to your kids. Otherwise, they will walk all over you.

2. There are seriously people out there who think they can not eat veggies and still have their kids eat healthy (really?). Everyone I've seen who doesn't eat right has kids that don't eat right either.

3. I'm still convinced that most of these teens will not still have a relationship at the end of this experience.

4. When you have an evening alone, it's probably better to spend it alone instead of with a friend (at least, it's a good idea if you and your significant other already have a rocky relationship).

5. Try different things to entertain your kids. You'll never know if sitting and doing math problems will be entertaining and fun unless you just try it (do take your cues from the kids).

6. You can't ignore kids just because they are fighting. They could be bored. You need to try to find them something else to do.

7. 3 boys are going to need a lot of attention and things to do, otherwise they are just going to make a mess and play fight a lot (actually, this can happen with any number of boys/girls).

8. No one should have a sleepover with roughly 10 kids of all different ages. That's just asking for madness. And for someone to get hurt.

9. Contrary to popular opinion, girls will fight just as much, if not more so, than boys. And it can get violent and painful.

10. Good discipline techniques can be hard to come by, but when you stick to them, they will effective (even if it's just for the short term)

11. Preteens can be fairly easy to get along with too, unless they are throwing a fit.

12. Some teens will listen better if you sound like you are concerned about them, even if they didn't respond well the first time that someone had a concern about the kids (and the teens).

So, I learned a lot watching the latest episode.

I'm just wondering who leaves, because at this point, it could be anyone. And thus, I am even more excited for this next episode.

What did you learn from this episode?

There Comes a Buzzing

I'm reading the posts that were read at BlogHer '08 (since I'm nowhere near there, but am at home watching The Phantom of the Opera, for some reason I'm not fully clear on) and it's reminding me of about a billion things I've never said here that seem somewhat important. And then I hear a buzzing in my head over the fighting of which thing seems most important to post first (which, sadly, drowns out the pretty music coming from the TV).

I guess the thing that seems most important is the fact that I fight my fears that I could ever be even remotely like my mother. And that I avoid thinking about my past, because it feels like an ugly mass of scar tissue. And I don't know how to remove the ugly parts from the pretty ones (there are, obviously, good times sprinkled in with the bad). I avoid thinking about why most people, the ones who I know love me the most, are pushing me to even think about restoring contact with someone who has hurt me so much, while complete strangers (and some people who care about me) are happy to let me make my own choices. How is it that these loved ones don't see that their pushing hurts just as much as those memories I try to avoid? That while I look whole, there is really a piece that doesn't work like it should? That to stop hurting and cringing about my phone ringing, I cut off contact with the person who caused the pain in the first place?

I also am thinking about the fact that I sometimes avoid technology. It's not because I'm afraid of technology, but because I don't want to give myself something else that I can hardly drag myself away from. I avoided joining MySpace for so long that I think I was the only one under 30 who didn't have an account. I don't really feel the need to have others judge whether or not I was worthy of being their friend online, I feel funny enough about that in real life (blogging, on the other hand, doesn't bother me at all). I'm avoiding joining Twitter, because I let other people's blogs take up enough of my day without adding their twitters to the process too.

And those things, which are now content to relax since they've been let out, are what I heard buzzing in my head. I'll try not to wait so long to express myself next time, because I don't particularly care for the sound.

TTFN!

2 Quick Questions

Can anyone tell me why my body seems to heat up every evening Ace works sometime between 10 and 12?

And why is my first thought to take a warm bath when this happens?

Obsession?

Tonight, the plan is to go see The Dark Knight. Around 11:30, hopefully, we'll leave our house to go to the theater to see the 12:01 or 12:02 showing.

If we don't make it to see the movie tonight, we're waiting until next Tuesday for the latest showing then.

I will see this movie in the theaters, if I have to go by myself (which I shouldn't).

Do I sound obsessed?

The Crash After

People, I've had a lot of energy lately. I got all the clothes put away (for, like 24 hours). I got the dishes caught up and clean.

And now, I'm fighting to stay awake at 10:30, a time I'm normally fine with being awake at. Because my energy has crashed.

But, I should have more energy tomorrow (at least I'll have the option to relax and not do anything if I want tomorrow night).

ZZZ....

Are You a Leader?

I, as a general rule, am not a leader. I don't like to be in charge of other people (at least people roughly my age).

But, I like that there are leaders out there. It's a good thing. I sometimes wish that there were some better leaders, but at least there are leaders out there.

So, are you a leader?

He Seems to Like Getting in Trouble

Again, the dog has done something stupid.

Ace made up some cinnamon monkey bread (it seems he wanted some) and had left some for me. I went back to bed for a little while after I got up (I took a nap, because I didn't want to argue with myself on a 30 minute nap). After I got up, I went to go get food. By this point, I had forgotten about the monkey bread, until I saw a plate on the floor.

The dog ate the monkey bread that Ace had left for me, partially because I didn't do anything with it before I took my nap (frankly, I had forgotten already and had somewhat assumed that it was put where the dog couldn't get to it).

Guillermo is currently outside, where he will stay at least until Ace gets home from work.

And I don't get paid enough to deal with a dog that does things he knows are wrong.

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 3

Okay, I watched Friday, but I've had to give this episode some time to sink in, because I was a little overwhelmed with other things Friday.

1. Teenagers and toddlers apparently have a lot in common, especially their attitudes. It is apparently helpful for the teenagers though, because everything seemed to go fairly well.

2. Communication is important, because otherwise those teens are going to be scolded by the nannies. And they deserve it.

3. Just because you're good with infants doesn't mean you'll be good with toddlers. Even if you start off well. Just because you didn't do so well with the infant doesn't mean you'll do badly with the toddler. Maybe you'll finally find your stride.

4. Every guy should be a stay-at-home parent at least one day. It'll show them how hard it is and how much work is really being done while they aren't there.

5. It's not going to get any easier from here.

6. Birthday parties should consist of a least a little more than kids running around playing and a birthday cake. Presents should be included too.

Anything you've learned?

Housework

After taking a couple of weeks to do almost nothing to help my shoulder heal, I now have a lot of housework to catch up on. It's kept me kind of busy the past two days. In fact, I need to go do another load of dishes right now.

How is it that even when we don't use many dishes, they pile up so quickly?

Unintentionally Funny

I'm sitting in my house, listening to the party shuffle on my iTunes, and checking to see if I need to delete something because it's popping up too much and I ran into the most funny unintentional song pairing.

I Don't Need You by Kenny Rogers
All I Ever Need is You by Kenny Rogers


Yeah, that order makes sense...

(Yes, I listen mostly to country music, but I'm fairly sure I've mentioned it before).

TTFN!

Things I Refuse to Talk About

I'll talk about almost anything with almost anyone. I'm not shy about revealing most things to others. But there are a few things I refuse to talk about with anyone except Ace, and I don't normally talk to him about them.

1. Politics - I don't care about the Presidential race and politics as a whole bore me. I think the government is too large and has gotten too involved in things that don't concern it, but I'm not sure exactly how to fix the problem, so I just leave it alone for now.

2. Religion - I have very deep beliefs that I will discuss one on one, but I'm not going to preach those beliefs to others, especially not here. You have the right to believe what you believe, and I'm not really convinced I could change your beliefs if we disagreed (nor would I necessarily care to try).

3. Finances - I'll not share my financial situation, because frankly I don't care to think on this subject either. Plus, most of the people who want to know don't really need the information, they are just nosy.

I think that's pretty much it, which slightly bothers the part of me that likes even numbers, but because I'm fairly open, there isn't really anything else to add.

So, now I've opened up, a little, about things I won't open up about. And that will just have to do you on those topics for, well, a good long time.

TTFN!

Writing

I have an odd history with writing. I didn't like to write while I was in school, mainly because it was forced and I had little to do with the whole thing. I hate being forced to do things.

While I was in college, I kind of enjoyed the idea of writing a book. I went so far as to start writing one, and even had most the plot figured out (names, character traits). And then I just stopped. I found something "better" to do.

I originally started a blog so that I could comment on pictures of my cousin's children. She didn't allow comments from people who weren't registered with blogger, and I didn't feel like it was too much of an imposition to register and create a blog so that I could tell her that her children were cute.

Lately, I've been trying to figure out how I feel about writing. I enjoy writing here, telling stories or ranting about things or just sharing my opinion, but if I felt like there was some big, huge obligation in writing, I would probably feel frustrated and stifled and I'd write less often.

I'm not sure where my relationship with writing will go in the future, but I'm sure its not anywhere near done. Especially since I've been more interested in grammar and writing. But, I'm fairly sure of this, it will have more ups and downs than I'd like over the rest of my life.

TTFN!

I've Lost Track

I know that sometime rather soon (I think) I'm supposed to start my period, but I've kind of lost track as to when that is. I blame the dog (he hurt my shoulder, which is easier to keep track of).

So, yeah, I'm just waiting and wondering if I'm going to start my period and when. Because I am completely lost on when that's supposed to happen.

But I'm enjoying everything until it happens. And taking some advantage of having an arm that I can't use for heavy things (not to the detriment of my marriage, I've got a good working brain). Basically, I'm asking Ace to do a few extra things around here.

And now I'm off to do something else that I may lose track of. Just because I can.

TTFN!

What I've Learned from "The Baby Borrowers" Part 2

This is a short list, because I didn't learn a whole lot more this week, but here we go.

1. Some of those teenagers did better than it seemed like they would on the first episode. Some of them didn't seem to really care, which is just a shame.

2. Teenage girls don't necessarily have any better relationships with their mothers than I do (actually, they probably do, even if they don't act like it).

3. There was at least one couple that I barely remember seeing (Jordan and Sasha, where have you guys been?). What's up with that? Because even when things are going fairly well, they've shown the other couples.

4. The nannies seemed to stay off camera as much as possible, which was interesting.

5. Is it time for the next episode yet? (I guess I didn't really learn that, I'm just wondering what's going to happen next.

What have you learned so far?

Amusement

While we were visiting my dad, we got to see a show called Mobile Home Disaster. I enjoy watching it, because it is similar to Extreme Home Makeover. Only it doesn't usually make me tear up or cry as much.

It's also amusing to see everyone "bicker" with each other. I'm fairly sure that most of the bickering is just for the camera. I would imagine that there is some true arguing that goes on, but most of the shown arguing is just for laughs.

So, I'm watching it and feeling amused. And when this episode is over, I'll probably watch last Wednesday's Baby Borrowers. Maybe tomorrow I'll share what I've learned in the fist two weeks of the Baby Borrowers (if I learn anything new).

What's been amusing you lately?

A Day Mostly Off

I try, at least once a week, to have a day where I don't have to do anything. Usually this day falls on Sunday (it's just the easiest day to not do any housework for some reason).

Ace probably feels like I spend too much time not doing anything, but I think he's okay with me taking today off for the most part. I moved some stuff from one spot in the house to the other, and it ended up being too heavy for my shoulder right now. So, I'm back to trying to let my shoulder heal, even though I feel frustrated about it.

What gets me is I've lifted heavier things while I was working for Bath and Body Works (because it was mostly their products). Darn shoulder.

I'm going to go back to relaxing now.

TTFN!

Sometimes Words Are Not Enough

I struggle within myself to define who I am. The words I can easily ascribe to myself don't seem to be enough. Because saying I am a woman or I am a housewife (or even just I am a wife), doesn't seem to truly describe who I am deep inside.

Saying that I am a reader doesn't fully do me or the books I read justice (not that I read just one specific type of book). Saying that I want to be a mother doesn't really give the emphasis that it should on how I feel about it.

Sometimes, words just aren't enough, but they are all I have. And so, I make the best I can of the situation.

Have words ever been not enough for you?

I Can Legally Drive Again

Or: How I Stressed Myself Out for No Reason for 3 Days

Sunday night/extremely early Monday morning, Ace and I went to Wal-Mart to do our shopping. When we checked out, I suddenly realized that our licenses expire at the end of Monday and we needed to go get that taken care of.

Monday, we go to a local tag agency (because that's where you go to renew your license in OK). There is a fairly long line, but it ends up moving decently fast. The last three people in front of me (who actually got to get their licenses in process) are waiting for the licenses to print out. I go through everything and move to a bench to join those who are waiting. Ace, who was right behind me, also gets through with everything.

Then they spent at least the next 30 minutes trying to get the printer to work and print off the 5 licenses that are in queue. And they work on it. And they work on it. And then they call whoever fixes the machines when they are down and see if they can fix it that way (no, they can't). They end up sending everyone home who was still in line and giving the three of us who were still there waiting our old licenses and our money/checks back (actually, I don't know how it turned out with the other guy there, we left after we got our checks back). Ace decides that we aren't going to go wait in line at another tag agency, we'll just come back to this one tomorrow.

Tuesday, Ace calls the tag agency to find out if the printer is fixed. We're told not yet. We, unfortunately for us, have someone coming to try to fix our problems with our printer/external hard drive (and no, I won't post about that later, because I'd like to just forget all about it). When he leaves, after we eat, we go back to the tag agency to try to renew our licenses. We're told we have to have our certified birth certificates to do so (they couldn't have mentioned this Monday?). I have to get mine out of our safety deposit box at the bank (I grabbed a certified copy of the marriage license too, just in case). Ace has to find out if his parents have a certified copy, because the copy they gave us isn't certified (they didn't, and then we went shopping at Sam's, which is totally unrelated). I post about what I will write about soon.

Wednesday, Ace calls to find out what he needs to get a certified copy of his birth certificate (his license, and some knowledge about some of the facts on the birth certificate, including how to spell his parents full birth names). We go by and pick up 2 copies (somewhat long line, but he filled out the form while we were waiting). I had to remind him to get his old license before we left. Then we went back to the tag agency (we've been there 3 days now, in their 4 day work week). There is no line, just someone standing in a bad spot. We get our licenses quickly, as we now have all the right data to prove we are US citizens (born, although we've both lived in the US all of our lives, the state of Oklahoma doesn't care). Ace comments that my picture looks just like the one on my old license (except I'm not wearing my glasses), and I wonder if this all would have happened if I'd just worn a red shirt on Monday.

So, I can legally drive and am not having problems sleeping through the night anymore (except when we forget to close the office door and the phone rings).

And believe me, I'm hoping in 4 years, we'll remember to renew our licenses in February when we have to get the new tag for Serenity, because, as we so helpfully learned, you can renew your license up to 6 months early (Ace just wants to know why they don't send our reminders for licenses like they do for car tags. I do too.).

Have you recently stressed yourself out for no reason? If so, why?