The Hilarity of Spam Part 4

I know I've been quiet lately (which isn't really all that like me), but I've been sorting out myself emotionally. And I haven't wanted to talk about it. I still don't, so instead, we're going to look at my spam.

>Dear Sir,

Oh. So wrong. At least you guessed, that puts you one up on my other spam.

>This mail is from the FBI/INTER-POLICE UK, pardon me to start by saying >God have come to your rescure.Our mission is to help protect you, we just >recieved a mail from the FBI UNITED KINGDOM that they have catch the >people involve in the internet fraud business which your email was one of >the email address that was given to them as a victim. Well, from all >indication, you are to contact them on their email address below for more >information and to know when to send your recovered money back to you.

This is new. Supposedly they want to give me money back. Except, I never sent any money to anyone. Also, the FBI doesn't have jurisdiction in the UK. Also, the spelling is bad, very bad (What is rescure? I know what word they mean, but that's not the word they used.). Plus, I think they just said that I have to send my recovered money back to me (maybe?).

>Name Desmond Carl
>Email fbilondoninterpoldep@9.cn
>Please they are awaiting your mail immediately.

Keep waiting. It won't be coming. Since I've never sent money to anyone that I met by e-mail.

>Regards
>FBI

I'm hurt. This time the e-mail wasn't from Robert Mueller 111. It's like he's given up on me (without ever sending those FBI agents to my residence). If you're angry with me, Robert, we can make up. I'm not like that anymore. I'll never make fun of you again. After all, you're from the future, right? You know that I won't, because I didn't in your past. Why don't you love me anymore, Robert? (and scene)


>----------------------------------------------------------------
>Correo Electronico, Gobierno del Distrito Federal.

Yeah, that makes the whole thing more convincing, doesn't it?

Oh, spammers. You never learn. You're never convincing, even when offering me "recovered" money. On the plus side, this was the short spam I've been sent from the "FBI".

White Chrismtas

Ace and I noticed last night that it was snowing. This morning, with the sun up, it's easy to see that it's still snowing some, but the flakes are tiny.

The ground is covered in white, but it's not exactly coated. Looking out our window, I still see plenty of ground cover still sticking out of the top of the snow.

Still, it's a white Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone.

How I Succeeded in Annoying Myself Needlessly

Once a month, I have gotten cramps. Bad ones. Bad enough to make me take medicine to avoid the irrational side of me that comes out when I'm hurting (although, even the not so bad cramps bring out the irrational side of me).

So, in order to not snap at people irrationally, I take Midol and I feel better. Except for when I got up today. Instead, I was overly focused on getting a couple of errands done quickly that I didn't take anything before we left. Which meant that I was cranky. And a little too hormonal.

So, we went and got our mail, went by the bank, and headed to buy supplies. At Wal-Mart. 4 days before Christmas. It was an insane plan, but I need these supplies.

We find what I'm looking for (a small package of my preferred brand and size, for much less than I was expecting) and get in the express 20 items or less line. Then, someone gets in line behind us and mentions that it's going to be a wait. Of course it's going to be a wait. It's 4 days until Christmas. Nicely, the line moves fairly quickly (not as fast as it might normally, but it wasn't taking forever). I put down my purchase, the cashier scans it and asks how we are (since Ace was with me). We gave the appropriate and correct answer of fine.

In the car, we wondered about why he asked how we were (other than to be generally nice). Obviously it's not great. We're going out to a crowded store the week of Christmas to buy supplies for my period. I'm not happy because I'm on my period (and my pants were tighter than my stomach wanted them to be) and Ace isn't happy because there is no sex when I'm on my period (I don't generally want to be touched the first few days of my period, much less think of sex). It was a stupid question given that we had only the one item.

And now I sound cranky again.

Startling

Ace and I have shifted our schedule to where we're going to bed around 8 am and getting up around 4 pm (give or take a few hours).

Today, around 1 pm, the fire alarm went off. Not surprisingly, we were startled out of sleep by it. Since we are currently staying in a hotel, we followed their instructions to call down to the front desk (since there was no fire in our room). It turns out that they were working on the system and tripped the alarm and couldn't turn it off right away.

Now, while the alarm was going off, Ace and I got dressed. Then, he started combing his hair and I emptied my bladder. Neither of us was particularly concerned about a need to get out quickly, which was good since there was no fire. In fact, the only thing I wondered about was if my ears would be okay (that alarm is loud, in case people are heavy sleepers, I suppose).

Ace decided to stay up for a while, because of the adrenalin rush. I, however, went back to sleep even though I knew that there was a possibility of the fire alarm being tripped again (it wasn't). So far, he has been up since then, but he may take a nap in a little while.

And now I must go, I've got other things to do and pay attention to.

TTFN!

The Hilarity of Spam Part 3

Okay, this is beginning to be this thing here. How many different e-mails from the "FBI" can I post? I'm not sure what else to say about it, but they keep being funny. And pure spam mail.

>Attention:
>ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
>FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
>FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
>J.. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
>935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Um, I'm not the FBI headquarters. Neither is the e-mail address you keep spamming.

>Contact Rev.John smith: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com for more >information.

Information about what?

>Attention,

No name at all. Darn, I've gone back down in their opinion.

>Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to >receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, >Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the >past you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been >impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, >Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, >Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau >of Investigation. The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet >Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center >(IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result >of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us. We >have negotiat

1. If I've ever heard of any of these names, it's from other spam e-mails.
2. Could you get more generic than Ben of FedEx (which Ben?)? Also, I don't know anyone named Ben that works at FedEx.
3. They stopped mid-sentence, no clue why.
4. Which country supposedly wants to give me money now?

>Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like >you who have received their payment successfully. Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS Tracking >Number: 1Z757F991598420403 (www.ups.com) Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS >Tracking Number: 1Z757F991596606592 (www.ups.com) To redeem your fund you are >hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and >procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on >your behalf which will cost you $350.00 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything >else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and >clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $350.00 only.

I deleted the names. No clue who those people may be, but they don't deserve to be mentioned here (if they are real). Also, wouldn't the "ATM Card Center" pull $350 out of the amount they are sending me? Why wouldn't the "Federal Government" (which country?) cover that last bit too? At least they are willing to admit how much they want in this one. But they forgot to tell me how much I would be getting. Sloppy, scammers. I'll never respond with no idea how much money is at stake.

>Contact Information
>Name:Rev.John Smith
>Rev.John Smith Email: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com

"Rev. John Smith" gets no protection, he's obviously part of the scam. Also, could you get a more generic name?

>Do contact Rev.John Smith of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish >him with your details as listed below: Your full Name:Your Address:Home Phone:Cell >Phone:Occupation:Age: On contacting him with your details your files would be updated and he >will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $350 >via Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant >and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order. After which the delivery of your ATM card will >be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any >authority raising eyebrow.

Yeah, no one else will wonder about you suddenly having money (especially not the IRS). And if they have my cell number, why do they need my home number?

>Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 >working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back >guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shipment Confirmation within the next 24hrs >after you have made the payment for shipping. Once again we are so sure of you receiving your >payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in >other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors. Thanks and hope to read from >you soon.

What does "other to cub cyber crime" mean? Are they trying to curb cyber crime? Why is the word other in there? What do they mean?

>Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of >your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Rev.John Smith of the ATM >card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any >emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it >immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

I'm hereby advice, how am I advice? I don't feel like advice, I feel like a person. How do I forward e-mail to a fax number? And what fax number? It's like they aren't even trying!

>Regards
>Robert Mueller 111
>FBI Director

This man obviously has no other important business as the director of the FBI than to e-mail random citizens (who he doesn't identify) with attempts to help them get money from overseas (read scam them out of money). Also, he still can't figure out that three 1s does not equal the third (Is he the one hundred and eleventh Robert Mueller from sometime in the future?).

>Note: Contact Rev.John smith: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com for more information >within 24 hours.
>Contact the ATM CARD center within 24 hours to receive your ATM CARD or else the FBI will >visit you at home.

So, if I don't take money from overseas, the FBI will visit me (even though they may not know where I'm at)? What for? Are they bringing me a big check? Are they acting as enforcers for this Rev. John Smith? Will they look like Seely Booth from Bones?

Why is that these e-mails always leave me with more questions that answers?

Dads are Human Too

I can remember, with clarity, the first time I realized my dad was human with regards to health concerns. Not the date, just the instance. I was 12 (I think) and he was starting to have neck issues from his football playing days when he was in high school. The way they were showing up was as bad migraines that had him lose track of time. It was the first and only time I ever was truly afraid of my dad.

He had neck surgery, got some vertebra fused together, and he was back to his old self (if not being able to turn his head as much). And my fears were relieved. I got to forget that my dad had health problems for a while.

This year has reminded me, once again, that my dad is human and that someday, he won't be here any more. I'm hoping for that day to be a long time away. He helps some by joking that only the good die young so he'll live forever (not that he's really bad, he just likes to pretend he's tougher than he is), and that chicks dig scars. Of course, that only does so much good before I'm wanting to just sit and watch him and make sure he's really okay.

My biggest frustration lately with Ace and I not having kids yet is that I want them to know my dad for as long as possible. This year had been reminding me that I've only got him around for so long (and I don't know how long that is). I can tell he's ready for grandchildren too, he's getting to play pretend grandpa with a friend's daughter (to her, he's like an uncle, but he's clearly pretending she's his grandkid until he gets one of his own).

It's hard emotionally, this realizing that my dad is human and that he won't be here forever. That someday I'll probably be attending his funeral. That he won't be here to buy me Mickey Mouse pajama pants forever.

Sorry this isn't very cheerful or seasonably appropriate. It's just what's on my mind today. And now I think I'll go give Ace a hug and remind him that we do have plans to get out of our room today. I think I really need that piece of free chocolate right now.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

So, Ace and I have been leaving the TV off. It's been good, for the most part. Except that I'm not getting the feeling it's almost Christmas, because I'm not watching any of the shows I'm used to. And I probably won't get to see Frosty the Snowman (who I love to watch), because it'll be shown on Friday at a time when we have church.

So, right now, even though my brain knows it's nearing Christmas, it feels like it could be any time of the year that is cold (like January). It's like this weird disconnect inside my brain.

I miss watching all those shows I've seen for years (over 25). I'm not saying it's a bad thing to not watch them, I just miss them. Listening to Christmas music on CDs just isn't cutting it, as I could listen to those CDs any time of the year.

So, any ideas how I can convince myself it's Christmas without turning on the TV or spending money? Because I am just about tapped out of ideas.

I'm Sensing a Theme

Okay, now that all my thoughts have stopped tumbling, I think I'm ready to say something. I don't know how much it will be worth, but it'll be something.

I have a cousin who is a nurse. She recently became a certified acute care nurse practitioner. She works in the critical care unit of some hospital. She wrote about the value and quality of life on her blog. It was an interesting post, and it was a post from a point of view that I'm sure doesn't normally get expressed, that of a care-giver with medical training, mostly seeing people who are dying everyday around them. It was haunting and sad and beautiful. And I could never do it justice trying to explain it.

Shortly after reading that post, I read an update about Anissa Mayhew, who is slowly recovering from a stroke (her second). I, unfortunately, had never heard of her before that happened. I've read some of her writing since then, and found someone who I could truly respect as a person while laughing at what she has to say. Her husband is keeping all her internet followers (new and old) as up to date as he can while not neglecting Anissa or their three children. I'm happy to say that she is doing better, even if she's got a long way to go before she's fully healthy again.

Then, another short while later, I read about Jenna and her IVF treatments. How Jenna and Joey are hoping that they will be able to celebrate a pregnancy very soon. And, I am hoping that they will too. And I'd say more about Jenna, but every time I ever try, my brain stops and I just wish there were some way for me to give her a hug. Besides, I could never try to retell Jenna's story, because it's her story to tell and she tells it so well.

And it hit me, all these posts jumbling around in my head, they are all about medical stuff and showing how precious life is from three very different points of view. From someone who fights for her patients lives (even as they die), to someone fighting to get back to her normal life, to someone trying to create a new life (or two).

It's reminded me that life is special and fragile. It's reminded me that people are tougher than they look, despite how fragile life is. And it's reminded me that life is worth fighting for.

A Jumbled Metaphor

After taking more than a few days off, I'm back to say that I'm currently without anything important to say.

Right now, after reading the blogs I normally read, I've got several things tumbling around in my head (none really taking up my attention, they're just tumbling around in the background, reminding me they are there). It's like my head is a dryer and these things are just bouncing around in there trying to find where they belong.

Hopefully, before too much longer, I'll have everything sorted out and put away in the right place. But for now, my head is a dryer and my thoughts are tumbling like laundry.

Check in the Mail

After Ace and I got foreclosed upon (something I'm not up to talking about right now, maybe someday), we had to move quickly. Then we had to cancel services with all the utilities and then try to figure out what the next step was.

We found ourselves moving in with my dad and step-mom for a while, then finding we could move to Springfield, MO (where Ace wanted us to move) fairly shortly after.

Today, or probably yesterday, we got a check in the mail from our homeowner's policy. We've gotten a refund from the payment made to them since we are no longer homeowners. This check will cover our rent for the next month in Springfield.

I'm sitting here, trying not to squeal (again) in excitement. We weren't expecting this check, but we are happy to get it. It'll help me relax more knowing what to expect over the next month.

And now I have to go find a bank. Fun!

30 Posts in 30 Days? Easy... or Not

Once again, I have now posted 30 times in 30 days. And once again, I found it to be an interesting exercise. I had things to say most days, but there were a couple of days that I found myself struggling. All I could think was, I have nothing to post because nothing has happened.

I think I have a slight tendency to be dramatic, but other than moving states this has been a rather boring month.

I mean, who wants to hear about our exciting turkey and cheese sandwiches for Thanksgiving? Who wants to know what we discovered about what happens to all the dye in our cheap Kool-Aid knock off when it passes through your body? Not me, although I was here for both those things (I did, however, keep them to myself).

Instead, it was much more exciting to post silly spam mails (I've yet to hear from the FBI, even though it's been 9 days since the e-mail claiming I had 48 hours to contact someone and I might supposedly be a terrorist, or a money launderer, which ever one is scarier). It's been more exciting to talk about books (I finished Snoop. I wish I had more to read of it.).

To some degree, I'm thankful for the calm. After such a chaotic year, it's been rather restful. On the other hand, it made it hard to find things to post about (which is why you got a post where I was talking about doing dishes...).

So, it's been 30 posts in 30 days. I think I may take a day off now. Maybe. Unless something exciting happens today.

Snoop

I've been reading a book called Snoop by Sam Gosling. It's been interesting to read (I have one chapter left to go).

The idea of snooping is that you can find traces of the personality of a person based on the things they leave behind. He's studied bedrooms, offices, and websites (plus read research of people studying other things, like personal interviews or social behavior).

Interestingly, the best place to learn about people is their website. You can find out how open to new ideas they are, how organized they are, to some degree how much of an extrovert they are, and how uptight or nervous they are (I am way watering down what the book has to say, I'd suggest just picking it up and reading it). Websites, however, will not tell you how nice to be around someone is.

Let's see if you can tell me anything about my personality (based on what you've read from my writing). Anyone who's right will get a virtual hug. Anyone who's wrong will also get a virtual hug. And if Dr. Gosling happens to stumble across this, I'd love to know what I'm telling the world with my blog (not that the world is generally reading it), so please let me know.

Selling Cell Phones

Ace and I are selling our old cell phones. Since we can't use them here, and they weren't under contract, we have no problems doing that. We looked online to find someone to buy the phones from us.

We (or rather I) found someone who offered not just to buy the phones from us, but who would also send us a box to send the phones to them in (postage paid, even).

Today, we picked up our mail and we now have a box waiting to go out in the mail Monday with the cell phones in it. Soon, the phones will be on the way to this company (they resell them, or if they can't they recycle them, but they should be able to resell these phones because they are less than a year old).

At least these phones will be useful again, to someone.

Hymns

Lately, I've been going back over old hymns I remember from years and years of singing. I've been looking at what the lyrics say and comparing it to what I know the Bible says.

Some of my favorites, the ones written in the late 1800s, are the ones that follow closest to what the Bible says. That makes me happy, because if I'm singing to or about God, it should be something that agrees with what God said about himself.

Some songs seem to offer comfort to me, as they are familiar at a time when things seem to be so different than what I'm used to. Some songs offer me encouragement, they remind me what God has promised. Some songs surprise me, I find more faith in them than I originally expected to find.

That's not to say that I haven't found some disappointment in looking a hymns too. There are a few too many that seem to have been written based on how people expect life to be, because of what they are seeing, instead of what the Bible tells them life should be. The writers seem to not have much faith in God doing what he said (or much faith in God, period). It doesn't seem right that those songs have found their way into the mix with songs full of faith and God's word.

I know that I've been talking about God a lot lately. Part of it is posting every day this month. I'm finding that I'm posting about what I've been focusing on, which has been the Bible. Part of it is the fact that I've been focusing on the Bible. I've been stirring myself up in my most holy faith and it's come shining out.

And I think I like that. It's what seems right for right now. Maybe we all need a little more light in a world that seems determined to drown us in darkness. Maybe it's God, trying to reach out and touch someone (probably me).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is a day to be thankful, so I'm going to write (or type) out a list of things I'm thankful for having in my life.

1. God. I really shouldn't have to explain this any more than that, should I?

2. Ace. My love. My sweetheart. The man who does very little for me to ever complain about (seriously, the only real strong complaint has to do with socks, and it's just because I have issues with dirty socks). The man who can make me laugh when all I want to do is cry. The only person I'd want to live in a somewhat small hotel room for more than a night or two with.

3. Hot water. Oh, how I'm loving having hot water again. I've had more baths to soak since we got here than I ever have in a month before. It's still a wonderful and exciting thing to have. I kind of hope that it always will be, so I remember to be thankful for it.

4. Time. Right now, it feels like we've got nothing but time. Time to play games, time for sex, time for sleep, time to listen to good preaching and teaching.

5. New experiences. Ever since we've moved to Springfield, everything seems like it's new and different. Even the things I'm used to us doing or having. And that's nice right now.

And that is just a short list of things that I'm grateful for today (there are other things, but these are the ones I'm willing to share currently).

Why I Don't Judge Most People

I don't like the idea of being judged. I, in my own mind, feel like I am being judged by everyone around me, even though I'm fairly sure most people don't pay any attention to me.

I got reminded last night why it's a good thing not to judge others. I don't know their hearts or their intentions behind their actions. Since I don't know why they do something, I am unable to judge them effectively. I don't know what all they thought their options were, which would make judging someone even harder.

I'm not perfect about this, I know. If I were, I would probably still be talking to my mother, at least a little bit. But I know how her decisions have effected me, so I find it harder to look for good intentions behind some of her actions (mostly the intentions behind her harsh words).

So, I'm trying to be better about this. I'm trying to realize that some people have messed up thinking and intentions that I'll never understand. I'm trying to remember that just because I don't understand why someone is doing something doesn't mean that they have bad intentions or bad logic.

I'm trying not to judge others. And usually, I succeed. Maybe the world would be better if we could all do this. Maybe.

Friendships Come and Go but the Love Still Lingers

My cousin has a post up that has be bothering my head since I first saw it towards the beginning of the month. She mentions that if she's ever loved you for a second she'll love you forever.

It's not that I don't believe that, it's just that I don't think she and I would see eye-to-eye on how to show friends that love. All the various friends I've had over the years, the ones that were there at the time I needed them, but that I've not kept in touch with, seem to come to my mind when I read that. It's not that I don't still care for these friends. If I saw them, I would definitely greet them warmly and ask them about how they are and truly care to know the answer.

It's just that I understand how you don't always need to keep the same people as friends for the rest of your life. You aren't always going to be as close to those people as you once were. Sometimes, you need the friend for a time and it's time to let each other go. It's not that you stop caring, it's just that you are in different stages in life. Sometimes those stages just don't allow your former closeness to remain.

The hardest lesson I learned after Ace and I married was that I was no longer the same person with the same concerns as I had been 6 months earlier when I was just engaged. The people I had spent 3 or 4 years being close friends with weren't at the point that they could see things the same way I was now seeing them, because they didn't have a spouse whose input was just as important as their own when making decisions. It hurt to find that these people who I thought I'd be friends with for at least a while longer were people I could no longer fully relate to. And while we could use a shorthand for inside jokes, it wasn't really going to be the same. It was time to start making new friends with people in the same stage of life I was now in.

I'd love to know that all those friends are happy, but the past friendships, no matter how near and dear to my heart, weren't enough to make me stay in contact. I realized that they were important to me, but they were in my past. Still loved, memories still cherished, but the relationships times had passed.

Dishes

If there is one chore I will gladly put off as long as possible, it is folding laundry. The only other chore I knowingly put off is washing dishes.

It's not that I just hate either chore. I'd just as soon not do them as my back tends to hurt by the time I'm done. And not surprisingly, I dislike causing myself pain.

Today, besides being a day I need to do laundry, I did dishes. Of course, just because I did dishes doesn't mean that I'm going to fold my laundry (I like my clothes clean, I like them being put away, it's just the step in the middle that I dislike so much).

While my back is now somewhat sore, it didn't actually take too long to do the dishes (which is nice, since I have to wash them all by hand). What made the task more pleasant was having warm water to wash the dishes in (cold water and hand-washing dishes do not go pleasantly hand-in-hand). The orange-scented dish soap didn't hurt either.

As I was stacking the dishes in the dish strainer thing (what is that called? I can't be bothered with looking it up just now), I was finding myself pleased that I'd actually done the dishes today like I had planned before I fell asleep last night (I originally intended to do them yesterday, but that plan didn't come to fruition).

And now I've bored you, dear readers, because I felt the need to talk about doing dishes. I've really got to get a more exciting life. But not too exciting, after all I'm liking the calm I've been feeling lately.

And now, I find I've run out of things to say about dishes (and my life, or lack of one). So, I think I'll find something else to occupy my time until I determine that it's time to do laundry.

Light and Easy

Today has been a good day. Today, Ace and I got up way earlier than I wanted to and went to church. We got to sit nice and close to the front, so there wouldn't be anyone distracting us.

And then, when we could have let the sermon seem like it was stepping on our toes, we instead looked at it as a gentle reminder of what we need to be doing so that our toes don't need stepping on.

Church lead to a nice discussion on the way home and a chance to work on forgiving Christians who have hurt us in the past, as we need to not carry hurt and anger around. It lead to us talking about our faith and how we've continually trusted God even when we were shaky on trusting Christians we didn't know very well. And how we feel like we can trust other Christians at our new church.

And then we spent a good portion of the afternoon playing World of Warcraft (Ace is still playing, which doesn't surprise me at all). And now I'm sitting here thinking that this has been a great day. We could use more days like this. And the only reason I don't feel like we have them is because of me focusing on the wrong things.

Today has been light and easy. Just as it should be.

The Hilarity of Spam Part 2

Okay, this time I'm going to do something different. I'm going to comment within the e-mail itself. We'll see how it goes. If a line starts with > then it is from the e-mail. If there isn't anything at the start, it's a comment from me.

>Attention:
>ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
>FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
>FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
>J.. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
>935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
>TELEPHONE: 206 984 0470

Right address, wrong phone number. It's not that hard to find out the FBI's phone number on their site ((202)324-3000, not sure if the FBI has an anti-terrorist and monitory crimes division).

>Attention:

>BENEFICIARY,

They're calling me something this time, guess I should be impressed. Except it isn't a name, so it's like addressing the e-mail to Occupant.

>Funds, you are to contact the ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION >(EFCC)London, England to obtain the above required document, find below their contact >information's:

No mention of documents, no clue what they could be referring to. The documents the FBI wanted me to send last time (the ones the FBI could find on their own)? A copy of my marriage license? A copy of my driver's license?

>Contact Person: Mr.James Parker

>PRINCIPAL STAFF OFFICER ECONOMIC AND FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION (EFCC)
>Email: jamesparker@efcc-staffmails.org

Please don't try e-mailing this address. I have no idea if it's legitimate, but I doubt it. If it is, you would just be annoying some guy who doesn't know what you're talking about.

>Lagos Office Address 15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, London,England

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Lagos in Nigeria, not London, England? I know there are thing called embassies, but I'm fairly sure they have addresses that match the type of the city they are in.

>Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law together with the FBI rules and >regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC OF London,England where the fund >was transfer from. Also Note that you are to take care of the cost of the Document, which will >be issued in your name. due to the content of the document and how important and secured the >document is, you as the beneficiary will send to the EFCC OF ENGLAND the sum of >Usd250Dollars only for the issuing of the document right away and your Usd1.5 million will be >release to you, That is the lay down rules for EFCC OF NIGERIA to release such sensitive >document, EFCC will issue you the authentic and original copy of the documents with seal on it >for verification and approval.

The lack of spaces after commas on place names is starting to bother me. And at least this time there is some money being sent somewhere mentioned. It's still not a believable scam, but it's better than last time. Apparently the document they want is $250. Um, wouldn't they be willing to pull it from the $1.5 million they are holding? It's not like I wouldn't expect them to do that.

>You are here by advice to Contact them through the email address above to make an enquiry >concerning how you will send the official fee to them. Note that you are to observe this >immediately, if you really want your funds to be credited to your personal bank account and to >avoid any legal battle with the security operatives over this matter... We have already >informed the EFCC OF ENGLAND about the present situation, go ahead and contact them >immediately. Your fund is under our custody and will not be release to you unless the required >document is confirmed, after that the fund will be release to you immediately without any >delay.

They misspelled inquiry, which means they didn't spell check this thing. We also have the odd capitalization and slightly off wording to point out that the writer doesn't speak English as their first language (at least, not American English). And I'll be happy to take that legal battle. My lawyers will be wondering what they were smoking when coming up with this plan to steal $250 from me while threatening me with jail. Or rather, threatening Beneficiary with jail.

>NOTE: We have asked for the above document to make available the most complete and up-to >date records possible for no criminal justice purposes. The documents will clarify the intensity >of this fund; exonerate it from money laundry, scam and terrorism

Again, you never mentioned any document. Just the $250 that any government would be happy to dip into the $1.5 million they are holding to take, if it were a legitimate thing. And how intense is this fund? It's crazy intense.

>WARNING: failure to provide the above requirement in the next 48 hours, legal action will be >taken immediately by arresting and detaining you as soon as international court of justice >issues a warrant of arrest, if you are found guilty, you will be jailed....... As terrorism, drug >trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today and the world at >large. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and prosecuting any criminal who >indulges in this criminal act. FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL a respecter of anybody. We presumed you are law abiding citizen whom would not want have >scuffles with the authority, in and outside America.

So, I could go to jail for not following up with this? Let me get right on that. And if this document (this mystery document) is so important and hard to get, why would you want me to send it as an e-mail attachment? They have made presumptions about Beneficiary too. How dare they! Apparently they don't believe this presumptions any more though.

>We are charged with the responsibility of implementing legal norms and our authority is >irrevocable so dont dare dispute our instruction, just act as instructed.The person you know >will not help you in this matter rather abide by this instruction. the funds inquestion was >depsited by those people that contacted you.

Um, dude. The FBI, while policing America for the federal government is not the end all be all of law enforcement (I respect the FBI, I'm just saying that this statement of irrevocable authority is BS). Also, my lawyers would definitely be able to help me if I were arrested, it's one of my rights as a citizen of this country. And how do you depsite something?

>Faithfully Your's

It's yours, not your's.

>Robert S.Mueller 111

What's up with the ones? It should be III, for the third. The real Robert S. Mueller III would know that!

>FBI Director

Because the man has nothing better to do than harass beneficiaries all day?

>CC. TO:

>Supreme Court of the United States
>U. S. Courts of Appeals
>U. S. District Courts
>U. S. Circuit Courts
>Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
>Bankruptcy Courts
>Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
>U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
>Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
>U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
>U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
>Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
>Territorial Courts
>Courts of the District of Columbia
>Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
>Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
>Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court
>Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary

I love how they included the names of courts that just wouldn't care about this kind of thing (Commerce Court, 1910-1913? U.S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910-1982? Customs Court, 1890-1980?). Also, they sent it to all the district courts and then to the courts of the District of Columbia again, just in case.

How do people fall for this stuff? I'd like to know.