Dear World,
You do not get to define me. I am much more than your limited views of me would suggest. I am not just anything, except for just me.
Because you do not know me, you cannot tell me that I can't have problems because I am a white woman. You cannot tell me that I cannot have problems just because I don't have children to figure out how to feed. Life is hardly ever as simple as outward causes for mental problems.
You cannot tell me that my husband can't potentially have problems because he is a white man. That his weight is where it is simply because he's lazy. That he doesn't care about me intensely because you don't see him doing whatever you think shows his care.
You can't tell me that everyone is hurting and then expect that everyone is fine emotionally. That someone who outwardly has their life together can't be lost inwardly. That depression only affects those whose lives have obvious complications and the rest of us are just weak or lazy or overly emotional.
You can't tell me that depression only attacks when things are bad. That I've never felt fine emotionally when things were at their bleakest from the outside and barely able to semi-function when things were starting to get better because it suddenly attacked with every trick in it's demented book.
You can't tell me that I'm the only one that's happened to.
Stop telling women that if they don't look like this celebrity or that supermodel that they are fat, unhealthy, and worthless. Too many of us take it to heart and it causes more problems. Quit implying that any woman who has any noticeable body fat anywhere is overweight and needs to diet and exercise. Quit implying that every man finds your insane standards of beauty to be the only standards that are acceptable. Quit lying to us all.
Quit acting like who someone loves is more important than that they have someone they love. That only one religion could possibly have the answers to everyone's questions. That just because I go to this church instead of that one that I am going to Hell because God is so narrowly strict on who he accepts. Quit denying that the Bible says that God wants to save as many people as He can. Quit telling me, without words but with attitudes, that I am going to Hell for any minor wrong and that I've got to be careful to never have a bad day (but apparently judging people based on their sins is okay, despite what the Bible says).
Quit trying to pigeon-hole everyone. Let us all be as free to be ourselves as we want to be. Let us be individuals or a group based on our social understanding and let us label ourselves.
Quit labeling women with negative words when they do things that a man would be praised for. Quit acting like a woman's worth is tied into being perfect at all things at all times while a man's is tied into what he earns. Quit acting like my opinion on anything might be less than my husband's because I am female and he is male.
I think it is time we all grow up and treat each other as we would want to be treated. Let's try that for a while, instead of judging and labeling everyone for convenience.
We are all more than most people see from the brief glimpses we get into each other's lives. Maybe we should try to respect that more.
Love,
M.A. Smith
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Exhausted Rambling
I would love to say that things are going swimmingly over here. They are going pretty well, but today has been long and I'm tired and sore and cold (Pennsylvania is cold in February, especially right after a snow storm, spread the news).
Ace got a load today that we drove 20 miles, maybe? Before he got 5 miles from the shipper, we got a call that he needed to head back. But we had to wait, somewhat, for a call from his dispatcher (because the first call was from someone else) and now we've been waiting for over an hour for getting into a door for them to unload the load they just put on the trailer and...
It's nothing big. We're getting paid well for that short trip. But it just made half the day feel pointless and I already had problems with not wanting to get up this morning.
I just want to wake up and not feel tired. That is where I'm at today.
Tomorrow, we get to be up and have the truck moving by about 6 am to make it to our next pick up on time. And I'm feeling like I've not been getting enough sleep for the past month (I really have, but it's been not so great sleep). And it sucks and I'm whining and feeling annoyed about that.
Things are going well. This is a small issue and I'm not getting depressed over it. I'm just ready for the day to be done. Because I think Ace is coming down with my cold/sinus gunk/whatever, which strangle came back when we got to colder weather. And I just need one of us to be okay right now and it doesn't seem like it's going to be me.
I'm just glad I have my blanket to wrap around me and help me feel like something is going... at least not completely pear-shaped. And I'll get to lay down and sleep soon, I know. I'm just ready to be past soon (and to have some heat warming my toes).
Ace got a load today that we drove 20 miles, maybe? Before he got 5 miles from the shipper, we got a call that he needed to head back. But we had to wait, somewhat, for a call from his dispatcher (because the first call was from someone else) and now we've been waiting for over an hour for getting into a door for them to unload the load they just put on the trailer and...
It's nothing big. We're getting paid well for that short trip. But it just made half the day feel pointless and I already had problems with not wanting to get up this morning.
I just want to wake up and not feel tired. That is where I'm at today.
Tomorrow, we get to be up and have the truck moving by about 6 am to make it to our next pick up on time. And I'm feeling like I've not been getting enough sleep for the past month (I really have, but it's been not so great sleep). And it sucks and I'm whining and feeling annoyed about that.
Things are going well. This is a small issue and I'm not getting depressed over it. I'm just ready for the day to be done. Because I think Ace is coming down with my cold/sinus gunk/whatever, which strangle came back when we got to colder weather. And I just need one of us to be okay right now and it doesn't seem like it's going to be me.
I'm just glad I have my blanket to wrap around me and help me feel like something is going... at least not completely pear-shaped. And I'll get to lay down and sleep soon, I know. I'm just ready to be past soon (and to have some heat warming my toes).
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Literary Tattoos on the Brain
I've been fascinated with literary tattoos lately. And this is unsurprising, seeing as I am usually reading several books at once and stories with meaning stick with me and if I enjoy (or don't absolutely hate) getting tattoos, I may consider one someday.
I, somewhat recently, read a book about literary tattoos. Mostly it was looking at pictures of tattoos, but still. It was fascinating. Some people explained their tattoos and some people didn't. One woman wrote a story (or was in the process of writing a story) by having words tattooed on people. Some were tattoos that related to writing more than just being about a specific book. Most of the tattoos were quotes.
I'm not sure there has been something that I've read that I want to put permanently on my body. That, however, is not necessarily going to be true forever.
So far, I'm planning on getting "I am stronger than I think" and "It gets better" tattooed on my wrists (possibly in white). As reminders to myself that dark days don't last and I will get through them. Ace and I have talked about getting matching tattoos, and even potentially picked out what we're getting. Of course, if I don't like the process, that will put a damper on the idea.
I've never thought of myself as someone who gets tattoos, and yet I'm considering getting not just one, but three.
Anyway, none of this is set in stone. But I am fascinated by why people choose the tattoos they choose.
And now I think it's past time I went to bed.
I, somewhat recently, read a book about literary tattoos. Mostly it was looking at pictures of tattoos, but still. It was fascinating. Some people explained their tattoos and some people didn't. One woman wrote a story (or was in the process of writing a story) by having words tattooed on people. Some were tattoos that related to writing more than just being about a specific book. Most of the tattoos were quotes.
I'm not sure there has been something that I've read that I want to put permanently on my body. That, however, is not necessarily going to be true forever.
So far, I'm planning on getting "I am stronger than I think" and "It gets better" tattooed on my wrists (possibly in white). As reminders to myself that dark days don't last and I will get through them. Ace and I have talked about getting matching tattoos, and even potentially picked out what we're getting. Of course, if I don't like the process, that will put a damper on the idea.
I've never thought of myself as someone who gets tattoos, and yet I'm considering getting not just one, but three.
Anyway, none of this is set in stone. But I am fascinated by why people choose the tattoos they choose.
And now I think it's past time I went to bed.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Thankful
One of the things Gretchen Rubin wrote about in The Happiness Project was being grateful. Between that and the book Ace and I are reading about marriage (not the best book as we keep disagreeing with things said in it and our marriage is doing quite well, thank you), I have been thinking about how much I am grateful for how good a husband Ace is.
And they have caused me to reflect that I say "Thank you" to Ace regularly for him holding open doors for me. He prefers it when I let him get doors and I'm happy to let him, as I like it when he holds open doors. I almost always say "Thank you" and I always mean it when I say it. Sometimes it probably sounds like a subconscious statement, but it never is. I always appreciate his being willing to hold a door like a gentleman.
It's also caused me to reflect on the other things about Ace that I'm thankful for. The man takes such good care of me, even when I'm being cranky or grouchy. He cares and it shows. He cares more about our relationship and my well being than I sometimes give him credit for. Mostly when I'm being cranky or grouchy.
I have a wonderful husband who makes it easy to be thankful that he's in my life. He lets me tease him all the time and while he often teases me back, he never gets his feelings hurt by my teasing (not that I'm malicious). He is my hero. And he's very easy to get along with.
So, I am thankful for Ace. And I love him. Enough to make stupid jokes about silly books. And have serious talks about serious subjects. And to make plans for the future.
Thank you for being the best husband ever, Ace. Hopefully I'm at least as good a wife.
And they have caused me to reflect that I say "Thank you" to Ace regularly for him holding open doors for me. He prefers it when I let him get doors and I'm happy to let him, as I like it when he holds open doors. I almost always say "Thank you" and I always mean it when I say it. Sometimes it probably sounds like a subconscious statement, but it never is. I always appreciate his being willing to hold a door like a gentleman.
It's also caused me to reflect on the other things about Ace that I'm thankful for. The man takes such good care of me, even when I'm being cranky or grouchy. He cares and it shows. He cares more about our relationship and my well being than I sometimes give him credit for. Mostly when I'm being cranky or grouchy.
I have a wonderful husband who makes it easy to be thankful that he's in my life. He lets me tease him all the time and while he often teases me back, he never gets his feelings hurt by my teasing (not that I'm malicious). He is my hero. And he's very easy to get along with.
So, I am thankful for Ace. And I love him. Enough to make stupid jokes about silly books. And have serious talks about serious subjects. And to make plans for the future.
Thank you for being the best husband ever, Ace. Hopefully I'm at least as good a wife.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Happiness Is...
I am currently reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (along with 2 other books that I'm reading out loud to Ace as he drives and we're talking about). And it's got me thinking about what I can do to appreciate my life more as it stands.
I started reading it right now because there are several people's blogs talking about depression, and it was getting me depressed (Not that they shouldn't talk about depression, because they should talk about whatever they want to talk about. I just needed to focus on something else after that, and happiness seemed like a good option.). So, I decided to focus on something positive.
It's one of the first nonfiction books I've read in a while. Ace and I have been reading through fiction, which is wonderful, but I like nonfiction too. So, I'm in the middle of 3 nonfiction books at once. (Nicely, they are about 3 different topics, so they are easy to keep straight.)
I'm not unhappy. And I know I could probably be happier in general, but I'm pretty happy with life right now. Things are going well. I can replace my worn out clothes. My bills are paid and we're starting to not feel like our finances are tight. We're going to be paid on over 4,000 miles next week. Life is good.
But I'm doing better emotionally because I am focused on happier things than depression. I pulled myself back to the shore before it could get away from me. I'm doing good.
I am planning on spending some time looking into poetry after I finish The Happiness Project. I've never really appreciated poetry, and I'm going to work on seeing if I can find poems that I like (Besides The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, which has always appealed to me, despite the somewhat dark and depressing subject matter. Maybe it's the meter?).
I'm going to work on growing some. Exploring things. I may not ever love poetry, but I bet I can find some poems that speak to me. And worse case scenario, I waste a few days and find that poetry is truly not something I like. There are worse prospects.
I started reading it right now because there are several people's blogs talking about depression, and it was getting me depressed (Not that they shouldn't talk about depression, because they should talk about whatever they want to talk about. I just needed to focus on something else after that, and happiness seemed like a good option.). So, I decided to focus on something positive.
It's one of the first nonfiction books I've read in a while. Ace and I have been reading through fiction, which is wonderful, but I like nonfiction too. So, I'm in the middle of 3 nonfiction books at once. (Nicely, they are about 3 different topics, so they are easy to keep straight.)
I'm not unhappy. And I know I could probably be happier in general, but I'm pretty happy with life right now. Things are going well. I can replace my worn out clothes. My bills are paid and we're starting to not feel like our finances are tight. We're going to be paid on over 4,000 miles next week. Life is good.
But I'm doing better emotionally because I am focused on happier things than depression. I pulled myself back to the shore before it could get away from me. I'm doing good.
I am planning on spending some time looking into poetry after I finish The Happiness Project. I've never really appreciated poetry, and I'm going to work on seeing if I can find poems that I like (Besides The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe, which has always appealed to me, despite the somewhat dark and depressing subject matter. Maybe it's the meter?).
I'm going to work on growing some. Exploring things. I may not ever love poetry, but I bet I can find some poems that speak to me. And worse case scenario, I waste a few days and find that poetry is truly not something I like. There are worse prospects.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Can I Just Sleep for the Next Week?
I am having a weird day today. I'm not depressed, I don't think. I'm just... emotional? Or something. Other people's emotions are hitting me harder than normal. And I'm way too tired for someone who got plenty of sleep last night.
I am struggling with my own emotions some too.
My grandma is not as well as I'd like (not that I can do anything about that). My laptop, the one that my brain keeps telling me is mine, is supposed to be fixed and waiting in Tulsa, but I don't know when I'll get it (and then I have to add stuff to it all over again).
And people are fighting depression, and I get it and I love the posts about it, but it sort of feels like those posts are dragging me down, unintentionally. And I'd hate to find that talk about depression, even talk about things to pull you out of it, gets me depressed. That undertow would be nasty.
I am finally, after our time off, past my cold. And things are going well, financially, for the first time in years. The laptop thing? A minor blip for a few days. Seriously, we had to watch our spending from Monday until today, and now our bank account looks really nice again. It's been way to long since we've had that kind of financial security.
So, I'm having a weird day. The shoreline is not as steady as I'd like, but I can still see it. I'm not fighting an undertow. And I'm being cautious to keep that from happening.
I am struggling with my own emotions some too.
My grandma is not as well as I'd like (not that I can do anything about that). My laptop, the one that my brain keeps telling me is mine, is supposed to be fixed and waiting in Tulsa, but I don't know when I'll get it (and then I have to add stuff to it all over again).
And people are fighting depression, and I get it and I love the posts about it, but it sort of feels like those posts are dragging me down, unintentionally. And I'd hate to find that talk about depression, even talk about things to pull you out of it, gets me depressed. That undertow would be nasty.
I am finally, after our time off, past my cold. And things are going well, financially, for the first time in years. The laptop thing? A minor blip for a few days. Seriously, we had to watch our spending from Monday until today, and now our bank account looks really nice again. It's been way to long since we've had that kind of financial security.
So, I'm having a weird day. The shoreline is not as steady as I'd like, but I can still see it. I'm not fighting an undertow. And I'm being cautious to keep that from happening.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
(I'm) Colorful
I once had someone tell me that she liked my clothes because I wore lots of colored shirts and she had gotten in the habit of only wearing black and white shirts because of something her ex-mother-in-law had said. That's been in my mind lately, for a good reason.
This past weekend, Ace and I were off the truck for some home time. Which in this case was us sitting in a hotel about three miles from his company's yard and trying to relax/get some things accomplished. One if the things we did was buy me some new clothes. It's been a while since I've done more than replace socks, jeans, shoes, and underwear. My long sleeve shirts show that they've been worn for most of the last decade.
Most of my shirts are very colorful. I like wearing bright, somewhat bold colors. Not because I just love being looked at, but because I like color. Despite the colorful clothes, I usually do a good job of blending into the background when I want. I am content with this, because I usually prefer not being the center of attention. But I like colors and I'm not afraid to wear them.
This extends to nail polish, when I actually wear it. I usually don't wear nail polish, mostly because I'm too lazy to mess with it most of the time and partially because I get annoyed when it starts chipping (which is always way to quickly for my tastes). But when I do go for nail polish, it isn't usually in pinks or reds. I like blue or green or purple or black (from time to time on the black).
One of the things I got was a second hoodie. The one I've been wearing for the last several years is grey. It's a nice, neutral color and I know it goes with everything. My new hoodie is green. It's bold and probably will clash with something at some point, but so far it's been fine (of course, so far I haven't worn red). It's mostly for me to wear when I need to wash the grey hoodie. But I kind of like the bolder color. It's nice in a different sort of sense.
I am M.A. Smith, and I like bold colors. And that is awesome.
This past weekend, Ace and I were off the truck for some home time. Which in this case was us sitting in a hotel about three miles from his company's yard and trying to relax/get some things accomplished. One if the things we did was buy me some new clothes. It's been a while since I've done more than replace socks, jeans, shoes, and underwear. My long sleeve shirts show that they've been worn for most of the last decade.
Most of my shirts are very colorful. I like wearing bright, somewhat bold colors. Not because I just love being looked at, but because I like color. Despite the colorful clothes, I usually do a good job of blending into the background when I want. I am content with this, because I usually prefer not being the center of attention. But I like colors and I'm not afraid to wear them.
This extends to nail polish, when I actually wear it. I usually don't wear nail polish, mostly because I'm too lazy to mess with it most of the time and partially because I get annoyed when it starts chipping (which is always way to quickly for my tastes). But when I do go for nail polish, it isn't usually in pinks or reds. I like blue or green or purple or black (from time to time on the black).
One of the things I got was a second hoodie. The one I've been wearing for the last several years is grey. It's a nice, neutral color and I know it goes with everything. My new hoodie is green. It's bold and probably will clash with something at some point, but so far it's been fine (of course, so far I haven't worn red). It's mostly for me to wear when I need to wash the grey hoodie. But I kind of like the bolder color. It's nice in a different sort of sense.
I am M.A. Smith, and I like bold colors. And that is awesome.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
An Update Mostly on Laptops
The good news is that it turns out that Ace and I had to share a laptop for very little time. And now we'll have a back up laptop if something happens.
The other good news is that even with the hotel, car rental, laptop, clothes (oh yeah, I've got new bits to my wardrobe), and food (for the hotel and the truck), we still have money in our account!
The only bad news is that Ace had to contact his old trucking company to get them to mail out his last paycheck to our mailbox, which was slightly annoying. But they owe him money, which is better than the alternative.
We did have a bit of a misunderstanding with the rental car company about how much car insurance was needed, but we got that straightened out and they didn't charge us extra for my one day of driving it (they were originally going to do that). So, that was wonderful and helped us afford the back up laptop.
I've still got to figure out if this laptop is my laptop or the one I mailed off is and which one will be the back up laptop. But that is much less annoying.
Each laptop is made by a different company and looks different. We kept meaning to get two of the same, but it kept not happening.
So, now we have 3 laptops for the 2 of us, except one is mailed off to Houston to be fixed. But that will be back soon enough.
The other good news is that even with the hotel, car rental, laptop, clothes (oh yeah, I've got new bits to my wardrobe), and food (for the hotel and the truck), we still have money in our account!
The only bad news is that Ace had to contact his old trucking company to get them to mail out his last paycheck to our mailbox, which was slightly annoying. But they owe him money, which is better than the alternative.
We did have a bit of a misunderstanding with the rental car company about how much car insurance was needed, but we got that straightened out and they didn't charge us extra for my one day of driving it (they were originally going to do that). So, that was wonderful and helped us afford the back up laptop.
I've still got to figure out if this laptop is my laptop or the one I mailed off is and which one will be the back up laptop. But that is much less annoying.
Each laptop is made by a different company and looks different. We kept meaning to get two of the same, but it kept not happening.
So, now we have 3 laptops for the 2 of us, except one is mailed off to Houston to be fixed. But that will be back soon enough.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Because Of Course It Is
In an effort to prove that Ace and I really shouldn't share a laptop, my nice, new, under-a-month-old laptop decided that it's hard drive should fail. So, we're sharing a laptop for at least a few days until we can see if my old laptop can used with a monitor and my new laptop can have it's hard drive replaced (that should take about two weeks, because of mailing the laptop off and getting it mailed back).
Thankfully, it should be a fairly quick fix once we mail the laptop off. Whee.
Thank God for my smart phone. It will help tremendously.
I love my husband, who spent over an hour on the phone with tech support (staffed in India) to get this issue as resolved as it already is. The man is awesome. (They kept trying to say they could send a tech out within two to three days, which is nice, but impossible for us on the road. They finally decided that it could be mailed off and they will mail us a box to mail it to them in. Hopefully they got our address right.)
Life is... well, better than it could be. That backup laptop is sounding better and better by the hour.
Thankfully, it should be a fairly quick fix once we mail the laptop off. Whee.
Thank God for my smart phone. It will help tremendously.
I love my husband, who spent over an hour on the phone with tech support (staffed in India) to get this issue as resolved as it already is. The man is awesome. (They kept trying to say they could send a tech out within two to three days, which is nice, but impossible for us on the road. They finally decided that it could be mailed off and they will mail us a box to mail it to them in. Hopefully they got our address right.)
Life is... well, better than it could be. That backup laptop is sounding better and better by the hour.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
I'm Still Alive Even If My Body Says It's Not So Sure
So, it's a new year. And I haven't posted in a month.
December was kind of crappy for me.
My laptop got broken (the screen did) and had to be replaced (which it has). But I don't have everything set up on the new laptop yet because I don't have an unlimited internet connection and all my game cds.
I got a cold that has continued to last for over a week. Right now I have the most pathetic cough when I don't have medication in me. On the plus side, that is about the sum of what is left of the cold.
We had a terrible snow/ice storm pop up when we were on our way to home time and visiting my dad leading to a delay on getting to see them. And the roads in northwest Arkansas do not get plowed nearly thoroughly enough, which made travel slightly tricky once we could get there.
I had meant to post, right about the time my laptop broke. But then it broke and I had to share a laptop with Ace for about a week and we both hated it (we cannot share a laptop, that much is obvious). (We may be getting another laptop as a back up laptop in the nearish future... because we can't do the sharing a laptop thing again and that would keep that from happening.)
And throughout all of that, it was actually not that crappy of a month. Mostly because the stress of dealing with Ace's job was about half that of what it was in the past. Even when we have had stressful situations, I've been past the annoyance with his new company in a matter of hours instead of still shaking my head about it all.
It helps that we had the money to buy a new laptop within a week. Without hurting anything else in our budget. It helps that any annoyances are usually derived from having to drive back highways more than we had been. Which is only annoying when I'm on my period (which seems to be when they are the most popular for us to drive, oddly enough).
Basically, I'm complaining, but my life is actually better. Verifiably so.
Now to just clear up that jury duty issue...
December was kind of crappy for me.
My laptop got broken (the screen did) and had to be replaced (which it has). But I don't have everything set up on the new laptop yet because I don't have an unlimited internet connection and all my game cds.
I got a cold that has continued to last for over a week. Right now I have the most pathetic cough when I don't have medication in me. On the plus side, that is about the sum of what is left of the cold.
We had a terrible snow/ice storm pop up when we were on our way to home time and visiting my dad leading to a delay on getting to see them. And the roads in northwest Arkansas do not get plowed nearly thoroughly enough, which made travel slightly tricky once we could get there.
I had meant to post, right about the time my laptop broke. But then it broke and I had to share a laptop with Ace for about a week and we both hated it (we cannot share a laptop, that much is obvious). (We may be getting another laptop as a back up laptop in the nearish future... because we can't do the sharing a laptop thing again and that would keep that from happening.)
And throughout all of that, it was actually not that crappy of a month. Mostly because the stress of dealing with Ace's job was about half that of what it was in the past. Even when we have had stressful situations, I've been past the annoyance with his new company in a matter of hours instead of still shaking my head about it all.
It helps that we had the money to buy a new laptop within a week. Without hurting anything else in our budget. It helps that any annoyances are usually derived from having to drive back highways more than we had been. Which is only annoying when I'm on my period (which seems to be when they are the most popular for us to drive, oddly enough).
Basically, I'm complaining, but my life is actually better. Verifiably so.
Now to just clear up that jury duty issue...
Monday, December 2, 2013
15 Semi-Christmasy Facts About Me
It's December, which means it's getting closer to Christmas. In the spirit of sharing, I am going to share 15 random things about me that are related to Christmas. Because I like to challenge myself, apparently.
1. I like any type of Christmas song, as opposed to the rest of the year when I seem to almost single mindedly listen to country and little else. In fact, the only song I've found I don't like is Madonna's version of Santa Baby. Give me Eartha Kitt over Madonna any day.
2. My favorite Christmas special is Frosty the Snowman. I have no idea why, but it's the one I like the most.
3. It doesn't feel like Christmas time until I've heard "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas". The morning radio show I spent most of my teenage years listening to played it every December. (One of my cousins once asked for a hippopotamus for Christmas, but she was happy for it to be a stuffed one. We found one.)
4. I know all the words to the B.C. Clark jingle. It's a jewelry store in Oklahoma City, and they have their own Christmas/anniversary jingle. I've never been to one of their stores.
5. I will happily spend a month watching TV specials I've seen 20+ times before. I'm kind of sad that I've not gotten to do that the past few years.
6. While I could easily listen to Christmas music almost non-stop (with enough variety), I understand that it would drive my husband crazy, so I only listen as reasonably possible.
7. Even though I haven't believed in Santa bringing me gifts since I was 10, I still find myself believing in Santa during the holiday specials.
8. I would love to have a white Christmas.
9. I love picking out gifts for people. I hate not knowing what people would like.
10. When I have a tree, it will be covered in a fairly eclectic mix of ornaments. I've already started looking up ornaments online to find ones I like.
11. I prefer the multi-color lights to the plain white ones. Christmas lights should be colorful, in my opinion. (Although, I have seen some lovely houses that just used white lights for decorating.)
12. While I believe that Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving, I'd prefer to wait another week or two after that to put up a tree.
13. Last year, Ace and I gifted ourselves with a GPS for our truck. It's been one of the best investments we've made.
14. Last year was the first time Ace and I were apart on Christmas since we got married.
15. I'm not sure what our plans are for this Christmas, but it's looking likely that we'll be on the road.
Well, that ended up kind of maudlin. I apologize for that.
1. I like any type of Christmas song, as opposed to the rest of the year when I seem to almost single mindedly listen to country and little else. In fact, the only song I've found I don't like is Madonna's version of Santa Baby. Give me Eartha Kitt over Madonna any day.
2. My favorite Christmas special is Frosty the Snowman. I have no idea why, but it's the one I like the most.
3. It doesn't feel like Christmas time until I've heard "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas". The morning radio show I spent most of my teenage years listening to played it every December. (One of my cousins once asked for a hippopotamus for Christmas, but she was happy for it to be a stuffed one. We found one.)
4. I know all the words to the B.C. Clark jingle. It's a jewelry store in Oklahoma City, and they have their own Christmas/anniversary jingle. I've never been to one of their stores.
5. I will happily spend a month watching TV specials I've seen 20+ times before. I'm kind of sad that I've not gotten to do that the past few years.
6. While I could easily listen to Christmas music almost non-stop (with enough variety), I understand that it would drive my husband crazy, so I only listen as reasonably possible.
7. Even though I haven't believed in Santa bringing me gifts since I was 10, I still find myself believing in Santa during the holiday specials.
8. I would love to have a white Christmas.
9. I love picking out gifts for people. I hate not knowing what people would like.
10. When I have a tree, it will be covered in a fairly eclectic mix of ornaments. I've already started looking up ornaments online to find ones I like.
11. I prefer the multi-color lights to the plain white ones. Christmas lights should be colorful, in my opinion. (Although, I have seen some lovely houses that just used white lights for decorating.)
12. While I believe that Christmas doesn't start until after Thanksgiving, I'd prefer to wait another week or two after that to put up a tree.
13. Last year, Ace and I gifted ourselves with a GPS for our truck. It's been one of the best investments we've made.
14. Last year was the first time Ace and I were apart on Christmas since we got married.
15. I'm not sure what our plans are for this Christmas, but it's looking likely that we'll be on the road.
Well, that ended up kind of maudlin. I apologize for that.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Depression Doesn't Care About That
I have talked, briefly, in the past about my depression. I have mostly, in my own opinion, whined about feeling depressed and upset and sad. Trust me when I say, I hate talking about depression as much as I hate having depression.
However, I've never really talked about depression as just the disease of depression. Because it is a disease, and not just because it's in a big medical text book about mental health diseases. After all, homosexuality used to be in that big book. No, depression is a disease because we know at least some of the causes (mostly chemical imbalances in the brain).
Not that that is what I want to talk about either.
I want to talk about the fact that depression doesn't care about race, sexuality, gender, or any other factor when deciding who to affect. It doesn't care about your politics, who you went to school with, or what your favorite color is. How things are going in your life can affect whether or not you have a depressive episode (it sounds like a TV show when I say that... if only it could be fixed in 30 minutes or less with a nice warm hug at the end and never return again). My worst bout of depression happened last year when Ace was on a truck and I was stuck living with his parents and feeling helpless about most things. And it was bad enough that I stopped eating almost entirely and barely functioned as a human being.
Before you say that I was just a whiny girl, keep in mind that I wanted to care about at least some of normal, regular, everyday things. But I just couldn't because it took all I had some days just to get out from under the covers, get dressed, and grab food that was sitting three steps away. I never wanted to hurt myself, I just couldn't seem to take care of myself either.
Depression didn't care that I was only a few months away from spending almost 24-7 with Ace again. Depression didn't care that I was finally starting to be more financially stable. Depression didn't care that my life wasn't truly getting worse (except the parts where my father-in-law was trying to sexually harass me, claiming it was to show me love, but that is a totally different topic). Depression didn't care about any of that. It just wanted to suck me down into it's seedy undertow.
And there have been times that just something less than good happening on some random day that depression has tried to suck me into it's midst. And while you might feel like that's me being somewhat entitled and stuck up, it's been about stupid things that have only minorly inconvenienced us. Things that didn't matter in the long run. Because depression didn't care that it was stupid and annoying more than anything else. It had found a foothold and wanted to drag me down.
If you ever have someone you care about tell you that they are depressed, please don't tell them to get over it. Please don't act like they can just choose to become happy again. Tell them that you care and you want to do anything you can to help. Tell them that it's good that they got out of bed and got dressed, because those things can be big accomplishments when you are depressed. Tell them that you are willing to listen or help them find professional help. Be willing to listen and help them find professional help. And for God's sake, don't act like it's not important that they are hurting and needing help. Don't treat their statements as light. If they are telling you, they feel safe with you and they want to confide in you and probably get help. If they tell you they've thought about hurting themselves or committing suicide, take them seriously. Help them help themselves and be willing to help them get serious help. Because it is a cry for help.
I considered asking for help last year. I knew that what I was feeling and how I was living was not healthy, but I didn't have anyone I trusted around me to help. Despite that, I did get better. Mostly because Ace got to take some time off and that helped tremendously. I had something to do each week that helped me focus on other people and that helped. But it was not the way I wanted to get better. I deserved better and so does everyone else who is hurting. Because those commercials about depression meds are right about one thing; depression hurts. And it hurts others to see the effects of depression on someone they love (at least it seems to hurt Ace when I'm hurting).
If you are depressed, please remember that it does get better. Sometimes it needs help, but it does get better. If someone you care about is depressed, please help them through until it gets better. Sometimes, that some of the help that is needed.
And no matter what, don't tell someone to just get over it. That never works.
However, I've never really talked about depression as just the disease of depression. Because it is a disease, and not just because it's in a big medical text book about mental health diseases. After all, homosexuality used to be in that big book. No, depression is a disease because we know at least some of the causes (mostly chemical imbalances in the brain).
Not that that is what I want to talk about either.
I want to talk about the fact that depression doesn't care about race, sexuality, gender, or any other factor when deciding who to affect. It doesn't care about your politics, who you went to school with, or what your favorite color is. How things are going in your life can affect whether or not you have a depressive episode (it sounds like a TV show when I say that... if only it could be fixed in 30 minutes or less with a nice warm hug at the end and never return again). My worst bout of depression happened last year when Ace was on a truck and I was stuck living with his parents and feeling helpless about most things. And it was bad enough that I stopped eating almost entirely and barely functioned as a human being.
Before you say that I was just a whiny girl, keep in mind that I wanted to care about at least some of normal, regular, everyday things. But I just couldn't because it took all I had some days just to get out from under the covers, get dressed, and grab food that was sitting three steps away. I never wanted to hurt myself, I just couldn't seem to take care of myself either.
Depression didn't care that I was only a few months away from spending almost 24-7 with Ace again. Depression didn't care that I was finally starting to be more financially stable. Depression didn't care that my life wasn't truly getting worse (except the parts where my father-in-law was trying to sexually harass me, claiming it was to show me love, but that is a totally different topic). Depression didn't care about any of that. It just wanted to suck me down into it's seedy undertow.
And there have been times that just something less than good happening on some random day that depression has tried to suck me into it's midst. And while you might feel like that's me being somewhat entitled and stuck up, it's been about stupid things that have only minorly inconvenienced us. Things that didn't matter in the long run. Because depression didn't care that it was stupid and annoying more than anything else. It had found a foothold and wanted to drag me down.
If you ever have someone you care about tell you that they are depressed, please don't tell them to get over it. Please don't act like they can just choose to become happy again. Tell them that you care and you want to do anything you can to help. Tell them that it's good that they got out of bed and got dressed, because those things can be big accomplishments when you are depressed. Tell them that you are willing to listen or help them find professional help. Be willing to listen and help them find professional help. And for God's sake, don't act like it's not important that they are hurting and needing help. Don't treat their statements as light. If they are telling you, they feel safe with you and they want to confide in you and probably get help. If they tell you they've thought about hurting themselves or committing suicide, take them seriously. Help them help themselves and be willing to help them get serious help. Because it is a cry for help.
I considered asking for help last year. I knew that what I was feeling and how I was living was not healthy, but I didn't have anyone I trusted around me to help. Despite that, I did get better. Mostly because Ace got to take some time off and that helped tremendously. I had something to do each week that helped me focus on other people and that helped. But it was not the way I wanted to get better. I deserved better and so does everyone else who is hurting. Because those commercials about depression meds are right about one thing; depression hurts. And it hurts others to see the effects of depression on someone they love (at least it seems to hurt Ace when I'm hurting).
If you are depressed, please remember that it does get better. Sometimes it needs help, but it does get better. If someone you care about is depressed, please help them through until it gets better. Sometimes, that some of the help that is needed.
And no matter what, don't tell someone to just get over it. That never works.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
A Post About Nothing
I feel like I should write and pour my heart out. Only, I really have nothing that needs to be said.
I spent about 48 hoursterrified concerned that I might be pregnant, because as much as I want kids now is so not the time for a pregnancy. And then I started spotting and now I feel like I can breathe again (don't tell me that until I actually start my period there is no breathing room, I know this, but I feel better knowing my body is doing something it's supposed to do right now even if it could mean something else.).
Hormones had me feeling nauseous more often that I like. And peppermints were helping, but bumps were making it worse. And there are a ton of bumps on the road.
Things are going well with the new company. We're keeping ourselves as put together as we can and it's been less stressful.
I have discovered which company makes condiments for McDonald's. That's kind of cool.
Yeah... I've got nothing right now.
I spent about 48 hours
Hormones had me feeling nauseous more often that I like. And peppermints were helping, but bumps were making it worse. And there are a ton of bumps on the road.
Things are going well with the new company. We're keeping ourselves as put together as we can and it's been less stressful.
I have discovered which company makes condiments for McDonald's. That's kind of cool.
Yeah... I've got nothing right now.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Another Letter to an Unnamed Trucking Company
Dear Unnamed Trucking Company,
I'm sure you are wondering why Ace left you. Not that any one there except his driving manager seemed to try to really talk him into staying. And that is part of the problem. No one cared.
We even had one guy tell Ace that no one would care at any other company, so he might as well stay with you. That was a bad reasoning on why someone should stay at a company.
Someone else gave some excuse for how he wouldn't be stuck for the better part of a week starting in January. This was in September, so it wasn't a good excuse and the company he was switching to would have the same benefits under the proposed California law. This just made us confused about why that would be a reason to stay.
It doesn't help matters that Ace got stuck in California twice in a month. Nor did it help that no one apparently noticed that his info said that he doesn't drive in New York City. Or that before the second time we got stuck in California he had already declined 2 other chances to go to California that same day (really, why were you all so hot for him to go back to California?).
Your planners apparently decided to stop planning ahead and sending us info for the next load to pick up before we delivered, which was costing us lots of money each week. And left us sitting around more often than not.
His new company did send him to California on his first trip with them. And then gave him a trip right back out of California right afterwards. With no waiting and wondering what the next trip would be. In fact, we've had very little just sitting around between trips, and each time there was a logical reason for why we were waiting (once is because we were having work done on the truck... and we had our next load before it was done being worked on).
Working with people up at your company was stressful. Ace and I hadn't been off the truck since July 1st, but you were not willing to help with a hotel room when it became apparent that quitting the company was going to take until the next day (because the truck wasn't needing work that would keep us off the truck, apparently). The new company rented us a car and had a hotel room paid for us to stay in from Saturday until Wednesday (we paid for 2 days because we got there on Thursday). Quitting cost us way too much money, but we'll happily make more (even if I'm not driving yet) with the new company. So far, there has been no stress when talking with anyone at the new company.
Basically, your company sucks and that is why Ace quit. We miss the size and some of the storage options of your truck, but that's it.
Much less stressed,
M.A. Smith
I'm sure you are wondering why Ace left you. Not that any one there except his driving manager seemed to try to really talk him into staying. And that is part of the problem. No one cared.
We even had one guy tell Ace that no one would care at any other company, so he might as well stay with you. That was a bad reasoning on why someone should stay at a company.
Someone else gave some excuse for how he wouldn't be stuck for the better part of a week starting in January. This was in September, so it wasn't a good excuse and the company he was switching to would have the same benefits under the proposed California law. This just made us confused about why that would be a reason to stay.
It doesn't help matters that Ace got stuck in California twice in a month. Nor did it help that no one apparently noticed that his info said that he doesn't drive in New York City. Or that before the second time we got stuck in California he had already declined 2 other chances to go to California that same day (really, why were you all so hot for him to go back to California?).
Your planners apparently decided to stop planning ahead and sending us info for the next load to pick up before we delivered, which was costing us lots of money each week. And left us sitting around more often than not.
His new company did send him to California on his first trip with them. And then gave him a trip right back out of California right afterwards. With no waiting and wondering what the next trip would be. In fact, we've had very little just sitting around between trips, and each time there was a logical reason for why we were waiting (once is because we were having work done on the truck... and we had our next load before it was done being worked on).
Working with people up at your company was stressful. Ace and I hadn't been off the truck since July 1st, but you were not willing to help with a hotel room when it became apparent that quitting the company was going to take until the next day (because the truck wasn't needing work that would keep us off the truck, apparently). The new company rented us a car and had a hotel room paid for us to stay in from Saturday until Wednesday (we paid for 2 days because we got there on Thursday). Quitting cost us way too much money, but we'll happily make more (even if I'm not driving yet) with the new company. So far, there has been no stress when talking with anyone at the new company.
Basically, your company sucks and that is why Ace quit. We miss the size and some of the storage options of your truck, but that's it.
Much less stressed,
M.A. Smith
I'm Not So Superficial (Any More)
I kind of understand why we judge people, in general, on stupid surface things like looks, what music they listen to, what clothes they wear, what kind of car they drive, what their occupation is. It's a quick way to start sorting out whether or not we'd be friends.
But it drives me crazy. The people I've found with the biggest hearts and that I care about the most are the people I know little to nothing about most of those things. I, obviously, can know what they look like and what they wear, but I may not know much else. And none of that really matters to me.
Having money to buy expensive clothes or cars does not mean you have a heart that cares for others. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt and driving a car that looks like it needs a paint job does not mean that you don't care about anyone. Sometimes it just means that you've had some hard times and this is what you have right now.
When I was in 4th-6th grades, I had some fairly close friends that weren't popular. Sadly, I lost touch with them after 6th grade, so I have no idea where they are now, but they were better friends to me than I probably deserved. I loved them with all my heart, except when I got asked why I was friends with them by the popular kids. And then I was a bad friend and dropped them like a hot potato. And they kept forgiving me and taking me back when I pulled my head out of wherever I had stuck it and went back to actually being friends with my friends (usually within a few days). I feel terrible about it now. At the time, I just wanted to maybe be popular (because I was kind of stupid about what being popular meant).
But I had gravitated toward people with big hearts and lots of love and forgiveness for someone who was kind of stupid despite being so smart. People who believed in me and were fun to be around. And that shaped me, even when I was being stupid.
So now, I don't really focus much on what people wear, or what they drive, or what their favorite things are. At least not for judging if they would be good friends. Because I had friends that looked past any of that while I was learning that people who care about you are worth far more than people that sort of like you. Because I'd rather judge my friends by the content of their hearts than their interests. Because I can find people who are amazing and who bless my life by being in it without needing to share interests in tv or movies.
Part of that lesson came when in 7th or 8th grade I had a "friend" who one day just decided that she didn't like me any more. And then a few days later, she liked me again. But I was shut out of most of my group of friends because one girl didn't like me for no apparent reason. And I think it helped me realize what a bad friend I had been in the past. I gave that friend a second chance, but the friendship wasn't as close and when she decided that she didn't like me for no apparent reason again, I just gave up on the friendship. Not quite as forgiving as my friends a few years earlier had been (the time frame on my random self-conscious idiocy was closer to once a year, not twice in as many months, which probably helped them too). But I had already started figuring out who were the type of people that would care about me vs caring about themselves.
So, now a days, I try to not judge someone by superficial means. I am by no means perfect, but I'm getting better at it.
I hope to teach my children this without them having to go through what I did. I'd prefer their stupid decisions to be about something less likely to hurt people, especially the ones who truly care about them.
And to those friends, I apologize. I'm not sure I did that adequately when we were younger. You deserved someone being your friend who didn't randomly get ashamed about superficial things. I wish I had done better at that. Thank you so much for being willing to forgive me. I got better, but I never forgot that I was that person. I hope you found better friends as you grew up. Ones that didn't do what I did. Ones who loved you because of who you were and are. Ones who wanted good things for you. Thank you for believing in me enough to forgive me.
But it drives me crazy. The people I've found with the biggest hearts and that I care about the most are the people I know little to nothing about most of those things. I, obviously, can know what they look like and what they wear, but I may not know much else. And none of that really matters to me.
Having money to buy expensive clothes or cars does not mean you have a heart that cares for others. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt and driving a car that looks like it needs a paint job does not mean that you don't care about anyone. Sometimes it just means that you've had some hard times and this is what you have right now.
When I was in 4th-6th grades, I had some fairly close friends that weren't popular. Sadly, I lost touch with them after 6th grade, so I have no idea where they are now, but they were better friends to me than I probably deserved. I loved them with all my heart, except when I got asked why I was friends with them by the popular kids. And then I was a bad friend and dropped them like a hot potato. And they kept forgiving me and taking me back when I pulled my head out of wherever I had stuck it and went back to actually being friends with my friends (usually within a few days). I feel terrible about it now. At the time, I just wanted to maybe be popular (because I was kind of stupid about what being popular meant).
But I had gravitated toward people with big hearts and lots of love and forgiveness for someone who was kind of stupid despite being so smart. People who believed in me and were fun to be around. And that shaped me, even when I was being stupid.
So now, I don't really focus much on what people wear, or what they drive, or what their favorite things are. At least not for judging if they would be good friends. Because I had friends that looked past any of that while I was learning that people who care about you are worth far more than people that sort of like you. Because I'd rather judge my friends by the content of their hearts than their interests. Because I can find people who are amazing and who bless my life by being in it without needing to share interests in tv or movies.
Part of that lesson came when in 7th or 8th grade I had a "friend" who one day just decided that she didn't like me any more. And then a few days later, she liked me again. But I was shut out of most of my group of friends because one girl didn't like me for no apparent reason. And I think it helped me realize what a bad friend I had been in the past. I gave that friend a second chance, but the friendship wasn't as close and when she decided that she didn't like me for no apparent reason again, I just gave up on the friendship. Not quite as forgiving as my friends a few years earlier had been (the time frame on my random self-conscious idiocy was closer to once a year, not twice in as many months, which probably helped them too). But I had already started figuring out who were the type of people that would care about me vs caring about themselves.
So, now a days, I try to not judge someone by superficial means. I am by no means perfect, but I'm getting better at it.
I hope to teach my children this without them having to go through what I did. I'd prefer their stupid decisions to be about something less likely to hurt people, especially the ones who truly care about them.
And to those friends, I apologize. I'm not sure I did that adequately when we were younger. You deserved someone being your friend who didn't randomly get ashamed about superficial things. I wish I had done better at that. Thank you so much for being willing to forgive me. I got better, but I never forgot that I was that person. I hope you found better friends as you grew up. Ones that didn't do what I did. Ones who loved you because of who you were and are. Ones who wanted good things for you. Thank you for believing in me enough to forgive me.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Change Has Come
So, this year I am not doing NaBloPoMo. I have been doing badly about updating this blog, and I doubt that I'd do better by pushing myself to post every day for a month.
Instead, I am going to try to post more often than every two weeks. I make no promises.
Ace has switched companies, something that he had been considering since June. Things are changing. Today we are starting our first trip with the new company. Later, I will probably write a letter on here to the old company explaining why we left. I have feelings about it and I need to vent them. I'm still not naming companies though.
I am surprised to find that I am getting twitchy about having sat still for so long. I'm not used to us not going somewhere, and while I know that eventually we'll be out of over the road truck driving, that time has not come yet. I'll probably feel twitchy then too, until I get busy.
In the mean time, I have things to do (like bags to unpack and get things settled into semi-permanent places as they seem fit to do so. And I've got to try to leave some open space for the stuff we have yet to put on our truck, but will need.
Life is fun and exciting, except it's not anything I want to write about because it's involved and probably somewhat boring to most people.
Life is changing. And right now, that is good.
Instead, I am going to try to post more often than every two weeks. I make no promises.
Ace has switched companies, something that he had been considering since June. Things are changing. Today we are starting our first trip with the new company. Later, I will probably write a letter on here to the old company explaining why we left. I have feelings about it and I need to vent them. I'm still not naming companies though.
I am surprised to find that I am getting twitchy about having sat still for so long. I'm not used to us not going somewhere, and while I know that eventually we'll be out of over the road truck driving, that time has not come yet. I'll probably feel twitchy then too, until I get busy.
In the mean time, I have things to do (like bags to unpack and get things settled into semi-permanent places as they seem fit to do so. And I've got to try to leave some open space for the stuff we have yet to put on our truck, but will need.
Life is fun and exciting, except it's not anything I want to write about because it's involved and probably somewhat boring to most people.
Life is changing. And right now, that is good.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Things You Should Know Before Getting on a Semi
Life on the road is... different. There are things that you should know before you even contemplate doing it.
1. If you are on a truck with someone, you can't really get away from them. The best you can get is being on the other side of a curtain or being apart during bathroom breaks (unless you are the same gender, then I don't think that will happen). You are going to have to figure out how not to make the other person want to hurt you and how to deal with the stress of seeing/hearing/being around someone practically 24-7. Ace can't do much that I don't know about. I can't do much that he doesn't know about. We are constantly around each other and there is almost no break from that. If we hadn't already gotten used to it, we'd probably have had some fights by now.
2. If you have an APU (alternate power unit), it helps keep you cooler or warmer. It cannot make you comfortable in 90+ degree weather. It is too hot to handle all of the cooling on it's own. You will have to idle the truck or you will have to stay hot. There are no other options.
3. There are temperatures that are impossible to sleep in. 100+ degrees outside makes it difficult or impossible to sleep soundly inside.
4. People in 4-wheeled vehicles drive like they are nuts. Especially around semis. They cut a big truck off and then slow down. They pass on the right. They slow way down from in front of a truck to get behind it when they are entering the interstate, just to zoom around it afterwards. They have almost no idea how long it takes a truck to stop, how wide the turning radius is, or where a driver's blind spots are. Given the number of crazy people on the road, there is a surprisingly lower number of wrecks involving semis and most of those are not the truck driver's fault.
5. Some companies don't care about their drivers. Some companies do. Some companies are good to start with to get enough experience to get to a company that will treat you right. Be careful who you work for. Talk to truck drivers to find out what they've heard, but take their information with a grain of salt. They have probably mostly heard other drivers complaints if they are talking about a company they have never worked for.
6. Sometimes you will have to stop somewhere you don't want to because you don't have any other options. Hopefully it will be a place that is open 24-7 and has decent bathrooms. Hopefully you will never be yelled at for using a bathroom at a truck stop (if it's one of the chains, they won't yell ever because that's what the bathrooms are for).
7. Playing make-a-space sucks. If you get hit, even if it's not your fault, you could be blamed by your company for not being in a legal space. Sometimes you may not have other options. If you can buy a space, cough up the money instead of making-a-space. It's safer and then you are covered. Plus it's tax deductible.
8. As much as you may hate it, you will eventually have to pee somewhere without a toilet (or one so nasty you don't want to use it). If you are male, use a bottle. If you are female, buy a pitcher with a lid and pour said contents into a bottle. You will probably always have a bottle around, because it is ridiculously easy to find 1 liter drinks at truck stops.
9. Eating out is expensive. The truck does not have any type of kitchen appliances. The two end up being related. You will either buy a microwave and a fridge, or you will constantly overspend on eating out. The microwave/fridge option is probably cheaper in the long run. Heat and eat meals are a lot cheaper at Walmart than at the truck stop.
10. You will not get to shower every day. There are plenty of times you will get to shower. You will probably have plenty of showers that expire before you use them. But after driving for 10+ hours a day, you will usually want to go to sleep. Sometimes, you won't be at a place where you have a shower available because it was the best place to stop for the night. You won't get to shower every day, and that's just a fact of life on the road.
11. Most truck stops have laundry rooms. Most of those laundry rooms are available to the general public. Sometimes the general public will take up all the washers and you will just be pissed off about it. Unfortunately, you can't do much about it but wait to do laundry, either at that stop later or at another stop.
12. Some loads take forever to get loaded. Some loads take forever to get unloaded. You will be stuck waiting at a shipper or receiver at some point. You will get stuck calling like you are obsessed to check on a load. This is especially bad when it's meat being hauled, but Ace and I just waited 2 extra days for a load of gum and life savors (which was still not fully right).
13. Deadlines for delivery (DLDs) are sometimes just given to make you laugh. I know because some shippers treat them as suggestions instead of actual deadlines. All you can do is tell your company and hope that either someone else will be able to swap trailers with you (so the load gets there on time) or that the receiver is willing to change their appointment so that you can get it there on time. If the load is ready by DLD and anything happens, the load is going to be late (unless you can swap trailers).
14. The internet is key to trip planning. Google maps, while not wholly appropriate for trucks, helps give you a good idea on what ways are likely to be good ones to travel. Pay for internet availability. It's not optional.
15. Verizon seems to have the best coverage for phones and internet. You will need a cell phone to contact people at your company. I've already talked about the internet. Most of the big name truck stops have apps for smart phones and there are other services that are useful with apps too. Smart phones are optional, but well worth the money. Plus, then you can play games while waiting to be loaded or unloaded.
This list is by no means exhaustive, but I have some more pressing needs to take care of.
Stay safe and be careful around semis if you are in a 4-wheel vehicle. We'd like you to all stay alive out there.
1. If you are on a truck with someone, you can't really get away from them. The best you can get is being on the other side of a curtain or being apart during bathroom breaks (unless you are the same gender, then I don't think that will happen). You are going to have to figure out how not to make the other person want to hurt you and how to deal with the stress of seeing/hearing/being around someone practically 24-7. Ace can't do much that I don't know about. I can't do much that he doesn't know about. We are constantly around each other and there is almost no break from that. If we hadn't already gotten used to it, we'd probably have had some fights by now.
2. If you have an APU (alternate power unit), it helps keep you cooler or warmer. It cannot make you comfortable in 90+ degree weather. It is too hot to handle all of the cooling on it's own. You will have to idle the truck or you will have to stay hot. There are no other options.
3. There are temperatures that are impossible to sleep in. 100+ degrees outside makes it difficult or impossible to sleep soundly inside.
4. People in 4-wheeled vehicles drive like they are nuts. Especially around semis. They cut a big truck off and then slow down. They pass on the right. They slow way down from in front of a truck to get behind it when they are entering the interstate, just to zoom around it afterwards. They have almost no idea how long it takes a truck to stop, how wide the turning radius is, or where a driver's blind spots are. Given the number of crazy people on the road, there is a surprisingly lower number of wrecks involving semis and most of those are not the truck driver's fault.
5. Some companies don't care about their drivers. Some companies do. Some companies are good to start with to get enough experience to get to a company that will treat you right. Be careful who you work for. Talk to truck drivers to find out what they've heard, but take their information with a grain of salt. They have probably mostly heard other drivers complaints if they are talking about a company they have never worked for.
6. Sometimes you will have to stop somewhere you don't want to because you don't have any other options. Hopefully it will be a place that is open 24-7 and has decent bathrooms. Hopefully you will never be yelled at for using a bathroom at a truck stop (if it's one of the chains, they won't yell ever because that's what the bathrooms are for).
7. Playing make-a-space sucks. If you get hit, even if it's not your fault, you could be blamed by your company for not being in a legal space. Sometimes you may not have other options. If you can buy a space, cough up the money instead of making-a-space. It's safer and then you are covered. Plus it's tax deductible.
8. As much as you may hate it, you will eventually have to pee somewhere without a toilet (or one so nasty you don't want to use it). If you are male, use a bottle. If you are female, buy a pitcher with a lid and pour said contents into a bottle. You will probably always have a bottle around, because it is ridiculously easy to find 1 liter drinks at truck stops.
9. Eating out is expensive. The truck does not have any type of kitchen appliances. The two end up being related. You will either buy a microwave and a fridge, or you will constantly overspend on eating out. The microwave/fridge option is probably cheaper in the long run. Heat and eat meals are a lot cheaper at Walmart than at the truck stop.
10. You will not get to shower every day. There are plenty of times you will get to shower. You will probably have plenty of showers that expire before you use them. But after driving for 10+ hours a day, you will usually want to go to sleep. Sometimes, you won't be at a place where you have a shower available because it was the best place to stop for the night. You won't get to shower every day, and that's just a fact of life on the road.
11. Most truck stops have laundry rooms. Most of those laundry rooms are available to the general public. Sometimes the general public will take up all the washers and you will just be pissed off about it. Unfortunately, you can't do much about it but wait to do laundry, either at that stop later or at another stop.
12. Some loads take forever to get loaded. Some loads take forever to get unloaded. You will be stuck waiting at a shipper or receiver at some point. You will get stuck calling like you are obsessed to check on a load. This is especially bad when it's meat being hauled, but Ace and I just waited 2 extra days for a load of gum and life savors (which was still not fully right).
13. Deadlines for delivery (DLDs) are sometimes just given to make you laugh. I know because some shippers treat them as suggestions instead of actual deadlines. All you can do is tell your company and hope that either someone else will be able to swap trailers with you (so the load gets there on time) or that the receiver is willing to change their appointment so that you can get it there on time. If the load is ready by DLD and anything happens, the load is going to be late (unless you can swap trailers).
14. The internet is key to trip planning. Google maps, while not wholly appropriate for trucks, helps give you a good idea on what ways are likely to be good ones to travel. Pay for internet availability. It's not optional.
15. Verizon seems to have the best coverage for phones and internet. You will need a cell phone to contact people at your company. I've already talked about the internet. Most of the big name truck stops have apps for smart phones and there are other services that are useful with apps too. Smart phones are optional, but well worth the money. Plus, then you can play games while waiting to be loaded or unloaded.
This list is by no means exhaustive, but I have some more pressing needs to take care of.
Stay safe and be careful around semis if you are in a 4-wheel vehicle. We'd like you to all stay alive out there.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
You Don't Want All the Details, Really
I'm going to stop apologizing for ignoring this blog for long periods of time. It keeps happening. Mostly because life on a truck is kind of boring unless I'm going to be complaining about the company Ace works for. Given that he's about to switch companies, that is the most ridiculous thing to blog about.
The good news is that we should have a better income and feel a bit more financially stable with the new company. Also, we can get me licensed and driving the truck with him, like we had originally planned. And I can get on the truck right away until we are ready for me to be driving, so no more time apart (they will let him train me, which is awesome).
The bad news is that the current company needs to sent proof of employment and driving records, and they do that once a week and did not do it last week. We're in this weird place where it seems they are trying to annoy us while supposedly they should be doing all they can to keep Ace as a driver.
So, we are waiting.
I'm hoping we'll have switched companies before my birthday in 2 weeks. But we'll see. At this point, all the current company can do is delay it a bit.
Things are looking up, even while we are currently in a holding pattern of waiting.
The good news is that we should have a better income and feel a bit more financially stable with the new company. Also, we can get me licensed and driving the truck with him, like we had originally planned. And I can get on the truck right away until we are ready for me to be driving, so no more time apart (they will let him train me, which is awesome).
The bad news is that the current company needs to sent proof of employment and driving records, and they do that once a week and did not do it last week. We're in this weird place where it seems they are trying to annoy us while supposedly they should be doing all they can to keep Ace as a driver.
So, we are waiting.
I'm hoping we'll have switched companies before my birthday in 2 weeks. But we'll see. At this point, all the current company can do is delay it a bit.
Things are looking up, even while we are currently in a holding pattern of waiting.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Random Randomness
Okay, I am completely terrible about remembering to come back here and post. I think this has been established. Thus, today, you get some random bits.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the other hand, Ace and I are talking a lot. We've come to some fair (to me) compromises on dealing with his parents from now on. Basically, I can do everything reasonably possible to not have to be around them and he won't complain. He's a bit annoyed about the part where his father sexually assaulted and harassed me, so he totally understands my desire to stay away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately for me, we've been in some of the rainier parts of the country lately. I am so ready for some sunshine. My emotions are being a bit more fickle because of the constant grey clouds.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We've added two new states to our list of states we've been to (new to me, not to Ace). I'd tell you how many that is, but I don't currently have access to the numbers.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the recent updates on my laptop has made it more difficult for me to use Word or Excel. This is part of the reason I don't have numbers on the states. This is really annoying me. WTF Microsoft?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ace is considering switching trucking companies. Provided we can get answers to questions. Sometimes the weekend comes at inconvenient times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I keep having dreams that I only remember like one thing about when I wake up. It's mostly annoying because I don't really seem to care about these dreams, but they won't quite leave my mind. Last night my dream had something to do with hair pulling (and that is pretty much all I remember about it).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am still obsessing about Welcome to Night Vale. I don't think I want help though.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that's pretty much been it lately. Well, that and lots of sleep, lots of rain/grey clouds, and lots of driving/waiting.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the other hand, Ace and I are talking a lot. We've come to some fair (to me) compromises on dealing with his parents from now on. Basically, I can do everything reasonably possible to not have to be around them and he won't complain. He's a bit annoyed about the part where his father sexually assaulted and harassed me, so he totally understands my desire to stay away.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately for me, we've been in some of the rainier parts of the country lately. I am so ready for some sunshine. My emotions are being a bit more fickle because of the constant grey clouds.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We've added two new states to our list of states we've been to (new to me, not to Ace). I'd tell you how many that is, but I don't currently have access to the numbers.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of the recent updates on my laptop has made it more difficult for me to use Word or Excel. This is part of the reason I don't have numbers on the states. This is really annoying me. WTF Microsoft?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ace is considering switching trucking companies. Provided we can get answers to questions. Sometimes the weekend comes at inconvenient times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I keep having dreams that I only remember like one thing about when I wake up. It's mostly annoying because I don't really seem to care about these dreams, but they won't quite leave my mind. Last night my dream had something to do with hair pulling (and that is pretty much all I remember about it).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am still obsessing about Welcome to Night Vale. I don't think I want help though.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And that's pretty much been it lately. Well, that and lots of sleep, lots of rain/grey clouds, and lots of driving/waiting.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
"Can Today Just Be Over Now?" "No."
I'm having one of those days today. The kind where I wonder who okays me being in public, except I have to be for bathroom purposes because I live in a truck and why don't trucks come with toilets? It's not a great day, is what I'm saying.
And it isn't even anything that Ace could fix if he wanted to, because it was something out of his control that made it feel like such a bad day. And something that happened yesterday isn't helping and my brain is going a million miles a minute and nothing is right and why did I get up? (It's kind of loud in my head, is what I'm trying to say.)
Yesterday, we almost had a wreck. It could/would have been a bad one for us. I could have potentially died or at least been in a hospital for a long while. It scared me badly and I don't think I'm fully over that yet, even if the idea of being on the road does not bother me today.
And then today, we had issues with a load that should have been a simple pick up a trailer and drive down the road. It was over-weight. We were picking it up from a drop yard, so we couldn't have the shipper fix it. It wasted a few hours of our day. It wasn't something to get nearly as upset as I seem to be over.
I've also been emotional lately. Weepy about the most random things. I just had my period, so it's not likely hormonal, but I can't rule anything out at this point.
I'm having one of those days. And hopefully the chocolate I'm about to eat will help.
(The title of this post is an actual conversation between Ace and I. He was sympathetic to my desire for the day to be over.)
And it isn't even anything that Ace could fix if he wanted to, because it was something out of his control that made it feel like such a bad day. And something that happened yesterday isn't helping and my brain is going a million miles a minute and nothing is right and why did I get up? (It's kind of loud in my head, is what I'm trying to say.)
Yesterday, we almost had a wreck. It could/would have been a bad one for us. I could have potentially died or at least been in a hospital for a long while. It scared me badly and I don't think I'm fully over that yet, even if the idea of being on the road does not bother me today.
And then today, we had issues with a load that should have been a simple pick up a trailer and drive down the road. It was over-weight. We were picking it up from a drop yard, so we couldn't have the shipper fix it. It wasted a few hours of our day. It wasn't something to get nearly as upset as I seem to be over.
I've also been emotional lately. Weepy about the most random things. I just had my period, so it's not likely hormonal, but I can't rule anything out at this point.
I'm having one of those days. And hopefully the chocolate I'm about to eat will help.
(The title of this post is an actual conversation between Ace and I. He was sympathetic to my desire for the day to be over.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)