The Uterus (And Heart) Wants What It Wants

Today, Sarah (of Sarah and the Good Squad, who's post I've tried to link, but am having problems with) posted pictures of baby clothes and talked about how she's done having kids, but baby clothes make her uterus ache.

And that's how I feel almost all the time. Except for when I have cramps, because then the pain pushes all thoughts of little babies out of my head.

Even dinner with 4 fairly young kids wasn't enough to convince me to not have kids (actually, the youngest made my longing worse).

So, while some people, like Sarah, may be done with having kids (and good for her), some of us are waiting and longing and waiting until it happens. And for now, my heart, and uterus and, frankly, my arms, all want a baby.

So, I wait and try again this month. And hopefully soon my wishes will all come true.

Quiet

Today feels like a day to be quiet.

So, today, I'm being quiet.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll have something more to say.

A Short List

Or The Latest News from Me in Convenient List Format

1. Not pregnant. Hate hormones. Hate cramps. Chocolate bars seem to help.

2. Our financial stuff makes me want to hide in my bed. Not a good thing.

3. Between the Coke I drank around dinner time and the temperature, I had a couple of problems falling asleep. I'm going back to refusing caffeine in all it's forms (except chocolate and Midol, when needed) again.

4. I'm ready for some cooler days, which will hopefully be happening soon. Weather.com is promising cooler weather, I just hope they are right.

5. We have to have plumbers come out and deal with our pipes, as the lack of water drainage in the kitchen is ridiculous. Hopefully, we can do that soon.

6. Had dinner with Karen and her fiance and all their kids (4, all under the age of 8). Guillermo went with us and was a hit. Wanted to bring the youngest home with us as he was cute and sweet and adorable. Plus, he had blond eyelashes and big blue eyes. Resisted temptation.

7. Enjoyed the chicken fried steak (without gravy) that was made though.

8. The Cokes they had were made in Mexico with real sugar, and it reminded me of going down to Mexico on mission trips (we did construction to churches, it was hard work and lots of fun). The only real breaking point on the memory is that their bottles weren't scratched up any from being washed and re-used.

9. We had banana pudding for dessert. Now Ace and I need to go buy some banana pudding ice cream.

10. You don't pronounce the g in banana pudding. If you really want to go for it, you call it Nana Puddin'.

So, now you know what's been going on (and mostly about dinner last night).

What Do You Mean This Doesn't Update Itself?

Okay, so after getting all talkative and posting several days in a row, I went silent for a few days.

But, I've been doing... well, nothing is what I've been doing. Until today.

Today, I:
1. Caught up on pop culture. So very important, right?
2. Cleaned my bedroom. Or at least reorganized my bed room a bit.
3. Have fought off taking a nap so that I will sleep tonight.

Today, I plan on:
1. Reading another chapter of Lord of the Rings (I've got the hobbits in Rivendell and today I read about the council meeting).
2. Cleaning the living room.
3. Possibly give in and take a nap so I stop feeling quite so tired.

So, yeah. Today, I'm getting organized, tomorrow I'm doing laundry, and Monday's plans are still unknown at this point.

Zzzzzz.

What, Me, Throw Up? Nah

So, I don't think I've shared this before, but I get sea sick (sort of). I don't actually empty my stomach, but I feel like doing so. But only when things are wavy.

On cars, buses, trains, and planes I feel fine traveling forward, backward, and probably upside down (if I wanted to travel that way). But, put me on a boat (or jiggle my bed) and my stomach decides that I should feel sick.

Only, I never actually throw up, so I don't know if that would really make me feel better.

Okay, I told you all of that to tell you this: my hormones make me feel nauseous around massage chairs (and similar apparatus). I start feeling that same sensation of wanting to throw up. I know it's hormonal, because it only happens right before I start my period (or get a visit from Aunt Flo, if you are afraid of the word period). Otherwise, my massage chair and I get along fine.

Right now, my massage chair is just getting to be a chair. Right now, my massage chair is massage non grata for my stomach. If only my back and stomach were on the same page (I'd kind of like a massage, but I don't really relish the idea of feeling queasy).

So, I'll stay here avoiding doing something to annoy my stomach and I'll wait. Because there isn't too much more I can do for now.

The Book

Earlier, I did something I never do. I threw a book.

To tell you why I'm so shocked (and appalled) by my behavior, I should probably tell you that I love books. Books have been there for me when there wasn't anyone else. Books and I have always been close friends. I hate getting rid of books in any manner. I love books.

And earlier, in a fit of anger and hurt and hormones, I threw one.

I had hoped it would make me feel better, but it didn't.

Ace wasn't exactly happy to hear a loud thunk out of no where (or to find a book on the floor). And he told me I needed to figure out what was going on and to calm way down.

So, I took a drive, with the dog (who we had planned on taking for a car ride today). And it helped me calm down (it also helped that there was pretty much no one on the road at that time of day).

Now, I need to find a healthier way of dealing with my emotions when my hormones exacerbate them to bad levels that make me feel so angry and hurt. I need to talk or shout or something.

But I need to not throw books. Because books are my friends and that is no way to treat a friend.

Hormones Abound

Earlier, my hormones have decided to manifest as a queasy stomach.

While that is nicer than getting angry with the dog for no reason, it's not exactly fun. After all, who wants to feel a desire to throw up?

So, I'm trying to keep my stomach as happy as possible (while still remaining as quiet as possible, as it's after Ace's bedtime and he has work tomorrow).

Well, I'm off to find something to help settle my stomach, right after I visit the bathroom.

And I'm trying not to read anything into any pregnancy symptoms I feel, as they seem to pop up right before my period starts (although, I'm sleeping way more than normal, feeling queasy, having random mood swings, and peeing more than usual, all of which are related to pregnancy, but are mostly also related to the hormone progesterone which is released after ovulation to foster pregnancy/signal the beginning of a period) (yes, I have been studying up on my reproductive cycle).

Okay, seriously, I'm off now.

Later

Late Night Annoyances

I'm sitting here, on my bed, trying to convince myself to start actually laying down and getting closer to sleeping, since I've been so sleepy lately (I'm blaming hormones, because I'm not normally this tired. I took a nap this evening, and I'm still kind of tired).

And then, I hear them.

Pop, pop, wrrrrrreeeeeee (that spelling is as close as I can get to the whistle sound).

Fireworks.

They are illegal inside city limits (even on the 4th, unless the government has approved the show, which they wouldn't at this time of day). Plus, I'm sure they are breaking another few laws regarding when noisy things can be done in a neighborhood.

It's after midnight, so it's no longer the 4th. And all I can think is why are they still firing off fireworks. They had at least 2 and 1/2 hours before this, while it was still the 4th but after the local approved fireworks, to have shot all their fireworks off.

And I wonder if I should call the cops. I mean, Ace has to work tomorrow and he needs his sleep (not that the fireworks woke him up). And anyway, what they are doing isn't legal. And then, the sounds stop. And I realize that it probably wouldn't have been worth it anyway.

But it was still annoying.