Snow Falling Somewhere Else

Lately, I'm reading a lot about snow falling everywhere. And it's funny, because it's all places south of Springfield, where we aren't getting nearly as much snow.

It is snowing here. When Ace and I went to get our mail this afternoon, it was snowing. But the snow isn't really sticking around that much. The only indication on the streets that the snow was touching down is the fact that they were wet.

So, we haven't been fighting off extreme cold temperatures. The wind hardly ever seems to blow, which is still throwing us as it blows all the time in Oklahoma. The snow hasn't been causing problems, nor has it been piling up.

It's nice. It's just... different. But I like it. And I'm glad we moved here. Even if it's further north (which is totally not where I wanted to move). And the timing of the move seems perfect for having avoided all the bad weather. That makes me even happier.

At Least Some Questions Got Answered

Yesterday, after I posted, I got a call from my sister. She had indeed sent the message that caused me to join FaceBook (for which my extended family is grateful). At least over there, we have a chance to become closer.

And now, I have some questions answered. My grandma is fine for now, but will probably continue to have mini-strokes for the rest of her life (she goes home from the hospital today, as well as getting another year older today). They have no idea how much longer she will live, there's no expiration date stamped on her (she's not a carton of milk).

My sister got a little freaked out by our grandmother's mortality. Given that my sister isn't yet 20, it's kind of understandable. I think this whole thing reminded her that she doesn't know when anyone could die and since she doesn't feel as close to me as she did when we lived in the same room (or even the same house), she's understandably freaked out some about that too.

I just wish she had picked a bit better wording. But now she gets a chance to see how I am more often based on my FaceBook status. It probably doesn't feel like much right now, but it's something.

And now I'm going to find something less noisy to do than type, because Ace is sleeping.

I Don't Think She Knows What No Contact Means

Back when I stopped talking to my mother, I gave her one simple rule. Don't contact me. She could contact Ace, but not me.

Since then, Ace has only heard from her through me. And she's sent me several cards (the first mailed to my in-laws, the rest sent with my siblings), tried to friend me on MySpace, and called me once (apparently at my sister's insistence).

While I can use that excuse for the phone call, I can't do much to excuse her for sending me cards. Cards with money in them (for Christmas and my birthday), making it harder to just refuse them.

I wanted her to just leave me alone. To let me get over my hurt and anger and to move on with my life. Instead, she keeps trying to pop up at the most random of times. In my effort to avoid her, I've cut most of my ties with my extended family (all my aunts, uncles, and cousins are on her side).

Yesterday, in the wake of what is fairly obviously her inability to let me be (I still have yet to confirm it with my sister, but it's not like I really need to), I did something I never planned on doing. I joined Facebook to connect with my extended family and be kept up to date on what is really going on.

This whole thing has been weird. Before I joined Facebook, I determined that I could make it where my mother couldn't contact me through her own name there. It's not perfect, but at least this way I know that I can connect with loved ones and feel safer about it.

But I have a couple of questions before I go. What does no contact mean to you? And if your children requested it, would you honor their wishes?

Circling the Brain

Yesterday, I listened to a sermon on patience (which is being constant no matter the circumstances). Which amused me, because I wrote about patience not that long ago (in fact, I was still thinking about it).

And then last night, I read an article about difficult mothers from Psychology Today. And my mother started my thoughts about patience a long while ago and was mentioned in my post.

It's like someone has direct access to my brain and is covering things that are in there out here in the real world. It doesn't help me right now that I got a message from "my sister" earlier that doesn't sound at all like my sister (but instead sounds like my mother). It's got all this stuff that was already swirling around in my brain in a tizzy.

I'm being patient. Waiting to find out if this was indeed something my mother sent. I want to talk to my sister first, before I do anything or say anything to any relatives (even my dad). I want to know, for certain, that my sister did not write those things (although, I'm like 99.9% sure of it right now). But for right now, I"m being patient and waiting to hear back.

And for now, I'm letting all this information circle around in my brain. Because there isn't much else I can do with most of it.

Employment Achieved (for Ace)

Ace now has employment. It's currently part time (I think). But it's enough for us to make it where we are (with lots of sandwiches and Ramen noodles to eat).

And while the job is through a temp agency, the company hires 90% of the temps from there and THEY CANCELED THE REST OF THEIR APPOINTMENTS AFTER INTERVIEW ACE. He was so impressive to them and perfect for the job that they weren't interested in anyone else, apparently. And he starts tomorrow!

Now if I can hear back from someone I sent a resume to, we'll be doing really well (my paychecks can go towards food and entertainment).

We're excited, but not jumping because who knows if there is anyone underneath us (we don't want to be bad neighbors). It's a good day.

My Brain Seems to Be Fried, New Brain Should Be Ordered Soon

I seem to be running on empty where my brain is concerned today. I seriously thought a little while ago that I am 27 (where did those other 2 years go?).

And just now, Ace asked me something and I totally had no clue what the answer is (although, it could just be that I don't remember)

But I'm still feeling a bit fried.

Mostly Caffeine Free Since 2003

2003 was a big year for me. I got married. I stopped drinking caffeine cold turkey (except for every once in a great while). I started a new life for myself, in a new city, away from all my relatives.

I started thinking about my kicking caffeine because Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad has decided to kick caffeine. And he's suffering from caffeine headaches.

My first attempt at kicking caffeine was doomed from the start. I was still planning the wedding (with all that stress), taking summer college classes, and I was not getting along with my dad (which added more stress). The headaches I got from trying to quit cold turkey added to all that stress was just too much for me. So, I decided to try quitting after the wedding, when my stress level would drop to a more reasonable level (just school stress and adjusting to being married stress).

The second time I started with kicking caffeine out of my life, it went much smoother. I didn't get headaches (I don't think I drank much less caffeine then) and I didn't miss the soda at all (I never have been a coffee drinker). It was obviously the right timing and my body was more than happy to get rid of any potential addictions to caffeine it had.

Since I quit caffeine, I've rarely put any into my system. Only when I've not had nearly enough sleep, but need to be up. And then, only as little as possible, or I start feeling jittery and find it hard to sleep that night.

So, I've been mostly caffeine free since 2003. And I like it.

My Problem with Patience

Once, a long while ago, my mother told me never to pray for patience because if you do, God will bring tests into your life to give you patience the hard way. I disagree with that thought, but it's something that has stubbornly clung in my head.

Instead, I'm finding my problem with patience is not trials that have come, but instead that I'm finding myself with too much time on my hands waiting and having problems finding things to fill it with (there is only so much TV I will watch, and I'm currently feeling fairly easily distracted).

On the other hand, the fact that I'm not pregnant (because I've been waiting a good long while for this) and that I'm not working (because we could use some regular income) aren't stressing me out like they could be. They are things that can and will happen, in time. And I've got lots of that right now.

I am hoping that setting some short term goals, and working on them, will help me with this. I'm going to start working on research for the book I want to write. Even though it's fiction, I'd like it to have a good basis in reality. It'll be something (besides World of Warcraft) to keep me busy. And it'll fulfill one of my goals. I might even be able to convince Ace that the library will likely have resources to help me research (that shouldn't be too hard).

And that is the result of my problem with patience. I start working on a novel. Not a bad result. Of course, patience is a virtue, so maybe this is why I've always wanted to increase my patience (it's this or so that I'll be a better mother... or both).

And now I'll go be random elsewhere. Toodles!