Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

Ace has been getting a lot more phone calls lately with potential jobs. This is good.

However, I don't know how long it will be until he has a job. So we are playing the waiting game. It's frustrating and neither of us is fond of it.

Ace is, of course, still applying for jobs. Hopefully we'll hear back from somebody soon with an interview that turns into a job offer.

Until then, we are mostly waiting for the phone to ring.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


There is something wrong with my in-laws' thermostat or a/c. It's been on cool and set around 72 degrees, but it hasn't seemed to actually cool off in the house.

I mention this only because it has been freakishly hot in this house for late October.

I'm hoping the weather starts cooling back down and we can stop needing the fans to cool off. (Blankets/jackets to stay warm are a totally different matter.)

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Today, I turned 31. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. The day has been fairly good over all. I had lots of people wish me Happy Birthday, which made me feel warm and fuzzy.

My in-laws didn't do nearly as good a job at creating warm fuzzy feelings today. They didn't realize it was my birthday until late (which didn't really bother me much, but it did sting). They made an offer to take me to a place they chose for dessert tonight, even though I hadn't had dinner yet. They didn't check to see how late where they chose was open.

My in-laws took a chance to do something halfway decent for me late in the day on my birthday and made it all about them. I'm not saying they should have tried to make my day completely wonderful, but an effort to find out where I wanted to go for a dessert might have been nice. All they would have had to do was ask and let me think for a few minutes.

And this is why I'm ready for us to be on our own.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I'm a Mother Hen

One of my cousins, one that I haven't seen in a long time, is having some issues with her father. There's a big story there that I really don't want to think about or go into. He did some crazy, bad thing and is in jail now. He, apparently, wants to hear from her more often. She has kids she's raising, is pregnant, and is on bed rest. She is in no position to write him daily (which is what he wants).

She is just ready to stop all contact, from what I can tell. As much as I hate to see that, sometimes it's for the best. I sent her a message to let her know that I understand and I won't push her into any contact. I let her know she has at least one family member on her side. She doesn't need the extra stress, something bad at any time but worse when she's on bed rest. She doesn't need to sacrifice some part of herself to make someone who effectively took himself out of her life happier (or less whiny).

Sometimes, I feel like a mother hen. I want to protect the world from itself. At the very least, I want my cousin to know that she has someone who has been in a somewhat similar situation (not wanting to be hurt by a parent anymore) who will offer her a safe place to feel less alone. Someone to say it's okay to stop talking to someone who hurts you emotionally even if they aren't hurting you physically. Someone to say it's okay to protect yourself and your family.

I helped my cousin feel better. It made me feel better. I can't change the situation, but I can let her know that she isn't alone. Sometimes, just having one person say that they understand can make all the difference.

I wish I had had someone like me when I was where she's at right now. I'm thankful that I can be there for her.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Random Thoughts

My father-in-law decided to change what day he does laundry. We got no notice of this before hand. That seems like the kind of thing you should tell someone.


When my mother-in-law is no where around, my father-in-law suddenly seems to be much happier and easier to get along with. When she is around, he is generally in a bad mood.


If my father-in-law needs a nap in the afternoon to be somewhat human again, why do my in-laws keep scheduling stuff for the afternoons that interferes with his chances to get that nap?


My birthday is coming up. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now.


Why does my mother-in-law feel the need to share random crap she half remembers from the tv/news with me? And why did she encourage me to get pregnant and discourage it at the same time?


I hate waiting. Hopefully Ace will get a phone call soon and life will start looking much brighter again.


I had a dream recently that I was moving in with my mom. I woke up hugging myself (I was hugging her in the dream). I'm still not quite sure what my brain was trying to work out there.


I think I'll stop here. I'm starting to run out of random thoughts. And now, I'm going to curl up with something that makes me laugh and stop focusing on so many negative things.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Why Anonymous?

After nearly 4 and 1/2 years posting here anonymously, I figure it's time I write about why this blog is anonymous.

4 and 1/2 years ago, I had a different blog. One that was know by my family. One that was probably read by at least some of my family. It was similar in lots of ways to this blog. I talked about random stuff that was on my mind and things that were happening.

But, I found myself censoring much of what I wanted to say. I didn't want my father to read about my sex life, because we have a mutual understanding that we each pretend the other doesn't have sex and thus our mental states stay free from acknowledging that the other is human with human sexual needs. We are both happier that way. I also found myself wanting to write about stuff with my mother, but not willing to write it where either she could read it or at least our mutual family members could read it.

At some point, something happened that brought about me feeling like I couldn't write anything there. I felt stifled by my self-imposed restrictions. I felt like I needed to write posts to mentally deal with things, but I couldn't write there any more.

So, I started a new blog. I decided to be anonymous, although the veil of anonymity is fairly thin sometimes. If any one who knows what is going on in my life (at this point, mostly my in-laws) were to read this blog, they would likely know I was the one writing it (as far as I know, they have no clue about blogs and thus I am fairly safe from them). It's a place for me to figure out how I feel about things or to write about what is happening.

Even here, I limit some topics. I don't constantly whine about my in-laws, because I'd rather think about more positive things. I don't talk about politics ever, I rarely think about such things. I rarely talk about my faith because it's so personal to me and it seems like the kind of thing to protect. I only occasionally talk about sex, because it also seems like the kind of thing to protect.

I don't plan, at this point, to stop being anonymous here. Anonymity suits me for this place. It gives me more freedom to talk about various things. It's not like I'm hiding my personality, just my name.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Productive Use of Time

This past week, Ace and I have been sleeping at night. Since we had been sleeping during the day, this is kind of a big deal for us.

Because I've been up during the day, I've been finding many productive uses of my time. Things like doing laundry. And it's not just that I've been productive, I've been actively wanting to get things accomplished.

Today, Ace and I went to the library. It's been a while since we've gone, so I was happy to go back. I've now got some research to do for my book (and a book to get research from, how convenient). The better I understand what I'm writing about, the better the book will be.

I'm just happy to feel like I'm being somewhat productive again.