Friday, January 30, 2009


Tonight, Ace and I make meatloaf for dinner tonight. In a twist, I was the one who did most of the cooking (normally, it's Ace). He helped me with crushing crackers, cracking open eggs, and breaking up the meat to make it easier to mix.

I even did quite a bit of the work on fixing the sides (mashed potatoes and green beans). Then, we did something we rarely do, we sat at the table and ate.

It was nice. The goal is, now that Ace is working days again, that when he gets home in the evening I'll have dinner nearly ready (if not fully ready), and we'll make dinner together a normal event again.

Ace is happy to hear that I might start cooking again. I'm just starting to think that we'll need to get Hamburger Helper stocked in our pantry again. But, it will mean that instead of eating either meat or veggies, I'll start eating both for at least one meal (and either Ace or I will have leftovers for lunch the next day too).

Between eating regularly and starting my aerobics class next week, I should be feeling healthier and loosing weight soon. It's an exciting time in my house.

Now, if I can just make it through my plans tomorrow (laundry, dishes, and shaving, which should wear me out a lot tomorrow).

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Remedial Sleep

I apparently need to learn how to sleep without occasionally hurting myself.

I didn't support my shoulder well enough last night, and today it's hurting. I wish I could say that it was the first time that I've woken up hurting because I slept oddly.

So, does anyone know where I can learn to sleep without injuring myself? Because I'm tired of it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

No One Is Perfect

I've never felt like I was perfect. I've had days where I thought I was doing really well, was edging close to perfect for the day, but I've never felt perfect.

But, as I look at things about kids, I feel like they closer to being perfect that I ever do. It shows in how big their hearts are and how willing to forgive they are.

And that encourages me to be more childlike in my faith. It also encourages me to view each day as a new chance to try to be perfect. Even though I know that it isn't likely to happen.

And that's what I'm thinking about currently.

Monday, January 26, 2009

25 Random Things (Mostly About Me)

Okay, I'm in a random mood, so today I will tell you random things about me.

1. There have been times, since I've been an adult, I have had nothing but ice cream for dinner.

2. The only bone, that I am aware of, in my body that has been broken is my upper jaw. My mouth is so small in size that it had to be expanded for me to get braces.

3. The perfect temperature range indoors, for me, is between 74 and 76 degrees. Any cooler and I'm cold; any warmer and I'm hot.

4. I've had 3 cysts surgically removed. 1 when I was 10 and 2 when I was 11. I still have scars (only 2, because the one removed when I was 10 came back and was re-removed).

5. I have only worn 3 pieces of jewelry regularly, my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and a necklace that Ace gave me for Valentine's Day. Currently, none of those are on my body (the rings don't currently fit comfortably on my fingers).

6. While I think the movie He's Just Not That Into You looks good (and I will probably watch it), I am glad that I found a guy and married him without all the hassles of trying to decode what he meant when he said anything. Ace is very, very honest, and for that I love him more.

7. I have a knack for turning onto a movie in the middle of it (when I'm not looking through the guide to figure out what I want to watch). Then, if I keep watching the movie, I start to hunt for when it will be on to see it from the beginning.

8. So far, I've pushed Ace into taking me to see both Chronicles of Narnia movies in the theater. I loved them both, but had some complaints about the second one (like the part that wasn't in the book... totally silly).

9. I have found several dresses (at different times) that when rung up have happened to be on sale, even though there was no obvious signs saying they were on sale when I chose them.

10. I cannot ride a bike. I just simply don't know how to do it.

11. Despite living in Oklahoma, I've never driven on ice covered streets. Either Ace takes us wherever we need to go when it's icy or I stay home.

12. Yesterday, I applied to work at DirecTV (at Ace's request). I don't know if or when I might hear back from them. I'm trying not to be nervous.

13. I went stag to my prom. My mom dropped me off and YzArC's then boyfriend dropped me back off at home. I went to church the next morning.

14. Ace and I met two days shy of 9 months before our wedding. We got married a year sooner than we originally planned. It wasn't because of pregnancy though.

15. Ace has a way of making me feel like I deserve to be with someone like him, which is great because my self-confidence took a beating before I ever met him (not by a guy, but by my mother).

16. Even though I try everyday to follow where I believe that God is leading me, I sometimes slip up (like I did yesterday). Then I'm thankful for a new day, as it is a new chance to try again and do better.

17. I am trying to look for the good things everyday, but some days it's harder than others. I still keep trying.

18. I've been to 10 states (Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kansas, Colorado, New Mexico, Florida, and Missouri) and two foreign countries (Mexico and the Bahamas). I hope to see the world someday.

19. Some of my favorite cartoons are the old Bugs Bunny type cartoons. I think they should be shown more often.

20. In my bedroom, I have a board covered with things I want. This is so I can look at them and visualize myself having them. The oddest looking thing up there right now is some Christmas trees, but I'm hoping that by December I'll have a house big enough to have an actual Christmas tree.

21. Some day, I'd like to learn how to play the piano.

22. Ace and I plan on having all of our future children take ballet classes as well as karate classes (at least a year of each, preferably the same year).

23. I keep mentally drifting off to sleep as I try to think of 25 things to say. I think I should go to bed early tonight. And it's hard to come up with 25 things when you don't feel like you've done all that much with your life.

24. I love the Marx brothers' movies, mostly because they are so silly. In fact, most of the movies I enjoy the most are the older movies.

25. The 4 times I went to Mexico, it was to do construction work on church building (helping to build them). Yes, I went 4 times to Mexico (all during school vacations) to do physical labor. Those were some fun times and I had some of the best food ever while I was there. I would like to go back, but as an actual vacation next time.

There you go, 25 random things, mostly about me.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Today I Was a Bitca

I feel bad for Ace somewhat. Earlier today, I was being selfish. And then we snapped at each other some.

And then, after I was done being selfish, I felt sad over my behavior (and about other things too, from what I can tell). And Ace comforted me while I cried.

All I can say about my behavior earlier is that I was a bitca (if you get the reference, great). And for that, I am truly sorry.

But things are all smoothed out now and Ace and I are back to being happy with each other. Because I apologized to him sincerely and he accepted my apology.

So, that was the exciting thing that happened today.

Friday, January 23, 2009


Last year, at New Year's, I made a resolution to be less sarcastic than I had been the year before. I actually kept that resolution (not as hard as it might originally seem, I had been really sarcastic during 2007).

This year, I made no such resolution.

I haven't been all that sarcastic though. Partially because of a lack of things to be sarcastic about (and I know I'm not showing good grammar, but I really don't care right now).

Jenna, who is wonderful, linked to a site where you could download a picture and find out which celebrities you look like. I decided to try, and apparently with the picture I used, I look like Janeane Garofalo. And I do, somewhat vaguely, look kind of like her. Which got me thinking about being sarcastic.

Of course, this site wasn't perfect, as it seemed to think that I resembled men over all (um... no, I don't). I think it's because all the pictures I have of me have my hair pulled back (and it wasn't looking for body types).

Anyway, back to my thoughts on sarcasm. It's slightly odd to think that this time last year I was struggling to stem the flow of sarcasm from my mouth (I was extremely sarcastic when 2008 started). Sarcasm seemed to drip from half the sentences I would say. Now, I use sarcasm with much less frequency (but seem to repeat myself a lot more).

I will admit that the whole process started (as does half the things I seem to do) to make Ace happy. He didn't like me being so sarcastic. He wanted me to take my words seriously. So, I did as he asked. He's put up with me slipping and being sarcastic and I've tried much harder to control my tongue.

And it's made him happier. Which, of course, makes me happier.

Two Things I've Learned in the Past 3 Days

1. My body does not like something in the Wolf brand chili. I don't know what it is, but my body protests to it by causing me discomfort when/after I eat it.

2. I do not like trying to eat spinach with a spoon. It doesn't work as well as a fork does for me.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Feeling Better, Mostly

Well, Ace and I went by the mall today. We spent over an hour there and I don't feel like pushing the world away anymore.

I'd feel a lot better over-all if I had not been woken up last night when Ace came to bed, but we did have a nice talk and that helped me with us getting out of the house today (he was totally okay with going out, which doesn't surprise me at all).

Hopefully tonight I'll get a better night's sleep. I've got things to do tomorrow, and I'd rather not be tired for them.

That veggie tray I'm dreaming about won't buy itself, you know?


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Pushing and Pulling

I'm finding myself to be quite an enigma. I feel like I'm pushing out the world right now, which is odd because I don't think the world should really be pushed out.

I'm not sure if I'm concerned that I'll get hurt, or really why I feel like pushing the world away. All I know is that it isn't good and I need to stop it. I need to talk to Ace about getting me out of the house some on the days he works (before his shift change, when we will be getting out of the house for us to exercise). I need to go spend time somewhere other than our house, and more importantly somewhere other than our bedroom.

I'm noticing that as I'm pushing away the world, I'm pulling in Ace (and trying to reach out some to others too). And while that's not a bad thing, he does not need to be my only link to the outside world (besides said friends).

And I can tell how bad I've gotten about this based on my habits with getting the mail. In the past, I got the mail everyday except Sunday. I loved to get the mail. Now, I get the mail on Ace's days off if we are going out around the time the mail gets here and let Ace get it otherwise. I don't feel like getting dressed to get the mail otherwise.

I think I've been drifting away from center again. I'm not exactly depressed, but I'm not feeling normal. And I know I need to get out more, because I keep wanting to push out the world. And getting out of the house should, hopefully, get me over that. Even if it's just a run to the store tomorrow until Tuesday afternoon.


Friday, January 16, 2009

Quick Turn Around

I know I just asked for suggestions, but then I read some things that got my brain working and wanting to write.

1. Emma Thompson rocks! She is proud to be a normal sized woman (not someone who fits into a size 2 and feels fat because of it). Plus, she is a really good actress. And she's good at adapting books into movies. Basically, she really rocks! And she looks great for someone who is 50 (and she's still acting as a romantic lead!).

2. There are men out there who feel that it is okay to poke fun at famous women who have normal body sizes. The ones who are curvy and not rail-thin. They try to claim that these women should be spending hours in the gym working off their curves because they don't look like every other woman in Hollywood. These guys are jerks.

Because of these two things, I started thinking of how women are seen. I know that I need to lose weight, my belly is obviously not appropriate on my body and my thighs could stand to shed some weight too. I'm not happy to be in a size 14 jeans (although, I did find out that I need to wear petite in size 14 to not be too long for my legs and I don't know how I feel about this).

But, when I am in a size 10 (which is what I wore when Ace and I got married), I feel sexy. I have curves and I'm proud of those curves. My hips are made for having babies and my chest is made for providing nourishment. Those things make me proud of my curves. The fact that those curves are part of what attracted my husband to me (and help keep him interested) makes me appreciate them all the more. I understand that thin is in, but not every woman was built to be thin. I was built for curves. My body was designed to have a landscape to it. And that is something that I think should be represented more in movies and on TV. We need to show everyone, but especially young girls that it is normal to have curves and not diet yourself to thinness just because that is some what celebrities do.

These thoughts make me wonder what all I'll have to tell any girls I have. How loud will I have to speak to let them know that just because Hollywood and magazines tell them that they should be as tiny as they can be that it's okay to have a curvy body, it's natural, normal, and it won't stop them from finding love? And can't we change what is being said by Hollywood and those magazines now, before I have to struggle with this problem, when I'm the only one who I have to say these things to?

Marilyn Monroe was a size 10 (at least, that's what I've read) and she was a sex symbol. If 10 is good enough for Marilyn, it's good enough for me.

Besides, curvy women are extremely sexy (at least, that's what Ace says).


P.S.: "No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they're pretty. Even if they aren't." - Marilyn Monroe

What Should I Talk About?

Okay, I don't normally ask for topic suggestions, but my brain isn't wanting to hold onto any one topic long enough for me to think of something to say. My brain is kind of roaming through potential topics, but it doesn't stay on one long enough for me to even remember it.

I've run out of things to say right now. And that pretty much never happens.

So, what should I talk about? (Please, answer me so that I can post something else soon.)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

How Guillermo Cost Me Sleep

Guillermo got into the trash a few days ago. I had been splitting the turkey we got as a Christmas gift into smaller bags for eating on sandwiches and such. I threw away the bones and skin and then forgot to move the trash out of his reach.

According to the vet's office, he went dumpster diving for food. That lead to him getting diarrhea and having accidents in the house 2 nights in a row, he never has accidents so we knew something was wrong. Which is why he spent most of a day outside and then ended up seeing a vet yesterday. He seems to be feeling much better today and is probably past all his problems, but we're still giving him the meds from the vet anyway.

Back to his accidents: both nights he had an accident, Ace was working. This lead to me being woken up when Ace got home because he wanted me to know about it. So, when we picked Guillermo up from the vet's office yesterday, I was feeling extremely tired from not getting enough hours of sleep without interruption (that doesn't bode well for having kids, I don't think).

Last night, not only did Guillermo not have another accident, but I got about 9 hours of sleep with no major interruptions (nothing woke me up for more than 1 minute). And tonight should be similar.

Well, I'm off to bed, as it is almost 11 pm and I am tired.


Monday, January 12, 2009

Delurking Day

Today is delurking day. So, since I'm nice and don't bite, leave me a comment to know you're reading.

I really don't have much else to say, other than Guillermo is got in some trouble yesterday (that I'd rather not talk about) and as a complicated result is spending today outside. It's kind of nice for now.

So, yeah.

Leave me a comment, and hopefully tomorrow I'll have something to actually talk about.

Update: Um, apparently I forgot to say what lurking is. Lurking is when you read someone's blog without commenting. I am kind of bad about doing that with most of the blogs I read, because they already get tons of comments. Delurking is letting someone know that you read their blog, even if it's only on delurking day.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

How My Day Has Gone

My day has gone something like this:

7:22 am - Try hard to not fully wake up. Wish the dog next door would shut up already. Ace tells me he got the shift he wants when he changes shifts at the end of the month (same days off, just working mornings instead of evenings).

7:52 - Give up on getting any more sleep. Wish the dog next door would shut up already. Wonder what the penalty would be for either kicking or drugging the dog to get it to be quiet.

8:00 - Notice that suddenly the dog next door has quieted down. Hope it will last. Open laptop to check e-mail. Notice that Outlook is having problems connecting to the one e-mail address that it connects to (the one I pay for, naturally). Shut down Outlook. Restart Outlook.

8:02 - Notice that I can't sign into the website for that e-mail address either. Move on to check other e-mail addresses.

8:30 - Check main sight for paid e-mail account. Notice something about routine maintenance done between 1 am and 4 am. Shrug shoulders and figure it's gone over their intended time. Wish they had warned that they were doing maintenance for just this kind of situation.

10:00 - Close Outlook, as I am tired of it bugging me about not being able to connect to the e-mail service. Check main sight again. Find out that e-mail is down because of some hardware issue. Wonder why they don't have a redundant system built in. Feel out of sorts with e-mail provider (again).

10:01 - Move onto other things, like comics. Start feeling sleepy again. Start dozing off.

11:30 - Dog comes in, wakes Ace up to be let out. I finally wake up from unexpected nap. Wonder why I've been tired lately. Start reading blogs.

12:15 pm (roughly) - I let the dog back in and grab some smoked turkey. Then I try to ignore the dog staring at me while I eat the turkey and read blogs some more. Decide that I need to keep up with my bloglines better during the week.

1:15 - Ace wakes up for real. I inform him of the e-mail situation (he has an e-mail account with these people too). We discuss more pleasant things, like working out.

1:30 - We've worked out a schedule for what we want to do about exercise that should work pretty well most days. Feel happy. Will be exercising Mon. - Thurs., which should solve the pants problem fairly quickly.

2:00 - Ace makes pizza. Gets on WoW. We discuss what I'm doing this evening.

2:20 - Pizza comes out of the oven. I'm not hungry after my turkey earlier, so I let Ace eat the whole thing and get on Wow myself.

6:30 - Let the dog out. Go back to playing WoW as I only plan to be on for another few minutes. Eat the chicken Ace cooked earlier (for work for him and for dinner for me).

6:50 - Let the dog back in. Ignore him sniffing around the counter and head back to finish what I'm doing on WoW, because I'm really getting off in a couple of minutes, I promise.

7:30 - Finally get off WoW. Check e-mail to see if the one that was down is back up and to see if I got anything on the other accounts.

7:35 - Find out that I should, if they are right, have my e-mail back up at 11 Eastern. Decide that I don't fully believe them, as they should have kept this from being a problem after their last mess up.

7:36 - Compose a post about my day. Wonder how I can get such good news and such bad news within that short a time frame. Wish I had focused more on the good news throughout the day.

And now, I'm going to go back to watching comics telling jokes. If I don't, I think I may go grab some alcohol, and that is no solution to my frustration.


Friday, January 9, 2009

Bad Pants Day

Or I Need To Get Me To A Gym ASAP

I realized that I really need to work out and get back into shape today. I currently have 1 pair of jeans I can squeeze myself into. What has apparently surprised me is that eating fattening food and sitting around for most of the day has lead to me gaining a belly that won't fit into my jeans.

Ace has promised me that we can get me a pair of jeans that I am not squeezing myself into. He had originally planned on us going and joining a gym while he was off this week, but that didn't happen. So now, that is our plan for next week on his days off, finding a gym.

I have found a few things we should be able to do for little cost that should help us get into shape. Including an aerobics class that should be on Ace's days off that would be less than $40 a month for us to do together. There are also a few places we can go walk indoors for free and some fitness rooms for a reasonable fee.

So, while I'm having a bad day today, pants wise, I know we have plans on a way to get me back into my jeans again. And fitting in my pants is a good motivation for working out right now, so I'm less likely to join a gym and then blow off going.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

And Sanity Reigns Again

Oh people, if I knew that all I needed yesterday was the sugary goodness of frosting to feel better about the world, I would have made a run to the store while Ace was still sleeping (and ate frosting while watching Iron Man for the second time). I don't know why I needed the sugar (there was a distinct lack of a sugar buzz), but after eating some frosting I started feeling normal again.

Today, if you were to come to my house, I would offer you food and drink instead of warning you to run before I start throwing things in your general direction. Between the craziness of hormones, cramps, and feeling kind of twitchy in general lately, I've missed being fully sane. Fortunately, my sanity has come back to me.

Well, I'm off to do other things until it's time to go get that massage from Karen (who needed me to delay it for her daughter's sake).


P.S.: Jenna, I dreamt of you last night. Is that weird?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Leave Me Alone!

Today, I've been feeling kind of touchy. I have no clue why, but I'd kind of like to throw things at people to keep them away (except Ace, and hopefully Karen since she's supposed to give me a massage today). And it's really not anyone's fault.

So, the plan after lunch is to take a shower, get dressed, get a massage, go grocery shopping, and start eating on frosting that we're going to pick up at the store while playing WoW with Ace.

But for now, leave me alone.


Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Political Debate

Now that the election is long over, my extended family is debating politics (actually, I think it's just the men). And they feel the need to let everyone know their debate.

I was over all this political talk back when it started in 2007. I don't want to debate what will happen with the new president. The people of the nation have made their choice and the nation have to live with that decision for the next 4 years. No matter what I think, it won't change anything.

And I just don't care. I can't make myself care. It's not that I don't care what will happen in this country, it's just that debating things I have no control over wears me out and feels a little pointless.

So, I'm deleting the e-mails and just moving on with my life. Because it's easier.

But please, don't talk to me about politics because I will probably just walk away, and I hate being rude.

Monday, January 5, 2009

May 25th

I just found out that May 25th is Bring your Towel to Life Day. What you do is bring your towel along with you when you go do whatever regular things you would be doing that day anyway.

If you don't know why, then you should read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy (there are 5 books, it's still called a trilogy, we'll all just have to accept it). I will admit, the books are somewhat random at times and that doesn't help matters, but (BUT) they are wonderful and worth the randomness.

I'm considering, the next time I dress up for Halloween (which could be a long while), just dressing normally and adding a towel around my shoulders. It would be interesting to find out who would know what I am and who would have to ask (I'm fairly sure, I'd be asked more questions than anything else).

So, now you know what I'll be doing May 25th (it's programmed into my phone so I won't forget). Let me know if you're going to join me.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Therapist

It's been a while since I've talked about Karen. Karen is many things to me. Karen is my friend. Karen is my massage therapist. Karen is my emotional therapist, too (usually, this happens while she is giving me a massage).

Karen is also the person who gave Guillermo to us. She came by today to pick him up and play with him, as it was a really nice day out and she wanted to spend it with him. I was happy for him to get some exercise and attention from someone who obviously loves him so much.

After Karen brought Guillermo back, she stayed to visit. And the topic turned, as it seems to always turn around her, to my mother. Tonight, she shared large sections of her past with me. And I, in turn, shared with her large parts of the reason why I no longer talk to my mother. And she gave me something to think and talk to Ace about (I'm not ready to talk about it here, yet).

And, now that she's gone, I'm feeling tired emotionally. It's hard to go through all this stuff and I usually avoid talking about it with Ace, as I'm fairly sure he's tired of hearing it (and most of the time, I don't think about it as I'm tired of it all too). She did help me see that right now I'm trying to change old habits.

I feel a little bit like I've gone through the wringer, but I'll be doing better emotionally now that she and I have talked. Kind of like how I feel when I get a massage from her, which I will also be doing soon.

Now, I think I'm going to lay down and probably go to sleep. Because I'm tired.


A Time of Reflection

I've been reflecting some today (while Ace is sleeping) about 2008. It was an odd year, but not the most memorable (seriously, only about one of these things happened each month and I had to push myself to think of them all).

I stopped working at both my jobs (at different times). I needed some time off so badly, I had thoughts that scared me (and Ace, and still make me uncomfortable). I got to visit with my sister for a day. Ace and I went to the Tulsa Home and Garden Show and enjoyed looking at the sand sculptures. Guillermo and I managed to dislocate my shoulder right before Ace and I went to visit my dad (he gave me a Vicodin for the pain, on my anniversary). The a/c went out in the house, twice. The a/c didn't work at the locations we went to for Ace's reunion. Serenity got wrecked. Guillermo ran away (right around my birthday, does he not like me?) and was returned a week later. I did NaBloPoMo and succeeded (and made a new friend in the process)! I survived Thanksgiving and Christmas with my in-laws (and other relatives). I changed my sleeping habits not once, but twice. Also, I got a new phone, which I may or may not have mentioned yet this year.

I think I hit all the big things (and a few of the small) that happened this past year.

The one thing I'm hoping for this year is to expand my family. Hopefully, in the next few months (if not the next few weeks), I'll be posting about being pregnant and all the fun things that go along with that.

So, raise a glass of juice with me to toast in this new year, which will hopefully be better than the last.


P.S.: I know this isn't the 31st of December or the 1st of January, but I'm being different. Just because I can.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Randomness Part 2

Today, I have a bunch of random thoughts in my head, all asking to be let out. So I am going to go with it for now.

1. I feel asleep before midnight in my time zone last night. Ace and I went back to our hotel room around 10:30 because I was feeling tired. When we got there, there was a truck with a boat behind it blocking the parking space in front of the door to our room. It did get moved so that Ace could park in front of the door (it was cold, and we didn't want to make our trips to the car this morning be any farther than they needed to be). I took a bath, and kept drifting off to sleep while in the tub, so I figured it was time to get out and go to bed.

2. We really love our dog. We went shopping for Christmas presents for Guillermo, since we hadn't gotten him anything so far. He know has a squeaky ball, tug rope, and some raw hide bones for him to enjoy over the next week.

3. I enjoyed spending time with my family. Hopefully, I'll see more of them in 2009. On the plus side, I know that I'll see them in May at my sister's graduation.

4. My mother, out-of-the-blue, wants to be my friend on MySpace. If I was still talking to her, I probably wouldn't mind. As it is, I'm not sure what to make of this. It's just... odd. And after the stilted phone call on my birthday, it's also rather unwelcome as it feels like she's trying to worm her way back into my life.

5. I'm hoping that by the end of the year I'll either have a baby or be pregnant. Not that this is a different hope than last year, but this year I have more information available to me about how to go about accomplishing this.

So, that's where I'm at as the year starts. Hopeful and slightly thrown for a loop.