Saturday, February 26, 2011


Yesterday, Ace and I watched Alice.

Alice is a very interesting if slightly skewed look at Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Instead of playing cards, they have men in suits (with card suits and numbers on their suits). Instead of a walrus, there is a guy who sort of looks like a walrus.

Alice accidentally falls into Wonderland while trying to rescue her boyfriend. In her efforts to find her boyfriend, she meets the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter helps Alice in her quest for reasons of his own.

I don't want to give a lot of details, but it was definitely a movie I'd recommend. I cheered for Alice to help save Wonderland and find love.

And now I'm off to find out if Primeval is a series I'd be interested in, because I'd like to see Andrew Lee Potts as something other than the Mad Hatter.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Overwhelming Nothingness

Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed and over-emotional about everything. And it's silly because when it all boils down, there is nothing to be overwhelmed by or to get overly emotional about. Things that seem frustrating and stressful are things that are really small and stupid.

Ace and I are having MINOR difficulties with a cell phone company. We were trying to start up service with this company and ordered a phone from online (to save some money), but they screwed up and didn't activate the phone before it was sent. And then they haven't taken the money for the phone out of our account. So, we have this phone that we can't use, sitting on top of our TV. We are thinking about returning it, but we don't want to pay for the shipping and the company won't give us their account number for shipping it back to them. Nor does anyone seem to be doing anything to make it where we could actually use this phone, if we so desire.

It's been a headache and frustrating, except it's just stupid and kind of funny and not that stressful. We're currently the "owners" of a free phone that we don't know what to do with. Life, or at least things with this phone, seems like it's in limbo. And it seems to be just one more thing that is in a holding pattern in our lives.

I'm ready for some changes. I'd like it if people would just do what they are supposed to do, when they are supposed to do it. I'd like things to start going my way again. And I think that's part of why I've been so frustrated with stupid, nothing things.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Need for Authenticity

Ace and I, in general, tend to be the same people behind closed doors as we are in public. We may keep from discussing a few topics in public (like sex or politics), but we are the same people when it's just the two of us as we are when we're in public.

Except when it comes to being around Ace's parents. Then we are on guard as to certain topics, because we don't want a long, drawn out, misconstrued, misunderstood conversation.

And the need to guard what we say or do is exhausting. It's draining both of us. We prefer to be our authentic selves all the time. I'd like to be able to have a discussion with my husband that can take place in any room of the place we are living in without concern. I don't want to feel like I have to judge my words by what might offend my in-laws (or at best lead to lots of questions they don't need the answers to).

Ace is just as frustrated as I am about this situation. He's just as ready as I am to get out of here and live on our own. We're trying (TRYING) to be patient until we can make the changes we need made.

But until then, we are trying to be as true to ourselves as we can be. And hopefully that's good enough.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Briefly Speaking

Ace and I have several things that need to be replaced. Our laptops, Ace's jeans (both pair), Ace's dress shirts, my bras, etc. The list seems to continually get longer.

Yesterday, Ace and I replaced something for me that I've needed replaced for a while, sadly since the last time I replaced them: my panties. The last time we bought me panties (sometime since we've moved back to Tulsa), we made a choice based on price instead of experience with the brand. Apparently the $.30 a pair we saved was an important $.30 to spend.

I had a pair get a hole in them after one use. Then 4 pairs were too tight to be easily pulled on and off. A short time later, a few more pairs had problems with stitching coming undone. In short, we weren't happy with the cheaper undies.

So, yesterday we replaced them with a brand name we know is good. I'm happy to know that there is at least one thing we won't have to replace for a while.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Bump

Earlier, I noticed a bump under my arm while showering. My first thoughts were not of pimples or moles, but more of "Was that really a bump I felt? What does that bump mean?"

But I figured that in the wet shower, with soap on my body and shampoo in my hair was no time to start imagining the worst. Plus, with a little more feeling, it seemed more like a pimple.

After I finished drying off, I checked out the mysterious bump. It was originally a blackhead that had become a pimple. There was nothing to panic about. It was something that could easily be dealt with.

But it reminded me that it's easy to find something unexpected and freak out before getting all the facts first. If I hadn't kept my head and realized that if it was something to get checked out by a doctor it could wait until I was no longer soapy I could have completely freaked out over a pimple. I'd have felt stupid once I found out that my panic was over nothing.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

To My Valentine

Dear Ace,

I know I said I was writing about this past weekend, and I started to but it didn't seem to be flowing well. It was stilted and unnatural. I did appreciate that you found it just as important as I did to go to the marriage seminar we attended. It touched a special place in my heart.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Tomorrow I don't know how much time we'll have together, but I know that it won't be as much as I would like. I know that we probably won't get to have a date night tomorrow night, but I am hoping we can go out to eat (even if it's fast food eaten in the car). I know that you would love to take me out to a nice dinner, shower me with chocolate and flowers, and spend time showing me just how much you appreciate our marriage. Hopefully we can do that next year on Valentine's Day.

But, for as much as I wish some things could be different, I am happy to know that you love me. You feel that it's important to spend time with me and talk with me and take care of our marriage. I was thrilled to hear that you wouldn't want to do something momentarily exciting that would endanger our relationship. It made me feel safe and loved.

I love that our conversations flow so easily most of the time. I love that we talk so much and challenge each other to think outside our own points of view. I love that you help my brain stretch and grow. I love that you encourage me to read, even though you don't enjoy reading like I do. You may not love going to the library, but you are happy to take me when I ask. I appreciate that so much and I don't feel like I can find the words to express how much that means to me.

Thank you, for all that you've done, for all that you're doing, and for all that you will continue to do. Thank you for making this relationship feel easy and not like work. I know that we've both worked stuff out in the past to get to this point, but it's felt fairly easy the whole way through. Thank you for listening to me when I talk, it means so much. Thank you for being patient enough to have learned what I can and cannot do at various times. Thank you for understanding that my hormones make my emotions crazy sometimes and that if I'm upset it's probably not really your fault or my fault but the hormones' fault.

Thank you for being my hero by not allowing your family to just order me about. Thank you for being willing to stand up for me and for our marriage. I know that there are women out there who would love it if their husbands did that. Thank you for pushing me to grow without trying to completely change my personality. Thank you for understanding that I don't always know why I like or don't like something or why I feel things need to be this way or that way. It helps that you don't push, you just accept that it's one of my quirks and life goes on.

Thank you for being the perfect husband for me.


P.S.: I love you!

Friday, February 11, 2011

A Quick Question for You

In an effort to focus on something other than being slightly annoyed with Ace over stupid stuff, I'm going to instead focus on the other thing that is bothering me right now.

Why do back closing bras have bows on the front in between the breasts?

On one hand, I understand that women want to look cute/sexy for their significant others (or just for themselves). But do men really care about the bow? Do other women?

On the other hand, it always seems to pop up, annoyingly, to be an obvious bump under my shirts. One that looks totally unnatural. I doubt that Ace gives any thought to there being a bow on my bra when he's taking it off me. He's kind of distracted with what's underneath the bra.

So why are the bra designers continuing to stick bows on the front of bras? Does the bow provide structural integrity? Why is it there? Is the only solution to have bras that close in the front? And don't bras that close in the front just provide different problems, like hooks that come undone when they weren't supposed to?

Why? Can't someone please give me a reason?

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

At Least it Waited Another Two Days This Time

I'm starting to get wary of taking pregnancy tests. They keep coming up negative and then I'll start my period shortly afterward. At least this time, my body waited a few days instead of not even letting the test finish processing to crush my spirit.

All this in time for us to be slightly snowed in again, have plans for this weekend that include me dressing up in somewhat snug dress clothes (also a sucky time for snow to come again), and Valentine's Day. Because my body loves ironic timing.

Can I pull my covers over my head and hide for the day now?

Monday, February 7, 2011


Today, Ace and I braved the wild, still snow-covered streets of the neighborhood and went out to Walmart. I wanted to buy a pregnancy test to replace the one I should have thrown out months ago, because it was long past expired. Also, I wanted a breakfast sandwich.

So, we went out, bought me breakfast, bought some tests and some chocolate, and ran other unimportant errands. And then we came home and I drank liquids and waited for my body to tell me that I needed to pee.

Except, once I got to the bathroom, my body decided to pee anywhere but where the test was, just to make things difficult. I figured that I probably didn't get enough pee on the test for anything to happen, so I'd leave it in there for the next time I had to pee to try again. Instead, I looked at the test a few minutes later and it came up negative. But with what probably amounted to two drops on the stick, I'm not 100% sure that it's accurate. So now, I'm waiting a week, in hopes that 1. I still won't have started my period and 2. Enough hormones will be built up to show a positive on the pregnancy test (provided I actually pee on the right part of the stick this time).

So, for now, here is a picture of Guillermo:

His eyes didn't normally glow like that, but here he is in all his doggy glory.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Cabin Fever Averted

Today, my father-in-law proved why he and I can get along decently when my mother-in-law isn't involved.

It all started when he asked Ace if he wanted to go to the store with him. Ace said yes, and I perked up from laying on the bed, wishing that my mother-in-law wasn't assaulting my nauseous stomach with smells of peppers and onion. I quickly shut our door and started changing pants, because there was no way I was staying here, even if my body wasn't sure it WANTED to go anywhere, because I NEEDED to get out of the house for a while to keep my brain sane.

So, we went grocery shopping (Ace's father recognizes that we have different eating habits and that the two of us might want to eat stuff we've chosen). I had originally asked for peppermints and Sprite to be bought for me when my father-in-law went shopping yesterday (he remembered the Sprite, forgot the peppermints), so today I got the peppermints as soon as I went into the store. I also grabbed some saltines and pudding because they were on sale (I was totally willing for us to buy the saltine and pudding, but my father-in-law bought them for me!).

He also got ice cream for everyone (some sugar free/diabetic ice cream for my mother-in-law, and two flavors of ice cream for Ace and I to enjoy), and the ice cream was his idea. On the way home, we stopped to pick up some pizzas and my stomach was nicely soothed the entire trip home by the smell of the pizzas. It was especially nice on the snow covered streets in the neighborhood.

So, I'm no longer feeling cabin fever. I'm just trying to avoid feeling nauseous/exhausted all the time.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Blue Eyes Crying in the Snow

Today, it's snowing again. Ace decided that we should go out to get some grocery shopping done. He got dressed, headed out, and started clearing off the car. I joined him outside not too long after (about 10 minutes). He had the car fairly clear and was working on moving the snow that had settled right behind it, so I waited in the garage until he could back up the car and let me in.

After another 15 minutes of finishing clearing off the car, we were ready to go. We started off well, and had we actually made it off the street my in-laws' house is on, we probably would have made our trip to the store and back just fine. Instead, Ace decided to head toward the right side of the street (which still had too much snow) and slowed down to ensure he couldn't/wouldn't hit another vehicle. Then, the car got stuck.

Ace got close to getting the car unstuck, and eventually someone stopped (actually, turned around) to help. I got to drive our car, backwards, down the street until I got to my in-law's driveway (my first time to drive on that much snow). There I temporarily parked the car until Ace got in to re-park it on the street. I moved into the garage, sat down, and started crying out of frustration (hormones helped with that).

Some of my biggest frustrations had to do with the fact that we didn't make it off the street and that I needed a bit more time away from my mother-in-law than I got. It all just seemed so unfair. I had been teased with a glimpse of time away from this house, only to have it come crashing down in an effort to keep from ruining our engine. I'm not particularly upset with Ace's decision, just frustrated that it came to that.

*I do have blue eyes. I did refrain from crying while actually in the falling snow, but I did sob a bit more than expected about not being able to go grocery shopping, a chore I usually don't care much about. Cabin fever sucks!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Cabin Fever

People, I am fighting off cabin fever so bad you would probably not believe it. And I know that if there wasn't all this snow on the ground outside, I probably wouldn't care about being "stuck" at home.

Yesterday, Ace and I did get out of the house, but only to the corner where my in-laws SUV was stuck to get it unstuck and moved to in front of the house (I was really bundled up for that too). It helped with the cabin fever, at least for a few hours. And it got us $20 to boot.

I think Ace is ready to get me out of the house for a bit, because I'm starting to whine sometimes about things. My hormones are making everything around me either more annoying or causing me to feel sappier about them than I normally would feel. Fighting off some nausea (it seems to be unrelated to my mother-in-law's illness earlier this week, since she was actually throwing up and I haven't) and not having access to as much Sprite and peppermints as I would like hasn't helped either. Having my mother-in-law loudly pester us for roughly half an hour over stuff that Ace and I don't care about hasn't helped either.

Basically, I'm starting to go stir crazy, the hours are passing SLOWLY, and my mother-in-law seems to be getting more annoying by the day. Somebody get me out of here!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Snowed In

Last night, my father-in-law left early to head to work to beat the snow storm, just in case the office he provides security for had people working today. Because of all the snow (at 10 a.m., there were 10-12+ inches in the Tulsa area and it was still snowing), that office decided to close. My father-in-law was told he could go home, or stay there if it was safer. Last I heard, he's still at work.

Here, we are semi-snowed in. Ace and I probably could get to our car and potentially go somewhere, but we have no where to go. My mother-in-law is stuck here, since we have no way to take her chair anywhere.

Even if we tried to go somewhere, most places would be closed and the highways, while still open, are likely hard to get on or off the highway. There isn't any place to go or any reason to go anywhere. According to the news (something that is fascinating due to the snow, but would otherwise be unwelcome to us to see), we're up to 13.8 inches in Tulsa, a record high for Feb. 1 and a record for most snowfall in 24 hours. It's still snowing too.

There doesn't seem to be any reports of power outages, so that's good. Yay for warmth.

But I'd be happy to take a trip to Hawaii about now.