Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dreams That Probably Won't Come True

I've talked about it before, but it's been a while. I sometimes dream of other bloggers. The other night I dreamt of Jenna & her husband Joey. And while I'd love to actually meet Jenna sometime, my dream is really unlikely to come true.

I dreamt that she and I were taking college classes together (no clue what classes we were taking, or why, just that we were taking classes). When we got to one of our classes, Joey was teaching it. Jenna kept trying to get me to talk to her, and I kept trying to get her to be quiet so I could hear what Joey was saying (I don't talk during class, I listen). Joey decided that he would have to separate us during class in order to keep us quiet and dream me just wondered why I was being punished when I was trying to listen.

It was an odd dream. But Jenna and I were having fun in it, which is always a good thing. I doubt that Jenna talks during classes, but she did in my dream. I doubt that Jenna and I will be taking college classes together, and I really doubt we'd take a class Joey was teaching, but I've had odder dreams that have had parts come true so I make no guarantees.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Pain Means Something

A long while back, I said something about doing exercises to help my shoulder. My intentions were good and I truly meant to exercise it, but I got distracted with other things.

The past few days, Ace and I have been playing with a Wii. It's been exercise for my shoulder, which is good. I've also been doing the exercises I should have been doing all these months.

Because of all this exercise, my shoulder is hurting some, but in a good, healthy way. I'm feeling the burn of muscles that are trying to recover from being broken down and built back up. The pain, while it's slightly uncomfortable, is sweet because it means that I'm helping my shoulder. The pain has a good meaning, and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Monday, April 19, 2010

15 Years

It's been 15 years since the Oklahoma City bombing. It's been 15 years and I still don't quite know what to think or how to feel about it all.

It was a tragedy. It's still a tragedy. Lives were cut short. The people who lived through it had their lives changed forever.

It tears me up inside to think about. 15 years ago, I was in 8th grade and was in American History at 9:02. I got to hear about what was happening in downtown Oklahoma City more than I wanted to (who wants to hear much about that kind of tragedy at 14?) because my mom was slightly obsessed with watching the news. It didn't help that during my library science class, the news was on for teachers to come find out the latest.

It's been 15 years. Oklahoma still mourns the loss. We've got a memorial in honor of the lives lost. We've mostly moved on with our lives, but on the anniversary we remember.

It's been 15 years.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Patience Is a Virtue

I've been working on patience over the last few years. I've been steadily developing it. I'm still working on it, but I'm doing much better now than I used to.

I can tell, because today I sat and let my niece tell me which button to press while she practiced multiplication. After nearly 150 problems of 11 times ___, she was ready to move on. I was ready to move on after 20, but I figured that it wasn't a big deal to let her keep going.

Today, that was not the only thing that reminded me that I'm much more patient than I was in the past. I started my period and for the first time I wasn't wondering how long it would be before I get pregnant. It'll happen, or it won't and we'll adopt. It won't necessarily be easy, but at least we have options, which is something.

Not only do I seem to be more patient, but I seem to be more positive lately. I think that is a great thing. Until I know any different, I'll assume that just because I didn't get pregnant this month doesn't mean that I won't get pregnant next month. And I'll be patient and wait. There isn't much else I can do right now.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Things Change Again

We moved back to Tulsa yesterday. I would have written about it sooner, but I was running on adrenaline or something similar yesterday.

We're going to try something different, and things don't seem settled yet. We're going to talk to a friend soon and that may assist us in making another change again soon.

I don't really want to say too much about all these changes until I know for sure what is going to happen. So far, all I feel comfortable saying is that we're back in Tulsa now and that more change seems to be coming.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

To My Children, Who I'm Still Waiting On

Dear Baby,

Hello! This is your mother. I don't know anything about you yet, other than that I love you. I have been waiting for you, and my wait hasn't ended yet.

I am looking forward to meeting you. I will probably count your little fingers ans toes multiple times. I plan on giving you a lot of love and affection.

I cannot promise you that I will be perfect. But I can promise to always love and support you. I promise to raise you to know your strengths and your weaknesses. I promise that my praise will not be empty and meaningless. I promise that I will always love you, even if I don't always agree with you. I promise that I will be willing to listen any time you have anything to say, important or not, because you are important to me.

I will always remember my wait and how big a blessing you are. I will remind myself that getting things done isn't my life's goal, so slowing down to your speed is important. Life already moves too quickly.

While I may complain about your less desirable behavior, I'll also praise your good behavior. I'll teach you the important things, like reading and math, the fun things, like swimming, and, most importantly, how to learn.

I look forward to showing you the world. I also look forward to you teaching me about slowing down and living in the moment.

Until we meet, I'll be waiting for you.



I don't know if I'm pregnant or not, I'm waiting to find out. But I find myself wanting to start communicating with my children either way. I don't think it's too early to start thinking about what things are important to instill into my kids. And it's important for me to know what things I want my kids to know for all their lives.

Friday, April 9, 2010


I've been doing lots of research for my book. I've been looking up things that I plan on doing or having happen to my characters to ensure that my book has a realistic feel to it. Some of the stuff I've learned has been interesting (like how a broken bone repairs itself). Some of the stuff I've learned has been scary (like what stalking is).

Some of my research has been about learning how not to write some scenes, scenes I'm not 100% sure I'm going to write. That's been enlightening in a different way. People don't always know the proper terms to use, don't know anatomy (I don't know where everything is, but I do know enough anatomy to avoid major mistakes and can research what I don't know), or try to use odd euphemisms when they write. The end result makes you think a teenage girl is writing the story and she has no personal experience on which to base her writing.

The process of researching seems just as vital to writing to me as figuring out my characters' stories and how to best tell them. Knowing what my characters would need to do to accomplish their tasks here allows me to make their world much more concrete and realistic.

While doing my research, before starting my book, I researched names. I wanted my characters to have names that meant something about their character, even if I was the only one who ever knew that their names were meaningful. I didn't take a ton of time doing it, but I did check a couple of sources to ensure that the definitions I had were the right ones for the names.

One of my characters has already given me an idea for a sequel. She wants her own story told, so when I finish this book, I'll start researching for the next book. Since I plan on setting part of the sequel in Europe, Ace is encouraging the idea of us traveling to Europe for research purposes, something I'm all for us doing.

And that, my friends, is one of the things I've been doing for the past few months.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Getting Organized

Earlier, I spent some time working on my new 3x5 cards getting some things organized for my writing. I now have cards for all my main characters. They are all described physically (looks, age, height) and I have other important information written down to help me keep all my characters straight when writing. There's only 9 characters, but I don't want to describe them in two or three different ways and have to make major changes later.

Since 3x5 cards aren't sold in packs of 9, I have plenty of other cards for any additional information I may need to add to these cards (not that they are full yet, but it never hurts to have extra cards around). Or plenty of cards for whatever future book I may write (I know, one step at a time).

Doing this feels like an important step forward in my book. I have the characters mapped out decently and organized. I have their full names, as well as nicknames, and their important info all together for quick review if need be. Instead of a long page full of info, I have something small and easy to shuffle around. I even have plans for if the info goes past the first card on how to keep (or return) order among my info.

I may not have written any more on my book yet, but I feel like I've accomplished something on my mental list of working on writing. It's a start.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Shifting Focus

I have been spending almost all my time lately focusing on anything and everything other than writing. I realized earlier today that I'm avoiding writing anywhere.

I've been ignoring this blog, not because it means so little to me, but just because there is something shiny over there and I want to read this over here and there's this game to play and I'll get to it in a little while, make that tomorrow, what do you mean it's been a week since I updated?

I need to shift my focus. I need to force myself to write (not that I actually have to force the words out once I start, I just need to force myself to start).

So, I'm going to shift my focus. I'm going to intentionally work on writing, either here or on my book or, preferably, on both. I'm going to make myself start writing and let the words flow. I'm going to stop distracting myself.

I'll never finish my book if I don't work on writing it. And I'd like to finish it by the end of the year at the latest, which means I need to get writing.