Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Dumb Question

Earlier, Ace asked me a dumb question. He really should have already known the answer too.

Here's the important background to his question. We're visiting my dad (except this time we're staying in a hotel room instead of his house). I've been trying to sleep more at night instead of during the day (so we can be around my family when they are awake), but it hasn't been going as well as I would like it to (I had 2 nights in a row where I would get 2 hours of sleep and then wake up for a while.) as I have been tired pretty much this whole time.

We've been visiting with my family, and we're all going out to dinner at which time, I decide to change from my sweatshirt to my coat, as I've already been chilly today and I know it's only going to get colder. Tonight, at dinner (out, with 2 other families), I start feeling bad. I just want to go lay down. Finally, Ace is done with his meal, so we can go (my dad is covering our food, so we can just leave and let me lay down). We're both convinced that after about an hour, I'll be fine and can meet my family back at my dad's house.

I go to sleep shortly after we get here and Ace wakes me up after an hour to see if I feel up to getting up (no, I just want to sleep). So, he's going to go pick up our laptops from my dad's house so that he has something more entertaining to do than stare at a TV or stare at his wife (I don't blame him at all).

12:30, roughly 5 hours after getting back to our room from dinner, I wake up and feel human again. Ace decides to check the weather and comment on how cold it's going to be tomorrow morning. Then he asks his stupid question, "Did you bring in my coat too?"

When, during all my sleep, did he think I went and specifically got my coat out of the trunk of the car, but left his coat there? And didn't he remember me changing coats, so the only reason either of us has a warm coat is because I was cold earlier so I changed coats before we went to eat?

I kind of stared at him and reminded him that my coat was only inside because I as wearing it earlier.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?

I've had my new phone for less than 2 hours, and already I love it. It's a Samsung Messenger and it rocks! It slides to the side for texting (and it made moving all my contacts over a breeze).

Plus, it gets great reception inside my house, which was the only potential problem (other than possibly not getting reception all the way to my dad's house, but we have an idea for a prepaid phone with someone we know will have coverage if it is an issue).

Seriously, less than 2 hours, and I love this phone. And I'm loving the unlimited texting (I've only sent 2 texts so far, but I'm sure I'll be telling Ace more stuff throughout his work day, now that I can send him messages).

And, in roughly a week, I'll only have one cell phone again (our old contract ends on roughly the 2nd of January, it will probably take us a few more days to end the service on my phone, and a little longer to end the service on Ace's phone).

Well, I should probably go start work on those cookies for my dad, but I just had to come and gush some about my new phone.


P.S.: Ace's surprise fell through. He was trying to arrange for my sister to come tomorrow and work with me on making those cookies. Best attempted gift ever. The phone is one of the best gifts ever... now if only we can do well with the baby-making wish.

Christmas Confussion?

The past 2 years (at least), my in-laws have given me, as part of my Christmas gifts, a stuffed animal. While I like stuffed animals this practice confuses me, as I have never said anything to them about wanting them to give me stuffed animals (truthfully, I'd rather Ace or I pick out those stuffed animals, thanks).

Last year, I think that Ace's sister-in-law also got a similar stuffed animal, but I'm fuzzy on that. I do know that my niece and I got duplicate stuffed animals the last two years (this year, Ace's grandmother also got one).

My theory, and this is just a theory, is that since Ace and I haven't provided a child they've decided that I should get whatever stuffed animal they would give that child. I'm just not sure what they think giving me stuffed animals will accomplish.

So, I would love to hear your theories as to why I am receiving animals that I would never have picked out on my own. What possible message could they be trying to send?

P.S.: It was either post about this or talk about doing dishes. I'm fairly sure the dishes thing isn't interesting to anyone, myself included (even though I've been the one doing them).

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas (Can I Get My New Phone Yet?)

Today has been... different. I tried to get as much sleep as I could before we went to Ace's parents house (I got 3 hours, which was nice).

Once we got to the house, we had to wait on the meal (why are they never ready to eat when they say they will be?). It gave me time to listen to my niece talk about what she's already received for Christmas. It also reminded me of what every little kid wants on Christmas (forget the food, lets open gifts).

The gift exchange went well. Ace and I got a lot of chocolate (just as he's decided to cut down on the amount of sweets he's eating) and the money that will let me get my new cell phone (and no present from his parents that I don't quite know what to do with, which makes me happy).

Then, we came home, and I took a nap (because I need more than 3 hours of sleep to fully function). Since I've woken back up, I've been looking forward to our date night tonight (spaghetti, garlic bread, chocolate pie, sparkling grape juice, and a movie).

And now I must go, so I can help Ace with making the spaghetti (or at least help him stay entertained while he makes spaghetti).


P.S.: Monday, I get my new cell phone, and I am excited!!!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Gifts and Cell Phones

Ace's gift is sitting in our living room (on a tray table) wrapped and waiting for him to open Wednesday at midnight (it's as long as I feel I can be able to tell him he can't open it). He already knows what his gift is (he was there when it was bought). He keeps teasing me about trying to let him open earlier than that, but I'm not budging (he can wait until then). He seriously doesn't mind waiting that long, even though he would like to have it already.

On a somewhat related note, while I don't know what this surprise he's got planned for me is (I'm still waiting), he is also planning on getting me a new cell phone soon (in a week, at the latest). I'm getting a new phone with a new phone number and a new service provider. I'm excited. Ace has thought about getting me the new phone Tuesday. He even teased that if I get the phone then, than he should get his present Tuesday too, but he wasn't serious. I teased back that he could hold on to my new phone until midnight, if that was going to be the arrangement.

I love Christmas, and I am so looking forward to spending the next few weeks celebrating it (Wednesday night with Ace, Thursday at lunch with his family, and the following Monday or Tuesday with my family). And, to make the whole thing more exciting, I'm not stressing out over all this like I was at Thanksgiving (I am seriously relaxed now that I'm done with all the shopping, which is so cool).


Saturday, December 20, 2008

To Cut Or Not To Cut

I have long hair currently. It's down past the middle of my back (I think, I don't usually leave it down long enough to notice). It's also annoying me with how long it is. So, I plan on getting it cut.

I'm not sure when (probably after the new year) and I have no clue how I want it cut. All I know is that I have 2 rules when it comes to my hair.

1. No bangs. I dislike having any hair over my forehead, which is kind of the point with bangs. Plus, it took me a long while to grow them out.

2. It has to be an easy style to keep up. I currently wear my hair parted in the middle. I've been doing this for YEARS (since I was really, really little). I'm not sure I would be able to do much else with it. Also, I cannot use a curling iron (I know the theory of how to use one, but I just can't seem to grasp the application).

So those are my two simple rules for my hair.

Any suggestions on potential styles (I know that's hard with no picture of me to compare it to, but...)?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Photo Meme

Okay, I got tagged to do a photo meme.

The object of photo tag is to:

1. Choose the fourth folder where you store pictures on your computer
2. Select the fourth picture in the folder
3. Explain the picture
4. Tag four people to do the same

NO CHEATING! (Cropping, editing, etc!)

This is a fuzzy picture from when Ace and I went to the Tulsa Home and Garden Show (I'd link to the post where I first posted some pictures, but I can't find it). We were waiting to buy tickets to get in, and I snapped a picture. I probably should have deleted it.

Since I don't think I have four people who actually read my blog, you can do this meme if you want, just let me know (I got tagged by Jenna, so I don't expect her to do it again).

And this is the fourth picture from my third photo folder, as I don't have four folders of pictures on my computer. Someday, I'll download some of the 20 pictures of Guillermo that I've taken since his return, and I may post a picture of him then to truly fill all the major requirements of this meme.

See you later!

P.S.: My "little" sister turns 18 today (she's taller than I am, but she's younger).

Sex Heals

Yesterday (around 2 am), Ace and I had a rather serious talk. We made some decisions about spending time together and what things should cue what behaviors (when he gets home, I turn off the TV, push away my laptop, and get ready to spend time with him for at least 30 minutes). And while this was important, it was hard emotionally (yesterday, just about everything was hard emotionally).

Earlier (a few hours ago), Ace and I had sex. And I feel like our marriage has healed because of it. I feel much better with where we are now than I did 24 hours ago (we weren't mad or upset, I was just still feeling a little emotional).

In fact, I was able to tease Ace that if he did what he was planning on, I may not be able to speak English, which would make Christmas more interesting. He teased me back about trying to explain my lack of English to my father and pointing out that his family already thinks I'm kind of weird (partly because they think he is weird). Nicely, my ability to speak English has not been hampered in any way.

So, sometimes in a marriage, sex heals.

And it feels oh so good when that happens.


P.S.: Jenna, I'm taking the other advice you gave me. I'm sure it will help a lot. Thanks.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ace's Surprise

Ace has decided to do something for me for Christmas. He's decided that it will be a surprise. So, he's got a few small things that he's requested.

1. I am not to check his e-mail until we go to my dad's for Christmas. That's not an issue, as I don't normally check his e-mail.

2. I am not to ask too many questions (he won't answer most of them) about my surprise because he won't answer them. This is only slightly less fun, as I am completely curious about what is going to happen.

So, for now I'm wondering about what he's planning and trying to be patient.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Santa Claus Is Comming To Town

I listened to the lyrics of the title song and thought about them for the first time ever.

Why does Santa care if I cry? If me crying is going to be what makes or breaks me getting a gift, he can keep his gift (I'll refrain from telling him and you where he can put it).

Does he only care if it's a temper tantrum type fit? If so, then cool. If not, then he needs to re-evaluate how he plans to distribute gifts to this house, because I've cried at most of the Christmas shows I've watched (and I refuse to stop watching them, because they are happy tears).

Ace agreed with me, shortly before he fell back asleep (he falls asleep quickly and can sleep almost any where, I wish I could do either of those). If the gift is dependent on not crying, this house isn't interested.

After all, a girl (or guy) should be able to cry if she (or he) needs to.

And that is my over thinking of Christmas carol. Come back soon to see what else I over think.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Update on Me

So, the hormone levels in my system have leveled back out and I'm not feeling so crazy/weepy/mopey any more. I'm not fully back to normal for me (I'm feeling jumpy), but I'm much closer (you know, since I'm still trying to figure out what normal is).

I took Jenna's advice. I went (or rather, Ace and I went) and bought me some large chocolate bars (I got two Symphony bars with the toffee, they are great, and a Mr. Goodbar, which I know I like). I still have 1 and 1/2 bars left, because I'm eating them 1/2 a bar at a time.

I'm still crying at Christmas shows, but I'm not surprised about that as they start pulling at my heart strings.

Now, if only I could get my Christmas shopping done (we'll be mostly done by Friday, I expect), I feel wonderful about how everything is going right now.

So, now you know how things are with me, how are things with you?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Struggling With Words

I'm at a loss. For the first time ever here, and for the first time in a long while, I'm struggling to find my own words.

Well, the words seem to be coming easily, it's more the topic that seems to be elusive. Instead of one cohesive post, my brain has been starting and stopping about a dozen different topics.

Which, I think, is indicative of my larger problem right now. I'm struggling with my desire to do something when I know that right now I need to just wait (this does not include my desire to clean my house, which I have no need to wait on).

I guess it's just that I'm ready for the next step, whatever that is, and I have to wait for it right now.

On the plus side, tomorrow I go to do some shopping and that should help me feel like I'm getting something accomplished lately.

Well, I'm going to go. I've got other things to distract myself with while I'm waiting.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Finding Center

Some times when I let my hope get up, I end up feeling crushed afterwards. That's where I am right now. But, I'm finding my way back towards my center.

I started my period today. I'm fighting off cramps with some Midol. I'm fighting off bad feelings with cartoons, mashed potatoes, and time with Ace (at least, I will).

I'm finding it hard sometimes to just be happy for others when I find out they are pregnant. I am happy for them, no matter what, but there is a part of me that also feels jealous that they seem to be pregnant without any struggle, and I'm here waiting month after month to find out if I finally achieved my goal. It's hard to see other people getting what they want and wondering why you don't have the exact same thing.

All of this makes being patient seem a little harder than it should sometimes. Because part of me wants to cry out, how long do I have to be patient? Isn't it someone else's turn to be patient yet? How many people are going to have to ask why we don't have kids yet? Why is there no time frame here for me?

And then the hormone rush starts leaving my system, and I start finding my center again. And I wait.

And I try again next month.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Cold Fronts (and Warm Hearts)

The weather in OK is never dull. I take that back, there are plenty of days where it is nice. The weather from October through December is never dull. It's like all the air systems that meet here can't decide what temperature it should be (most years, it just gradually gets colder and that's it, but that's boring to talk about).

On the 8th, it was in the 50s. On the 9th, the temperature dropped all day (with a huge wind chill). It's currently in the 20s (of course, it will warm up when the sun comes up) and feels like it's in the teens. It's COLD here. (Thursday, it's supposed to be back up to the 50s again.)

In a strange contrast, I've been tearing up at almost all the Christmas specials (there's a connection coming). While I've been wanting to stay under blankets to keep my body warm, my heart has been reminding me how warm it already is (see, I connected them). Of course, I'm also looking at some of these shows with a new set of eyes. There are some that I've decided won't be watched again (why were all the adults in Rudolph so rude?), some that I decided once was enough (Cranberry Christmas, if you've seen it you can probably figure out why), and some that I'm keeping to watch again (even if it made me tear up).

'Tis the season of contrasts, I guess. But I am missing the warmth of a few months ago.

Well, I'm going to go. If I add any more, I'll run into being random, and I'm trying to stop being quite so random in every post.


PS: If you're wondering, still nauseous at times, still waiting to take a pregnancy test (there are rules in this house about when test are allowed to be taken).

Monday, December 8, 2008

Praying for Relief

Oh, people. People.

I feel like throwing up. I don't want to eat anything (yes, I tried to see if I was mistaking hunger for nausea, but I'm not).

I'm praying that I'll start feeling better soon.

And now I need to lay back down, because otherwise, I think I'm going to fall over.


Sunday, December 7, 2008


And now, the winner for the freakiest thing I've done lately (possibly ever)...

Randomly crying when Ace made a joke earlier.

I was practically bawling. And the only thing to blame is hormones, because normally I would have rolled my eyes or laughed and moved on with my day.

I'm still wondering about what could have possibly set me off like that. On the plus side, I felt better afterward (when I calmed back down and we watched Johnny Dangerously).

I'm just wondering if this has anything to do with me tearing up at holiday commercials and Christmas specials (I teared up while watching Frosty and Crystal get married, which is a somewhat silly thing to tear up over).

Ace is starting to wonder if I might be pregnant (my period isn't due to start for another 24-72 hours). I'm just wondering if I'm getting all emotional like I did when I was a teenager (The week before my period, anything could make me cry or make me angry for no real reason. I scared my dad a couple of times by crying at one of his jokes because he had bad timing.) and am really hoping that I'm not. It wasn't fun the first time around and it hasn't happened in years.

So, yeah, I'm trying not to be freaked out by my random emotional outburst earlier and have moved on to trying to joke about it. I'm not sure that any of this is reassuring Ace that his wife is still sane.

If you have any suggestions on what could help me continue to be sane, please let me know.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Lessons Learned and Other Randomness

Looking back on my posts for the month of November, I've found that I'm satisfied with all but 3 of them. Which works out to being happy with 90% of my writing for the month. Also, it means that roughly 10% of the time, if there isn't a post, it's because I don't have anything to say. So, it was a good experiment.

On a completely different track, I'm trying to start doing yoga (by DVD, which isn't the best way possible, but it's what I can do for now). Karen, my massage therapist friend, suggested that I do that as a way to get more relaxed over all (so it would be easier on her when she gives me massages). It's been interesting, and so far, I've spent way too much time just watching the DVD, realizing that I need to get in better shape. And Guillermo likes to get in my face when I'm down at his level.

Ace and I, in an attempt to show some Christmas spirit around the house, have hung up stockings in the living room. The dog does not have his own stocking, but I'm fairly sure he doesn't care. I'm hoping for a house big enough for a tree by next Christmas.

I spent 10 minutes today cleaning stuff off the floor from my side of the bed. I didn't realize I had so much stuff down there. Now, I just have to figure out what to do with my 2 blankets (1 for when it's cold and 1 for when it's just me that's cold) when they aren't in use so they won't be in the way of my laptop tray thingy (the one I injured my toe on the other day).

Now that I've gotten some of my words out, I'm going to go do something I promised Ace I would. Because I'm a woman of my word.


Thursday, December 4, 2008

In Which I Prove to Still Be Somewhat Clumsy

Ace, the wonderful love of my life, bought me something to make my life easier. He got me a laptop cart thing that can slide under the bed so that I can use my laptop without having to put it on my actual lap. He put it together and asked me from time to time what I thought of it. So far, I'm still not sure how I feel, but we'll see if it stays with me.

I was moving myself (and my laptop cart) from the living room to the bedroom. I decided to not keep pushing it with my juice on it so that I wouldn't spill (and to move something out of the way). Instead, I tripped over part of the base portion and stubbed my toe (I'm icing it now, as it still hurts). I also spilled part of my juice (nicely, none of it hit my laptop).

To add to the "fun", I almost fell over trying to put some pajama pants on.

Yeah, I really need to be more careful of where things are in relation to where my body is. Until then, I'll make sure to keep things around to icing down my unintended injuries.


Monday, December 1, 2008

Control, TV, and Randomness

OK, I wasn't going to post today, but I have words and they are bursting to come out (if Ace didn't have to work today, he would be asking me to settle down for a little while, I think). Unfortunately for you, dear readers, I have a bunch of random things that all want to be said all at once, and you're just going to either have to skip today's post to avoid it or deal with it.

1. I have recently decided that I'm a bit of a control freak about some things (like how laundry is folded). And I need to let go of that need for control, because it's not healthy (I stress myself out about those things under my control). So, I'm trying to relax and remember to breath and to not worry about whether or not the dishes are done right away or how Ace folds clothes when we pack to go somewhere.

2. Tomorrow, we get an HD-DVR installed in the living room. Ace wants to take the DVR that's in there now and put it in the bathroom so that I will use it to record shows I like and spend more time relaxing in the tub (even if it's just for an episode of one of my favorite shows or listening to one of the music stations). We'll see how this all works out, but it has possibilities. More than the bribe attempt that never actually happened.

3. Speaking of DVRs and TV, my dad suggested that I record all my favorite Christmas shows and keep them so I can watch them whenever (I was already planning on recording them, but I hadn't thought about keeping them). So, now I'll be able to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 30 min. cartoon) and the Frosty episodes whenever I want (year round) because of my dad.

4. Our house, over the past couple of days has had issues with the temperature dropping severely in our bedroom and the kitchen. It would be 74 in the living room and 69 in the bedroom (5 degrees is severe to me). Today, I left the fan on in the bedroom and so far it's stayed around where it's supposed to. I wonder if there is some connection to those two things.

And now that I've got some of the extreme randomness out, I'm going to go back to watching the Grinch, because it makes me smile.


Sunday, November 30, 2008

30 Posts in 30 Days

Well, I made it. This is post number 30. I'm proud of me.

And I don't really have much to say about it (or anything else).

Other than to apologize to Ace once again for snapping some earlier. I know I'm tired, but that is no excuse for snapping like I did.

So, there you have it. A month of our lives.

Next month, I'm not pushing myself so much. But I think I'll go through and read some of the other blogs that also tried to do NoBloPoMo. Because I originally meant to do that during the month, but then I got distracted with other things and didn't do it.

So, if I don't post tomorrow, it's just because I'm taking a short break from posting until something exciting happens (which probably won't be long).


Saturday, November 29, 2008

What I Learned/Things That Happened During the Week of Thanksgiving '08

Today, you get a short list of things that happened or things I learned this week.

1. My step-mother's sister-in-law (who is only about 5 years older than me) has decided that I should call her aunt even though I didn't meet her until after I was 18 (I'm not going to do it, because I don't know her well enough and I haven't known her long enough to even really contemplate this idea).

2. This same woman found it surprising when I said the word @$$ while we were playing Uno (I was loosing, badly). She jokingly threatened to tell my dad, but I pointed out he was standing right there and obviously heard it and didn't care. Then she threatened to tell Ace (what she thought he would do is beyond me). When he came out, she informed him. Ace mentioned that he overheard and didn't care.

3. Guillermo is not to be trusted with his food (he'll eat until he's full and leave nothing for later) and he strongly missed us when we were gone. He tries to come with us each time we go somewhere now and he spent quite a bit of time as close to us (mostly Ace) as he could get (he apparently laid down on Ace's socks to feel close to him).

4. Our love seat currently stinks a lot. It smells like a combination of dog sweat and man sweat. It is not attractive. Ace has promised to Fabreeze it later, and I'm not sitting there again until it no longer stinks so much.

5. Ace's grandmother doesn't remember most of her family at this point (she kind of remembers she has sons, but doesn't remember who they are). She still eats all the chocolate she can get her hands on (Ace had to hide anything with chocolate on it while we were at his parent's house).

6. My stepmother got one card in the mail for her birthday. It was from us.

7. While my dad goes to sleep quickly, he wakes up at every sound at night. I got reminded that he normally sleeps in a chair in the living room most nights.

8. I really need to remember not to reach very far with my right arm right now. And I should not keep pushing myself just because I'm having fun and it's habit.

9. Ace is the best husband in the world as evidenced by the fact that he doesn't say "I told you so" when I am in pain because I didn't take his advice (and he didn't give it early enough) and now have a sore shoulder.

10. Ace is also the best husband in the world because he gave up about 2 hours sleep to try to get me out of pain and let me get some more sleep, and didn't complain once about it (he was tempted to give a dirty look to my "aunt" when she commented on when he finally got up, but didn't as he figured she probably didn't know why he slept as late as he did). He got about 6 hours of disjointed sleep Wed. night/Thurs. morning (which beat my 2 to 3)

11. And, if all that wasn't enough of Ace, he did the laundry when we got home so that I wouldn't have to.

12. He took off Friday, partly to get back on a good sleep schedule, but partly so that he could help me find my warranty on my ring so we could get it inspected before the month ended (we did, and don't have to think about it for 6 months).

13. A full-sized bed isn't big enough for two people who are used to sleeping on a queen-sized bed. Especially if one of them (me) can't really sleep very well if someone is touching them.

14. Ace's father has not gotten any less nosy since I last saw him. His uncle is cool and someone I would like to spend more time with sometime, if possible, maybe.

15. Smoked turkey (even when it's a little dried out) tastes better than oven roasted (especially when it's a little dried out).

This is probably about the tip of the iceberg of things I learned or things that happened over the past week (actually, it's from Wed. night to Fri. evening, so not really all that long).

So, when I tell you that I'm still a little tired from my odd trip to see my dad, you'll believe me completely.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Sleep Isn't (Just) For the Weak

People, I fought my body to stay awake for most of Thanksgiving. I had 2 hours of sleep, and put caffeine and vitamins in my system to help me stay awake.

I made it (somewhat barely) through dinner at my in-laws house (2 and 1/2 hours there, the first hour of which was waiting for dinner to be ready). I was fighting to stay awake pretty much the whole time (with diminishing caffeine and weakening will power to actually stay upright until I got back home).

Shortly after getting home, I was laying down and fell asleep within, I'm guessing, 20 minutes (I normally take AT LEAST 30 minutes to fall asleep). I woke up after roughly 2 hours and lurched my way into the bathroom, requested a drink from Ace, and then returned to bed for another hour of sleep.

When I woke up again, I felt much better sleep wise (not feeling like I needed to just go straight back to sleep again). And, I finally found my apatite (after smelling turkey and ham for most of the previous 24 hours, I'm not surprised that I was hungry, I was just surprised that it took so long to get hungry).

Now that I've eaten and slept, I feel much more human. And less likely to fall over any minute now from exhaustion. I'm not expecting to stay awake to the time I normally go to sleep, but I should be able to move back to my normal sleeping habits by tomorrow.

And maybe tomorrow, I'll discuss various points of my different Thanksgiving dining experiences. Today, I'm not up for it. I'm still reminding myself that I don't have anything I have to do other than catch back up on some sleep and relax.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone out there (in the US) has a fun and safe holiday.

Don't drink and drive.

Drive carefully.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Greetings From a Tired Insomniac

I was busy yesterday. We got everything except our laptops packed by Monday night, so there was little fussing left to do (we had already taken care of everything else that was worrying my mind.

I got up earlier than normal, in an attempt to help ensure we would leave town by a certain time (ha, that didn't happen). I made it by the chiropractor early. Ace took care of all the little stuff around the house while I went to my appointment. And then, we discovered that we needed to buy a few things before we left (besides food and drink). And that took us an hour to do.

We finally made it on the road, and I start wanting to go to sleep, but I can't because I need to act as navigator (as well as doing a couple of other things, but nicely Ace has pretty well figured out how to get here). So, once we got here (and I got untangled from all my various cords, I started feeling tired again.

Other than a short nap around 11 pm, I've not slept yet. I'm tired, I want to sleep, but I'm used to being up, so my body is rebelling against the idea (I'll get up way to early for the amount of sleep I've gotten, possibly take a nap later, and then go to bed at a reasonable time for not being exhausted on Thanksgiving, just like I always seem to do when we're at my dad's house). I don't have much to fight it with, because I don't want to turn the light back on and go back to my book on grammar (Ace is asleep, and I want to let him sleep), so I guess I'll try to find something that I find interesting enough to read (online) while boring enough to let the tiredness I feel overtake me.

And now you know how a tired insomniac goes to sleep (I'm not normally an insomniac, it's just the rapid change in sleep times).


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

If I Hear...

If I hear one more person around me act like they are surprised I think that kids are a blessing, I may scream.

Hear me out before you decide I am insane.

Ace and I are trying (TRYING) to grow this little family of ours. We want me to get pregnant. We want children (ok, we want to start with child, but we eventually want children). I, personally, think that children are a blessing to your life and help you see the world around you in a new and different way.

I understand that with children there are days you want to give them away (for a few hours). I understand that newborns don't do much (BUT they don't stay newborns forever). I know that babies don't poop roses. I know all of this mostly because my siblings are so much younger than I am. Basically, if you want to tell me some of the bad things associated with kids, I KNOW.

BUT that doesn't matter to me, because I also know all the good stuff. All the excitement from seeing them learn something new. All the time spent imagining and playing games and exploring the world. All the dress up and excitement to see family because they want to share what they've done lately. All the kisses, hugs, and "I love you"s.

And, I for one, am willing to put up with the hard, bad days to get all the good ones.

So please, stop acting like my views on children are ridiculous and will change when I've got a baby in my arms. Because I'm looking at a bigger picture than the day to day.

Plus, I'd rather not scream.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mentally Preparing

Tuesday, Ace and I are going to visit my dad for Thanksgiving. We won't get to spend all day Thursday there (Ace has told his family we would eat with them that evening, which means coming back home mid-day). I'm hoping we get to stay long enough to eat (we should, but I'm still hoping). I'm also hoping that dinner with his family will go smoothly (and that they will not say anything to me about me working, as it isn't any of their business).

So, I'm thinking right now about what all we need to do before we go (a couple of loads of dishes, pack, find someone to come by and feed Guillermo, figure out when we'll go grocery shopping for perishables) and wishing that Ace was off early tonight so that we could talk about this. Instead, I'm spending the time he's at work mentally making lists, figuring out what I want to wear Tuesday-Thursday, and trying not to get myself stressed while preparing for a long day Thursday.

Despite how stressful I just made all this sound, I am really looking forward to seeing my dad and step-mom again. And my sister and I are trying to figure something out for her to come up here to visit and let me meet her boyfriend, which I am also somewhat excited about. And I'm trying to focus on those things, because they help me calm down (the Christmas music isn't doing enough to calm me down).

On the plus side, Ace called, and he is willing to get most everything packed tonight and has some good ideas for who is nearby who could feed the dog.

And now I must go, for Ace is home and we are now going to do somethings to lessen my stress level greatly.


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Dreaming of Children

Occasionally, I have dreams where I am a mother. Usually, the baby doesn't look like most babies (I've had several dreams where the entire baby was just a head, which I know doesn't happen), but with this dream it did.

And I even did some of the normal things that you do to when you have a baby (feeding the baby, changing a diaper, etc.). And I was happy to have a baby (in case you're wondering, it was a boy).

And then, in my dream, I had an older girl too (the fact that it was a girl was the only thing that told me that I wasn't just skipping time forward in my dream). And, for the short time of my dream, I felt whole.

Now, I'm just waiting for my dreams to become reality.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

How Guillermo Drove Me to Drink

Let me set the scene.

Ace and I watch an episode of Mythbusters and decide that if the heat is ever off in the house again, we'll let Guillermo on the bed with us to help keep all of us warm. Of course, this conversation is said out loud, because we are sitting a few feet from each other and that's how people communicate.

A little while later, while watching an episode of Hogan's Heroes, we notice the dog leaving the living room and heading toward our bedroom for no apparent reason. We call him back into the living room and shrug it off. When he goes back that way in a few minutes, we call him back into the living room and start speculating.

Then, we stop him before he disappears again and I walk into the bed room. I find that he has obviously been getting on the bed which he is not allowed to do (on MY side! where his is really not allowed) and he follows us into the room. The sheets are wet, not all over, but it's obvious that he's drooled on them, and mostly near where my head and body will be tonight (eeewww).

And I am having trouble keeping my composure, because part of me just wants to cry because who wants to end their day with changing the sheets because the dog thought it would be fun to get on the bed? Instead, we get to witness Guillermo jump on the bed yet again and Ace decides to discipline him for it. Then, I finally get a hug and a suggestion that I laugh instead of crying, because it will be better for me. So, in an effort to cheer myself up, I grab the only alcohol in the house and chug down a few drinks (I'm not even feeling tipsy).

And then, I go strip the bed so we can put clean sheets on it. And I demand a 24 hour period in which the dog gets no people food as punishment. His puppy eyes do nothing to my frustration and the sentence stands.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Excess WoW

There are a few times where Ace convinces me to get on World of Warcraft for a few minutes (an hour, tops) and the next thing I know, I'm wanting to get off the game because it's been several hours (like 8).

And it's starting to make me think that we need to set time limits on WoW on Ace's days off (which is when we are more likely to go to excess on playing). Because I need to not spend so many hours playing a game. I have other things to do (like remembering to do the laundry).

So, any suggestions on how to limit our time in the game?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The Bribe

Ace is thinking of offering me a bribe to get up when he goes to work (I'm not quite sure why he cares, but he does). His bribe is a bath, ready for me to relax in.

My thoughts, besides "Yay, a bath everyday that I don't have to run!", is that this could blow up in his face. I could be so relaxed after my bath that I go back to bed and sleep for a while.

But, we'll see if this even gets off the ground. He goes back to work Friday, I'll find out then if he is actually going to remember to run the bath.

So, for now, I will enjoy "my bath at a convenient time" for his days off right now. And I'll adjust life as I need to Friday, depending on what Ace does. And I'm fine with that.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Jeff Dunham Is Very Funny

Ace and I have now bought all the DVDs that Jeff Dunham has put out. All three of them.

And we laugh through them all. And then Ace and I start quoting lines from the show to each other. And then we laugh all the more.

So, if you are looking for a laugh, go out to Wal-Mart and buy Jeff Dunham's DVDs.

And Jeff, if you ever read this, I hope I get to see you live again sometime soon.


P.S.: I'm loving the Christmas show. It's hilarious.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Feeling Empty

I still have things to talk about (I am a chatty person).

Ace and I went grocery shopping. We had a short list, so we stuck to a grocery store close to home. Afterwords, we went to McDonald's to get me some food (I was hungry).

After getting home and eating, I'm still left feeling like I have an empty stomach. Okay, it doesn't truly feel as empty as it did before I ate, but it's not too far off.

And now you know what I mean, tonight, that I'm feeling empty.


Monday, November 17, 2008

Inspirational Movies

I started to write about my shoulder and all the stuff that I'm tired of talking about, and it hit me that I need to focus on something else. So, I decided to write about movies that I find inspirational.

1. Remember the Titans - a story about football that is really about not judging people based on their skin color (or anything else). It's about a group of boys who learn to become men, at least most of them do. And it's a good lesson for today even.

2. Serenity - a story about doing the right thing, even when it costs. It's about not giving up just because the other side has more power and more people. It about the fact that sometimes the truth is more important than the life of the individual. And sometimes, the government is wrong and doesn't want to admit it.

3. The Rookie - a story about making your dreams come true. And not giving up just because you think you've passed your dreams by. Pursue you dreams because they will not just be handed to you.

4. Major League: Back to the Minors - okay, I know that there are a lot of sports movies on here, but sports movies are rather inspiring. A story about pushing yourself to greatness and not giving up until you get there. And that you can learn something from anyone.

Well, this is where I'm left for now. These are movies that inspire me. What movies inspire you?

Sunday, November 16, 2008


For the sake of being honest (and to have something to talk about) I will reveal something I had been keeping to myself for a while. I don't shave my legs everyday or even every other day. I'm somewhat lazy about shaving (and Ace doesn't care), so I shave about once a week.


Well, I let myself slide on that for a few weeks before my massage (because I just didn't care). And then, I had issues with my shoulder for just over a week (it's almost fully functional now). So, when I got in the tub tonight, you don't really want to imagine what my legs looked like (I wish I could forget).

But now, they are smooth and I feel 100% better just for having gotten in the tub and shaving. And I don't know what made me wait so long before my massage (There was a comment, likening me to Chewbacca but my legs weren't quite that bad.). I do know what kept me from shaving afterward, but since I'm feeling so much better (without the aid of pain killers, muscle relaxant, or improvised slings) I knew that I couldn't wait any longer. Plus, I was feeling rather disgusted with myself.

Now I'm trying to push these good feelings down inside me to get me to keep up the shaving. Because, come on! Who can't do something so basic once a week?

And now you know way more about my grooming habits than you probably wanted to (at least I didn't mention anything else I may or may not have shaved).

And now I must go, for I have to try to figure out when Ace needs to be off work for the next year.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Doors and One Other Issue

Ace almost always opens doors for me. I say almost because there are a few, rare times when I must open my own door. If we are done with our grocery shopping, I get my own door while he puts the food in the trunk. If Guillermo is going somewhere with us, I normally get my own door, because it's easier to let Ace concentrate on the dog. If I deem it too cold to wait, I get my own door. Otherwise, Ace gets the doors for me. And it's gotten to where I'll wait at doors when he isn't with me (if there are other people around) for some other male to open the door for me (although, I will get my own door if they ignore me, because I have things that are more important to me than waiting on someone to show some good manners).

I am quite capable, even with a healing shoulder (which is feeling much better today, thanks for caring), to open my own doors. I just see it as a sign of respect for me that I don't have to open my own doors when I am not alone. I will open doors and hold them for other women, especially those with strollers or children. But I don't understand why some men refuse to hold open doors for women. Is this a women's lib thing?

When I started my degree, I was going to a Christian university. The only building on campus where I regularly had the door opened for me was "the Bible building" (the building where all the Bible classes are, which probably reminded all the males that holding open the doors for the females was the polite thing to do). I would, in fact, have people walking in front of me (by a few steps) who wouldn't bother holding the door open long enough for me to grab it before it swung shut in the other buildings. It was something I couldn't understand (and I guess I still can't).

I am a capable person. I have no problems opening my own doors. But, I do appreciate it greatly when the door is held open for me. I am constantly telling Ace thank you when he holds doors. I probably confuse a few people when there are double doors and I stop in between them (I am waiting on Ace to open the next door for me, usually). And normally, there is a thank you given for each door. In fact, I've made it just as much a habit to appreciate the door holding as I have waiting on the door to be held. In fact, I enjoy showing my appreciation just as much as I enjoy not having to open my own door. It thrills me that my husband wants to be a gentleman and open the door for me, and I'm fairly sure it helps him keep that habit hearing me say a simple thank you.

On the subject of manners, I was reminded the other day that I should show some at restaurants when I go out to eat. I should say please and thank you. I don't always do this (I don't think, I don't go to sit-down restaurants much, normally Ace and I go through the drive-thru), and I should. Because dealing with the public is hard. And a little appreciation goes a long way. So, I'm going to work on this (I am not rude to the wait-staff, I just don't normally think to say please and thank you) so that when I have children and we go out to eat, I am a good example of how they should act.

Well, I'm going to go. I've got a comfortable bed and I want to stretch out on it.


Friday, November 14, 2008

Ouch, Still

I hate complaining like this. I also hate being in pain like this.

But for now, I am unhappily still in pain. I am taking pain reliever, and it helps a lot, but it can't fully kill the pain. Mostly, it stops the pain as long as my shoulder is immobile, which is less time throughout the day than it probably should be.

And I've been wanting to spend most of my time sleeping lately (No, I'm not pregnant. I started my period and that's just been another bit of fun on top of everything else, let me tell you.). Which might do a little bit of help, but I'm not as sure about that as I could be.

And can I be done with the complaining? Can this November start going right now, please? Can I just have something great happen now? You know, to balance out the suckiness of the month so far.

I'm going to go, because soon Ace and I will get some precious time together, and I should start feeling a little better emotionally just from that. Plus, I want to make sure Serenity ends like I remember it ending.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Feeling Christmasy in November

Normally, I don't start listening to Christmas music until Thanksgiving, but I was exploring the new music stations on DirecTV (since they merged their music only stations with Sirius satellite, some things have changed). And I discovered their holiday music channel, so I've started listening to Christmas music early.

I love Christmas music, and have in the past listened to it in April (during finals week to help relax some between finals) and June/July (I forget which, but I was trying to relax). Christmas music always puts me in a cheerful mood, and even listening to the same songs on rotation, like I did last year while working at Bath & Body Works (although, they did wait until closer to Thanksgiving before starting Christmas music up) doesn't bother me as I still want to listen to the music.

I don't even really care that much about which style of music the singer normally sings, because the Christmas songs seem to cut through all borders musically with me (although, I've never heard any Christmas rap songs, so I can't say I've been able to fully judge). Christmas music puts a smile on my face, and I'm more than happy to learn new Christmas songs (although, I keep hoping to hear "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas").

Basically, what I'm saying is that I'm floating on air over here, and my shoulder doesn't even matter right now. Ace is just happy that I'm in the bedroom enjoying my music without him as it is way too early for him for Christmas music (he'll put up with it pretty well after Thanksgiving and will let me listen mostly non-stop the week of Christmas (and a little on the way to my dad's for celebrating Christmas, even if the holiday itself has passed), because he's all like normal people that way.

What do you like to do at times other than "normal" times (like my Christmas music throughout the year)?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Verdict On My Shoulder Is...

Spasming muscle. Apparently (a word I'm very fond of), the massage which relaxed a lot of muscles from being all tense and up tight (I try to get them to party, but do they listen to me?) got this one muscle to spasm when it's not being supported.

So Ace has been trying to be patient and caring (it's not his fault that he wasn't able to play World of Warcraft for much of the day and that got him frustrated with catering to my, usually, simple demands/suggestions). He's doing really well, he only expressed frustration once (I tried to get his attention at an inopportune time and he has since apologized for snapping).

So, all I can do is take pain reliever, my natural muscle relaxants, use an improvised sling, and wait.

Can I be done waiting now, please? Ace and I would both very much appreciate it.

In other, non-shoulder news, I can't tell if I'm about to start my period, I'm pregnant, or my body is all out of whack because of my shoulder. And that is making me slightly cranky (a situation compounded by a sore shoulder).

Be glad you weren't in my house during all this insanity.


P.S.: World of Warcraft is back up now, so Ace is A LOT calmer again. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I've left him alone for a while. But I do think it's about time for some more juice.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy Veteran's Day!

That's all I have to say about that. Other than I appreciate them serving their country so that I can have freedoms that I all to often take for granted (and a thank you to those of you out there who are currently serving our country or have loved ones serving, we appreciate your sacrifice).

Ace and I did our grocery shopping tonight (a fascinating topic to pick, I know). Right as we first walked in, I caught sight of some strawberry mini-doughnuts. And I know they were put there as an impulse buy, but I thought they looked good, so I grabbed them. Then, the next thing I know, Ace and I are buying 4 packages of mini-doughnuts (strawberry, powdered, chocolate-coated, and cinnamon) and they are only $10 for all 4 packages. That was, pretty much, the only thing we bought that wasn't on our list (Ace also grabbed some Swiss Rolls, but I wasn't there to stop him and I just didn't care by the time he got back to me with them, and there will be no mention of my lemonade purchase since it was just $1 for a 2 liter).

Oddly, my shoulder started hurting about the time I got dressed to go shopping (roughly an hour before Ace got home) and stopped about 30 minutes (I think) after we got home from shopping. No clue why, but I did let Ace do all the heavy lifting both at the store, and here at home. On the plus side, I do know that Ace doesn't think I'd lie about something like that (Who fakes wincing at pangs of pain in their shoulder?) because he knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't lie about something like that.

On the plus side for my shoulder, I have a wonderful husband who will be home for most of the next 3 days to do any heavy lifting I've got. And all the heavy lifting I'm currently seeing is the laundry, which will be done later, and getting me juice, which he doesn't mind doing.

Well, I'm going to go, I've got some time with Ace before we go to sleep nearing, and I want to take advantage of it while it's here.


P.S.: Sorry for this being so random today, apparently I've got a wondering mind and it's taking my fingers with it for the ride. Hopefully I'll be a little more cohesive tomorrow.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Nostalgia or Hormone Rush?

I've been getting sappy lately about the weirdest stuff. I'm thinking about things people have done for me in the past, and the next thing I know, I want to cry a little and say thank you about 5 bazillion times.

So, is this nostalgia or is it hormones?

It's kind of hard to say, because it could be hormone caused nostalgia. Or it could be just the hormones (although, I don't seem to tend to think about my past right before my period, even though I have been most of this past week). There is a small chance that it might be because of the time of year (my first Thanksgiving after breaking off my wrecktastic relationship with my mother left me kind of down, but I haven't had that problem since).

Either way, I'm feeling a little silly for being so sappy. And I'm fairly sure that Ace doesn't want to hear me say thank you every second he's with me.

So, I'm going to wait and see if the sappiness continues, as that is all I can do.

But feel free to weigh in on what you think could be causing me to be so sappy, because I love hearing what people have to say (or comment on the weather, I really don't care, just comment) (And now I seem sad, because I'm begging for comments. Never thought I'd get this way.).


P.S.: You can leave a sappy comment if you would like.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Sore Shoulder

Way back at the end of June, Guillermo dislocated my right shoulder (it's about half his fault and half mine, and unfortunately for me I'm right handed and that hasn't helped matters any since I have problems just not using my main arm) when trying to go sniff a dog he's sniffed before. It's healed for the most part, but I still have to be careful about resting my weight on that side.

Either the massage (and the stretching done within the massage) or my night's sleep earlier seems to have popped my shoulder back out of place (and after my chiropractor was nice enough to ensure it was back properly not too long after the original dislocation). I relaxed my arm earlier and after a loud pop, my shoulder started feeling better and is allowing me to pick up things that are heavier than an empty Styrofoam plate (don't lecture, I'm just mentioning it to show you how bad my shoulder was).

It has meant that Ace gets to do the laundry when he gets home (yay for him!). On the plus side, he knew that it was possible that I would still be too sore from the massage to actually do laundry myself (I doubt either of us thought that I could have problems with my shoulder like I seem to have though).

It's still not wanting me do much of anything with it (like rest the slightest bit of my weight on it when I try to sit more upright and lean forward some). So, I'll have to be more gentle with myself over the next few days and let my shoulder heal up, again, while hoping that I'll do better at keeping myself from straining it while it's already unhappy.

But, it does give me a good change to work on relaxing more (if only I didn't need to shave my legs so badly, I wouldn't care at all, but...). And that is a good thing to come out of this whole experience. And maybe I'll get a little better at doing things with my left hand.

I've got to go, because typing is starting to hurt.


P.S.: The ouch from yesterday still stands.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Ouch for now

I had a massage earlier. Which is great. I needed it. I haven't had one in a very long time and I'm owed several. I should have scheduled one sooner.

But for now, I am sore. Muscles that felt wonderful right after my appointment hurt now. And I just want Ace to get home and put some stuff on my shoulders and lower back to make the pain go away (it's similar to icing down an injury without needing ice).

So, for now, I'm feeling the burn of muscles that were abused a little too long and need to recover. And part of me just wants to be knocked out for this, but it's not too bad and will disappear at some point.

I must go, for typing isn't helping me feel any better.


P.S.: Ouch!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Graduation Countdown

My sister graduates high school this year (okay, it's not until May, but it's this school year). She is extremely excited about it. She's been ready to be out of school since last May at least (from what she says). And I completely understand that. I wasn't wanting to still be in high school when I was her age, although having most of my friends being in the same year helped to keep it interesting at lunch at least.

I am hoping that while she's overly excited she will keep in mind to try to find ways to make the year enjoyable. And that she'll work hard at making good grades. Because I know she's smart, but I'm not sure she knows what she wants to do after she graduates. I think she's a little less than sure about what she wants to do with her life. And that's fine at her age. But it doesn't keep me from wondering where she'll be in the next few years.

While not everything in my life is how I want it currently, I am moving toward my long term goals and know how to get the things I want. And that's really all I want for her.

Hopefully, after getting a massage later, I'll be less sentimental and have thing to actually talk about. But for now, I think I'll take my sappy self and talk with Ace.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Your Mission...

Your mission, if you choose to accept it is to tell me how you would spend a day off (not doing any housework or work outside of the house).

Would you stay in your pajamas all day and watch TV? Would you spend 10 hours playing video games? Would you take a bath and read a book? Would you go shopping? Would you spend it outdoors? Would it change things if you knew it was rainy?

I chose to stay in my pajamas all day, watch TV, play online, take a bath and read a book, mess with my new teddy bear's fur (he still needs a name, it hasn't come to me yet and I've had no suggestions). Ace has spent the day (the day being Wednesday) playing World of Warcraft and watching TV with me after sleeping in until 5 pm (his first question when he woke up was if it was really after 5, because he's cute and doesn't sleep like that very often).

So, yeah. Tomorrow (Thursday, which I realize is technically today, but I haven't been to bed yet), we'll be back to being busy (lunch out to eat, going by Bass Pro Shop, and a table to clear before 6). And hopefully, I'll have something exciting to talk about in my next post.

So, I'm looking for info on what you do on your day off and for suggestions on naming my bear.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It's Bigger Than I Remember

Ace and I went shopping at Wal-Mart earlier (no, Wal-Mart isn't any bigger than I remembered). We went around most of the store and found a teddy bear that I really liked (it's all soft, fuzzy, and dressed for winter). Ace decided that if the price was reasonable, we would get it. We checked the price and it was $10, so that settled that and the teddy bear is now mine.

I teased Ace about the fact that it's been almost 6 years since he's bought me a teddy bear (The day before Thanksgiving 2002, he bought me a teddy bear that is named after him. I got him a matching one for Christmas that year, which got named after me, and they now sit beside each other on my dresser.). He hadn't realized that it had been that long.

So, we got home and I put down my new teddy bear (who doesn't have a name, yet) to help put away groceries. Then I don't remember to grab him before moving to the living room to relax, and then I just kind of forget about him.

So, Ace just recently helped me move to the bedroom (I'm about to lay down and will probably go to sleep soon). He then came back in and brought me my new teddy bear (minus tags) and my first thought was "he's bigger than I remember."

So, any suggestions for names for my new bear?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

And the Winner Is...

Okay, so I voted. And I feel good that I did go make my voice heard.

Does this mean I can stop hearing about the election now?

I'd say that it took us an hour to vote, but that would be lying. Ace and I got up at 1 (pm) to go vote. We took about 30 minutes to get dressed (Ace kept playing with the dog, and I kept trying to wake up enough to be effective at performing my civil duty). Then, we went by McDonald's (is this supposed to be a possessive use here?) to get something in me (a vanilla shake and a few fries that seemed entirely too greasy so I stopped eating them).

Then, about 1:35 or 1:40 (I didn't keep track of the time), we made it to the polling place and got in line behind some other people. I noticed a possible need to go to a different polling place, but I was just not reading the map right. We signed in, got our ballots, and went off to vote.

I finished quickly (well, more quickly than Ace) and we were on our way back home by 2.

It helps that we could go vote after the lunch rush (if there is one at our polling place) and before the evening rush (which I'm somewhat sure they do have). Instead, there were enough people there to use all the individual voting booths (which, sadly, have no curtains here), but not so many that there was any wait (by anyone) to vote.

And now, I get to relax until we go out to dinner with my brother-in-law, Ace's sister-in-law (whom I like, a lot), and our niece. We're finally celebrating our niece's birthday with her (she had her party and then they went out of town for a little while, and then it's just been a planning thing). Hopefully, we'll go somewhere more kid oriented (like Chuck E. Cheese or Incredible Pizza) so it will be easier to keep it focused on our niece (who loves being the center of attention).

So, I'm going to do that relaxing now.

But, I did go vote (and no, I won't tell you who for, because I'm avoiding having any kind of controversy happening here, since controversy happens too often in my real life).

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Men of Buffy

I was taking a bath and pondering (again) which of the men that were in Buffy's life I would have wanted to spend a lifetime with (you know, if I were in a fictional tv show).

Angel, her first love, was the kind of guy you would hope would be your first boyfriend. He was sweet, kind, caring, gentle (even if he was over 200 years old and still jealous of other guys in your life). At least he was until a moment of pure happiness, and then he went all evil. And as an evil guy, he was more interesting (as long as he wasn't going after you). But he left you no questions as to whether or not he was evil, he was evil to the core. He wanted (and tried several times) to end the world. That's evil.

Riley, her college boyfriend, was nice. He was the kind of guy you could bring home to your mother. He was dependable. Safe. Boring. He loved Buffy, but he didn't feel like he was enough for her just as he was. She faced a family crises, and he fell apart because she wasn't there to reassure him that he was still important. And then, he showed back up with his "perfect" life at a time when Buffy's life seemed bleakest and almost rubbed her nose in what she could have had.

Spike, her boy toy, was complex. He loved, deeply, even while he was evil. He was willing to kill, violently, but he liked the world. He didn't want the end of the world, he just wanted his life to continue as it was. He mourned, and drank, when his "dark princess" rejected him. He always seemed to hesitate just a moment too long when fighting Buffy (which gave her an advantage, and let her get back into the fight). When he found that he couldn't hurt humans, he tried snitching for blood money (or money for blood, however you want to phrase it). When he found he could hurt demons, he started working with his biggest enemy, because he liked to fight. He was willing to do anything for Buffy (after he realized that he loved her), even before he got his soul back (including nearly dying to save her sister). And after, he was willing to die to save the world one more time, even though he knew he would definitely be going to hell.

Um, if you can't tell just from paragraph size alone, I would willingly spend more time with Spike than any of Buffy's other suitors. Because he was a compelling character no matter what his circumstances. Even when he was whiny and contemplating suicide, he was still interesting (it helps that he was only whiny for like 2 or 3 episodes total). And the most interesting part is he was supposed to be killed off after only a few episodes, but the fans loved him enough that he got to stay and play a bigger part.

I like Angel. He got to be a more complex character once he got his own show. But, I still would pick Spike over Angel, because evil Angel, while cooler, was heartless and evil Spike wasn't.

So, there you have it. My opinion on such a vastly important and timely topic (now that Buffy has been off the air for over 5 years now). If you have any better arguments for Angel, or even Riley, leave them in the comments. Maybe you can change my mind (but I doubt it). And if you are as pro-Spike as I am, let me know too.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Excitement and Time Changes

I love the time change in the fall. I enjoy getting an extra hour to do with what I will. Even if I don't normally do anything important with it. Conversely, I dislike the time change in the spring, where I feel out of sorts for at least a week.

Ace, since he had to work tonight, has a different schedule for the day (he went to work an hour early and leaves an hour early, which is why I'm excited). Normally, he works from 4 pm to 2:45 am. For some reason, there were issues with the time change with whoever was in charge thinking that if they didn't come in until 4, they shouldn't leave until it was actually 2:45 (which would be a whole extra hour of work, for no appreciable reason). Personally, I could understand making them work until the end of their normal 10 hour shift (make them work 10 hours, but let them start at their normal time, you know?), but I don't get to make those decisions.

So, I'm trying to be patient with the time, since I'm actually very close to seeing Ace again (and earlier than normal!), but it's not completely easy.

I've also found myself wordy today, itching to type, but holding that in check. That way, I have more things to talk about as the month goes on.

So, now I'm going to try to distract myself until Ace gets home, because I'm practically buzzing in my skin waiting over here.


Saturday, November 1, 2008

Happy November 1st!

So, today is the first day of NoBloPoMo.

And I'm excited about the challenge. Now we just have to see if I still feel that way by Thanksgiving.

In fact, I'm so excited that I'm starting the month shortly after it started (within the first hour of November)!

And now, I just need to calm down enough to figure out what I might want to say.

Since Guillermo has been back home, I've been taking pictures of him (at least one a day, it seems). It's so bad that he's gotten used to it. He'll just lay there waiting for me to finish snapping my shot on our digital camera before he moves (or even opens his eyes, really). Which, I'm finding very sweet.

He's also enjoying the cushion we bought for him the other day. He wasn't so sure about it when he first saw it, but Ace convinced him to try it (by putting a towel that Guillermo had been sleeping on already down on top of it), and he's been spending lots of time there, at least he is when Ace and I are in the living room (mostly Ace though, as I spend most of my time in the living room sitting in my massage chair).

So, yeah. I'm happy to have the big, sometimes stinky (but not often), shedding dog back home, but I kind of miss not having someone stare at me while I eat. I love him. Even when I'm complaining about him (mostly to Ace).


Friday, October 31, 2008

Mostly* True Story

* Names have been changed to protect the identities of the participants.

A little while ago, I was talking to Ace about me taking a bath. I came into our living room to try to find a book to read and Ace asked me why I was looking outside of my erotic stories stash, not that he minded a night off (I've not been forcing the boy to have sex daily, but my brain interpreted his question as if I had been). I looked at him and asked if I looked like I was up for doing anything but soaking and reading (my arms were down at my sides, and I'm fairly sure my shoulders were still raised up some in stress). He looks me over and says, "Oh, you want the night off."

I wonder about that man sometimes, because he knew that I've been feeling kind of drained all day (I didn't get out of bed for a couple of hours after waking up, because I was letting the humidifier help clear out my nose, if that tells you what kind of day it's been.).

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

More About Guillermo

Because the dog has taken over my thoughts lately (okay, it's really because the only exciting stuff lately has been stuff to do with the dog).

Yesterday, we took Guillermo by Petsmart to get him weighed (and take down the missing sign, if it was still up). We were excited to find out that he was down to under 100 lbs. so he could safely get his teeth cleaned. And they could fit him in today to do that. Of course, that meant he couldn't eat anything after 10 last night, but he's now got clean teeth, trimmed nails, and he's all chipped (with something on his collar to mention that he's chipped).

So, if he manages to get out again, he can be identified.

On the other hand, Ace is ready for us to just be home for a while. He's had to get dressed to leave the house 3 times already in the past 24 hours (once to drop off the dog, once to pick Guillermo back up, and once to do the majority of our grocery shopping). I'm not helping, because I'm pushing for us to go finish our grocery shopping tonight (thus getting him dressed for the 4th time in 24 hours, and me for the 3rd time since I slept through picking the dog back up from the vet's office).

But, all this running around and getting dressed will mean that tomorrow we can stay home in our pajamas all day if we want (although, there is talk of visiting Bass Pro Shop, but that's for fun). I've kind of promised a day of sleep, sex, and World of Warcraft (with sex being only if he wants it) tomorrow. Because I've got to try to make his days off work fun for him, so he doesn't see them as just more work.

Since I've been up, Guillermo has slept a lot (probably from the anesthesia used while they cleaned his teeth). He's been energetic when awake, but moving slightly slower than normal, possibly because of the drugs still leaving his system. He did get a treat from us in that we bought him a pillow type thing to sleep on. It's been here a few hours, and he's finally laying down on it and seems content.

Now if I can just convince myself to stop taking pictures of him as much as possible, because the dog does need his rest. I'm just overly excited about him being home right now.

And I've got to go, so I can finish my grocery shopping as quickly as possible to get back to relaxing.


Saturday, October 25, 2008

And Dog Makes Three

After wondering for a week, I would imagine the family that was temporarily taking care of Guillermo was wondering if they were ever going to see signs up for him.

So, we have him back. We finally got to putting more and newer signs up where more people could see them last night (or really early this morning, since it was after Ace got off work). And we got 2 calls and a text message from the people who took Guillermo in within an hour (I'm not sure which finally woke Ace up, but one of them did). They were excited to give him back.

Guillermo apparently escaped the yard, made his way over to a nearby park we've walked with him to (and around) a few times. The daughter (and her boyfriend) of the people who had him noticed him there and opened the door to their vehicle, which was all it took for him to decide he could go with these people (luckily, they seem to be nice people).

The family where he stayed were more than happy to return him, as they already had two dogs and weren't really looking to expand their canine family. But, they did buy him a ball, which we figure will last about 30 minutes if he has uninterrupted access (which we are fine with him having, because we are just so happy to have him back).

At this point, I've had less than 4 hours sleep so far today, but I'm too excited to sleep right now because Guillermo is home! Safe and sound!

Plus, I know we've fixed the problem with the gate (cable and a key lock, that gate's not moving without our permission now), so I'm free to stick him outside if I need to. Also, we've got his rabies shot tag on his collar (which he'll be wearing until we get him chipped, which will also happen as soon as possible) which will at least identify him well enough should he somehow get out again. Plus, we plan on getting him an actual name tag for said collar, so the rabies shot tag will be getting some company.

But, we are now whole again.

I've learned a few things about a dog free life. 1. It was nice to have a week where no one was watching me eat, but I didn't eat as much (or as often) as I should have. 2. I really and truly missed Guillermo while he was gone. I realized how much I love him. 3. Now I can go back to enjoying watching Jeff Dunham's Spark of Insanity, which is good, because I've got that on DVD now (as well as already having Arguing with Myself) and I really think the man is funny (One of the last things I watched before Guillermo escaped the back yard was that special. Guillermo was sitting near me, Ace was taking a nap, and the evening felt nice... until the next time I watched it trying to cheer myself back up because the dog was gone, and I couldn't laugh at the end because I remembered how nice it was that night and now he was gone. So, I'm very happy he's back, so I can fully enjoy that DVD.). 4. I almost wished he was a kid so that I could call the cops and get him back quickly, except I'm pretty sure I'd never kick my kids into the backyard in this neighborhood unless they were old enough to be unsupervised and happy enough not to run away.

But for today, I'm happy, because the dog is back home. And he'll stay here if he knows what's good for me.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Setting Goals

I don't have many goals. Okay, that's not totally honest. I don't have many short-term goals. Most of my goals right now are long term.

Because of this, I decided to set a goal for myself to take part of NoBloPoMo this year. I've already proven to myself that I can write everyday for a month, I did earlier this year.

And now, I'm going to try to write everyday for the month of November. And with that, I've set up a short-term goal.

We'll all see if I can follow through with this.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Birthdays and Confusing Calls*

Yesterday was my birthday. I've had better days, but it was a much better day this year than it was last (even with the dog still missing).

I got several welcome birthday greetings (my dad, my sister, one of my aunts, one of my cousins, YzArC and, of course, Ace). Ace took the day off to start working on finding the dog (he's not at the animal shelter and our vet knows he's missing now). He found ways to make me giggle all day.

But, I did get one odd birthday greeting. My mother (who I believe I've mentioned before that I'm not talking to) called me. For reasons totally unknown to me, I answered. The call was... tense is the word Ace used about it, which I suppose sums it up accurately.

She wanted to say happy birthday, tell me she was thinking of me (which isn't surprising, but...), say she loves me (I did return the sentiment, because I do love her, even if I want her to stay away), and say she's sorry we don't have a better relationship (which I wasn't aware we had anymore, given that I don't normally consider there to be a relationship with people I don't talk to). And it's left me feeling slightly confused ever since.

Why, on a rather insignificant birthday (28 isn't that important, right?), did she feel the need to cross the one line I asked her not to in order to say those things to me? And why did I answer the phone instead of letting it go to voice mail when I knew that I probably wouldn't really want to talk to her?

And, my final question, where is my dog (I miss him)?

*There was only one of each yesterday, but the plurals seemed to make more sense in my head.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

If I'm So Innocent, Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Today, I took a bath. This is a good thing, because I seriously needed to take some time and just relax and focus on me for a little while. I put the dog outside before I got in the tub, because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be in there (about 45 minutes). When I got out, I decided that he could stay outside for a little longer, because it was about the time I would normally let him out.

When I went to let him in (30 minutes later), I discovered that our lawn had apparently been mowed today. While that normally wouldn't matter, we have an extra step on making sure Guillermo won't escape the backyard that they never seem to remember to put back. So, he escaped sometime in the hour and half I let him out.

And I'm stuck here with no car to go searching the neighborhood for him (I already searched the backyard and know he's not there).

I've cried. I've distracted myself with TV and music. I've told myself that I didn't do anything wrong, because I couldn't have known they mowed our lawn (I slept deeply because of a really crappy nights sleep yesterday).

So, I know that I'm innocent, but I feel really guilty. Why? The only thing I could have done differently is go check the gate before my bath, but there wasn't any indication (to me, because I didn't notice the length of the grass over the last few days) that he could get out.

But a part of me still says this is all my fault. And that I should never leave him outside like that unless I've checked the gate first (I was wearing nothing but a robe at the time I let him out, so I wasn't really wanting to actually go outside). And that maybe I shouldn't take baths when Ace isn't home so this can't ever happen again (provided we find him).

I'm going to go back to trying to distract myself, because otherwise I'm going to cry again, and that isn't productive.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Searching for Normal

Normal - "conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural" - (first definition under normal)

I have spent years trying to figure out what normal is. And my problem with finding an answer is actually shown in the very definition of normal (the other definitions do not help the issue). Because everyone has a different idea as to what the standard is. Unlike an inch, for which a standard has been set, there is no real standard normal for people (there isn't something out there for me to measure myself against to decide if I am normal).

So, I wonder, as I look at the other definitions, if any of them help me.

Free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. Sorry, but I still have that cough. Plus, I'm pretty sure glasses kill this one too (my eyes aren't "normal").

Approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm "normal" in this sense. I'm pretty sure I'm not fully (I snapped at Ace Tuesday night because my hormones threw me a pity party and I decided to show up. But I got some nice pajama pants and some M&Ms before the end of the night.).

Being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. Um... I'm not perpendicular, but this definition is related to math, so I don't think it really counts.

Containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution. While I understand each individual word, the combination of them all throws me off (but I'm not a solution or part of science, so again, it doesn't count).

The average or mean. I'm back to not being sure if I'm average, but knowing that I'm not mean (does this mean I'm not normal?).

So, for now, I'm spending a little time studying some philosophy (from Wikipedia right now, so I'm not exactly doing any deep studying). All I do know is that while I'm not sure if I'm normal, I've realized that most people don't know if they are normal either. So in that regard, I guess I am normal after all.

But I'll probably keep searching for a better idea of what normal is than what says for its definitions.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Cycle

When I start to drift off towards depression, I start a cycle that doesn't help me get over it. I know this, but it seems to happen each time.

I start with a thought, one that makes me feel worse. And that leads to other thoughts that depress me more. And before I know it, I'm stuck in the middle of this cycle of bad thoughts and there are few things that can pull me out.

That's when I try to go searching for shows that make me laugh. I try to find things that stop the cycle. And, if nothing else works, I talk to Ace who then helps me move past that cycle.

I just need to find a way to have a better cycle, to start thinking good things that lead to thinking other good things. Ace and I discussed this recently. It's just kind of hard to change even bad habits.

But, I recognize the need to change, which I guess is the first step. Now I just need to find a way to remind myself to change my thoughts when I have them (I'm going to try to change things with baby steps).


Friday, October 10, 2008

A Trickle of E-Mail

Well, my e-mail access is back, but the e-mails are only trickling through.

And, so, I'm trying to be patient, because I'm not happy that I was without e-mail access so long and now it's taking so long for e-mails to actually reach me (what is up with that?).

It also doesn't help that Ace, who uses the exact same company for one of his e-mail addresses, has not lost his e-mail access in this process (from what the company has said, he's one of the lucky few who hasn't lost e-mail access).

On the plus side, they have mentioned some kind of compensation type thing for this being such an extreme outage.

So, I sit and wait for my e-mails to come through for me.

And so goes another day.


Thursday, October 9, 2008

How Much Upgrading Is Enough?

One of my e-mail addresses (I have 3) in a paid for e-mail address. Once a year, I have to fork over money to keep it. Sometime in 2006 (or possibly 2007), the company who runs it merged with another company. And for the past year, they have been doing tons of upgrades.

The problem with those upgrades is that every time they do one, I loose e-mail access for two or three days. 4 times in the past year, I've had no access to the e-mail sent to the address on a system that I pay for (my free e-mail addresses have never been down).

Their latest reason for me loosing my e-mail access (right after they had restored it) was that too many people were trying to access their e-mail (because we had gone for most of 48 hours without e-mail and were slightly desperate to get our services, the ones we pay for, back). So, they took half (or more) of us offline (I'm so lucky to be in that group, huh?) and will stagger us back on. So that there won't be problems.

I will admit, one of the times I had no e-mail access wasn't their fault (I was down for a week and a half), but it is getting ridiculous (before they merged, they had it where I didn't have service one time and gave me three months of free service to make up for it, I miss that type of customer service).

So, now I'm waiting until who knows when to get this e-mail address back, and guess what time of the year it is too.

If only I could make this insanity up. Instead, I've been reminding myself that it's too early to drink if I've just gotten out of bed (because I'm not an alcoholic, in fact, I barely ever drink) and that it's healthier to kill bad guys in World of Warcraft instead.

So, how much upgrading is enough when you know it knocks the access to a group of your customers pretty much every time you update?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008


Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel happy. Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel mad. Some days, I read other people's posts and I start to think. Some of the posts that make me think the most also leave me feeling raw inside, where I need some tenderness to start to feel whole again.

My mother has been on my mind more than is healthy lately. I know this because she keeps showing up in my dreams and she is more antagonistic than she should be (if she wants to show up in my dreams, she can stay silent or be supportive).

Today, I read a post by someone who feels frustrated because she can't communicate with her mother. And it started me wondering why women seem to have problems connecting with their mothers when they are all grown up. I know that this isn't guaranteed. I have cousins (older than me) who love talking with their mother. But, it is still a problem.

All this thinking, and my memory of my mother haunting me, has left me feeling a little raw right now. So, Ace is going to provide me with some tenderness. And maybe sometime soon I'll figure out the answer to how to have a healthy relationship with my own children when my mother couldn't.


Monday, September 29, 2008

Finding Sleep

My biggest problem with trying to sleep at night is getting my brain to shut off. Because that's the case, I've spend most nights trying to keep my mind busy until my body forces me to sleep (which I notice when I think I'm going to blink and don't open my eyes for a few minutes).

I recognize that this isn't healthy, but I'm not fully sure what to do to change this. Hopefully with the changes Ace and I are making to our routines for when he comes home from work I'll be able to go to sleep easier.

Now, if this works and if I could only figure out how I relaxed so well a few weeks ago, I'll be doing really well.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What Do You Say?

What do you say when someone gives you information about someone else and the only thing you can think to reply is "OK"?

Ace got an e-mail from one of his cousins about her brother who is graduating from basic training soon. I would guess that congratulations is the proper thing to say, but only to the person graduating. Otherwise, it's kind of hard to tell what to say.

This is a slight problem because it comes up from time to time. I know what to say when someone dies ("I'm sorry for your loss."), when someone is pregnant, engaged or married ("Congratulations!"), and when someone is moving away ("I'll miss you."). I've even got stuff to say for other occasions that is situationally appropriate.

But what do you say when someone tells you news about something happening to someone else when you aren't sure how they feel? What do you say when someone blindsides you with something that doesn't have a particular "right" answer? What do you do when someone tells you that someone is graduating from basic training?

Someone, please tell me.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Questions I Won't Ask

I have questions about my parent's divorce (mainly, what was the true cause of it), but I won't ask my dad those questions. Mainly because the answers don't really concern me. My relationship with my dad has nothing to do with why his marriage to my mother didn't last.

I was thinking, though, that the only glimpse my mother showed me into their divorce (which she first mentioned the day she told me they were divorcing) is something I know don't feel fully comfortable trusting (mostly because I would have problems with believing it if she told me the sky was blue, even though I know it's true).

A friend of mine is getting divorced. Her kids (who are actually only a couple of years younger than me) have heard their dad's side of the story, but not hers. I was just wondering what my advice would be to them on whether or not to trust what they've heard and how to let it affect their relationships with their mother.

I remember, after hearing my mother's side, being angry with my dad. I remember feeling betrayed. But the anger didn't last long. Because he was still there for me. He provided a steady relationship, one that I didn't really have with my mom. And now, when I'm not sure I fully believe my mother's tale from long ago (14 years, almost half my life), I realize that the relationship I have with my dad has nothing to do with what he did or didn't do that set off the divorce.

So, I guess my advice to those friends is that they should look to the past, was their mother (who isn't telling her side, kind of like my dad didn't tell his) there for them? Is she still trying to be there for them? If so, then they shouldn't reject her based on someone else's pain. Because it just makes things more awkward (and they are awkward enough as it is).

So, while I have questions about my mother's story, a story that took me 14 years to start wondering about, I won't ask my dad. Because it's not any of my business. And, it won't change how I look at him now anyway, because our relationship is built on trust and conversation between us, and not based on the picture my mother has tried to paint in the past (not talking to her has produced at least a few good things, like more rational and logical thinking skills).

Do you have any questions that you won't ask because the answers don't really matter?

Friday, September 19, 2008


Wednesday night, I took a bath. Ace helped me out with that by running the water for me (thus, getting me to actually enter the bathroom). Then, this conversation happened.

Ace: Are you shaving, or is that for relaxing?

Me: Relaxing.

Ace: Yay! Bubbles!

Of course, he knows that I only take bubble baths when he runs them, so he is oddly excited about the idea of me taking a bubble bath, because he wants me to relax and rest. He wants me to be stress free, and he knows that I don't let myself relax enough (or more so, I don't fully relax when I'm relaxing). It's just cute that he's that concerned about me.

And, it's fun when he inadvertently gives me something to post.

So, thank you Ace for being so sweet and cute. And I'll try to work on the relaxing thing some more. And hopefully sometime I'll actually make a bubble bath all by myself (and yes, I know how, I just don't seem to treat myself to bubbles).


Wednesday, September 17, 2008


I've not wanted to get on and talk. I'm not pregnant, yet. I took a pregnancy test and then started my period (all in a 2 minute time frame). And since then I've been trying not to mope about it.

So, I stayed silent. Because who wants to hear someone whine because it's taking them a while to get pregnant?

So, I've been focusing on other things, like my mouse deciding it doesn't want to work anymore (we've ordered a new one, it should be here within a week... only the new mouse will be for Ace and I'll get his current mouse). And I've been discovering that I don't seem to care much about, well, anything lately.

Hopefully soon I'll have something more important to say and the silence will be broken again.


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Heat and Randomness

I'm feeling hot and my mind isn't focusing on anything I want to write about (I'm getting tired of mentioning that I'm waiting). So, I'm going to go with random stuff.

1. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde - I forgot how good this movie is, even though the main character is silly and seems rather stupid. Elle is actually really smart, at least she is when it matters (and apparently fashion knowledge will help anywhere, even Congress).

2. I'm for equal pay for men and women for doing the same job. I'm not for the idea that men suck and women rule (because, actually, both genders can suck and both can rule).

3. Why is my bedroom at 78 degrees? No wonder I'm feeling hot! The fan is on, but it's not helping enough. Am I putting off enough extra heat to make me this miserable?

4. The a/c had to be nudged to cool down the room I'm sitting in. Because my comfort is more important than the dog's. Besides, he's probably warm with all that fur anyway.

5. Um, have I mentioned that I'm warm? And that's zapped any and all other thoughts out of my head? Oh, yeah... that's been the theme of the last 2 points too.

6. I'd like to go by the library, but I'm in the middle of at least 7 books (possibly more) that I own, so I think I should finish some of those first. I want to go to the library to look for books by Erma Bombeck, because I know that I will enjoy them (I have in the past).

Yeah, I think I've been random enough (or ranted about the heat enough). I'm going to go back to either books or logic problems (probably the logic problems).


Friday, September 12, 2008


Yesterday was different. It was the first time in the past few years that I had thought about the date very much. I felt the date weighing on my mind throughout the day.

I will never forget the shock I felt that day, in 2001, when I fully woke up (I was in bed asleep when the planes hit) and found out what had happened. I felt like I had been kicked. My sinus infection (for I was suffering with one) seemed silly and my doctor's appointment that afternoon seemed less important (I still went, because I happen to like breathing, and there wasn't much I could do anyway). I remember the lines at the gas stations, even here in Oklahoma, and the prices soaring (although they didn't get nearly as high as they did elsewhere). I remember being counseled to wait a few days before getting gas (my doctor cared about what I was going to pay for gas as well as keeping me breathing).

Because of those memories I want to honor the people who died and the people who lived that day. They deserve to be honored.

But it is 7 years later, and my life has changed a lot. And I've got other things on my mind, things that seem more important now. Things that seemed like they would never happen then.

So, I remembered, at least for a little bit, in honor of the past and then I allowed myself to focus on the present. Because I'm fairly sure those people I'm honoring would want me to continue on with my life.

So, September 11th was meaningful. And I won't forget it. But, it's feeling like it's time for me to move forward. When I have children to teach, I'll share with them the importance of the date, while reminding them that we aren't going to live in fear.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Waiting Patiently

In a departure from the past, other than feeling slightly frustrated when time seems to not be moving forward at a normal pace, I'm feeling patient about waiting for Sunday (when I'll finally allow myself to take a pregnancy test). It's one of those things where I'm interested in finding out the answer, but it won't change in the next few days.

But, I'm feeling hopeful. I'm feeling good about the possibilities. And other than finding Tex-Mex to be irresistible, I'm feeling fairly normal. And I'm feeling content to be where I am right now, in the magical place of possibilities and hope for the future.

Well, it's back to distracting myself with other things to help pass that time.


Monday, September 8, 2008

Slow Moving Days

The part I hate the most about waiting is that time seems to slow way down and I'm stuck waiting what feels like twice as long as I should be. I haven't started my period yet, even though it was due yesterday, and I'm not interested in basically any of the food in the house (I want Taco Bell, and have since yesterday!). Plus, even though I'm not a big round 7 or 8 months pregnant, I feel big and round.

It doesn't help me a bit that tomorrow starts Ace's weekend and tonight when he gets home from work we are actually going to go by the store. It actually makes the waiting seem even longer, because I'm waiting for something (anything!) to happen. So, when I check the clocks, I'm not surprised that it's only been 5 minutes since the last time I checked, because time is creeping by so slowly.

And for some reason, I slept from roughly 7 am to 5:45 pm today. I didn't realize I needed so much sleep, but I felt 100% better for having slept for so long.

Any suggestions you've got for making time go more quickly when I'm here with just the dog (and no way to go anywhere that I can't walk to, because I'm short 1 vehicle), please let me know.


Sunday, September 7, 2008

My Monthly Does of Insanity

I'm waiting. It's part of this all important 2 week wait thing, seeing if I'm pregnant this month.

Other than feeling disgusted by the thought of half the food in the house, a feeling that is beginning to be common around this time of the month, I don't feel any way in particular.

Okay, that not completely true. I'm tired of this random cough that hasn't wanted to leave and I'm tired (again, not totally unexpected any more). But, I'm not feeling particularly pregnant or not. I'm not pinning any hopes upon this month being any different.

I'm just waiting.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Bad Influence

Being a doggie mommy is resembling being having a child more and more.

Our neighbors (who just recently moved in) have a dog. This dog will bark at anything outside, squirrels, people, I'm beginning to think the breeze. He does stop sometimes, but it doesn't seem like long before something sets him off again.

Guillermo has decided that he wants to be outside ALL THE TIME now. I think he's made friends with this new dog. But, that means he's started barking at things. Guillermo hasn't really been all that big a barker before, but this new dog is being a bad influence on him.

This has lead to a battle of wills lately. Guillermo and I, for the past two nights, have been battling each other for whether or not he can spend all the time he wants to outside if he's going to bark. The most annoying thing is that he starts whining, which he does when he actually needs to go out, so part of me doesn't want him to be in pain or really needing to go to the bathroom, but I don't want to just let him go out and stay out (although, I do know that if I've let him out an hour ago, he'll be fine without going out).

What do I do to stop my dog from being influenced by a dog I can't get rid of?