Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Excitement in Cooking

Today Ace did some cooking, but unfortunately for him, he made a few mistakes.

He made us a cake, but he forgot to grease the cake pan. So, when he went to take the cake out of the pan, some of it stuck.

Then he went to bake the ham we bought, but he was off on his math (which I didn't notice, because I was just wanting to go sit back down as my back has been sore most of the day). So, when we ate dinner, we had cool ham. Which wasn't really a problem since the meat was already cooked, but made for a great thing to tease Ace about.

Then he asked if I was going to write about it, which was a silly question. I countered with question if he was going to write about it, another silly question. So, here I am writing about his cooking mistakes and he's on his laptop playing World of Warcraft. He did try to claim that he's a guy, so he doesn't do much cooking, but that doesn't play because he does most of the cooking in this house.


Sunday, March 29, 2009

Beware the Snow of March

In Tulsa, we had a mild winter. Mild enough that I felt kind of bad reading about people who lived elsewhere who had bad snow and cold and it was icky outside. This winter was mild and it stayed in the 50s for most of the winter.

Then, out of nowhere, it snows shortly after spring begins. We were having lovely 70 degree weather, not expecting much change from that, and then snow hits us.

It did snow, I believe, once this winter, and it was a light snow. But this was inches (I don't know how many, but it was several) in less than a day.

The weather is supposed to warm up right away (high in the 50s), so this snow won't last long. But it came upon us randomly and I'm not sure what to make of it.

On the plus side, Ace got to come home early because of the weather. Then, he took Guillermo and I to get dinner out, because neither of us wanted to cook.

So, be careful if you're driving in OK before the snow leaves. It'll probably be slick. Hopefully it will melt quickly and things will get back to normal (meaning thunderstorms and tornadoes, not that any tornadoes seem to come to Tulsa).


Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Give Up!

Today, something happened that has me giving up on doing anything serious for today.

The stress has me wanting to twitch.


I've got nothing right now.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I Hate My House!

Okay, to be perfectly honest, I don't completely hate my house. But there are things about it that I hate.

Right now, the plumbing is my biggest issue. Something is keeping my kitchen sink from draining properly, and this is most evident when we load/run the dishwasher. When loading the dishwasher, I have to wait at least 30 minutes for the sinks to empty out again so I can run the dishwasher. When I run the dishwasher, there better not be anything in the sinks, as they fill nearly full with water draining from the dishwasher.

In the one bathroom we use, the sink also has minor drainage problems. It fills up a bit while the water is running, but clears out quickly afterward. The tub has no drainage problems currently. It drains quickly and I've noticed that I'm never standing in water up to my ankles during a shower (that's happened before).

I want to move. This house no longer feels like my home. But for now, I'm stuck here and I hate things about this house.

But I can deal with them, and at least they don't stress me out.


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Trying Not To Be Impatient

So, I've sent my resume to several places. I've filled out online applications. And now I'm waiting (and still looking some).

How long do you wait before deciding that a company isn't going to get back to you?

It's not been that long since I started looking, I know that. But I'm frustrated that this seems to be taking so long. But I'm trying to be patient (something that hasn't always been a strong point for me).

Of course, I'm starting to get used to waiting. It doesn't mean I like it, but I'm getting used to it.

So, this is me, trying to be patient and trying to keep busy.


Saturday, March 21, 2009

Breathe In, Breathe Out

I'm trying very hard not to conclude that life hates me.

Last night, I got reminded how bad a situation with my uncle is (he did something really stupid, now he is going to have to pay for it). And I spent a good amount of time trying to stop focusing on that and to just focus on breathing. I was up until at least 2 am (I've been going to sleepy by midnight lately).

Then, this morning, at 7:30, a reminder of past financial mistakes by Ace came pounding on the door (literally pounding on the door). And my stress level jumped up again. Ace has told he to trust him and God with those situations and just focus on finding a job and breathing in and out.

Normally when I find myself at the point I'm at emotionally, it's because I've been focusing on the wrong things and I've drifted off. This time, I got caught by an undertow that I wasn't aware I was anywhere near. I'm treading water, waiting for some help from Ace who, hopefully, can see the shore.

And I'm cranky because I got less sleep than I need, and can't seem to relax enough to take a nap.

So, for today, I'm focusing on breathing in and breathing out, because that is all I can handle.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Good News

Today, Ace and I got some good news. When we got a new tire for our car, we were told that it needed repairs. Our friend came by that evening and checked it out and said it should be okay.

Well, today we went by and talked to our mechanic. He mentioned what we should notice if the particular problem they mentioned actually happened. Since we have none of those particular problems happening with our car, the tire place was wrong and trying to do more work than they were asked to do.

So, the good news is that our car is not broken. We'll probably need to get it fixed someday, but not right now.

It's nice when things go your way.


Saturday, March 14, 2009

Stress Less

Yesterday was an example in dealing with stress for me.

To be perfectly frank, I was wishing to sink into a bottle of alcohol to forget what was happening around me by noon. That desire had me promising myself not to drink if at all possible (I stayed completely sober, and tried to find less stressful things to surround myself with.

Around 10:30 yesterday morning, Ace and I went to get a new tire put on our car to replace the one that shredded itself off on the way to jury duty. We got there and found it would be at least an hour before we could leave. While they were changing the tire, they discovered that we needed some work done to the car.

When we got home, we discovered that Guillermo decided to throw a fit by getting into the trash. Ace cleaned up the mess while I focused on breathing and relaxing my body. Ace then did some research on what needs to be fixed on the car, and found it should be quick and inexpensive to fix.

None of the events of yesterday were particularly stressful in and of themselves, but when added to all the other stress (especially from jury duty this week) I felt the need to drink or crawl into bed for the rest of the day (I did head to the bed to relax and watch some James Bond).

Because of the mounting frustration yesterday, I've decided to stress less. I recognize that I probably won't be able to get fully stress free, but I can work on not stressing myself out. I can work on stopping for a moment when I'm feeling frustrated and breathe for a few moments until my stress level drops. Because I know that nothing good will come from continuing to carry around the stress.


P.S.: I haven't expressly been trying to have nothing but serious posts lately, but I guess I've been in a reflective mood and that has come out in my posts. Maybe soon, I'll be posting about something on the lighter side of life.

Friday, March 13, 2009


I've been watching Martian Child and something hit me. One of the characters said "Why can't you be what we want you to be?" and I realized that I really, really dislike that question.

And it's not the individual words that bother me. It's the intention behind it.

Expectations are difficult things. Not all expectations are bad, but not all expectations are good either.

My biggest struggle with expectations is when other people are frustrated with me because I didn't behave how they want me to.

And I'm not perfect about this myself, as there are times I expect Ace to know how I want him to act or what I want him to do when he has no clue where to even start to meet my expectations.

But the biggest thing, the picture I'm still slightly struggling to fully see, is that I shouldn't expect things of other people, including Ace. Because what I think others should do and what the should do may be on totally opposite of each other. And I don't have a right to sit in judgment of anyone but me (except if I'm serving on a jury, but then the government is requesting me to judge someone's actions).

So, I'm going to try (the key word here is try) to not form expectations of other people and to only form reasonable expectations of myself.

And all I can ask, is that other people be patient with me, as I'm sure to mess up some as I'm trying to change. But, I'm trying and that should be important. And I'll try to remember that you are probably trying too.

And maybe, if we all try and try to remember that others are trying, then just maybe we'll make this world a better place.

We'll just have to see.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Sometimes, I think I focus on the wrong things.

For example, sometimes I focus on what I see are my flaws. I focus on how those things are wrong or bad or whatever it is that they seem to be. If I do this too long, I start feeling like I've drifted away from me and I realize just how much the words of the past are still affecting me.

Sometimes, I focus on the right things.

Some days, I focus on other people. I focus on what I can do for them, even if they never know that I am around. I focus love on them and try to ease their burden, even if it's just by reading what they wrote and sharing their pain so it is lessened. Sometimes, I share with them my thoughts, as knowing that we aren't the only ones going though something less than pleasant helps.

I try to see the right things. I try to focus on them. Because focusing on those things keeps me from drifting towards other people's wrong expectations of who I am and what that means.

I'm trying to break out of my own expectations of the labels I give things. To see people as they are and who they are trying to be instead of as a label. To focus on walking in love and easing others' burdens. To be who God wants me to be.

But, I am a work in progress. I'm not perfect. I mess up.

And I'm still trying to be okay with those last three facts. To incorporate them into my view of myself. To not get too disappointed when I make a mistake or take a misstep. Because I need to not be so hard on myself, or I'm focusing on the wrong things.

Today, I will focus on the right things. I'll focus on the things I'm grateful for. I'll focus on how Ace and I can help each other out.

And, I think I'll focus on making some garlic bread. Because that sounds yummy.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Day 3

Today was a much better day. I got out of the jury pool for the case that was stressing me out. Then, I went down to the jury waiting room, and at 11:20, they announced that they were done with us for the week.

I should still get paid fully for today, I don't have to listen to a case that will scar me emotionally, and I get to spend time with Ace while he is still off for his "weekend".

The only bad things that have happened today are 1. I got 5 hours of sleep last night, so I'm pretty much running on empty right now and 2. on the way to the courthouse this morning, one of our tires shredded on the highway. We got it changed (okay, Ace and someone who works in an official capacity for the city/state got it changed) and I made it to the courthouse before I absolutely had to be there.

And now, I'm going to take a nap. Later, I'm going to find out when Karen can give me a massage to drive away the last little bit of stress from this whole process. I should sleep much better tonight.


P.S.: I totally hope that the guy whose jury I didn't feel capable of being on will have a fair trial. The biggest reason that I didn't want to be on the jury is that I wasn't sure I could be totally fair and not let my emotions get in the way.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Day 2

Today was not the best day.

Today started off well. I woke up on time, I got clean and got dressed and made it to the court house on time (early enough to snag a seat on a sofa, which is much better than a seat on an uncomfortable chair). I got through several more chapters of Pride and Prejudice and wondered where I might be by the end of the day if I didn't get called upstairs.

I got to see a grown woman (with kids!) throw a hissy fit because she wasn't excused to go home even though she was excused from the case she was called up for. It was funny/scary/annoying.

Then I got called for a case. And then I got to hear what the case was about. Then I got asked questions (as did several other people who were called upstairs). And by the end of the afternoon, I was fighting off the desire to just emotionally freak out in the courtroom (I think I was fighting off a panic attack, but I'm not sure).

And when Ace and I got home, I broke down and cried. Twice.

My plan tomorrow, is to ask to be removed from that jury pool. I obviously can't handle the case emotionally. I'd rather take the chance on a different trial.

Can it just be Saturday now, please?

Monday, March 9, 2009

Day 1

Today, I survived my first day of jury duty.

Actually, it wasn't that bad overall. I ended up reading the first third of Pride and Prejudice (and now that I'm used to the writing style, it is totally a good read and if the next two days end up like this one, I'll finish it quickly). I did not get called up to any jury pools.

But, on my way home, I got stressed out about the traffic I was driving through. It was partly because I was tired and just ready to be home and partly because Ace and I didn't have good enough communication between us for me to know that he was already home and I could just drive straight here.

On the plus side, for the next three days, transportation is not my concern. Ace will be driving me to and from the courthouse. All I have to do is sit there and read (unless I get called up to a jury pool, then I'll have other things to do for at least a little while).

But it would be nice if, when I got home tomorrow, I had nice things to greet me (other than a huge hug from Ace, because that is a given).

And if you have any tips on how not to get stressed when driving, I'm all for reading them.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

On Oranges

Right now, I am eating an orange a day. I didn't set out to start eating an orange everyday, but it's been working out that I have been. And for now, it works.

Ace is happy with my current fruit of choice, as oranges are not that expensive. I'm happy because they taste good, are good for me, and are satisfying an craving for oranges (which I never expected to have).

(I'm trying hard right now to focus on things like my enjoying oranges and not me starting my period today. It doesn't quite seem to be working.)

I've gotten pretty good at peeling the oranges quickly and then spend my time on enjoying the orange itself. It's become my own little pre-bed ritual. Sometime near my bed time, I eat an orange. Not a long ritual, granted, but it's mine.

(Is all this talk about oranges working for you?)

(Me either.)

(I'm going to go now.)

Well, I've got things to do. Plus, I think this post has lost it's point.


Friday, March 6, 2009

And The Wackiness Changes Course Again

Because I was just starting to get used to not being exhausted, today I'd like to take a nap. Although, I didn't quite feel like sleeping from the moment I woke up. There has been some pieces of the day today where I felt awake.

The most important parts that I was awake for were when I was separating out our ground beef for freezing and eating later (over 9.5 pounds of meat, we won't run out for a while) and applying for a job. I also got half the dining room table cleaned back off to separate out the meat.

On the job application part, they asked me to apply after seeing my resume online! That bodes a lot better than someone who I'm chasing down. Also, they will pay what Ace and I were hoping I could get, so it's promising... and would feel more so, if I didn't have jury duty next week.

But, we are thinking positively right now. This will go somewhere and jury duty won't be a problem.

Have I mentioned that I'm feeling less stressed now? Yesterday, with all the energy and sunny warmness distracting me, I forgot to mention that my stress over jury duty seems to have disappeared. I am wondering, though, if the people who work for the court system ever get called up for jury duty.

In addition to feeling somewhat sleepy again, I'm also getting all mood swingy too. My emotions have been set to roller coaster, I think. I think roughly knowing what's going to happen next week is part of what has me less stressed, but it's got me thinking of other things like, will I have to go to the court house next Friday (please say I'll be done by then)?

But, Jenna getting upset by someone (and being slightly vague about who) left me worried that I said something stupid and hurt her (I didn't). And that possibility, and the fact that she felt hurt, got me feeling all upset that she was upset yesterday (Jenna, don't you dare feel bad that I got upset, or we'll never get out of this stupid cycle). But, some cuddle time with my teddy bear, and some music, have helped me feel better. The only positive thing out of that situation is that I realized that my emotions are going slightly wild.

Well, now that I've talked for a long time over what amounts to very little, I'll go.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

To Taylor Swift

Dear Taylor,

You don't mind me calling you Taylor do you? You seem like such a sweet girl, so I doubt that it's a big issue (if you do care, let me know).

Tonight, I saw the episode of CSI that you did. I was very impressed. You did well. It was interesting to see how they had your character change through the year, with a different look each time she was seen.

I love your songs. Whenever one comes on that I know, I sing along (which is so totally not fair to your wonderful voice). It reminds me of being a teenager and trying to fit in/find love. And I think those songs will take you far.

I'm just hoping you stay on top of your career and around trustworthy people, because I'd hate to see the stresses of fame cause problems. I also hope you don't take any criticism too seriously, because there are people out in the world that will say hateful things because they are jealous. I don't understand those thought patterns (you being talented doesn't take anything away from me, so I just enjoy the fact that you are able to share your talent with the world).

I'm impressed with many of the decisions you and your family have made. You dress well while still being appropriately covered. You seem to know that teens and pre-teens are looking up to you, and it shows that you care when you make sure you are a good example of how to dress and act in public. And for this I appreciate you all the more. You do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things, which is something that most girls your age seem to struggle with. And that encourages me to follow your career so that I can show my future children that they can do what they love and not bend just to follow others examples.

So, as a future mother, I just really want to say, "Thank you, Taylor Swift. Thank you for being a good example, and for making that important in your life. I know it's not always easy, but it is important and people do appreciate you for doing so."

And as a fan of your music, I say, "Keep them coming, please."


M.A. Smith

P.S.: I love Our Song and Love Story. I'm also impressed that you write or co-write all of your songs.

And the Wackiness Continues

People, it's been wacky over here for me.

Last night, I was up until 4 am. You would think that I'd be exhausted today, dragging myself out of bed and forcing myself to stay up until tonight so I start sleeping like a normal person. You would be wrong. I don't know if it's the extremely warm weather (It's in the 70s with a high in the 80s. It's fantastic for me, but really wacky too.) or if it was the movie last night or what is going on, but I'm feeling wide awake and wonderful and like I've finally gotten enough sleep.

I'm still not interested in even coming near chicken, but my stomach seems happy again. And while I totally enjoyed my movie last night, I only teared up a little at the scene where the shop is closed for good.

So, after a few days of really odd behavior, I'm still experiencing odd behavior (but it's positive odd behavior, so I'll take it).

Just so long as nobody tries to make me feel bad for putting soap in my dishwasher a while before planning on running it, we'll all be good (weird dream).


Wednesday, March 4, 2009


My body and I are on different wave lengths right now. It wants to sleep, can't stand the thought of chicken, and oddly would like me to watch You've Got Mail and cry.

I would like to stop feeling so tired, usually love chicken, and actually wouldn't mind crying at You've Got Mail (okay, we agree on one thing). Except that I really want to skip some of the movie, because I think it's entirely too embarrassing (I get embarrassed on behalf of a fictional character. It's ridiculous!).

On the plus side, egg rolls seem to be fine.

And the longer I wait, the more I think I know what may be the cause. And the more that happens, the more I'm slightly nervous, because I'm not sure I'm ready for my dreams to start coming true (I'm not 28 yet, right? I'm 23 and a newlywed, right? What do you mean the wedding was 5 and 1/2 years ago?). And while that would make me extremely happy, the idea is freaking me out some right now (it's the unknown aspects that have me freaking, I can promise you that).

So, tonight I focus on egg rolls and movies and potentially crying. And tomorrow, I deal with what comes then. And the same for every day after.



The past two days, about the only thing I've wanted to do is sleep (today, it's really all I've wanted to do).

I'm not quite sure why I'm so sleepy, but I've not really been trying to fight it (except with sleep). Between that and not being quite sure what to say, I've not posted.

That's what's up here. I'm sleepy and tongue-tied.


P.S.: We had Tuna Alfredo, if you were wondering.