Sunday, May 29, 2011


My in-laws and Ace are having a "discussion". Sitting here, listening in, it's starting to make me mad. Because my in-laws aren't listening to Ace about the fact that they need to try to look at some things from our perspective too.

They are pissed that I, personally, am not doing things they see to help out, so I must not do anything around here. They assume that I'm wanting things done for me (not really, I just don't want to get in the way). They aren't listening to Ace telling them that every time they ask him to do something they sound like he needs to do it right away.

There is clearly a communication issue going on here. Everyone is trying to talk, but not everyone seems to be actually listening to what is being said (Ace's parents). I have always believed that the purpose of a conversation or a discussion is to actually communicate with others. If I were to go by the "discussions" that Ace has with his parents (that always last hours longer than they really need to), discussions and conversations are just there to vent your feelings and demand someone see things from your point of view while refusing to do the same.

One of the few more positive results that came out of this whole thing is that Ace and I will be responsible for our own meals most nights. This means we can eat when we get hungry instead of waiting for my mother-in-law to cook. It should help stop me from feeling hungry for quite so long in the evenings.

Ace is hoping that we can get out of here as fast as possible. It's quickly becoming obvious that everyone is miserable in this house. My father-in-law flat out stated (practically yelled) that he will never apologize for hurting my feelings while teasing me. I shouldn't have such thin skin, at least to my in-laws' way of thinking. I don't understand why hurting my feelings is less deserving of an apology than if he physically hurt me (or even just bumped into me). I am also supposedly less of a good Christian because I was still upset and hurt two days after the event (good Christians are apparently never show non-Christian traits because they are still hurt).

Ace is frustrated because he has specifically tried to get me to not push through the pain to finish some project because he knows I'll hurt for several days and not be able to do anything. His parents seem to think that I'm acting stuck up and high-and-mighty because I'm trying to do what my husband wants me to do. I think I'm in a no-win situation as long as we stay here. And it frustrates me, because you would think my mother-in-law would understand trying not to do too much, since she has pain everyday. Of course, she keeps pushing through until she can't do stuff any more, so I guess that should teach me a lesson (forget that if I did, I wouldn't be able to do anything productive for several days because of the pain).

I know that I'm whining here again. I hate that. I should be typing something about how much all our military impresses me and how much I appreciate each and every family that has someone (or more than one someone) serving. I do appreciate these people. They impress me. I'm not sure how I would handle Ace being gone for so long, other than, I guess, the same way the military families do it. Call and e-mail as much as you can, miss your loved one, keep living day to day life. I don't know if my character would fully be strong enough to handle that. The people who do deserve love and compassion. The people serving deserve love and compassion too. They, too, are away from their loved ones. They don't know for sure when, or if, they will be back home again.

I'm trying to put things in the right perspective. My in-laws make that hard to do.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Info Dump

Last night, I was needing some love and support (and a nice long discussion) with Ace. I couldn't quite figure out how to say the words, but I felt a desire to get his attention by throwing a book at his head (not a very productive way to get attention, and not good for the book either). While I resisted this urge, I did end up getting some time with Ace.

We're noticing a pattern. Living with my in-laws, it starts becoming easier to live as roommates than to try to live as a couple. We don't get much time alone, and his parents have the worst timing for wanting Ace to do something if we try to have a conversation or just spend some time hanging out. It's like there's a light somewhere that goes on when Ace starts having fun and they've decided they don't want that light to stay lit.

Unfortunately, Ace can't really fully handle supporting me emotionally while doing everything his parents want him to do physically. It ends up leaving him with no time left for himself and his relaxation. It frustrates me, because his parents seem to get needier right at the moments I'm getting close to the end of my emotional rope and really need some love and support.

I'm trying to find a balance right now. One that doesn't require Ace to give me quite as much emotional support, but one that also doesn't leave me thinking of heaving books (or other things) at people. That would be easier if we weren't currently having transportation problems.

Right now, my in-laws seem to be walking on eggshells towards me. Or rather, my mother-in-law is. My father-in-law seems to be trying to ignore me. Not too long ago, I finally felt frustrated enough to tell them that I was still upset about something my father-in-law had said and that I wanted an apology. I don't think he feels he has anything to apologize for, so he's avoiding it (and me) until who knows when. My mother-in-law just doesn't want me slamming doors again, I think. It was the first time either one of them has seen that I have a temper (I keep my temper in check fairly well, and I am fairly slow to anger). While they seem to speak more while angry, I shut my mouth when I get angry. In fact, the few words I said to show my anger was the most I've normally said while angry. I think my anger has thrown them for a loop.

I'm going to go try to focus on something positive for a while. Because that will help me find a bit more balance.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Bad News

Earlier, Ace and I got some bad news about our car. The engine would have to be replaced for it to work again. Replacing the engine will probably cost more than the car is worth.

I cried, and felt foolish while I did. There have been too many pieces of bad news and stressful situations lately. My emotions have run the gamut of excitement to frustrated to angry in the past week and a half.

I don't know what Ace and I will do for a vehicle at this point. We haven't decided. I don't think it's fully sunk in that we will probably be getting a newer car. My brain keeps telling me that I'll walk outside and see our car sitting there waiting to take me somewhere. And then I remember that my car is currently in Stroud, OK and is probably waiting for me to come clean it out.

Ace has offered me chocolate and some cuddle time. It helped for a while, but I'm back to feeling upset about the whole situation. I'm trying to keep from saying that it's not fair, because I know that the world isn't really fair. The whining wouldn't do any good.

Please, somebody, give me some good news. I could use it.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Graduation Take 2

Now that my brain isn't quite as fried*, I can tell the story of how yesterday went.

*I make no promises that my brain isn't still fried, just that I'm doing better mentally than I was yesterday when I got home.

Ace and I set out toward OKC yesterday about 9 a.m. We had breakfast, that we were eating on the way, and a full tank of glass. About 10 miles from our exit from the turnpike, our water pump decided to break (unknown to us) and we had problems with our car getting overheated. We pulled over to the side of the turnpike, popped the hood of the car, and called my dad to let him know we were having problems.

My dad and step-mom had just been planning to drive by where the graduation was going to happen before meeting us for lunch. Instead, they stopped to buy some coolant (since we just thought the car had overheated) and rushed to rescue us. My step-mom took care of talking to my sister (who was also meeting us for lunch) and called me back to try to get a closer idea as to where we were.

After roughly half an hour, my dad and step-mom arrived. Nicely, we had the windows open to help create a nice breeze while we were waiting, so it wasn't too hot (people driving past at about 75 mph helps with moving air. While my dad and Ace tried to figure out of if the car was just overheated, I got in my dad's car with my step-mom. A tow-truck driver pulled over to see if he could help too. That's when it was determined that it was the water pump that broke.

After another 20 minutes, spent trying to figure out if we had roadside assistance already with our insurance, we were finally able to leave, Ace and my car locked and waiting for a tow-truck, and head to pick up some lunch before we got to the graduation.

The actual graduation was, well, fairly boring. Lots of random speeches that didn't really say much (okay, it was only 3, but it felt like a lot more). Graduating seniors who behaved themselves. Parents/families/friends who couldn't keep from making a spectacle of themselves by cheering/blowing air horns/making lots of noise. Not that the parents/families/friends were quiet for anything other than the Star Spangled Banner.

Afterwards, there were plenty of pictures taken of/with my brother. My mom oddly thanked me for coming to watch my brother graduate (it was odd, because why wouldn't I?). There was a brief trip over to the high school to try to recreate a picture from around the time that I graduated.

After that, my dad drove Ace and I back to Tulsa before heading back to OKC for one more night there. My step-mom stayed with my siblings, which was great since she is still recovering from a semi-recent surgery. I had an enjoyable talk with my dad while Ace relaxed in the back.

Over all, it was a good day. The problems with the car weren't so fun, but they weren't the end of the world (my dad is generously fixing our car for us). And despite the fact that it was frustrating at the time, we have someone who was willing and able to help us. My dad and step-mom are going to deal with the mechanics and let us know when our car is able to be picked up. We just have to get my in-laws to let us borrow a vehicle to go pick it up (which shouldn't be a problem). The day might not have gone as it was originally planned, but we all got to see my brother graduate.

And that was worth all the hassles.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


I'm alive. I'm as healthy as I was when I left to go to my brother's graduation.

Tomorrow, I'll have a nice post about how the day went (there was drama, but it was from something completely unexpected).

Too tired now. Must focus on something silly for a while.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Things I'm Thankful For

I feel like I've been whining and complaining a lot lately. Here on my blog, in real life, in my head. I don't like this. I'm thinking it's time to be focusing on things I'm thankful for.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Claritin; it's been helping me breathe when whatever is affecting my lungs is messing with me.

2. Ace; he's been especially great while I've been emotional lately. He's been putting up with my non-sense for longer than seems fair.

3. My dad; Saturday, when we go to my brother's graduation, he's buying us lunch and giving us gas money for our trip. He helps make the certainty of seeing my mother seem less bad.

4. Half-priced drinks from Sonic.

5. God; He blessed me with some wonderful people who care about me. He cares about me. Even when people have let me down, He is there for me.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Just Over-Sensitive, I Guess

At lunch, Ace accidentally turned and bumped into me. He didn't hurt me and apologized right away since it was an accident. Then his father started "teasing" that it didn't matter if I fell because no one would care.

I got upset, because I would care if I feel, and so would Ace. The "teasing" continued with my father-in-law saying that Ace obviously wouldn't care since he bumped into me. I realized that I wouldn't be able to calm my anger/irritation down enough to calmly order, so I told Ace what I wanted and headed back to the table.

Ace's father decided to talk to Ace and remark that he was just teasing. Ace, in a wonderful moment of protection, pointed out that he was being insensitive to me, since I obviously had a problem with what he had to say (especially when claiming that my husband didn't care if I got hurt/fell). Apparently this greatly angered my father-in-law and he complained that I was being overly sensitive and he didn't know what would upset me like that. Shortly into their conversation, my mother-in-law told them that this was not the time to get into this conversation (she was trying to keep any fights out of the public eye, which I appreciate).

The problem is my father-in-law wants a relationship without having to do the work to get a relationship. He doesn't really seem to care about me, but he wants to be able to treat me like my sister-in-law who he's known since before Ace was 10 (Ace is 30 now). And he thinks it's okay to say the same things to me that he would to my sister-in-law, despite the fact that she and I are very different people. He doesn't recognize that with my background, the topic of relationships is a sensitive one.

My father-in-law thinks he's perfect and that all the misunderstandings in any relationship are the fault of the other person. In this, he is similar to my mother (she doesn't seem to think she's perfect all the time, but she does blame others for problems in the relationship). He doesn't understand that he is the common denominator in all his bad relationships. This, of course, means that none of those relationships are going to change because he won't change himself.

I'm struggling with my resentment over being called overly sensitive because one of my few buttons keeps getting pressed and it upsets me. I'm may be sensitive about those things, but there are plenty of topics I can be teased on (and Ace teases me about them) without me getting upset. My mother-in-law, someone else who lacks some tact, doesn't tease me about these things, and she also teases me some. It's insane.

Now that I'm starting to feel a bit better, I'm going to move on with my day. I've given all this entirely too much thought and discussion today. My father-in-law's dumb opinions aren't worth this much energy. For the most part, my father-in-law doesn't seem to be worth this much energy. I think I'll find something else to focus on, something uplifting.

Friday, May 13, 2011

It's a Celebration

A week from tomorrow, my little brother graduates from high school. I'm excited for him and I'm excited to see him walk across a stage to get a diploma holder (the actual diploma will be available in about a week, more than likely).

At the same time, I'm riding an emotional roller coaster because it'll be the first time I've seen my mom since shortly after we stopped talking. Knowing that I have a full week more to wait has just makes the problem worse.

I would have seen my mom two years ago, at my sister's high school graduation, if my sister hadn't dropped out of high school and gotten her GED instead. Had I thought of dropping out, I'm pretty sure my mom would have ripped me a new one.

I'm trying to focus on the good things from this trip. I'll see my dad, step-mom, brother, sister, grandmothers, and some other assorted relatives. My dad is funding the trip for Ace and I to go and driving us around while we're down there (for the day) so that we won't use more gas than necessary. My brother, who roughly one year ago was almost kicked out of school (I think), is graduating.

I'm going to support my brother. I'm going to surround myself with my emotional supporters while I'm there. I'll celebrate with my brother. I'll show my siblings that I will always be there for them, no matter how awkward I feel about seeing my mom. I'll show them that they are important enough to me to support them. I'll try to genuinely laugh and smile throughout the day. I'll be thankful that Ace is there for me to lean on emotionally. I'll take lots of pictures.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Seriously Damaging My Calm

I'm trying to be calm and patient. It turns out I was wrong on when my in-laws were getting a hotel, it's going to be tomorrow. They should be there for at least 3 nights.

Ace and I had plans on Friday night and Saturday. Plans that kept us out of the house quite a bit. My father-in-law, who does laundry for my in-laws, had all day Saturday in which he could easily do laundry and not interfere with my semi-normal laundry schedule. I have no clue what he did yesterday, but it did not include laundry.

Since my in-laws also knew when their bedroom and bathroom were going to be worked on this next week. They knew they needed to clean out the room during the past week, but they left it for tonight. And, of course, Ace had to help (help = actually moving stuff out of the room).

I am trying to be patient. I know they are going to be out of the house for a little while and that helps me emotionally, but I am barely holding on to my frustration at the stupidity of their decision making process. I don't understand these people at all!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Mother's Day

I'm not going to talk about my mother. I've given too much of my life to her in the past. Instead I'm going to talk about why I'd personally like to boycott Mother's Day.

I don't have a relationship with any woman that would make it appropriate to celebrate Mother's Day with them. I don't have a steady mother figure in my life. My step-mother is wonderful and I like letting her know that I care about her and think she's great, but I didn't meet her until I was about to graduate from high school. She's not really a mother figure. My mother-in-law reminds me too much of my mother. The scars haven't healed enough to try acting like she's a mother figure, and that's probably a big reason why she seems so annoying to me most of the time.

I also don't have any kids or pets to mother. The only person who gets most of my nurturing is Ace, and he doesn't need me to be his mother (and I don't try). I have empty arms and longing, neither of which entice me to want to celebrate mothers.

So, Sunday, I will go out to eat with my in-laws, give my mother-in-law her card, and then hide in the bedroom eating mostly sugary foods in an attempt to comfort myself through the rest of the day. I will be much happier when we move past Mother's Day again for another year. It's a holiday that stings right now.

And I'll continue to hold hope in my heart that next year Mother's Day won't sting so much.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Spinning 'Round

It all started with smoke.

Ace and I had come back into the room after dinner. When we turned on our light, we saw smoke. So, we quickly turned the light back off and notified the in-laws that we needed a new fan.

My father-in-law had recently won some gift cards to a home improvement store, so we figured that it would be a quickly resolved problem. In the meantime we could just use lamps for light and try leaving our door open to circulate air.

It didn't take long for my in-laws to buy a new fan, but the installation process was insanely long. They had a guy come out to give an estimate for a few projects around the house (2 fan replacements, a sink installation, and a mailbox installation). The guy looked it over, gave an estimate and said he's be back in 7 to 10 days. At least 3 weeks later, we had only heard from the guy that his job had gone over and he'd be another 3 weeks minimum.

Since that wouldn't work, a new guy came to give an estimate. 6 days later (yesterday), he came back to start work. Within 2 hours, Ace and I had a fan again. Unfortunately for us, we both lost track of our normal mental capacities and couldn't figure out how to work the fan portion of the fan. We started thinking the fan was broken, all because we pulled the wrong pull on the fan.

The day was saved shortly after 7 p.m. with the installation of light bulbs into the fan and the realization that we had pulled the lights on and off instead of changing the fan's speed. After minor embarrassment on my part (Ace wasn't here at the time), I shrugged off the mistake and moved on with my life.

Ace and I survived April, a rather humid month, with no fan and no overhead light. It wasn't something we would want to do again.

On the plus side, my in-laws will be spending a night (or two) at a hotel tonight, so Ace and I will get some alone time! Yay for us!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


It's May, and long time readers know that I have some issues with May. Most of them revolve around Mother's Day at this point, but that's not the only thing that gets to me in May.

My parents, back when they were married, had their anniversary in May (one of my cousins was born on their 2nd anniversary, in fact). My mom's birthday is in May. And the storms that Oklahoma gets in April seem to linger until mid-May, making it easier to feel depressed because I need to get see the sun for a while and can't.

But I'm trying to focus on good things in May this year. I graduated from high school in May. I went on a Disney vacation (a year later) in May. The weather in OK at the end of the month generally gets more stable (and less rainy) and is in the 80s. I have two cousins with birthdays in May, cousins that I dearly love and would love to spend time with. I moved to Tulsa in May (8 years ago). I planned most of my wedding in May (8 years ago).

I know that May is not my favorite month, but there is no reason to continually condemn the month based on some bad things happening in May. Because there have been good things, great things in fact, that have happened in May. And those are the things I should be focusing on.