Sunday, May 15, 2011

Just Over-Sensitive, I Guess

At lunch, Ace accidentally turned and bumped into me. He didn't hurt me and apologized right away since it was an accident. Then his father started "teasing" that it didn't matter if I fell because no one would care.

I got upset, because I would care if I feel, and so would Ace. The "teasing" continued with my father-in-law saying that Ace obviously wouldn't care since he bumped into me. I realized that I wouldn't be able to calm my anger/irritation down enough to calmly order, so I told Ace what I wanted and headed back to the table.

Ace's father decided to talk to Ace and remark that he was just teasing. Ace, in a wonderful moment of protection, pointed out that he was being insensitive to me, since I obviously had a problem with what he had to say (especially when claiming that my husband didn't care if I got hurt/fell). Apparently this greatly angered my father-in-law and he complained that I was being overly sensitive and he didn't know what would upset me like that. Shortly into their conversation, my mother-in-law told them that this was not the time to get into this conversation (she was trying to keep any fights out of the public eye, which I appreciate).

The problem is my father-in-law wants a relationship without having to do the work to get a relationship. He doesn't really seem to care about me, but he wants to be able to treat me like my sister-in-law who he's known since before Ace was 10 (Ace is 30 now). And he thinks it's okay to say the same things to me that he would to my sister-in-law, despite the fact that she and I are very different people. He doesn't recognize that with my background, the topic of relationships is a sensitive one.

My father-in-law thinks he's perfect and that all the misunderstandings in any relationship are the fault of the other person. In this, he is similar to my mother (she doesn't seem to think she's perfect all the time, but she does blame others for problems in the relationship). He doesn't understand that he is the common denominator in all his bad relationships. This, of course, means that none of those relationships are going to change because he won't change himself.

I'm struggling with my resentment over being called overly sensitive because one of my few buttons keeps getting pressed and it upsets me. I'm may be sensitive about those things, but there are plenty of topics I can be teased on (and Ace teases me about them) without me getting upset. My mother-in-law, someone else who lacks some tact, doesn't tease me about these things, and she also teases me some. It's insane.

Now that I'm starting to feel a bit better, I'm going to move on with my day. I've given all this entirely too much thought and discussion today. My father-in-law's dumb opinions aren't worth this much energy. For the most part, my father-in-law doesn't seem to be worth this much energy. I think I'll find something else to focus on, something uplifting.
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