Thursday, May 26, 2011

Info Dump

Last night, I was needing some love and support (and a nice long discussion) with Ace. I couldn't quite figure out how to say the words, but I felt a desire to get his attention by throwing a book at his head (not a very productive way to get attention, and not good for the book either). While I resisted this urge, I did end up getting some time with Ace.

We're noticing a pattern. Living with my in-laws, it starts becoming easier to live as roommates than to try to live as a couple. We don't get much time alone, and his parents have the worst timing for wanting Ace to do something if we try to have a conversation or just spend some time hanging out. It's like there's a light somewhere that goes on when Ace starts having fun and they've decided they don't want that light to stay lit.

Unfortunately, Ace can't really fully handle supporting me emotionally while doing everything his parents want him to do physically. It ends up leaving him with no time left for himself and his relaxation. It frustrates me, because his parents seem to get needier right at the moments I'm getting close to the end of my emotional rope and really need some love and support.

I'm trying to find a balance right now. One that doesn't require Ace to give me quite as much emotional support, but one that also doesn't leave me thinking of heaving books (or other things) at people. That would be easier if we weren't currently having transportation problems.

Right now, my in-laws seem to be walking on eggshells towards me. Or rather, my mother-in-law is. My father-in-law seems to be trying to ignore me. Not too long ago, I finally felt frustrated enough to tell them that I was still upset about something my father-in-law had said and that I wanted an apology. I don't think he feels he has anything to apologize for, so he's avoiding it (and me) until who knows when. My mother-in-law just doesn't want me slamming doors again, I think. It was the first time either one of them has seen that I have a temper (I keep my temper in check fairly well, and I am fairly slow to anger). While they seem to speak more while angry, I shut my mouth when I get angry. In fact, the few words I said to show my anger was the most I've normally said while angry. I think my anger has thrown them for a loop.

I'm going to go try to focus on something positive for a while. Because that will help me find a bit more balance.
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