Friday, January 28, 2011

Update on Things

So... I mentioned Ace getting a second job. And he did, but it didn't really work out, because the company was... well, to put it as nicely as I can, kind of messed up. They were supposed to be sending Ace on pre-scheduled appointments to talk to business owners/decision makers. Instead, they sent him to talk to people who couldn't make a decision for the business and at times they weren't expecting him. Or they sent him to talk to people who didn't want to talk to him in the first place.

After 8 appointments, he realized this whole thing was not going to work out.

So, who knows what's going to happen now. Ace is still looking for a second job and still plans on selling insurance (except this week is shot because of the weather, which is cold after a weekend with highs in the 70s).

And now you are all brought up to date on things.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Things Have Shifted

On airplanes, when the plane has landed and everyone is getting ready to get their luggage from the overhead compartments, they tell you to be careful because things may have shifted (at least, they always said that when I was a semi-regular flier from OKC to Dallas and back).

Things have shifted here. Ace has a second job, one that will probably be our main source of income for a while. He went through 8 hours of training for his new job. He'll work on it part time for the next 2 days (and keep the insurance appointments he's made already for the other half) and then start working full time at it Friday (preset appointments, which is great for potential money making). And he plans on selling insurance part time (I'm guessing 8 - 12 hours a week on that).

But this means we could conceivably move out on our own by mid-March. We could finally be living on our own again. 2011 has started looking brighter. Ace is planning to do most of his insurance appointments on Saturdays, which will leave us evenings and Sundays to spend together (he has decided that he'll take Sunday off each week, something I'm extremely happy about).

It feels like our lives are getting even closer to being back on track. And I'm excited about the possibilities.

Monday, January 24, 2011


I'm feeling fairly quiet about stuff lately. I think part of it is Ace being gone a lot with work (he's gotta work on that some). Without Ace around, my days are long and quiet and fairly dull.

As much as I've complained somewhat recently to him about dragging me out right before Jeopardy comes on (it used to be People's Court, now it's Jeopardy), I do truly miss having him around to drag me out or just sit and talk to me on the days he's not here.

And not having Ace to talk to/do stuff with keeps me from having much to talk about here. I'd rather not complain about my in-laws all the time on here, and things aren't always bad when they are around (odd maybe, but not necessarily bad).

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Why There Are Some Shows I'm Not Allowed to Watch

I had a dream recently that I was a doctor, working in a hospital (for House, a show I haven't watched in a long while, except for some reruns on cable not too long ago). And for some reason, I had to ride a motorcycle to the hospital (don't know how in real life, did just fine in my dreams). Shortly after that, Ace showed up as another doctor who worked in the hospital and took me down to the E.R. to talk to one of our friends/fellow doctors to find out why I kept taking naps about 5 p.m. The E.R. doc did an ultra-sound (that I slept through in my dream, because that's how my dreams roll) and found out I was pregnant and about halfway through my pregnancy.

These kinds of dreams are why I don't watch shows like "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". I do not need reoccurring dreams that I mysteriously find out I'm pregnant because I show up at a doctor's office or an E.R. wondering why I'm feeling so exhausted and hungry all the time. It's a ridiculous dream and I can't get it out of my head so I thought I'd share it here.

And now I'm off to get some sleep, hopefully without random dreams of spending half a pregnancy unaware of my pregnant state.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Think the Earth is Still on its Axis

After the raking over the coals treatment last week, my in-laws have been treating us fairly decently. I think it helps that Ace keeps pushing me out of the room some and they've actually turned off the TV sometimes and talked during dinner.

It's been a little weird.

HOWEVER, they have fixed our car (our heater and blinkers weren't working). So far, there hasn't been any strings attached, but they only got it fixed yesterday, so there's still time for strings. It was kind of nice to have them stop asking us when we were going to fix our heater (or find out how much it would be to fix our heater) and just do something about it since they were so interested in it. And the heater is working great now.

So, yeah. I've been trying to adjust to all this talking with my in-laws. I think my mother-in-law, at least, is starting to realize that my "laziness" is me trying not to stress out my back to where I CAN'T move for a while (38G sized boobs on a 5'4", 160 lb. frame will throw off a center of gravity and cause major pain if a person bends over much). She understands wanting to not hurt. I don't know how much she believes that's what I'm doing, but I think she's starting to kind of understand that I may be less lazy than she was originally thinking.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I was having a good day yesterday, up until Ace finally got home from work/prayer night. Then, my in-laws decided to ruin both his and my good mood with a talk.

It started off ominously with "How about visiting with us?" This was sole directed at Ace, as I had already declined "visiting" after I finished dinner for a variety of reasons (mostly because I'd rather not, thanks).

Then came a 2 hour long discussion of: 1. M.A. is lazy because she doesn't automatically know that mother-in-law needs help with stuff (lazy wasn't outright stated, but it was strongly implied), 2. Ace needs to work on his communication skills because in-laws keep saying things that are clearly supportive but he keeps thinking are indicative of disapproval (the in-laws clearly believe they communicate approval without saying anything that sounds remotely approving to anyone outside their heads), 3. have we mentioned that M.A. is lazy because she's not earning an income or helping out around the house? And why doesn't she want to talk to us? (for one, they are reminding me of my mom more and more lately and I don't want to be around that), and 4. In-laws feel they are viewed as servants, despite the fact they ask us (Ace mostly) to jump and expect us/him to know how high.

There was a discussion about how Ace being asked if he wants to do something is really them asking him to do it (He always says he doesn't WANT to but is WILLING to do whatever they are asking. This is apparently the same to the in-laws as saying that he is only doing it because they are asking and would never do any thing around here on his own.). Oh, and part of the reason we've randomly had to fix our own dinner is my father-in-law figures that we're treating them like servants by expecting them to fix dinner (instead of just asking us to fix dinner from time to time or setting up a schedule for when they would like us to cook or even letting us know that they want us to feed ourselves).

Ace, fairly reasonably in my opinion, asked that if they randomly decide to go grocery shopping (since that's their preferred way of doing it) to at least call on their way home to let him know so he can be ready to help bring in groceries when they get here. Somehow I doubt that will happen for long, but we'll see.

This is, apparently, the same basic conversation they had several months ago with Ace when I didn't go to dinner with everyone, but stayed home alone instead. Because, instead of talking to us as things come up, my in-laws decide to just wait until they are fed up and things come out all at once. It's not healthy and I don't think they realize how fed up with this Ace is getting. He's ready for a lengthy time away from his parents now.

And it hurts me to watch, because I feel like they are damaging my wonderful husband. He's worked so hard to grow, and it feels like they are chipping away at that growth. I want to protect him from the damage they could inflict, but there isn't much I can do. It reminds me what I want for my kids and why I feel a need to shelter them from my in-laws already. It pains me to understand why my loving, caring husband could have made some different choices and been someone totally different. It gives me reason to thank God for helping Ace grow into such a great man, despite the lack of support he's gotten for most of his life. And it causes both of us to cling more tightly to each other until we can be back on our own.

The day was going so well. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


There's been someone digging through my blog for the past few days. I have no idea who they are, as they haven't left me any messages or sent me any e-mails.

To this person, I say, "Hi! How did you find me? I guess I've been an interesting read, since you've dug through so much of my blog. If you don't want to share anything, you don't have to, but I am curious."

Other than that, I've been trying to lower my stress level back down, because my in-laws have decided to continue the kinds of behaviors that cause me to feel stressed (within the first 24 hours of being back here, I was as stressed as I had been before I went to visit my dad). Tonight, they decided to run some errand (or go out to eat) and didn't let Ace and I know that we were on our own for dinner. So, when they got back after 8 (and after we had been hungry for a while), we finally found out that we could have already eaten.

Starting my period early hasn't helped either. But I'm choosing to look at this as being one month closer to being pregnant. On the plus side, my hormones, which were a little too out of control Monday and Tuesday, are bothering me less today. Ace is happy because it means I'm not getting pissed at him for some stupid reasons. Staying with my in-laws seems to make it easier to get upset about stupid stuff, which just makes us both want out of here even more.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011 Is Going to Be Better, Right:?

It's been a somewhat long day. Ace and I returned to Tulsa, but then we had a lot of stuff to do after we got here. We had laundry to wash, stuff to rearrange, and I needed to find some time to relax again. Nicely, the laundry is clean, almost everything is back in it's place, and I've spent some time relaxing.

Unfortunately for me, almost nothing about this place has changed in the week I've been gone. The dishes have been switched back out to the new dishes (I'm pretty sure we still need to store the Christmas dishes, though). The fridge is looking less full than it was when I left. But the people are still the same.

There was a random reminder that my in-laws were going to church tonight (yeah, got it, we still remember what day it is, thanks). There is still food being burnt and then eaten like there is nothing wrong with it. There's still the fact that we are ready to be living on our own again.

And there's still my mind, full of random thoughts on a variety of subjects, churning along trying to figure out how to incorporate my thoughts on my discussions with Ace and with my dad earlier today. There was lots of talking about my past, about my mom, about my siblings, and it's all just needs to be put into the right spots. There's new information that's being processed and old information that needs to settle back down.

However, I'm choosing instead right now to look at this coming year and see the good things that are waiting for me. Things like moving out of my in-laws house, getting a new laptop, and starting to pay off debts. More chances to get pregnant, or to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. There are new books for me to read and a book to write. 2011 is just getting started, and I think the future is looking bright.