Thursday, December 11, 2008

Finding Center

Some times when I let my hope get up, I end up feeling crushed afterwards. That's where I am right now. But, I'm finding my way back towards my center.

I started my period today. I'm fighting off cramps with some Midol. I'm fighting off bad feelings with cartoons, mashed potatoes, and time with Ace (at least, I will).

I'm finding it hard sometimes to just be happy for others when I find out they are pregnant. I am happy for them, no matter what, but there is a part of me that also feels jealous that they seem to be pregnant without any struggle, and I'm here waiting month after month to find out if I finally achieved my goal. It's hard to see other people getting what they want and wondering why you don't have the exact same thing.

All of this makes being patient seem a little harder than it should sometimes. Because part of me wants to cry out, how long do I have to be patient? Isn't it someone else's turn to be patient yet? How many people are going to have to ask why we don't have kids yet? Why is there no time frame here for me?

And then the hormone rush starts leaving my system, and I start finding my center again. And I wait.

And I try again next month.
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