Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel happy. Some days, I read other people's posts and I feel mad. Some days, I read other people's posts and I start to think. Some of the posts that make me think the most also leave me feeling raw inside, where I need some tenderness to start to feel whole again.
My mother has been on my mind more than is healthy lately. I know this because she keeps showing up in my dreams and she is more antagonistic than she should be (if she wants to show up in my dreams, she can stay silent or be supportive).
Today, I read a post by someone who feels frustrated because she can't communicate with her mother. And it started me wondering why women seem to have problems connecting with their mothers when they are all grown up. I know that this isn't guaranteed. I have cousins (older than me) who love talking with their mother. But, it is still a problem.
All this thinking, and my memory of my mother haunting me, has left me feeling a little raw right now. So, Ace is going to provide me with some tenderness. And maybe sometime soon I'll figure out the answer to how to have a healthy relationship with my own children when my mother couldn't.