Saturday, October 18, 2008

If I'm So Innocent, Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Today, I took a bath. This is a good thing, because I seriously needed to take some time and just relax and focus on me for a little while. I put the dog outside before I got in the tub, because I wasn't sure how long I was going to be in there (about 45 minutes). When I got out, I decided that he could stay outside for a little longer, because it was about the time I would normally let him out.

When I went to let him in (30 minutes later), I discovered that our lawn had apparently been mowed today. While that normally wouldn't matter, we have an extra step on making sure Guillermo won't escape the backyard that they never seem to remember to put back. So, he escaped sometime in the hour and half I let him out.

And I'm stuck here with no car to go searching the neighborhood for him (I already searched the backyard and know he's not there).

I've cried. I've distracted myself with TV and music. I've told myself that I didn't do anything wrong, because I couldn't have known they mowed our lawn (I slept deeply because of a really crappy nights sleep yesterday).

So, I know that I'm innocent, but I feel really guilty. Why? The only thing I could have done differently is go check the gate before my bath, but there wasn't any indication (to me, because I didn't notice the length of the grass over the last few days) that he could get out.

But a part of me still says this is all my fault. And that I should never leave him outside like that unless I've checked the gate first (I was wearing nothing but a robe at the time I let him out, so I wasn't really wanting to actually go outside). And that maybe I shouldn't take baths when Ace isn't home so this can't ever happen again (provided we find him).

I'm going to go back to trying to distract myself, because otherwise I'm going to cry again, and that isn't productive.

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