Thursday, September 30, 2010

How Much Do You Share?

I'm thinking about what things to share with my future kids about my past. I'm wondering how much I should tell them about why I don't talk to my mother (if I'm still not talking to her). How much do I talk about depression and it's various appearances in my life? Do I try to describe how I feel when everything feels so hard to do, even making a sandwich? And how do you describe something like that?

Do I tell them of my weak moment a few years ago, where I considered doing something stupid and dangerous because it seemed better than just talking to my husband and admitting that I wasn't up for what he was asking me to do? Do I let them know that it's okay to find that idea scary, because I still find it scary today when I'm in a much better frame of mind?

Where do I draw the lines? Do I talk about why I've been reluctant to ask for professional help? Do I admit that a big problem is that society paints needing professional help as being weak or wrong and their mother doesn't want anyone to see her as weak? How do I let them know that this is a human failing, as is the avoidance of getting help?

I know they need to know that depression does run in my family, that if I suffer from it, even occasionally, that they could suffer from it too. I know they need to know that it's a good thing to get help, to get diagnosed, to not just suffer. I know that I need to be a good example by doing the same. I know that talking with someone would probably help my anxiety and stress levels too, especially since they are all likely related.

I know all this, but what I don't know is how much of my past am I supposed to share. How much do I say before I'm placing a burden on them instead of sharing information that they need to help their world make more sense? Where are the lines? Unfortunately, I don't think there is anyone who can tell me that. I'll have to figure it out as I go along.

But if you have some ideas as to where to start drawing some of those lines, won't you help me out?
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