Monday, March 7, 2011

Desserts Spelled Backwards Is Stressed

My in-laws seem to be trying to see if they can create a twitch in me. They are trying to run our lives without having all the facts. And it's stressing me out some.

I battle with depression sometimes, a fact I've never tried to hide here, but I've not really talked about with any of my in-laws. It's not really their business and they would try the wrong things to "help" and would probably send me deeper into a depression. I manage well, and without professional or medical help. That's not to say that I would ever refuse counseling or medication, but I generally don't really need it and I don't have a huge struggle with depression.

My mother-in-law, in a misguided effort to help us get on our own, has been looking up inexpensive housing and asking us about what our bare bones needs are. She doesn't understand that recreation is a need (or that we spend less money on gas for our car by Ace playing World of Warcraft). She has a few fact about how things are, but she doesn't know the whole picture. She doesn't know what things we could safely drop and what things need to stay in place.

I'm not sure if it's because my in-laws are just as ready for us to be out of here as we are or if it's really just an attempt to help us, but it's not helping me. It's causing Ace and I to rehash conversations we've already had (mostly about why neither of us really wants to declare bankruptcy). It's draining my energy, which is already depleted because I'm trying to get my body on some kind of schedule. It's pushing me towards depression.

My in-laws keep wondering why we don't like spending time with them, but they keep bringing up negative things (and most of them things Ace and I have discussed, made a decision on, and moved past already when it comes to our lives). When they aren't offering help that brings stress, they are watching TV shows we don't watch because they are too dark emotionally for me to handle.

I understand that Ace and I living here with my in-laws can't be easy on them, but it's not exactly a walk in the park for us either. I have to put up with backwards insults to my cooking abilities, remarks about what kind of parent I'll be IF I ever become a parent, a lack of communication about things that truly affect my life (like if I need to eat while my in-laws are out because they are going to dinner), and disparaging remarks about my dearly loved spouse because he isn't what his parents want him to be. Oh, and then there are the demands that we (or Ace) be able to drop anything he's doing at a moment's notice to help with anything they can come up with (including changing a light bulb).

Ace has been trying his best to placate his parents with a lot of stuff while shouldering most of the burden himself so that I don't have to put up with their complaints. The man is wonderful, because there have been a few days where I'm sure he was ready to scream, but was patient with me and my back when it was added on top of the already hectic day he had had. There's only been once that he's asked me to just not ask for anything for a while, and I could understand why.

Ace and I try to focus on a positive future. We talk about what our plans are for when we are on our own again. We talk about what food we want in our fridge, how we want to get back into shape, and how nice it will be to be sleeping on our queen-sized mattress again. We try to not pull ourselves down by focusing on all our debts (we know they are there, but we can't do a lot about them right now anyway). Ace knows that it'll just cause more emotional problems than it could ever potentially fix to talk about what we might be able to do.

No one besides Ace and I know our full situation (okay, God also knows, but He knows all). We both feel like this topic is one that's best kept private. We both know what decisions we would make differently if we could, but we can't. So, we are focusing on where we are now and where we want to go. And we'd both appreciate it if my in-laws would keep their noses out of our business.
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