Wednesday, March 23, 2011

(Not So) Easily Distracted

One problem with depression is that the cycle of thoughts to get depressed is easily self-sustaining. Of course, sometimes I have random bouts of depression that weren't brought on by my obvious thoughts.

If only it was as easy to lead myself back to the surface. Part of the problem is that it takes more energy to see the positives than to see the negatives and depression saps my energy (seriously, I've been exhausted for the better part of the past two days for no apparent reason as to why).

It doesn't help matters that I've been easily distracted lately. Seriously, I keep getting caught up in a screen saver right now. I have no idea why I'm finding it interesting, but I am.

If depression was just feeling sad, I think it would be easier to handle. Instead, it feels like someone else has taken over my body. I'm still here, but everything requires more effort to do than it normally would.

I think Ace is slightly concerned that if he weren't around to make sure I ate that I'd just let myself starve because the effort to make a sandwich would be too great. I don't think I would starve, but I'd stay hungry for a lot longer than necessary. I think Ace is mostly frustrated that he can't just fix the problem for me. But he tries to help.

I'm going to go now. I think my mind is too busy wondering off to other things to let me write too much more.(That screen saver surely isn't as interesting as my mind keeps telling me it is.)
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