Saturday, March 12, 2011

They Just Don't Get It

I was relaxing, watching TV with Ace when suddenly there was a gruff voice yelling that I needed to help with dinner. My father-in-law decided that I needed to do something around here, I guess. Then I hear what I swear is the knob starting to turn, but could potentially have been a knock. This happens while I'm changing my pants, so I quickly get behind Ace's chair (so he at least has some potential to block me from view), while Ace yells out to wait a minute.

Ace and I spare a quick glance at each other before I leave the bedroom to see if the other is just as outraged as we are. I go help with something, ask Ace to help with vacuuming up some stuff, and sit back down to stew.

I ended up boycotting dinner. I wasn't particularly hungry (first day of my period always seems to see a decrease in my appetite), was still feeling minor cramps, and didn't feel like I'd be good company for my in-laws. Ace understood completely and didn't push. He attempted to do some explaining to my somewhat irate father-in-law, but was ignored.

I've moved past my anger, as that is unproductive. But I'm still upset and frustrated at how I was treated. Ace is also frustrated with his parents. One of the biggest problems with the whole situation is that his mother didn't ask for help herself, she (or my father-in-law) just expected us to know what was going on outside our room and start helping. This isn't the first time that the big problem, in my in-law's opinion, that popped up could have been avoided by some communication on my mother-in-law's part.

She won't ask us to help and then gets my father-in-law all worked up because she's trying to do too much when we didn't even know she needed help. But it's apparently our fault for not being more social or psychic.

I'm fairly sure that my in-laws just don't get why these things are a problem. They wouldn't understand why I was so angry about being ordered to help cook dinner (they wouldn't admit that I was ordered to help with dinner). They don't get why Ace is fine with me not "helping out" around here or pushing me to get a job. They don't get why my relationship with my spouse works. And I know they don't get that they are pushing away their son every time something like this happens.

My in-laws also don't seem to get that my mother-in-law is NOT the only one around here who has pain. I don't talk about my back pain much, as it wouldn't do any good to focus solely on that. But it doesn't mean that it's not very real and that it doesn't affect my life. They probably think I'm faking the pain, or at least playing it up. But that's because they don't know me. And right now, I think I'm fine with that.
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