Monday, December 14, 2009

The Hilarity of Spam Part 3

Okay, this is beginning to be this thing here. How many different e-mails from the "FBI" can I post? I'm not sure what else to say about it, but they keep being funny. And pure spam mail.

>Attention:
>ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
>FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
>FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
>J.. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
>935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Um, I'm not the FBI headquarters. Neither is the e-mail address you keep spamming.

>Contact Rev.John smith: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com for more >information.

Information about what?

>Attention,

No name at all. Darn, I've gone back down in their opinion.

>Records show that you are among one of the individuals and organizations who are yet to >receive their overdue payment from overseas which includes those of Lottery/Gambling, >Contract and Inheritance. Through our Fraud Monitory Unit we have also noticed that over the >past you have been transacting with some impostors and fraudsters who have been >impersonating the likes of Prof. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, >Anderson, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, >Ibrahim Sule, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen and some impostors claiming to be The Federal Bureau >of Investigation. The Cyber Crime Division of the FBI gathered information from the Internet >Crime Complaint Center (ICCC) formerly known as the Internet Fraud Complaint Center >(IFCC) of how some people have lost outrageous sums of money to these impostors. As a result >of this we hereby advise you to stop communication with any one not referred to you by us. We >have negotiat

1. If I've ever heard of any of these names, it's from other spam e-mails.
2. Could you get more generic than Ben of FedEx (which Ben?)? Also, I don't know anyone named Ben that works at FedEx.
3. They stopped mid-sentence, no clue why.
4. Which country supposedly wants to give me money now?

>Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like >you who have received their payment successfully. Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS Tracking >Number: 1Z757F991598420403 (www.ups.com) Name : XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX: UPS >Tracking Number: 1Z757F991596606592 (www.ups.com) To redeem your fund you are >hereby advised to contact the ATM Card Center via email for their requirement to proceed and >procure your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order on >your behalf which will cost you $350.00 only nothing more and no hidden fees as everything >else has been taken cared of by the Federal Government including taxes, custom paper and >clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $350.00 only.

I deleted the names. No clue who those people may be, but they don't deserve to be mentioned here (if they are real). Also, wouldn't the "ATM Card Center" pull $350 out of the amount they are sending me? Why wouldn't the "Federal Government" (which country?) cover that last bit too? At least they are willing to admit how much they want in this one. But they forgot to tell me how much I would be getting. Sloppy, scammers. I'll never respond with no idea how much money is at stake.

>Contact Information
>Name:Rev.John Smith
>Rev.John Smith Email: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com

"Rev. John Smith" gets no protection, he's obviously part of the scam. Also, could you get a more generic name?

>Do contact Rev.John Smith of the ATM Card Center via his contact details above and furnish >him with your details as listed below: Your full Name:Your Address:Home Phone:Cell >Phone:Occupation:Age: On contacting him with your details your files would be updated and he >will be sending you the payment information in which you will use in making payment of $350 >via Western Union Money Transfer for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant >and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order. After which the delivery of your ATM card will >be effected to your designated home address without any further delay, extra fee or any >authority raising eyebrow.

Yeah, no one else will wonder about you suddenly having money (especially not the IRS). And if they have my cell number, why do they need my home number?

>Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 >working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back >guarantee if you do not receive your ATM CARD Shipment Confirmation within the next 24hrs >after you have made the payment for shipping. Once again we are so sure of you receiving your >payment at no any other cost as we have taking it upon our duty to monitor everything in >other to cub cyber crime that is perpetrated by those impostors. Thanks and hope to read from >you soon.

What does "other to cub cyber crime" mean? Are they trying to curb cyber crime? Why is the word other in there? What do they mean?

>Note: Disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of >your ATM card, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Rev.John Smith of the ATM >card center who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your payment and forward any >emails you get from impostors to this office via the above fax number so we could act upon it >immediately. Help stop cyber crime.

I'm hereby advice, how am I advice? I don't feel like advice, I feel like a person. How do I forward e-mail to a fax number? And what fax number? It's like they aren't even trying!

>Regards
>Robert Mueller 111
>FBI Director

This man obviously has no other important business as the director of the FBI than to e-mail random citizens (who he doesn't identify) with attempts to help them get money from overseas (read scam them out of money). Also, he still can't figure out that three 1s does not equal the third (Is he the one hundred and eleventh Robert Mueller from sometime in the future?).

>Note: Contact Rev.John smith: revjohnsmith@atmcardapprovalslip.com for more information >within 24 hours.
>Contact the ATM CARD center within 24 hours to receive your ATM CARD or else the FBI will >visit you at home.

So, if I don't take money from overseas, the FBI will visit me (even though they may not know where I'm at)? What for? Are they bringing me a big check? Are they acting as enforcers for this Rev. John Smith? Will they look like Seely Booth from Bones?

Why is that these e-mails always leave me with more questions that answers?
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