Thursday, August 12, 2010

On Being Quiet

Lately (okay, the past three or four days), I've been not talking about what I really want to, even with Ace. It's not because I think Ace would be upset, I just don't quite know how to express the things I want to say.

I'm normally a fairly quiet person. I can spend lots of time being silent, or nearly silent, and be perfectly content with that. And then, as Ace can attest, I'll turn around and talk your ear off because I've been quiet and all these words have been building, and the dam I put up to hold them back can't hold them anymore and they all come spilling out. And after that, I'm content to be quiet for another few days, letting the process start all over again.

My only real problem with this cycle is when I can't seem to find the right words to express myself. Then I start feeling frustrated and flustered. And I start talking about other things, less important things, because I can find the words to express myself about them. Or I stay quiet longer and start to mentally fold into myself, which leads to fighting off depression.

I am quiet, but that is only one side of me. I'm still finding new facets of my personality and exploring what they mean. I guess that's something we're all doing (or avoiding doing). And in the end, I guess that as long as I am trying to figure out who I am and what I believe and why I believe it, I will figure out what it is that I'm supposed to be doing here on this earth.
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