Wednesday, November 2, 2011

NaBloPoMo Day 2

Or The Return of Bad Spam

No clue if this is a legitimate e-mail address.

>To: redacted e-mail address
Not the e-mail address connected to this blog, so it stays private.

>Sent: Sat, Sep 24, 2011 12:06 am
I know nothing about this link, so you probably shouldn't click it.

But am I really a concerned citizen if citizen is put in special marks?

As opposed to the office of Kenya's president Barack Obama? Or do they just want to make sure I know which US president it is?

>Head office: The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington, DC 20500
Ooh, they looked up The White House's address. Fancy.

Yeah, I'm sure they president uses a netzero account for his email. The government was too cheap to give him an official government one, right?

Wait, the US president wants to give me money? Let's hear him out.

Yes, release the funds to me!

>After a Seven (7) days intensive board meeting on your behalf by the Internal
>board of trustees of the (G.C.F.R) President Of the Federal Republic Of Nigeria
>in person Dr. Good Luck Jonathan Ebere Also in conjunction with The president of
>United states of America in person of Barack Obama as we both have agreed to
>help you instruct all concerned dignitaries in custody of your Inheritance
>Beneficiary funds/compensation funds also your contract sum here Nigerian AND
>any other Governmental body in United states of America also all over the rest
>world at large that upon the presentation of this letter document they will
>immediately release with immediate effect your impounded / seized funds as a
>result of negligence on your part in the past.
Goodluck (all one word) Jonathan (and no Ebere, something to keep in mind) is the current president of Nigeria. But why would either Goodluck Jonathan or President Obama meet on my behalf? Shouldn't States be capitalized in United States of America? What inheritance benefits would I, a white woman in the US, have in Nigeria? Why would inheritance and beneficiary be capitalized? What rights to the presidents of Nigeria and the USA have over the rest of the world that this e-mail would make the world's governments make my life easier in this matter? Are they blackmailing the world? What negligence have I committed?

>The only advice I have for you is that you try and present this paper document
>to those authorities in custody of your funds also on before you provide this
>Guarantee paper to any authority, There is a great need for you to seek adequate
>advice with us by contacting United States Secret Service Agent In PERSON OF
>] so that you may well be appropriately educated about the due process of law.
Because the CIA and the Secret Service share agents now? And the government is too cheap to give either agency their own e-mail system so they have to use gmail? Shouldn't I be consulting an attorney to find out about due process of law (and isn't that used in criminal cases)?

>It is also on this issue that the Two of us have embarked on several
>international visits to different countries, trying to reconcile the face of our
>nation with our foreign investor nations Based on the out come of the meeting,
>it was observed that the problem that has hindered your is payment is as a
>result negligence on your side. Your problem is no problem if only you would
>comply also all you have to do is to make sure that you carry out the orders as
>directed by the two us so that you in turn get a positive result without no
>further delays.
So, to not have delays in receiving an inheritance I knew nothing about I have to follow the advice in this e-mail? And somehow, me not doing anything to get an inheritance I just found out about has been negligence? And it's harmed the US's reputation with foreign investor nations? Me leaving money I supposedly have a right to alone is causing problems?

>Note that failure to correspond to instruction will hinder all that you have
>ever worked for, so it is best you comply with the officer in charge as directed
>so that you will be helped. I must congratulate you once more that you have
>shown authenticity as one of the beneficiary that is ever willing to receive his
>fund, with out any further delay; Our office supersedes all other offices
>related because our word is our bond also because your fund is currently under
>insurance, henceforth, We both assure you our Guarantee as you can see clearly
>within the content of this document that we have both agreed to help bridge the
>long gap between you and any legal authority in custody of your funds in
>accordance with the law .We swear before you that you will be paid in due time.
>Further more, your funds is safe in the hands of your assigned officer in
>respect of Special Agent John Kirkwood , all you have to do is to keep security
>in check with the officer at all times so that you get
>paid without much delay. Do not dispose the useful information�s received
>through us to any individual without proper identification from such individual.
Failure to respond will hinder my lack of doing anything prior to this point? Or do you mean you will somehow retroactively go in and mess my house up in the past? But I'm authentically showing my willingness to get money I didn't know about? I should trust that you have authority, because you say you do? If my funds are (sorry, is) in the hands of Agent Kirkwood, why wouldn't he be authorized to just bring me a check? I have ID (although, I don't have ID that just says citizen on it). Is Agent Kirkwood going to give me his phone number, so I can check in with him all the time? And I should be checking IDs of everyone? Mr. President, can I see your ID to know that you are who you claim you are?

>Finally, you are to call or mail the officer in charge so that he be able to
>instruct you what to do, as we both have instructed, so shall you do. Endeavor
>to keep off crime by reporting unsolicited emails regarding fake offices. Your
>payment is released immediately you get in touch with the officer as directed.
You didn't give me a number to call Agent Kirkwood, so I guess I'll have to send him an e-mail. Is he prompt to respond? Will he show me ID? You want me to stop crime by reporting unsolicited e-mails such as this one? Talk about your mixed messages! You talked about a wait, then you say he'll give me the money immediately. Mr. President, which is it?

>Try to ensure safety by respecting the power of this very office and the law as
I do respect the power of the office of President, but I'm beginning to doubt this is from my president. He has yet to show me any ID.

>Further comments should be directed to the very office of the personal secretary
>to the office of the United States president .via:
Oh, they won't give the personal secretary of the President his or her own e-mail address. The government must be trying to crack down on excess spending (yeah, right).

>VIEW LINK: group/main/main/id/00011272. html
Still don't know what this link is about. Still don't trust it.

>Good Luck
Where's your ID?

>Signed and duly stamped by
Ooh, where?

According to Wikipedia, Goodluck is all one word. Show me some ID so I know it's not.

Where is your signature Mr. President? And your ID, so I can compare the two.

They really like this link.

>Your wish is our concern.
I wish for all my debts to be paid and to have a nice house and a couple of nice cars and enough money for Ace to never have to work again. Oh, and I'd like to have kids. Get back to me on those.

>Sincerely yours
Gee, thanks!

>Katherine B. "Katie" Johnson
She stopped being President Obama's secretary in June of this year. Why is she still sending out e-mails in September?

>Personal secretary to United States President Barack Obama.
Not anymore. At least, not that I can tell. Don't know who is his secretary now, but it's not Ms. Johnson.

>Please do view link below.
Please don't.

Again with this link?

>Your wish is our concern.
Okay, this time I want a pony.

>Sincerely yours
Cordially sounds nicer at this point.

>Katherine B. "Katie" Johnson
Didn't we cover this already?

>Personal secretary to United States President Barack Obama.
Yes, these last lines were in the e-mail twice.

So, yeah. Not going to follow up on this. It's over a month old anyway. It's not that hard to figure out it's spam mail, but making it supposedly come from the President of the US made it feel a bit more unique (at least it wasn't from the head of the FBI again).

Hopefully I'll get something else in my spam folder that looks fun to pull apart soon.
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