Thursday, May 31, 2007

Keeping Up My Hope

My extended family, or at least several members of it, blog. This is a wonderful way to keep up with their lives. Unfortunately for me, many of my cousins who blog (all female, which isn't surprising since most of my cousins are female) are mothers or going to be mothers soon. And I'm genuinely happy for them. But there is a part of me that hurts to see it. My arms ache to have a child in them, and yet that seems to be far off. And it doesn't help that my pregnant cousin who blogs just posted that she's having a boy while I'm waiting impatiently for one of two things to happen: 1. I start my period or 2. I've waited long enough to be able to reliably take a pregnancy test.

I am "supposed" to start my period today, but my body occasionally likes to wait a few days (or a week) to start to freak me out. And while I'm waiting to get pregnant (without medical intervention), I have to try to keep up my hope by reminding myself that every month I'm not pregnant is a month closer to one I will be. And it's hard to keep that mind set up for very long. And, since I'm waiting, I really don't feel comfortable having any alcohol, which part of me really wants to have.

Oh, and with regards to my last post, I'm not trying to push my beliefs off on anyone else, I just felt the need to share my love of that particular hymn. It meant something to me.

Maybe next time I'll share the long list of advice I'm starting to gather for my children.

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