Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Hilarity of Spam Part 7

I'm feeling better now, the story of how will probably be written soon, but for now, we'll delve into my spam for another fascinating e-mail from "the FBI".

>THE IMF HAS APPROVED YOUR ATM CARD FOR DELIVERY (FBI)

Why is the IMF involved in my ATM card delivery? And the one I currently have from my bank works fine!

>Attn: Beneficiary,

At least it's not "Hey you,"

>I am Mr. Ron Mills, the personal secretary to the FBI Director; Robert >S.Mueller III. After proper investigations, we discovered that your >impending payment that have been withheld by imposters, claiming to be Mr. >Mr.Lamido Sanusi (The New Governor of the Central bank of Nigeria), Mr. >Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, None existing officials of the Oceanic >Bank of Nigeria and Zenith Bank, UK winning Lottery, Andy Lear of Hsbc >bank, Coca-Cola winning lottery and among a list of others is now under >our custody with the help of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission >(EFCC) and the Local Police Force.

Hello, Mr. Ron Mills. Have you heard from Robert Mueller 111? He's not contacted me in a while. My other question, which has nothing to do with the other emails from "the FBI", is how are all these people in the custody of the FBI? Wouldn't most African nations refuse to extradite those people? I'm not sure if they would even arrest them.

>Investigations revealed that you have spent a lot on your personal earned >money just to conclude the successful transfer of your funds to your >nominated bank account by obtaining transfer documents as requested by the >imposters, costing you a lot of money but all to no avail.

Your investigations couldn't have revealed me doing any business with that e-mail account, as it is a rarely used account (except for spam from "the FBI"). It's not tied to any financial institutions at all.

>The FBI had to send some financial crime investigators from our head >quarters in Washington DC to Africa in other to carry out proper >investigation, after receiving series of other reports similar to yours as >you are not the only person awaiting the legal transfer of funds from >Africa.

1. The FBI's jurisdiction is the USA, not Africa. 2. I never reported anything about waiting on funds from Africa.

>The FBI has giving authority to the International Monetary Funds (IMF) to >assist the Federal Ministry of Finance and all the organization involved; >such as the Central Bank, Zenith Bank, and Legit lottery organizations to >immediately commence with the compensation of all the beneficiaries >awaiting the successful transfer of their funds. With the help of some of >the best Internet investigators attached to the FBI, we traced your >information from the Internet as one of the beneficiaries awaiting the >successful transfer of funds to your nominated account.

I don't think the FBI can give authority to the IMF. I'm pretty sure the FBI isn't over the IMF in any way. Also, you didn't find me giving my information to any scams on the internet for promised money. I'm smart enough to question how someone in Nigeria would get the kind of money they are talking about together, as well as wondering why they want to get it out of the country.

>I am pleased to inform you that a meeting was held as regards the best way >to carry out with the compensation exercise for transparency and most >especially to avoid reoccurrence of the delay in transferring your funds >and the high cost of procuring transfer documents and came to a final >conclusion as all head of organizations involved was duly represented.

But you won't tell me what was actually said, right? How can you insure transparency without being willing to give me transcripts if I request them? Not that I would, government stuff tends to be fairly boring.

>It was approved to be issued to you as a valid international ATM card >cashable at any ATM machine designation in the world. The ATM account has >already being credited with two million, five hundred thousand
>United States dollars. ($2.5, 000, 000.00USD), with a daily Limit of >withdrawal of Ten thousand United States Dollars. ($10.000, 00USD).The ATM >card has already being packaged and approved to be delivered to your door >step via express courier delivery service.

You don't have ATM accounts, you have bank accounts with ATM access. I'll mostly ignore the idiocy of saying ATM machine, because it's a common mistake. They messed up writing out $2,500,000.00 USD, so it looks really odd. My bank may limit how much I can pull out of the ATM at one time, but the allow me to withdraw however much is available if I go talk to them inside, this should be the same at least in theory. If I believed them at all.

>Contact Mr. Richard Williams {Our FBI ATM Rep.} at the ATM PAYMENT CENTER >and reconfirm your delivery information as stated below and your security >code with five digit (24006) number has to be submitted alongside with >your delivery information for security reasons.

I'll get right on that.

>DELIVERY INFROMATION:
>FULL NAME:
>DELIVERY ADDRESS:
>CELLPHONE NUMBER:
>CURRENT OCCUPATION

The left all the info blank. I am too, as this blog would no longer be blank if I included this kind of info. I'd also expect lots of phone calls to the cell I share with Ace if I put up my number, which would be stupid of me.

>CONTACT INFORMATION:
>NAME: Mr. Richard Williams
>EMAIL: rwilliams463@gmail.com
>PHONE: +234-802-524-3188

1. I thought Mr. Williams was supposed to be an FBI agent, why is his e-mail not an FBI e-mail address? 2. That is not a US phone number (it's got 3 extra numbers). I don't trust this spam any further than I could throw Mr. Richard Williams (which isn't any distance, I'm sure).

>NOTE: Under normal circumstances you are suppose to come and collect your >ATM CARD in person and sign some documents as proof of the collection of >your ATM CARD but the IMF and the Finance Ministry insisted that you pay >for the delivery charges of your ATM CARD via western union money >transfer, which will cost you only $180.00USD to cut down travel expenses >in other for the western union payment receipt and the receipt of payment >of $180 .00USD to the nominated courier company that will carry out with >the delivery to your door step to be documented in your file as proof your >collection. We hope that is very clear. A receipt to this effect will be >sent to you and a copy kept in your file for future documentation.

Note: We're breaking established protocol because some people that aren't real demanded for us to. Now you have to pay more hard earned money to get your money instead of traveling to your nearest FBI location to sign some paperwork. Because wouldn't you prefer this than paying for a tank of gas?

>We also advise that you stop further communications with these imposters >and forward any correspondence / proposal you receive from them to Mr. >Richard Williams in other for the FBI to bring justice to does still at >large.

There are does still at large? Does that need justice brought to them? What did the deer do? Are we blaming animals for scamming people now?

>Mr. Ron Mills.
>For: Mr. Robert S.Mueller III
>FBI DIRECTOR

At least this e-mail didn't make it sound like the FBI Director personally writes all his own e-mails to various people who have been scammed. None the less, I'm fairly certain there are people much lower on the FBI's ladder who would really be involved if they were truly investigating this kind of thing, instead of the assistant to the FBI Director.
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