Saturday, March 17, 2012

Tears in My Heart

My dad is in constant pain. Unless he's on his prescriptions, in which case he's probably asleep (he's got some powerful pain killers, and they don't always kill his pain). Unfortunately, this leads to a different kind of spiral than just constantly being in pain or knocked out by drugs.

He's in a depression spiral. The pain killers are a depressant. The pain is causing depression. The frustration of being in a bad cycle of either hurting or being asleep to avoid pain is causing depression.

Lately, the depression has been showing through. He's hurting, physically and emotionally. He's planning on focusing on other stuff, to not keep dwelling on the sad, painful parts. In a way, I'm glad. You don't feel as depressed when you stop focusing on the depression. But I'm still feeling sad. My daddy hurts, and I can't fix it.

Ace has said that we should go visit my dad soon. Hopefully something like that will be good for all of us (me, Ace, and my dad). We all could use some peace, it seems.
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