Friday, January 1, 2010

Ultimately, I'm Fine

Or: One of Those Days

Today is a day where I'm struggling slightly. I'm feeling funky, and time isn't quite passing by at the rate I want it to. There isn't anything wrong, I'm just not quite feeling right.

It's one of those days. The ones where I haven't had enough sleep and I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep (for unknown reasons) and I'm fighting off depression because there is nothing to be upset about. It's a day where getting something to drink or making a sandwich feels like a big deal even though I know it really isn't. When I know that my feelings are silly and irrational and stupid and there is no explanation for it.

It's one of those days where I wonder why I got up. It's one of those days where instead of living just minute by minute or hour by hour, sometimes I'm just living second by second. Everything feels all dramatic and crazy and important, and the reality of the situation is just that I'm being all dramatic and crazy.

And I know that I'm fine, when it all comes down to brass tacks (Where did that statement originate? And why don't I really care right now?). I'm healthy (overall), I've got all my basic needs met (food, clothing, and shelter), and I've got a supportive husband who tries his hardest to pull me out of these funky moods (and succeeds).

If you're wondering, I refuse to post another post about this past year. No best of/worst of/let me focus on the past, again, posts here. I think about myself way too much already. I don't need to get even more introspective at the changing of the year. January 1st is, after all, just another day.

Besides, I already feel like I've limped through most of the last year (emotionally speaking). I think it's best to leave it as it was and try to focus on the future. And maybe in doing that, I'll pull myself out of this funk and all my mental drama (about sandwiches, which makes me feel silly), and remember the hope that resides in the possibilities of the future.

But for now, for today, I'll just work on making it stop being one of those days, and work towards making it a better day.
Post a Comment