Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Growing Up... Still Hard To Do

Ace and I talked recently about what we need to do when we've got health insurance again (I think tonight I need to ask when we'll have health insurance again, since it is available through his job). One thing is to definitely get me back to the chiropractor's office regularly again.

Another plan is to start getting tested to find out why we don't have children (started my period, as I expected). To find out if Ace's sperm count is fine and if all my lady bits work properly. To find out if we need help getting pregnant (or staying pregnant) or if I need to just RELAX already and continue to be patient.

There's a part of me that wants to be either done with the testing or doing the testing now, just so that I'll know and things, hopefully, won't be just big question marks. There's another part of me that dreads the idea of being poked and prodded just to find out that nothing is specifically wrong, and there just aren't any answers to why we're still waiting.

Facing the idea that there is something wrong is hard, especially since I seem to be having trouble convincing my mind that I'm really turning 30 this year so this is important to address as soon as possible. I don't know that there is, but I know that I can't rule it out. It seems like this is another part of the growing up process, a part I thought I had already gone through (around the time my back started protesting where I was sleeping). The idea of even testing feels like I'm saying that something is wrong with me, even though I know that's not true.

As Ace likes to remind me, if all else fails, there's still adoption (something we are eventually planning to do anyway). I doubt my in-laws will have problems with us adopting, other than trying to warn us of any downfalls (and being extremely negative about us adopting a wonderful child). So far, that knowledge doesn't help a lot.
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