Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Hilarity of Spam Part 9

In lieu of me thinking of a whole post by myself, I'm back to mocking my spam. Maybe soon I'll be back writing all on my own.

>Good day,

Good day.

>This is to inform you that I am a delegate from the United Nations >Compensation Commission, This is to notify you finally about the
>outstanding settlement of your compensation which is being given out by
>the United Nations Compensation Commission. This compensation is being
>made to all victims that have lost their money through any online
>transactions or as a result of Scam activities. It has come to our notice
>that many of you have lost your money by falling victim to some internet

At the end of sentences, most people put periods. This spammer decided on a comma at the end of the first sentence. Interesting choice. Then, no commas around the word finally even though it would make sense. Does the UN have a Compensation Commission? (If you look it up, would you please let me know.) I haven't lost any money to fraudsters.

>As a result of this scam activities spreading over the internet, the
>United Nations Human Settlements Programme, UN-HABITAT have decided to get
>details of most victims who were previously scammed by these fraudsters.

Does the UN use English spelling? Why would the UN Human Settlements Program be called UN-HABITAT? Also, I'm still not a victim who was scammed.

>Your outstanding Compensation Cheque payment of $2,759,389 USD is to help
>settle all your debts and start a new business.

Although if they want to send me the Compensation Check (or Cheque), I'll be happy to take it. Over two million dollars would definitely settle my debts.

>We have concluded all the necessary arrangements towards the release of
>your settlement Check sum of $2,759,389 USD with the financial committee
>of the United Nations Human Settlements Programme in collaboration with
>the United Parcel Service LTD (UPS) Nigeria, to deliver the check sum of
>$2,759,389 USD which is registered with Ref No: UNCC 89-5162/UPS to your
>Compensation Check Parcel.

They don't know my name, but they've gotten everything cleared for my check. Sure, why shouldn't I buy that? Oh, because my brain works. Also, why are they switching to check now? Why didn't they change it to program if the were changing to check? Is the UPS in Nigeria? Why would UPS Nigeria have anything to do with this?

>You are therefore to contact the United Parcel Service LTD (UPS) Nigeria,
>with the below information in order to claim your compensation check.

Shouldn't these spammers be able to tell UPS Nigeria who I am? And once they used mentioned what UPS stood for (as if I didn't already know), they didn't need to say it again in the next paragraph/sentence.

>Take note that we have not pay for the shipment of your Check Parcel as
>you will be required to pay the shipping/handling charges for your
>compensation check to be deliverd to you.

The English in this paragraph is not so great (have not pay doesn't make sense). Shouldn't they have been able to take the shipping/handling out of the check before they set everything up? How are things deliverd?

>Direct Telephone Number:

Name: You should know this already, spammer.
Address: It's in your database with my name.
City: With my address.
State: With my city.
Country: Elbonia. Or with my State. Or, shouldn't my city and state tell you which country? (multiple choice answer)
Direct Telephone Number: With my name & address.

>United Parcel Service Nigeria LTD
>Plot 781 Emeka Anyaoku Street
>Area Eleven Garki
>Tel: +234-813-643-9535

Okay, now I'm confused. Is the LTD supposed to be before or after the word Nigeria? I give no promises that any of this information is correct.

>Accept our regards.
>Deese Ruth
>UN-HABITAT Information Officer

Thanks for your regards, but I don't know what to do with them.
M.A. Smith
Housewife & Generally Well Informed Person
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