It's 2:15 in the morning. I know that I should be in bed, asleep. Instead, I'm awake and feeling like I'm probably going to start spiraling into depression if I'm not careful.
I'm not quite sure how I let the shore slip away, but I did. I think I got distracted with YouTube videos and didn't notice that the current was pulling me away from safety.
Part of my problem is that I opened the door to the past, to pull out select bits, and while I was there more bits came tumbling down. The past seems to be badly organized and arranged like all those closets you've seen in sitcoms where stuff starts falling and just keeps coming.
This is why I try to stay away from that door marked past. Because just when I think it's safe to open it up, for a short peek, it starts falling around me again, pulling me away from the shore (I do believe I'm mixing my metaphors, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. I apologize, it's kind of hard to keep everything as neat as I'd like it to be when I'm working on putting the past back where it belongs.).
So, as I look around, I'm not as far from the shore as I originally thought, but if I don't correct this now, it'll be harder to correct very soon.
So, tomorrow (or, well, later today), I'm going to sit down and talk with Ace about this. Between the two of us, we should find someway to help me find the shore again.
P.S.: Why do I have the words "I'm a survivor, I'm gonna get up" running through my head? At least it's a positive message.