Thursday, July 12, 2007

Odd Feelings

This has been a week of ups and downs. I got a wonderful massage on Tuesday (the full enjoyment was slightly ruined when I got stressed by the collections call that afternoon). I cried over spilled spinach in my sink yesterday. And today, I am proud of myself for doing a lot of chores around the house. I got all my dishes clean (for a few hours), I got all my laundry put away (not a hard task), and on the fun side, I had sex with Ace. All in all, a good day. And yet, there is a part of me that feels off. I can't figure it out. Like I'm supposed to say or do something, but I can't quite figure it out. It's unsettling.

I've made it through most of the 2 weeks between best time for conception and when my period is supposed to start (Sunday, based on the change of dates last month). My breasts were tender earlier today, but that is somewhat common right before my period, so I'm trying not to read anything into that. But it's hard. It's hard to stop my hopes from rising so they won't be dashed. It's hard to try to stay realistic. Yes, we have a better chance this month because I finally got good information on when it would be best to try. Then I have the word "but" ring in with "but it may not have happened yet." The waiting is the cruelest part.

Can I go back to my fantasy that I will have a positive pregnancy test this month? Because that fantasy could come true.

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